DISCLAIMER: I do not
own Hana Kimi or any of its characters.
However, if you want to blame anyone for taking this incredibly pure and sweet manga and making it hentai, that'd be me. Please don't sue. I don't own anything to make suing me worthwhile anyway.
Now for the
I'm trying to make this fic fit into the real story by Hisaya Nakajo. You'll need to read the manga for everything to make sense. Sorry if you don't like it, but it's worth reading, and Hisaya Nakajo deserves us all to go out and buy her books!
I know there are
places where the timeline is a bit tight, but allow me artist's
license. I will be providing you with chapter notes for when my story
pops into the manga - so you can keep track. In
case you're interested.
Also for those of you who keep track, the time length between the start of this story and the graduation that ends the manga is three weeks. This will make sense after you read the whole story. And away we go…
ALL KNOTTED UP INSIDE - A Hana Zakari No Kime Tachi E fanfiction
Note:This takes place between chapters 134 & 135 of the manga.
"So, to what do I owe the interruption this time, Mizuki?" Umeda's words were a bit harsh, but that was to be expected. He buttoned up the fly on his pants after tucking his shirt in, and glanced up just as his lover was about to leave. His visitor smiled and winked as he walked out the door. 'Well at least I can look forward to a pleasant dinner later – I know he's just as frustrated as I am right now. And it serves him right. He knows I'm not to be interrupted during work.'
"Uh. Um. Well, I'm sorry… I really didn't mean to interrupt, and I guess I can come bac-"
"It's too late for sorry. You know you really are a pain in the ass. But what's one more time? What's on your mind? Sheesh. It's not in my job description to counsel any but the 3rd years. I think I'm going to ask for a raise."
"Um…" Mizuki looked at her feet. And Umeda could see the blush starting in her cheeks and flushing out to the rest of her. "Maybe this was a bad idea. Just forget I came." As she turned to run out of the office and away, Umeda caught her arm and pulled her back.
"Now you've got me intrigued. I've never seen you look timid before. Sit. Talk. That's what I seem to do for you anyway, listen and advise. You're not getting away now until you tell me what's got you so flustered. And remember… I can tell when you lie!" He gave her his "wise counselor" face, one eyebrow raised – but spoiled it by smirking at the end.
"Well… I'm really embarrassed… I was in the locker room after karate practice, and one of the boys from first dorm was talking…" She flushed and looked down, then away toward the door – could she make it? She was faster than anyone at the school… But it wouldn't matter. He'd make her spill it eventually. She sighed. "He was talking about his girlfriend, and he said something that I didn't understand. He said… He said that she… she liked it when he… tied her up and… she pretended she… she pretended she didn't want him to do stuff and he did it anyway. And other stuff like that! But I don't understand? Why? How could someone like it forced on them and if they like to be forced, then it wouldn't really be forced, so why would they like it? It just doesn't make any sense? And…" Once she got going, it all came out in a torrent – like usual. But then, at the end, she remembered the summer at Io's house, and the fear she felt. Almost as a whisper: "And how could anyone enjoy someone doing stuff when they don't want to?"
If he hadn't heard from Io what she suspected had happened to Mizuki when she was helping out last summer, he would have chuckled. But if there was anyone who knew the fear of real rape without actually having been raped, it was her. He was glad that punk hadn't gotten away with it – that Sano had stopped him – but this sweet girl was so naïve. He wished that the event had maybe helped her wise up a bit. He sighed, dragged his hand through his hair, pushing it off his face. No. It was better that she maintained her pure attitude toward life. But now this would lead to difficulty for her later in life if she didn't get past the fear that was probably still there inside her.
In an uncharacteristic gesture, he reached down and squeezed her shoulder and smiled at her.
She looked up at him with simple trust in her eyes – waiting for her Sensei to teach her.
Umeda sighed again. Smiled at her again and said, "Well, Mizuki. Let me use an analogy: Do you like roller coaster rides?"
She looked confused as she said, "Uh. Yeah!"
"Well, you know the rush you get when you're going down a tall, steep hill at breakneck speed? You get that rush because it's scary, right?" She nodded. "Well, it's scary, but do you ever really think that you're in any real danger?"
"Well, no. I mean they test it out – it's just a ride."
