Disclaimer: I have talked to my weird neigbor with a ponytail-buns hairdo, prayed with tibetan monks, and wished upon stars, but Sailor Moon will never be mine. This is all I have...
Chappie 1: The Baka and the Odango
Careful…careful…. easy does it now….there! Tsukino Usagi sighed as she slipped into the Crown Arcade, avoiding the loud bells in the corner of the doorway. There was no way she would announce her arrival, and so avoided that evil creep who called himself a man…one who, coincidentally, caused her heart to melt and her mouth to water.
Baka! This is Chiba Mamorou we're talking about! He teases you incessantly every five minutes about various things…your hair for one!
'Gadzooks! Was that a big word you used back there? Congratulations!'
Shut up. Aren't you supposed to be that nice, friendly voice in my head that cheers me up when I'm down?
'Honey, you're too cheery as it is. In fact, it's frightening! You need something to depress you, it's not healthy!'
"Odango, are you just gonna stand there all day and block the door or are you gonna haul yourself up to the counter and order your daily dosage of sugar?"
'Kami in heaven, I think I'm in love!'
Usagi growled. "Go away Mamorou-baka. I'll move when I feel like it, and only when I feel like it." He chuckled, something that made her legs feel slightly weaker (A/N: Doesn't that happen to all of us? drools oh, Mamo-chan!). "Well, Odango, seeing as you feel that way, I guess I'll have to do the moving."
She snorted. "What, the Great Conceited Chiba Jerk has decided to finally grovel at my feet?" Mamorou grinned impishly, and she struggled to keep the blush from rising in her cheeks. "Not at all, Odango. I have another plan."
And with nary a word of warning, he grasped her firmly by the wrists and drew her towards him. Shock caused her to remain immobile as he lifted her up, bridal style, and turned around. She said nothing, lost as she was in his eyes, as he walked over to the counter, and deposited her gently on a stool. "See now, Odango? That wasn't so bad!" And with a wink he sauntered back to the door. Usagi stared at his retreating back until he wad out of sight before she collected herself.
"My name is U-SA-GI! Usagi, baka, not some food you eat! What kind of sadistic pleasure do you get from doing this?" And fuming, she turned around.
Furuhata Motoki grinned at her. "Kind of late there, eh Usa?" She glared at him. "Just get me a shake, Motoki, before I do to you what I was gonna do to him!"
"My, my, Odango, a bit violent are we?" the violet eyes of Hino Rei, her best friend, smirked at her. Behind her stood Aino Minako, an almost replica of Usagi. Then there was Kino Makoto, smiling jovially. Mizuno Ami stood with her head tilted slightly to the side, looking rather superior (A/N: Doesn't she? I mean, she is the smartest one of the group, and she sure as heck knows it!).
Usagi covered her eyes with a slim hand. "It's a conspiracy, isn't it? A way to see which one of you will kill me first!"
'Ooh! Can I get in? I say Mamorou pisses you off but Rei gets first pickings.'
With a frustrated groan, she threw her hands up in the air. Sadly, Motoki had just returned with her milkshake. The sudden movement caused him to draw back, resulting in Usagi's hand hitting the now toppling milkshake, which flew up in the air. With a resounding splat, it landed in Usagi's lap. "EEEK! Motoki!"
The sandy haired man grinned sheepishly. "Er, sorry Usa, but you surprised me!" The blonde turned to face her friends, who were giggling madly. "So you think it's funny, eh?"
'Heh, I think so too!"
"AAARGH!" With a cry she stomped out of the arcade, gaining scared looks from passerbies outside. Mako watched her go. "She seems different."
Rei frowned. "Well, despite the fact that she didn't bawl her eyes out when Motoki dropped the stuff on her, what else has been making her seem different?"
Mina sighed. "Can't you tell? She's in love!" At this, everyone gave her incredulous stares, and she blushed. "Just an idea." She said with a shrug.
Ami smiled. "It's probably a very hard test coming up, that she needs help on!" Mako shook her head. "I bet you someone's bothering her, and she needs to learn how to defend herself!" (A/N: Did anyone besides me see a ridiculous picture of Usa in a karate gi, kicking this kids butt? Picture it, minna!) Rei sniffed. "Obviously she needs some spiritual guidance!" And they stalked off, bickering over what to do.
Mina glanced at Motoki. "I still say she's in love." Motoki nodded. "Hai. And I bet he loves her back, and shows her too." Mina giggled. "Lets make that a money bet! 500 yen says Usa makes the first move!" Motoki winked. "Alright, and 500 says Mamorou does!" To his surprise, Mina seemed unfazed by this fact. She merely smirked. "It took him long enough! Honestly, he's the baka-dono of the century!" Motoki grunted slightly as he retrieved a mop and began to wipe up the spill. "Honto ni?" Mina giggled again. "Honto ni!"
