I do not know where all this inspiration is coming from! O-O This is like the third fic in three days! -stares at her Crispy mm's-...I think I just found my muse.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing...BLAH

"Master?" Seras said in a tiny voice, looking at the looming figure in front of her. "Do you think this is such a good idea?"

"And why wouldn't it be?" Alucard replied, taking off his trenchcoat and hat, throwing them into a nearby chair. His fledgling blinked and blushed, turning her back to him.


"What?" He asked, smirking. He was starting to take off his shirt, Seras very opposed to this idea. "Isn't this how you do it?"

"You have to leave some clothes on!" She snapped, trying to control her blush. She knew this wasn't a good idea, but Alucard had insisted that they had to do it.

Therefore, Seras had no choice.

They were going to do their laundry.


She didn't know. She was just sitting in her room when Alucard came in and said that he wanted to use "that weird machine that makes all the thumping noises." After five minutes, she finally figured out that he was talking about the washing machine. His excuse was that he was tired of Integra telling him he smelled like gunpowder and blood all the time. He knew that when clothes came out of the machine, they smelled nice.

This coming from Alucard was a shock. He couldn't even use the microwave, let alone a washing machine. Which was why he was even asking her to come with him, though Seras had never figured out how to use one either. She always took her uniform to the cleaners.

"But I thought the point was to WASH them," The elder vampire insisted, about to start removing his pants. "Why aren't you taking your clothes off?"

Seras was NOT about to explain to her Master why his last sentence was so wrong or take off her clothes. She just sighed. "Please, let's just clean your coat and hat first, Master..."

"Why?" He asked, crossing his arms while wrinkling his nose at the smell of detergent in the room. "It's quicker."

Seras sighed aagin. "Because the colors will mix together..." Alucard have her a blank look. "...The red will stain the white.." A stare. "...Just trust me on this, Master." He shrugged, opening the washing machine top and dropping in his hat anc coat.

"What now?"

"We put in the detergent."

"The what?"

"The smelly stuff."

"Oh." He looked around and grabbedsome Tide off the shelf. "What now?"

Seras was starting to lose her patience. How old was her Master? At least a thousand years old? More? She's seen him kill so many humans, ghouls, and vampires, yet he couldn't figure this out? At least he could regenerate his clothes; Seras couldn't.

Then again, she had to remember that Alucard attempted to show in every shape, form, or fashion that he wasn't a human, didn't want to be a human, and didn't need anything a human needed. Maybe he was just curious. She wouldn't put it past him; His behavior could be simple at times, extremely complex the next-

Seras decided to stop overthinking the situation and just get it over with.

"We have to put it into the washing machine," She explained, walking over and taking it from him. She bit her lip, debating on whether or not now was a good time to make a sarcastic comment. It was. "...Can you handle this, Master?"

He glared at her and snatched it away. "Tch," He muttered, opening the cap and pouring the liquid into the washing machine. "Humans can do this. Why can't I?"

"Master!" Seras almost shrieked as Alucard emptied the entire jug and closed the door. "You aren't supposed to put in so much!"

"Would you quit your whining?" Alucard snapped, randomly pushing some buttons. "What's the worst that could happen?"

Something was up; Integra could feel it. The little bell inside her mind that always warned her of problems was going off. She narrowed her eyes, looking around her office for any suspicious looking shadows or disembodied eyes. There was none, suprisingly, which meant that though Alucard was not annoying her, he was up to something.

"But what?" She said aloud and stood up. She walked to the door but froze when she felt the house tremble. "What?" The house trembled again, a little harder. "Walter!" The butler appeared quickly, looking as confused as the Hellsing leader. "What's going on?"

"I..I don't know," He replied truthfully. "I was just dusting the library when these tremors started!"

They braced themselves for another and looked at each other as a thought hit them. "..Walter? Where's Alucard?"

"..I don't know, Sir," He replied drily. "Why don't we go FIND him?"

Now, Alucard didn't have a lot of experiencewith many modern day marvels...But when the washing machine started to thump a lot harder than usual and spewing bubbles, he suspected something was wrong. "What is up with this thing?" He said to no one in particular. Police Girl had ran out for one second to change, foolishly leaving him alone, assuming there was no way that Alucard could do anything at all to make a bad situation worse.

Well, he did.

Standing up, he walked over to the machine and kicked it. Hard.

And in retalition, the washing machine suddenly started overflowing with bubbles and thumping extremely hard. Hard enough to shake the house. What can we say? Walter likes having a uber washing machine. Now, the vampire KNEW something was wrong.

Machines aren't suppose to act possessed. Alucard started backing up, pulling out his Jackal and jumping when Seras walked in and shrieked. "MASTER! WHAT DID YOU DO!" She shouted over the washing machine, wincing at the loud sound.

"IT JUST STARTED FREAKING OUT!" He shouted back, backing up from the wave of soap suds starting to form on the floor. "..DO I SHOOT IT?"



Seras was about to do something she was going to regret when the washing machine suddenly exploded and a huge tidal wave of soap and water loomed over Seras and Alucard.

"Uhhh...Master?" She said, staring at it with wide eyes.

"Yes, Police Girl?" He replied, his eyes just as wide.

"Should we run now?"

"Yes." They both turned and bolted out the door as the tidal wave of soap slammed down.


"...Yes, Master?"


"Yes, Sir?"

"...What did you do?"

"...Uhhhh..." Both the vampires were drenched in bubbles, sopping wet, sitting in Sir Integra's office. Which was also covered in bubbles. It seems that it wasn't a good idea to have a laundry room on the same floor as your office. Because sooner or later, two vampires would go and overload a washing machine with detergent.


"...We were trying to do laundry?"

"And WHY?"

"I wanted to smell nice?"




Seras sweatdropped as her Master hit the floor after Integra hurled a silver ash tray at his head. "..I told you this wasn't a good idea..."

"...Shut up, Police Girl."