"Right! Well, when you've got someone you really and truly trust, someone you know would never hurt you, it can give you a similar rush when you give up complete control to that person. Whoever you heard talking from the karate club, probably is dating a girl who really trusts him. So – like a roller coaster – she gets a thrill from giving up control. She's not in any real danger. She might even have a code word – something that she'd never normally say – like 'gladiola' – and if she says that at any time, she knows that he'll stop what he's doing immediately. Does that help explain it?"
She looked down at her feet. "Uh. I guess."
"I guess usually means no. Okay, let's try this: Imagine Sano."
He smirked as she started to turn bright red.
"Now, do you think he'd ever do anything to hurt you?"
She glared at him. "Of course not!"
"Right. So if you were tied to, say, your bed when Sano came back from class, and maybe gagged so you couldn't make any noise, and you were maybe only wearing some sexy underwear and that's all," It was so fun to make her turn that red… "and there was a note that said that you trusted him to do or not do whatever he wanted – that you were giving up complete control to him – do you think you'd find that exciting?"
She didn't answer because she was trying too hard not to keep the blushing from spreading any further down her torso – it was making her tummy feel too warm.
He smirked again. "And if he's like every other boy on the planet, I can tell you that he'd probably turn as red as you – for about the 5 seconds it would take before he'd be all over you like white on rice."
She looked down. Then at the door. The red started to fade as he watched her thinking.
'Ah! There it is! There's the seed that I've planted taking root! I do hope that boy thanks me for finally helping him release some of the stress that he's been building up over the past year.'
He smiled at her, took her hand, and pulled her to her feet.
"Now that I've answered your question more thoroughly than you deserve, could you leave my office so I can get back to work?" He pushed her out the door of his office and closed it behind her.
X X X END SCENE X X X
The rest of the day would have amused the hell out of Umeda if he'd been there to see it.
Lunch saw Mizuki sitting and chatting with Nakatsu and Noe over some soba noodles until Sano walked in and sat down next to them, whereupon Ashiya promptly began choking on her noodles and turning bright red - not capable of looking anyone in the face. She quickly excused herself and practically ran out of the room – meal half-eaten left behind. "I'm still hungry, but I guess I'll go get some bread," she thought as she sprinted out of there and made the track team shake their heads in regret that "he" still refused to join the team.
During class, she happened to glance up and see Sano and the next half hour went by without her even noticing. She looked at his lips and remembered what it felt like when she kissed him. She looked at his strong shoulders and thought about how it would feel to touch them. Then she thought about him touching her. How it would feel if he were to kiss her – to kiss his way down her neck. How would she react if he touched her breasts? Would he try to kiss them? Would she want to touch him? Would he let her?
And what about this trust thing? Was Umeda right? Would he really like it? Should she – did she want… was she ready… were THEY ready? 'He's known I'm a girl for a year, even though I didn't know he knew. And how many times did he sleep right next to me, knowing that and yet not doing anything? Maybe he isn't interested in me that way. Maybe he just thinks of me as a friend. But he said he wanted to stay by me. Just like I said I want to stay by his side. So, did I mean?...' The enormity of what she was thinking hit her like a ton of bricks. She felt all the blood drain from her face. 'I did. I do. I love Sano. Even if I can't stay by his side forever. I want to be with him now.'
"Uh, Mizuki, are you feeling okay?" Nakatsu had gotten up and had his hand against her forehead, checking for fever. "You're looking a bit pale." His face was filled with concern.
"Nakatsu-san, would you please take your seat? Class is not yet over."
"Sorry, Sensei. I just thought Mizuki looked like he was going to pass out and I was concerned."
"Really. Please take your seat. Ashiya-san, if you're not feeling well, I would suggest you either visit Dr. Umeda or go back to your room. After all, you haven't been paying attention at all today anyway, so missing the rest of the class shouldn't be any more of a problem than staying. And this way we might be able to restore some order."
"Sorry, Sensei." She stood to apologize and say that she felt perfectly fine to stay, but then she saw Sano looking at her with concern, and she felt herself blush, then she thought about what she'd been thinking about and the blood drained from her face again. Sano looked like he was ready to spring out of his seat to catch her if she fell. She stood up straight. "I believe I… must be coming down with something. I'll… go back to my room. Please excuse me for interrupting class."