Usagi stomped into Juuban's local park. Her red and frothing face caused babes to cry and mother's to shield their children's eyes. With a slight snarl she flounced over to a bench and sat down. Stupid baka…
'Are we talking about you or Motoki?'
Neither! This is about Mamorou! Kamisama, sometimes I feel like ripping his hair out, others I feel like kissing him until he falls over! Why does he do this to me? Look at me, I'm a wreck! I hate him, and that's the way it should stay! Mamorou no baka and Odango Atama, like a paperback novel!
'You read those cheap things?'
'Calm down, a good joke never hurt! Well…what're you going to do about it?'
I dunno. Ignore him or something.
'You know what you remind me of? A kozaru!'
'Yeah, a little monkey! People claim you're smart, but then they realize you're nothing but a flea infested mammal!'
With a cry of rage, Usagi flew up from her bench and tore down the path, letting her feet go as far as they wanted to. Mamorou, who had been walking in the opposite direction, found himself face to face with a very angry Usagi. "Hey Odango, watch out, you might hurt someone!"
Usagi considered her position. Here she was, face to face with the one person who she had moments before, wished to throttle. (A/N: Teehee! As if anyone could ever hurt Mamo-chan…. would they?)
'I say we kill him, chop him into little piece's, bury him under the Crown, then lament his death, marry some other dude, and have 2.3 wonderful kids!'
"Odango? Hello, Earth to Odango Atama? Not that I mind you admiring my devilishly good looks, Odango, but this staring is a bit to much." Usagi abandoned all hope of reasoning something out, and within a single moment she had jumped Mamorou.
Mako, Rei and Ami were searching for Usagi when they hear the screams. Ami glanced at her friends. "A youma attack?"
Rei blinked. "I sense no evil presence. But just to be sure…" In ten seconds flat, Sailors Mercury, Mars and Jupiter were sprinting along the pathway. When they reached the source of the screams, they stopped, dumbfounded.
Usagi had twisted Mamorou's arm, and he was on the verge of tears as he spoke to her. "Usagi, please, that doesn't bend that way!"
She smacked him on the back of his head. "Muahaha! I'm the maniacal Odango now, baka! You hear me? I'm crazy!"
"I don't doubt it," muttered Mercury. Jupiter pressed a few keys on her communicator. "Mina? Yeah, get over here, there's something I don't think you want to miss. No, it's not a youma, but hurry anyways!" In another five minutes, Sailor Venus dropped down from the trees. "What's u" the words died on her lips as she saw the two combatants.
"Usagi! That hurts!" There was a shriek, followed by Usagi's laughter. "Be a man and suck it up, Chiba!" The senshi heard a muffled groan as Usagi hit a, er… tender spot. (A/N: I wanna see Mamo-chan squirm! We don't get enough of that!)
Venus would have joined in with the silent laughs the others were sharing, but she had 500 yen riding on this very same girl to date this very same guy! With a sigh, she hurried over to the fighting two.
"Usagi-chan! Usagi, leave his hair alone!" her cries were repeated over an over as she tried desperately to get the manic girl away. Mercury watched her. "Guys, I feel sorry for her. I think Mamorou-san has had enough pain, let's give him a hand, ok?"
With groans of regret, the three senshi moved to help Venus. Jupiter immediately grabbed onto her friends arms and dragged her a safe distance away. Mars helped the now limping Mamorou to stand, and he watched with a slight twinge of amusement as they berated her. Well, as Venus berated her.
"Usagi-chan, I can't believe you! Beating up this poor, defenseless man!" Venus would have gone on to her next accusation had she not seen Usagi looking past her. Venus spun around, and came face to face with Mamorou, who was suppressing a grin. Jupiter struggled to hold onto Usagi. "And what, may I ask, is so funny?"
Mamorou shook his head. "Arigato for rescuing me from the Odango Atama, but it does make a funny picture to see her seething like that and a sailor senshi screeching at her as if she was her mom." A moment later, Mamorou cowered behind Mars' back as Jupiter and Mercury restrained Usagi and Venus.
Mars smirked, and turned to him. "Now, little man, I suggest you run along."
Let's pause here. Men, as we know, are famous for being extremely thick headed at times. They will do almost anything to preserve their dignity. Thus, Mamorou's next actions.
"I am not a little man. As for you, little girl, you shouldn't run around and play with such dangerous things, like fire. You could get burnt…Pyro." Mars let out a screech that made everyone within a mile cover their ears and run for cover. People ran screaming into their homes, babies wailed inexplicably, dogs and cats ran for cover, heated background music began to play, and Mamorou almost peed his pants. The last thing he remembered was screaming like a little girl before everything went dark.