Only True Feelings
Disclaimer- I do not own any of these characters, they belong to J.K. Rowling, although the plot is my own creation.
Chapter One - Over
It was late as Hermione sat on her bed flipping through the pages in her diary. As she came across her last entry, she laid back more forcefully than she meant to and began to read.
Today is mine and Ron's 3-month anniversary! I'm so happy, but he has been acting really strange around me lately. Kind of, I don't know…distant, I mean he didn't seem too excited today at all. I don't know what's wrong with him, but I have this weird feeling that something is going on. I mean, I feel like he's hiding something from me and I think I might know what it is, but I don't want to say anything because I don't want to jinx it.
But to look on the bright side he did get me something, well sort-of. What I mean is that we were together and we went to Hogsmeade and I saw some chocolate at Honeyduke's that I wanted and so he bought it for me and then he said very dully, 'Happy Anniversary'. But at least he got me something and he remembered it was our anniversary! Right?.
Well, anyways that was pretty much my day, it could have been better, it could have been worse.
She cursed under her breath. Yea right, who was I trying to kid. she thought.
She flipped through the rest of her diary and all the other pages were completely blank, waiting to be filled with happy, beautiful, friendly memories. Memories that she knew would last her a lifetime, memories that she would want to look back on and read about and smile.
She sighed loudly and she heard Susan move around in her bed, but she didn't really care. She had so much on her mind, and all she could think about was how shitty her day had turned out. Well, the beginning of her day was horrible, but in the end it wasn't as bad as it had been.
She took a long, slow deep breath, closed her eyes and began to replay her day in her mind, remembering every little grim detail of it.
As Hermione awoke, she sat up in her bed, stretched and yawned loudly. She slipped into some comfortable clothes and headed downstairs to the common room, where she found Harry sitting at the table in the corner, working furiously on the giant pile of homework that was stacked up next to him.
"Hi Harry." Hermione said as she walked over towards him.
"Hey," Harry said distractedly.
"Wow," she said trying to peer over the large pile of books at Harry.
She sat there for several minutes watching Harry's quill fly back and forth across the page in a daze. It wasn't until the scratching noises made from his quill stopped, that she noticed that he was watching her closely.
"What…" she asked slightly surprised.
"Nothing, just thinking." he answered.
"Oh, okay." she said slowly, "Hey, have you seen Ron lately? I need to talk to him."
"Yea, he went out earlier." he said.
"Went out where?" she asked curiously.
"Uhhh…he went out…um…walking." Harry said, not looking at her.
"Okay," she said even more slowly, looking at him awkwardly.
What is going on around here? she thought.
"Well in that case, is it alright if I use the Marauders Map so I can find him easier?" she asked simply.
"Uhh…sure." he said still not looking at her.
"Thanks," she said as she dashed up the staircase and into the boys dormitory.
She opened Harry's trunk, and after a couple minutes of searching she found it stuffed in the bottom. She reached in, grabbed it and was out the door and running down the stairs back into the common room. As she ran by Harry, she heard him call her name. She turned back around and looked over at him.
"Yea," she asked as she walked back over to the table.
"Listen Hermione, before you go out looking for Ron, there's something I need to tell you about him." he said.
"What is it Harry?" she urged him.
"Well, when I tell you this, I don't want you to freak out or anything because it's kind of…well…you know…" he stammered.
"Harry, what's going on?" she asked, sounding concerned.
"Well Ron,…he…he was planning on…" he started but was cut off by someone entering the common room.
As Ron walked in, Harry directed his eyes back down to his homework and mumbled, "Nevermind,"
"Ronald!" Hermione squealed before she ran over to him and tried to kiss him lightly on his lips.
He stopped her as she reached up to kiss him.
"Wha- what's wrong?" she asked him, worried.
"Listen Hermione, we need to talk."
"Alright," she said as she made to sit down.
"Not here,…" he said casting a quick glance over at Harry, who looked up when he heard Ron say this. As Harry glared at him, Ron grabbed Hermione's arm and pulled her towards the door. "…somewhere more private."
"Okay, see ya Harry." she said, waving to him.
Harry stood up and opened his mouth as if to say something, but stopped himself and sat back down.
Ron led Hermione through several different corridors and into a randomly open classroom.
"Ron, what are you doing?" she asked, giggling slightly as Ron closed the door behind them.
She walked around the classroom looking at everything, she stopped in the middle of the room. As Ron made his way over to her, she smiled, reached out to him and began to kiss him.
He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her off of him. "Hermione-Hermione, stop. We need to talk. Seriously," he said with a very strong voice that made her abandon her attempts to kiss him and look at him with concern.
He looked her in the eyes and then looked at the ground. He couldn't stand to have those dark, honey-brown eyes staring at him, not with what he was about to tell her.
"Umm…I-I can't…" he started, but couldn't finish.
"What is it silly?" she asked playfully, as she attempted to kiss him again.
"I can't do this anymore Hermione." he said forcefully, pushing her backwards.
She stumbled a bit but caught herself before she fell.
"What in the hell was that for?" she said, utterly perplexed. "And what do you mean, you can't do what anymore?"
"This, Hermione. I can't be with you anymore." he said turning his back on her.
"Wha-…why? What happened? Did I do something wrong?" she asked horrified.
"Nothing really happened, you just seem way to overprotective and I can't stand it. I can't do anything without you needing to know where I'm going or what I'm doing. It's just plain annoying, I can't do it anymore, I just need some damn space Hermione." he said still not looking at her.
"What the hell does that mean…you need space…what kind of sad excuse is that?"
"I can't talk about this right now." he said.
"You can't talk about this. You know what, you want space? I'll give you plenty of space, trust me."
And with that said, she turned on her heel and stormed out of the classroom. All she could think to do was run, she wanted to get as far away from Ron as she could possibly get.