"Psst. Do you need me to come with you?" Sano whispered at her. Without looking at him, she shook her head no in his general direction and left the class with her head down, not looking at anyone as she left. 'If I catch anyone's eye, I'll either burst out laughing, or I'll start crying. I'm that worked up.'
X X X END SCENE X X X
Back in the room, she laid down and tried to sleep. But all that floated through her head was images of Sano. How many mornings had she woken up in his strong embrace? She remembered what it felt like when he carried her and held her after that slime bucket tried to rape her. 'There is one place where I know I'm always safe. In Sano's arms. That's it. That's all there is to it. I want to be with him. I want him to know how much I trust him. And if he doesn't want me, that's okay, too. Because if I don't take this risk, he'll never know that someone trusted him this much. And I'll never know if he… If he feels about me… the same… way…" With that thought she fell asleep.
X X X END SCENE X X X
When dinner came, she was ravenous. And Nakatsu was greatly relieved to see that she was okay. That she was eating did wonders for making him believe that she truly was feeling better.
'God, I am so glad Sano had practice tonight. Otherwise, I don't think I'd be able to eat, and I didn't eat anything at lunch today.'
She ate a full meal – enough to make her feel completely sated, but not full. 'I really want to look beautiful tonight. If I'm gonna do this. I think I am. I am going to…'
X X X END SCENE X X X
Sano would finish practice, grab a bite to eat, then he'd come back, take a shower, do some studying, then go to bed. She opened her small locked suitcase – the one that held her girl clothes – for when she went back to visit at home. There was one set of underwear in there that might work. She remembered when Julia gave it to her the last time she was at home. "Hey! I know he doesn't know you're a girl. But when he realizes how wonderful you are, he's not gonna care. And when he sees you in this? Trust me. You'll be glad you have it on hand."
She held the electric blue panties and strapless bra up to her frame, looked in the mirror and breathed, "Julia. Say a prayer for me, and I hope you're right."
She took a bath and took great care to make herself as clean and soft as she could. She brushed out her hair til it shone, and then put a blue ribbon from the trip suitcase in her hair to hold most of it back. A bit of lip gloss and then she was done with hair and makeup. She slipped on the blue panties and bra and looked in the mirror. Not as full a figure as one might hope, but still. I really do look like a girl. She wrapped a towel around her mid section to cover up the underwear. Then stepped out into the room.
"Dang it! I forgot to lock the door!" She ran over and locked it – thinking about the last time Nakatsu burst into the room looking for her. 'Thank god. I really have to be more careful.'
She sat down at her desk and completed all her studies – pushing all thoughts of what was to come out of her mind. When she was done, she looked up at the clock. 'Oh no! Sano should be back in 15 minutes!'
Racing around the room, she pulled out four ties from their school uniforms. Blushing, she thought of something else and pulled out another.
Then she went over to Sano's desk to compose a note. She didn't have much time, so she just wrote what she felt quickly – without taking time to talk herself out of it. Then she went over to his bed with the ties. First, she tied each of her feet to the corners at the foot of the lower bunk bed, and put a blanket over her feet so the ties didn't show. She draped the blanket so that when he walked in, he wouldn't really see her, so that he'd just assume she was asleep on the top bunk with the curtains closed.
Then she put the fifth tie she'd pulled out – the older, worn one that she'd been meaning to throw away – into her mouth as a gag. 'I don't want to talk. If I can talk, I'll get nervous and say something stupid. This will be better.'
She looped a tie around her right hand, and then tied her left hand to the bedpost over her head. Still with the towel around her, she was now almost fully spread out on the bed. She pulled the pillow partially over her head – to block from immediate view the tie on her left hand, and the ribbon in her hair. With only her right hand free, she wrapped the remainder of the tie around the bedpole at the top right of the bed, and then forced it with her fingers through the loop that was tied around her wrist.
