Part II- Koichi's POV
By: Kari Minamoto
Author's Note: I originally said I would not go any father with this but looking at it, Koji isn't really complete without Kouichi. I also need to completely read CotL to make sure I'm going the way I want to go. I haven't written in so long I thought this might be a good way to get back into the habit.
Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon. Period.
What if? That is always a question that comes up. What if I did this different or what if something else happened.
My what if is more complicated.
What if I never went to my grandmother's bedside the day before she died? What if I never tried to catch Koji? What if I never fell down the stairs?
All of these things could have altered my life. Without my grandmother I might never have found my brother, my twin.
She gave me the greatest gift possible. What if she had not told me this secret on her deathbed? Would I have ever found Koji? I don't think I ever would have. Mom and dad tried so hard to keep us apart, part of the divorce case decision I guess.
I did not enter the digital world in the same way as the others. What if I had? Would our relationship be any different? Could we care for each other more than we do now? Would we hate each other with every fiber of our body? Would I still be friends with Takuya and the others? I think our friendship would be strong, but because of what we went through with Duskmon I think our friendship is stronger than any of us thought possible. This leads me to one of the questions I ponder the most…
What if I never became Duskmon?
If I never became Duskmon I would never have had to fight my brother, or my friends. I would never have felt the guilt that came down on me like a weight I could not lift. But Duskmon let me conquer my fears. In a way he was the epitome of my fears. Everything I would hate about myself or others manifested itself through him. I think of him as my evil side, and the things I must work at to overcome. Because of Duskmon I think I grew stronger. I became stronger through the experiences.
I went to Cherubimon who had brainwashed me. When I found out about my brother I still tried to kill him. I still don't know how he was able to forgive that. What if he never did? Would we be enemies and pretend we didn't exist? Would my grandmother's attempts been for nothing?
I tried to redeem myself. I wanted to fight Cherubimon on my own but the others wouldn't let me. I tried to insist that it was my fault and I must go alone. They wouldn't budge. What if they had? Would I have perished before the adventures I had with my brother? Before I really got to know him? I'm glad they stopped me. Now that I look back on it, I can't picture that fight with Cherubimon any other way. Just the six of us, against what seemed like the world.
I was so worried for Koji when he went to fight Cherubimon. I still felt guilt. I kept wondering, what if it was me instead? What if I was the one who got to take on Cherubimon? I knew it was selfish, but I couldn't help it. I was so worried for Koji and when he came back with Takuya, not unscathed but alive I was relieved.
It was the beginning of our many adventures. As we traveled trying to save the digital world we became closer. It was as if we had been together our whole lives. What if we had? Would we have been this close or would we bicker the same way Takuya and Shinya do? We have our arguments but nothing like those two sometimes have.
I knew I was different than the rest. I never got hurt. It bothered me. Then Crusadermon told me that I was nothing but a spirit; that I had no physical form in the world. I can't truly remember how I felt. Shocked? Scared? Worried? In disbelief? Maybe all of them. I kept wondering if I was dead. What if I never got to see Koji again? What if this was all illusion? Somehow I knew it wasn't.
I made Bokumon promise not to tell Koji. I didn't know how he would take it. As the two of us got closer I tried to tell him what she told me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Koji seemed so content at our reunion that I felt I might rip him in two with that information.
After the digital world was destroyed and we sat on the moon, Koji began to talk about the future. Even in the middle of all this he thought about it. He couldn't wait to see me in the real world, and our mother. I still couldn't bring myself to tell him. What if I had? Would anything have been different?
I made Koji promise to visit our mother when he went back to the real world. Koji seemed puzzled why I would ask this of him but he said nothing. There were more important things to attend to.
At the fight with Lucemon he was stronger than before. It seemed he would destroy us easily. What if all the chosen had been destroyed? Would the digital world exist today? I don't think it would.
I had to help, even if that meant sacrificing myself for the others. When it seemed it was over for them I jumped in the way, not thinking of my own life, but that of my brother and my friends. They were so worried about me, I could tell.
It didn't matter. I was just a spirit there. The last thing I did in the digital world was give Koji my spirits and make him promise to visit my mother. He took and them and promised.
That is the las thing I remember before everything went black.
The next thing I saw was Koji above me. Crying. I couldn't tell of he was happy or sad. I croaked his name and he stiffened. He must have thought I had died. What if I had? Would Koji and the others be the people they are today? Am I that important of a person?
The digital world shaped me. It gave me the courage and character that I have today. Without the digital world I might never gotten the courage to talk to him.
The digital world gave me my friends for life but more importantly my twin. We are so close I can't believe we went so long without each other. It's as if we have never been separated.
Koji and I now attend the same school and he is even teaching me kendo, although I'm not that good at it. Our family situation has improved somewhat. Koji stays at mother's every weekend and father tolerates us being together, even though the doesn't get along with mother as well as we might hope.
The adventures in the digital world, my friends, and my brother are so important to me.
There are all the what ifs in life, but my biggest one is:
What if I never went?
I deliberately started and ended it the same way as the one in Koji's POV because it really wraps it up and it's true. If they never went then none of the other what ifs would matter. I'm sorry if it is kind of cliché and you don't like it that much. Let me know and I'll change it. Also if it isn't well written let me know and I'll do a repost. It's also a little longer than Koji's so I hope I don't have extra junk that isn't necessary. I've been updating my profile page with information on how things are going. I'm going to try and update, I guess it could be called a mini blog, weekly. Anyways, I'll try to update CotL soon. I'm sorry if this is kind of bad. I just needed a little something to get back in the swing of things. (It might also not be that great since it was thought up, written, proofed, and uploaded all in the same night (about an hour to two also)). Now I'm pretty sure this is complete unless I hit a brick wall of inspiration and need something to continue with.
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