She finally stopped in the middle of a corridor, leaned her back against the wall and slowly slid down the wall crying. She had so many thoughts flying through her head all at once.
Why would he do that to me…WHY? What did I do to him that made me deserve something like this? Why god, WHY? her head was screaming.
She sat there in a ball crying for what seemed like hours, when she heard the door right in front of her open. She jumped, jerked her head up and immediately stopped crying when she saw who it was.
Professor Lupin stuck his head out his doorway looking around for the source of the noise and soon located it, he looked down at Hermione and walked out of his classroom..
"Hermione, are you alright?" he asked slowly.
"Umm…yes, I-I just…uh," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes while trying to stand up.
"Here, let me help you." he said, rushing over to her and grabbing her hand to help her up.
As soon as his hand touched hers, it sent warm shivers down her spine and she began shaking, Remus too had noticed this.
"Are you sure you're okay, you're shaking." he said, looking her in the eyes.
"Yea, I'm fine." she said trying to calm herself.
"I don't think that you are telling me the truth Hermione." he said smiling at her.
Her stomach started to squirm as she looked up into his eyes.
What is going on with me? she wondered.
"Well…" she started.
"Listen, why don't you come into my classroom and you can tell me about your morning." he suggested.
"Well, alright. As long as you're not too busy." she said.
"I would never be too busy for you." he said and she smiled, blushing slightly.
She followed Remus into his classroom and looked around, she could definitely tell that he was in the middle of grading. There were piles of papers all over the place and they were scattered all over his desk.
"Sorry, I wasn't really expecting company," he said moving several large piles of graded papers to make room for them to sit down comfortably.
"It's quite alright," she said looking around.
"There you go," he said turning towards her and smiling.
"Thanks," she said sitting down trying to ignore the nervousness she was feeling.
"So, where were we?" he said jokingly.
"I think I was just about to tell you what a jerk Ron is." she said without thinking.
"Why? What happened?" he asked with concern.
"Oh, nothing." she mumbled.
"Hermione please, I would much rather you tell me yourself than having to find out some other way." he said smiling at her good-naturedly.
She sat there thinking about it for a while, she wasn't sure if she should tell him or not, but she knew that sooner or later he would find out. And she would much rather tell him first-hand rather than him finding out from someone else and it being completely screwed up.
Just tell him, she thought, Remus-I mean Professor Lupin won't judge me. He's too nice and considerate…and intelligent, and sweet, and good looking with his hair falling lightly over his eyebrows…STOP! she thought suddenly.
This is your professor, your teacher, Hermione. You know better.
"Soo…" he said, smiling at her.
"Well, it's rather silly actually, but…Ron decided to break up with me this morning," she said rather lamely. "He said he needed 'space', which is a complete lie and I know it."
"A lie? What do you mean?" Remus asked.
"I mean that I know that wasn't his real reason." she said a bit more forcefully than she meant to. "I'm sorry, it just really frustrates me that he's not able to be truthful. I'd much rather him tell me the truth than make up some stupid excuse."
The both of them sat there in a rather uncomfortable silence.
"Maybe I brought this upon myself somehow, perhaps I must have done something wrong." she said looking up at Remus hopefully.
"Now don't think like that Hermione, of course you did nothing wrong." Remus said honestly. "I've seen you two together, and from what I could tell you were nothing but sweet and caring and lovely-I mean loving."
Damn! he cursed himself.
Hermione looked at the ground blushing slightly. "Thanks," she mumbled.
"There's no need for thanks Hermione, it's true. He probably just wasn't ready for a relationship yet." he added sweetly.
Although I know that I am past due for one. he thought bitterly
"I don't know, I just wish that I could find a guy out there that was sweet, honest and caring."
"I'm sure that there is someone out there for you Hermione." Like me perhaps "I mean, you're a sweet, caring and beautiful young woman." Stop it Remus
Hermione sat there stunned for several seconds. He thinks I'm a beautiful young woman, not a child but a woman. She felt a warm heat rising in her cheeks and she was praying that Remus wouldn't notice her blushing.
"Listen Remus," she said placing her hand on his. " I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy…" she said gesturing around to the many piles of papers smiling, "…morning to talk with me. It truly has made my morning much better than it was."
As soon as her hand made contact with his, he started shaking slightly. He felt the blood start to creep up into his cheeks. What is wrong with you Remus? he asked himself. she is one of your students. he tried to calm his nerves as best as he could.
"Of course Hermione, and listen if you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, just know that I'm always available." Remus said, hoping to comfort her more.
Hermione stood up and made to leave, but stopped and turned to face Remus instead.
"Thank you so much Remus-I mean Professor." she said quickly, looking at the ground.
"Hey," he said as she quickly looked into his pale blue eyes, "no need for formalities Hermione, you can call me Remus."
"Alright,…well thank you Remus." she said.
Then she reached up and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, before she fled from his classroom.
As soon as the door shut behind her, Remus slouched down into his seat and heaved a huge sigh. He sat forward and placed his head in his hands and began massaging his temples.
What is going on with you Remus, you're acting so childish. You're a grown man now, you should be able to control your nerves especially around women.
Although his head was throbbing and his body was still shaking slightly, he couldn't help but smile as he ran his fingers across the area where Hermione had just placed her delicate kiss.
As Hermione left Remus' classroom, she realized that she was bouncing on her toes as she walked along the corridor. She felt somewhat light-headed, and was happier than she had felt in a while.
All she knew was that whatever had happened in there with Remus, she seemed to have had feelings come over her that she had never had with anyone…not even Ron.
AN: I hope you enjoyed this. Although it is not that much, there is still a lot more to come, trust me. Please read and review, and I'll update as soon as I can! Thanks!