'There. Now if I need to get free, I can just pull hard and this will come loose so I can free myself. And the door is locked so only Sano can come in. And because it's locked, he'll think I've already gone to bed. Now to pretend like I'm asleep-'
Perfect timing. She heard Sano's key in the door. He entered the room and saw that she'd left the desk light on for him. She was always so considerate – always thinking about him. She knew after practice he'd want to study. And after she wasn't feeling well during class – for her to be thinking about him… it made him feel warm inside. 'I wonder if she knows how hard it is to live by her side and not kiss her every moment of every day. But she probably doesn't think about me that way. She loves me, but she wouldn't want to do anything. And that should make me feel happy inside, not sad.' He looked at the light on the desk again and thought, 'It does make me happy.' And he quietly crept to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Once done, he slipped on his pajamas and went over to the desk to study. He made quick work of it. The less time with the light on, the less chance he'd disturb her sleep. 'Because when she wakes up, she has a hard time sleeping in her own bed, and it's getting harder not to take advantage of her when she's sleeping in my arms. God, I love her so much.' Only in his private thoughts had he ever been so truthful about his emotions concerning her.
Shutting his book after he was done with the last of his reading, he reached over to turn off the light, and saw a note leaning against the lamp addressed to him.
"Sano. I've lived by your side for over a year now. And if there is only one thing certain in my life it's that when I'm in your arms, I feel safe. You know now. You know who I am – what I am, and you know that I've said that I want to stay by your side always. You've said that to me, too. But what I haven't said, I haven't said because I was scared it would change something. But now, I want to try because I don't want to look back and think 'If only I'd told him how I really feel.'
"I wasn't really sick in class today. I just was thinking too much, and it was making my head spin. That happens sometimes when I think about you.
"A year by your side has only made me want to be with you more every day. I want you to know how much I trust you. I trust you to always take care of me. And should you decide you don't want to take care of me, that's okay. I'll still be here for you – because I love you no matter what.
"But I wanted to show you that I trust you. In every way. I heard about this and I'm nervous about this, but I wanted to show you that I trust you, so if you want to, I'm waiting for you. If not, that's okay, too. But if you do, I'm in your bed, and you could maybe join me there. I'm writing this because if I tried to say it, I'd have to look in your eyes, and then I'd get lost and nervous and I'd just mess it up. Or chicken out. And I don't want to chicken out anymore. I'm yours to take.
"I love you, Sano.
He set the letter down on the desk and slowly turned toward the bed. As he neared it, he saw over the piled up blanket. Her form was covered around her midsection by a towel, but anyone paying attention would be able to tell she was a girl. And there was a blanket at the end of the bed covering her feet – they must have been cold. He looked at her lying there, and noticed she was breathing heavily, but it wasn't like she was asleep. Her breast was heaving. But he couldn't clearly make out her face – it was obscured by a pillow.
Slowly, he walked closer to the bed – like a man drugged, or mesmerized. When he got near, he noticed her left hand was actually tied to the bedframe. 'What? What the…' He moved the pillow and saw the tie acting as a gag. Her clear eyes shone up at him. She was truly terrified, yet she seemed almost pleading. He glanced up her right arm and saw it, too, was tied to the bed. He turned to the foot of the bed and moved the blanket to see each ankle neatly tied to the frame. She was spread eagled, and waiting for him. He turned and looked at her face, she tried to give him a smile through the gag, but she was afraid of what his reaction would be. Then, he saw her square her shoulders and get her determined look on her face – "It's okay. Either way, I'll be okay. I'm showing Sano how much I trust him, and that's all there is to it." He knew that's what she was thinking. That's just so her… So…
"Ashiya." He breathed out her name as his hand reached out toward the towel. He'd wanted to truly see her for so long. "I… Is it okay?" He looked at her and she nodded at him. He released the towel and saw her spread on the bed, looking at him with trusting eyes. In bright blue – his favorite color. Although there wasn't much blue there, really.
He looked at her sweet face and noticed she had on lipgloss and a ribbon. "I want to be a woman – I want to be your woman," was what she was saying to him without words.
He reached to remove her gag and she shook her head no and gestured toward her note. "I'll just say something stupid and mess it up. So do what you want. I trust you. We can talk about it later, right?" Right.
He stroked her left cheek, and let his hand graze down her neck to her breast. So soft. He climbed up on the bed and straddled her waist. Reaching down, he stroked with both hands up her neck, and stopped with both hands behind her head. He kissed her cheek, up to her ear, and whispered, "You don't have to say a word. And you don't have to worry you'll mess it up." His hands untied the gag. 'If I don't kiss you now, I think I'll explode.'
