Sardonic. Skeptical. Misanthropic. All very good words to describe you when you're feeling agitated.

I realize they're synonyms, yes, of course. Don't be sneering. Oh, there's another one. My favorite word for 'cynical', though, is 'wry'. Never mind the fact that it sounds like 'Hawkeye', it's just a nice word. Reminds me of bread. Reminds me of you.

My friend, companion, pal, buddy, my BJ. Sometimes I don't know where I end and you begin. I'm so different from you…and you're so different from Trapper. It's weird to hear people say that, that you're 'different' from him. What does that even mean? As if he's somehow better than you because he came first? Never mind…I don't care, never mind, I just care about you.

Platonic. Quixotic. Spiritual. Utopian. With all the nurses and with me. Oh, except Carrie Donovan. What I wouldn't give to have been a little mouse in the corner of her tent that night. What's so special about her? Okay, I know my hair is considerably shorter and my body isn't as soft, but I smell just as nice.

Envy. Jealousy. The green-eyed monster, as it were. Of course I'm jealous! What do you expect? Not just of her, though, it's Peg. I think Peg's worse…because I know you love her. And it's hard. It's annoying. Just shut up once in a while, would you?

Never mind, don't. I know rattling on about her makes you happy, and I want you to be happy. Joyous, blithe, cheerful, gay. Because that's what makes me happy. Corny, I know, but it's not as though anyone else needs to know these things. No one else does know these things, do they? Funny, no one guessed it with Trapper and no one's guessing it with you.

Oops, there I went and said the 'T' word again. Is it wrong—wanton, amoral, evil—of me to use him as a weapon? Him, and everyone else I use against you? I watch your face every time I say I have a date, watch and wait for the emotion to change in your eyes. Never does, of course.

Oh, Beej. Wry Beej. Happy Beej. My Beej. Taken Beej. What's another word for 'unrequited'?