Summary: Tao Ren is in love. This is supposed to be a good thing. But it isn't. He loves someone who is taken. He loves someone who loves someone else. He loves someone who is forbidden.

Genre: Angst/Romance

Written By: Sevetenks, the Ultimate Fusion

Disclaimer: I do not own Shaman King.

Note: Another incest fic. One-sided this time but still. To make it clear, I do know Horo Horo and Pirika are brother and sister, same with Ren and Jun. Incest may be wrong in real life, but this is anime and fanfiction. Also, Ren well seem OOC.

My name is Tao Ren. I am a shaman, a link to this world and the world of those no longer living. My ghost, my partner, my spirit ally's name is Bason. He was a Chinese warlord, and was passed down through my family. Until he hit me. I did not continue to use him as a tool, and he has become my closest friend and companion.

But there is one thing I will never tell him. Or anyone. And yet ironically, I do almost every day. I am told falling in love with a person is supposed to be the most wonderful thing in the world. I am told there is nothing more you could hope for then to fall in love. I am told love makes the world go round. I am told when you fall in love, there is no way to have a better life.

I am sick of being told lies.

I fell in love, and it tortures me every day. I fell in love and no matter how hard I try, I can't fall out, only deeper and deeper. Love makes my world shatter. It kills me inside every day as I watch the one I love, love another, knowing even if she had no one, I would still not be able to love her.

She is beautiful. She is long, slender, tall to be blunt. She is shaped like the perfect female, for that is what she is. Her green hair with the spikes in the back, and when she lets it down…

How I wish Jun would look at me the way she looks at Bailong. Every day, I wake up and go down to the kitchen. Every day, she breaks away from flirting with the dead man to say: "Good morning otouto, how did you sleep?" And if I were truthful, I would say: "I slept terribly. I dreamt of marrying you, of making love to you, and being with you, and woke up knowing it would never happen." But I always say: "Fine. Where's my milk?"

Being your brother, and after all we've been through, you tell me "I love you Ren" or "Love ya otouto.". It breaks my heart every time, and I wish it would all end… All this pain, every day…

Today. I will end it all today. No more pain, and an eternity with an illusion.

I walked over to Jun and Bailong, who were , once again, flirting. How I wish I were Bailong… At least when it involves Jun…

"Hello Ren-kun." Said Jun sweetly, smiling at me happily. I hope I won't crush you with what I'm going to do… "What's wrong? You look upset…"

"Onee-san, can you come with me?" I stammer out. Oh dear, now she'll know something is wrong. I don't stammer. But… Since today I'm going to-

"Sure…" replied Jun, giving her little toy a kiss, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! "I'll be back in a minute Bailong."

"Yeah…" replied the zombie KISAMA, dazedly. Jun follows me out of the room, and I clutch the blade of my Kwan Dao in my fists, and a little blood leaks out. I don't care.

"So Ren, what did you want to talk to me about?" asked Jun cheerfully, swaying on the balls of her feet and smiling. I'm not sure I can do this… But if I do, I can live in my own little world forever. I've planned it perfectly, I've read medical records and books. It will work…

"Jun…" I stammer. This will be hard. "Um… I… There's something very important I need to tell you…"

"Well, what is it?" asks Jun, putting her hands on her knees and bending down so she's at my eye level. Her lips are right there… I don't think one real kiss before I do this could possibly hurt.

This feeling… Oh lord… I might pass out, I finally kissed her. It feels so good…

"Mm…Mmph! Ren! What the hell are you doing?" yelled Jun as she pushed me to the floor. Ah well… She's even beautiful when she's furious and confused… But, it's time to put my plan into action I suppose. She doesn't love, I knew that… But I guess there was always that tiny hope. It's gone… Gone…

"Jun…" I shake my head. I know I have to go through with it now. No more living with false hopes, it is time.

"Ren! What is the meaning of this?" yelled Jun, now just in loud, beautiful, confusion.

"I love you." I said plainly. I doubt she'll figure it out at first.

"Yes, and I love you too, but that's not what you do to your sister!" exclaimed Jun. Fail to see the hidden which is obvious…

"But it is what you do to someone who you love more then life itself, someone who you want to marry, someone who you dream about every night! SOMEONE WHO YOU LOVE!" I scream, there are tears going down my face now. Jun is gaping at me, her eyes are showing shock and… Love. But for her brother, not for a lover. "And now…"

I pull a small vial out of my shirt and guzzled down the fluid. Without another word, and stab myself with my Kwan Dao.

"I love you Jun… And now I'll go into a coma… And live in a dream world with just you and me… Forever…" I close my eyes and feel the blood come out. It hurts… Why aren't I falling into a coma…? Wait… All I see now… Is black…

Jun stared at her brother, will all the machines hooked up to him. He had been out for a month.

"I don't know how he did it… But he did put himself out. But not in a coma… Something else…" the doctor said. "The fact is… He might wake up. Even if his body and mind refuse to…"

"I see…" whispered Jun softly. 'What will you do then Ren…? W-Will you go a step further and kill yourself…?'

Part of Jun wanted her brother back. Part of her missed him dearly. But the other part also saw the pain he had been going through for years. The other part saw the flickers of a content smile on his face as he laid in the hospital bed. The other part wondered, would it be fair to take Ren away from his dream world. Jun was torn, so she would just leave him as it was, since he was happy now…

"I do love you Ren… Not in the way you want… But… You have to choose between your happy dream and unhappy reality at some point…" whispered Jun softly as she stood up to leave. "And the real Jun might not love you more then a sisterly way, but she does miss you. Very much in fact."

And with that, she kissed Ren on the cheek and left the hospital.

The End

Sorry I haven't updated. I've been banned till today. See profile for more.

Sevetenks the Ultimate Fusion