His lips claimed hers. Not a light gentle kiss, but one filled with all the longing that they both had been burying for so long. When they finally broke for breath, he began kissing her up to her ear, nibbling on it. Lying next to her, kissing her, his hands roamed up and down her body, gently stroking her side, fingertips brushing her as if afraid that if he touched her more firmly, she might disintegrate. He'd kissed her before, but he never had touched her. Not even when she was sleeping in his arms and he stayed up all night just looking at her.
As his fingers brushed over her hip, past the blue lace there, she shivered and sighed his name, "Izumi." Hearing her say his name, her voice laced with desire sent fire through his veins. His Mizuki calling his name.
"Ashiya. If you say my name again like that, I'm going to end up taking advantage of you. Do you know that?" He traced her with his finger, from her brow, down one cheek, down her neck, down the center of her chest, between her breasts, over her bra, down her tummy, to her navel, in her navel, out of her navel, down to the edge of that flirty blue lace. His finger went just slightly under the lace and started tracing her along the edge of the panties.
"Oh, Izumi," she breathed. He jumped off the bed in one swift movement.
"I'm not kidding!" He turned around to her, and his eyes flashed. "I'm only human!" She could see that he wasn't kidding by the bulge in his pajamas. "And I'm a man!" He was fretting around the room, trying to burn off some energy. "You're just so reckless!"
She swallowed hard. "Do… do you not want me like this? I thought…"
He stopped and turned toward her. "You thought what?" he yelled as he slammed his fists on either side of her shoulders, his head only inches from hers.
She looked into his eyes, tears beginning to form in her own, and bit her lower lip. "I just wanted to give myself only to you. I thought you might… We would…" She looked away from him, trying not to cry.
He got up and went to the foot of the bed and began to untie her feet. Then he walked to the head of the bed and began to untie her there.
Under his breath, "I don't want to be the only one here when I make love to you for the first time. I want you to make love to me, too. I need to feel you around me, not just under me."
Then he walked over to the end of the bed and sat down and placed his head in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. "Don't you know how hard it is for me not to take you every single night? Don't you know how much I…? I won't take advantage of you."
She sat up and wiped away her tears. Then she crawled to the other end of the bed and sat down there. "But, Sano, if I want to, then how is it taking advantage?" She pushed him back and straddled his waist, and she could feel him stiffen further. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.
"I trust you, Sano. And I want to be with you now and always – in every way." She placed her forehead on his chest. "I've fallen in love with you, Sano Izumi. And the question isn't even if you love me, too. The question is if you want me. Because if you do, then you can have me. Even if you get bored with me later, I'd just go back to America, and no one there cares whether you're a virgin or not, so…" Again, as she got started, she picked up speed. Until he cut her off with a kiss.
"Idiot." He rolled her over so she was on bottom. "Don't you know you're all I think about?" He held her tight in his embrace. "If you ever left me, I would dry up and die. You ARE my life."
A tear slid down her cheek. "Izumi," she breathed, and he instantly kissed her passionately. Then worked his way down her neck to where her blue bra just barely covered her perfectly shaped breasts. (AN: He agrees with the boys in Weird Science – any more than a handful is a strain on the tongue.)
He gently massaged her breasts and she moaned. Kissing back up her throat, he then whispered in her ear, "I told you if you said my name like that again that I wouldn't be able to control myself."
He looked in her eyes and said, "If you don't stop me now, I don't think you'll have another chance." Her eyes grew wide as saucers as she saw the dark heat that had built up in his. Then she smiled softly up at him and whispered breathily, "Izumi."
He smiled back at her and then attacked her with a kiss. Positioned between her legs, his pajama clad hips ground into hers. She lifted her hips to meet his and moaned at the contact. Her hands came up between them, as she started unbuttoning his top. She'd finally get to touch him at last.
Tongues dueling, he moaned as he felt how much she wanted him. His shirt was pushed off his shoulders as her hands caressed up his chest and over his arms. Pushing it off the rest of the way she began kneading his back, pulling him closer to her she lifted her head up to kiss him more fiercely. Her hands ran down his back. Reaching his pajama bottoms, her hands went underneath both the pants and his boxers to grasp the ass that she'd pretended not to ever notice for the past two years. Massaging gently she thought, 'My hands just fit here perfectly. It's like he was made for my hands to be here – or my hands were made to fit here.'
