Just a note: I Don't Own these Jokes or YuYu Hakusho

TRAVELING ARGUMENTS

Yusuke and Kuwabara were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, Yusuke asked the blonde employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

SCHOOL JOKE

It was the first day of school and Suichi put down his lunch and went back to his Mom in the kitchen.

" Mother, I don't want to go to school." he said. "All the big kids pick on me and bother me."

" But you have to go." said his mother.

"I hate it," Suichi continued. "My name is written all over the bathroom wall and all the kids talk behind my back."

"Suichi, it's not really that bad, jus go." Said his frustrated mother.

" It's not fair. School is supposed to be fun, but the other kids keep torturing me."

"Suichi, Enough is enough. You have to go. You are the principal."

MISLEADING SIGN

Yusuke and Kuwabara were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car.

One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you nuts!"

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and Kuwabara said to Yusuke, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"

KUWABARA'S LIST OF WHAT WORDS REALLY MEAN…

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.

INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.

PRETEND MARRIAGE

Yusuke and Kieko, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, Yusuke leans over and gently wakes Kieko saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaims.

"Good," she replies. "Then, get your own stupid blanket!"

TROUBLES OF BUYING A COMPUTER

Hiei calls to buy a computer from Kurama . . . .

KURAMA: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Hiei: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

KURAMA: Mac?

Hiei: No, the name's Hiei.

KURAMA: Your computer?

Hiei: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

KURAMA: Mac?

Hiei: I told you, my name's Hiei.

KURAMA: What about Windows?

Hiei: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

KURAMA: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Hiei: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

KURAMA: Wallpaper.

Hiei: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

KURAMA: Software for Windows?

Hiei: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

KURAMA: Office.

Hiei: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

KURAMA: I just did.

Hiei: You just did what?

KURAMA: Recommend something.

Hiei: You recommended something?

KURAMA: Yes.

Hiei: For my office?

KURAMA: Yes.

Hiei: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

KURAMA: Office.

Hiei: Yes, for my office!

KURAMA: I recommend Office with Windows.

Hiei: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

KURAMA: Word.

Hiei: What word?

KURAMA: Word in Office.

Hiei: The only word in office is office.

KURAMA: The Word in Office for Windows.

Hiei: Which word in office for windows?

KURAMA: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

Hiei: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

KURAMA: Yes, you want Real One.

Hiei: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

KURAMA: Real One.

Hiei: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

KURAMA: Of course.

Hiei: Great! With what?

KURAMA: Real One.

Hiei: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

KURAMA: You click the blue "1".

Hiei: I click the blue one what?

Kurama: The blue "1".

Hiei: Is that different from the blue w?

KURAMA: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

Hiei: What word?

KURAMA: The Word in Office for Windows.

Hiei: But there's three words in "office for windows"!

KURAMA: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

Hiei: It is?

KURAMA: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

Hiei: And that word is real one?

KURAMA: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

Hiei: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

KURAMA: Money.

Hiei: That's right. What do you have?

KURAMA: Money.

Hiei: I need money to track my money?

KURAMA: It comes bundled with your computer.

Hiei: What's bundled with my computer?

KURAMA: Money.

Hiei: Money comes with my computer?

KURAMA: Yes. No extra charge.

Hiei: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

KURAMA: One copy.

Hiei: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

KURAMA: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

Hiei: They can give you a license to copy money?

KURAMA: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER. .

KURAMA: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Hiei: How do I turn my computer off?

KURAMA: Click on "START"...

HIEI'S LIST OF DYSFUNCTIONAL HALLMARK CARDS…

Card 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card) -I've changed my mind.

Card 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) -I never believed in Hell until I met you.

Card 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...

(Inside card) -That you're not here to ruin it for me.

Card 4. Congratulations on your wedding day!...

(Inside card) -Too bad no one likes your husband.

Card 5. Someday I hope to marry...

(Inside card) -Someone other than you.

Card 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...

(Inside card) -Almost lifelike!

Card 7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(Inside card) -Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

Card 8. We've been friends for a very long time...

(Inside card) -What do you say we stop?

Card 9. I'm so miserable without you...

(Inside card) -It's almost like you're still here.

Card 10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...

(Inside card) -Did you ever find out who the father was?

Card 11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

(Inside card) -I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

Card 12. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)

Card 13. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...

(Inside card) -What was I thinking?

KUWABARA'S LIST OF THINGS TO PONDER

1. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

2. Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

3. Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

4. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

5. Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

6. Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

7. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

8. Why is the alphabet in that order?

9. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

10. Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

11. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

12. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

13.How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

14.When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

15. Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

BOTAN'S LIST OF ANAGRAMS

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

GEORGE BUSH:

When you rearrange the letters:

HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

MR. MOJO RISINí

When you rearrange the letters:

JIM MORRISON

(from the Doors song, "L.A. Woman")

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

DEBIT CARD

When you rearrange the letters:

BAD CREDIT

ELVIS

When you rearrange the letters:

LIVES