The action of her hands moving to his exquisite derriere caused his clothes to shift down, and the cool air caused him to shiver. He broke from kissing her, straightened up and pushed his pants and boxers down to his knees, then shrugged them off the rest of the way, throwing them across the room toward the bathroom.
She looked up at him, kneeling above her, unclothed and glorious. 'He's so beautiful!' Eyes trailed down his broad shoulders, amazing chest, ripped abs – "Gasp! Oh my God!"
He saw her eyes widen with amazement and just a touch of fear. He grimaced a bit with embarrassment, then, as he looked at her lying there in bits of lace of his favorite color, his expression changed to an almost predatory grin. "Only YOU do this to me, Ashiya Mizuki." Murmuring, he added, "more often than you know."
"And now, fair is fair." He pulled her bikinis down her legs, which she lifted to help them come off. Once removed, he held the blue lace up on one finger, looked at them then her. "I'm a little nervous knowing you've got these. They give you a little too much power over me." He tossed them over toward the bathroom.
He leaned into her breast, freeing it from the lace prison. His hands reached behind her, unlocked the clasp, and pulling the ends free, it soon joined the lower mate on the floor.
He pulled back and let his eyes take her in. So unbelievably "Beautiful," he gasped. "My God, you are beautiful."
She blushed and looked away, down. Simulataneously, he reached down to touch her, tracing his finger along the contours of his body, and she tentative reached out to him. He gasped and she pulled back. "No. Please." He took hold of the hand that had frozen in between them and brought it back. He looked in her eyes. "I want you to touch me. I want to touch you. I want… I want…"
Drawing strength from his words, she reached out again, cutting off his ability to speak and replacing it with a moan. He wanted her to feel that way too: his hand stroked down her belly, circled her navel, and ran down further still.
They touched each other to show how much they loved each other – to release some of the frustration they'd been living with, being so near and so uncertain for so long. She looked up at him, dazed.
"Are you sure, bishoujo-koi? I really don't want to have to take another cold shower. I've gotten pretty sick of those this past year. But one more won't hurt – if you're not… not ready."
She smiled up at him. "Cold shower?"
He shook his head at her. "You really are troublesome. How do you think I've survived the past year waking up next to you every day? I've gotten to the point where the water needs to be like ice to help anymore."
"You really… really wanted me?"
He rolled his eyes. "Baka!" Then he leaned down and kissed her thoroughly. He held himself above her, looked into her eyes and said, "What do YOU think?" She swallowed deeply, and fell lost into his eyes. Looking in her eyes, silence filled the room.
He held himself still above her and growled, "I cannot remember a time when the only place I really wanted to be was with you. But I thought you didn't want ME." He moaned, forcing himself to stay under control. She saw him visibly pull himself together and he groaned, "I need to know you want me first. Otherwise, I'm going to need a bathtub of ice."
She nodded at him, but he pulled back. Snarling, he said, "No. TELL me."
Never breaking from his gaze, she swam in his eyes, and in a voice huskier than he'd ever heard from the girl who had pretended to be a boy she snarled, "I. want. YOU. Izumi. Now. Onegai!"
He smiled and breathed, "I love you, Mizuki," and they were finally one – as they'd both been dreaming of for so long.
"I love you, Mizuki."
"I love you, too, Izumi."
Utterly spent, his elbows gave out on him and he laid on top of her. The weight of his body pressed against her, pressing her down, so that she knew she couldn't move if she wanted to. She was trapped, yet what she felt was safe, and loved.
His head snuggled into her neck, and they fell asleep cuddled together, he lying on his side, her in front of him – like two spoons. His arms wrapped around her, holding her tight to his body. "…never let you go…" he sighed.
'I will always be yours, Sano, for as long as you want me,' she thought as she fell asleep again.
His last thought before drifting off: 'This is why I got so jealous of Nakatsu. Because she really does belong to me. And I belong to her. Now that I have you, Ashiya, I will never let you go.
X X X END CHAPTER X X X