The First Turn of the Wheel of the World's End
Summary: WARNING: If you didn't read HP and The Order of the Phoenix. Don't read the fic or the Summary. When Harry throws a tantrum, Snape loses it. What happens whenSeverus decides that he was the only who had the right to kill Black? Slash Severus/Sirius
Category: Adventure/Action, Romance
Author's Note: Hope you all enjoy. I enjoyed writting it. And yes, this is only the first turn. That is: There is a sequel programed. Love feedback!
After a week with the Dursleys, who, during this time, managed to stay out of my way, I went to Grimmuald Place.
Everyone was there. But not even the whole Weasley Clan was able to break the sadness that hanged around every room of the house. All of them tried to act normal but the house seemed to scream quietly its lost... Even the portrait kept awkwardly silent. Sometimes at night, when it thought nobody was awake, Remus would weep quietly, murmuring "whywhywhywhywhy..." endlessly.
I know why. To protect me. He gave himself away to protect me. But different from some people around here he did it out of love. He was the closest thing I ever had to a father, and, in a curious way, I felt closer to my father when I was with Sirius. I was feeling so guilty, so LONELY...
Remus kept his emotions at check for my sake and would not speak about "the incident", as Snape would call it. His attitude irritated me deeply, but didn't have the heart to argue.
Ron would try to cheer me up without success. 'Mione would try to talk about it. But she could never understand. None could, but Remus.
My mood was dark... I would snide at people, I would be rude and I would be suicidal... Everyone lectured me about being careful and stuff but no lecture was as effective as Snape's reaction at me telling everyone I wanted to die.
"I just want to REST in PEACE!" I cried out loud. Snape's eyes were set with fury. His pale face went red and NEVER in all my life was I so afraid of him as I was in that moment.
"You ungrateful little bastard." He spit the words in a low, barely controlled, scary as hell voice. For a moment I thought he was going to stab my eyeballs and pull them out like some kind of raven.
"He died to save you. He let that bitch kill him because of you and you, filthy coward, wants to throw his sacrifice away?" He screamed.
"What do YOU care!" I shouted back.
"It should have been me! Not her! Not anyone else! ME!" He was out of control I could see in his fevered eyes.
"Severus, that's ENOUGH!" Boomed Dumbledore getting in the room. That made Snape snap out of it. His eyes regained his lucid glean but he looked troubled as I have never seen.
"I... My apologies." He stuttered out. Professor Severus Snape stuttered. If that wasn't weird enough, he stuttered an apology, an APOLOGY. I felt like I was in some kind of crazy nightmare... But my crazy nightmare wasn't finished in that moment. When night fell, Snape stayed at the manor... The living room his elected lair and Sirius' chair, his elected nest. Now that I came to think of it, Snape really looked a lot like a dark, brooding bird of pray.
At midnight, when all the others had already retired to the night, I came to the kitchen for a glass of water. I couldn't help but notice Snape. The man was still sat on Sirius' favorite chair. On his left hand, a half drained bottle of Ogden's. He looked dreadful. His always-pristine clothes were a mess and he seemed to glare hatefully at the fire. Next to Snape's foot lay a second empty bottle.
"Danmed be you, cursed mutt." Grumbled Snape his voice slurred by the drink. "She 'ad no right. You 're mine hate. Mine to kill! Why didn' you obey'd me just this once when I told ya to stay put?" That was the ice cream's cherry. To end a perfectly bizarre day I learned Snape tried to keep Sirius safe.
"You... Bull 'ead..." The rambling went on, but stopped out of sudden. "That's't!" His eyes seemed to light with an answer to whatever question he was thinking of. I had stayed by the door of the living room all the time out of sheer curiosity. He took out of his robes pocket a small vile and downed the blue liquid in a swig. Soon enough, he was sober again.
"Mr. Potter, I know you are there. Come here." He said. His voice low. He should be hang over, I thought at the time. The Sober Up Potion only accelerates the effects of the alcohol in your body. At least this much I knew about potions. And evaluating the mood he was in all day, I hesitated.
"Come on, boy, I won't kill you." He said and sneered. "At least, not yet." I approached slowly and carefully, just as one would a wild dangerous animal. He looked straight in my eyes. "Do you care enough for that lousy excuse for a human being you call a godfather to do something totally illegal and condemned by Dumbledore?"
I thought for a moment.
"Finally someone's moving around here!" I said. He sneered and made me follow him.
It was about 3:30 in the morning when we finally got to our final destination. There I stood again, facing the veil, hearing its whispers... The whole room emanated death and my stomach still complained about the numerous travels we made through the floo network before getting there. Snape first went to Hogwarts to grab some old scroll from the Restricted Section that seemed like it would crumble to dust at any moment. After that we went up and down to people houses to gather a list of stuff that the scroll said it was needed. Some of the things strictly prohibited by the Ministry. Most of the people he went to see weren't happy to see him. He went collecting "favors", doing ANYTHING for what he needed... From blackmail to stealing, right through bribing and asking nicely!
As soon as we got there he concentrated in setting up the complicated ritual, now and then barking some instructions.
"May I ask what, exactly, is it all, sir?"
He assumed his lecturing voice. "Ariadne's Spell. It was designed by a lovesick fool who wanted to save his beloved from death by bringing her back from behind the veil. Just like Ariadne who entered the Minotaur's Labyrinth to save Teseus."
I looked at him thinking he had just gone totally nuts. "Sir, I know what it is, Hermione read about it... But... If I remember well, the guy who invented it never returned and... The other's who tried and did come back, went mad after the whole thing."
"I'm informed of that, Mr. Potter. It is also highly illegal." He said calmly, knowing fully well what he was doing. For a moment, I doubted that was the real Snape. He was RISKING himself for Sirius. And, come on, that is just what I would call SURREAL.
"Stop gaping at me, Potter, and stand between that candles." He pointed a pair of purple colored candles that burn a black flame. I went up to the candles and stood there as he positioned himself in the center of the intricate pattern he had drawn on the floor.
"Oh. Almost forgot." He said opening the first buttons of his high neck coats and his white shirt underneath. From the exposed neck hang a thin silver chain with a single human tooth dangling from it. He threw it to me. "It's the key to the spell. No matter what happen do not release it. Or instead of bringing Black back I'll keep him company."
I nodded and braced myself for what was to come. I heard him whisper the words for the spell, his lips moved feverishly, the words ringing in my ears without meaning. The drawing on the floor started to shine making a light curtain through which I couldn't see Snape. As soon as it lit the room the light was gone, as was Snape. From the tooth on my hand, though, there was a rope, made of a soft green light and it ended on the Veil archway.
For the first time in many years, I prayed for any god that would listen. 'Please... Help them...'
Snape opened his eyes and saw himself in darkness. He could see his limbs as if there was a light on them, but he could see nothing else but darkness, not even the floor where he stood. It felt like standing on nothingness. He walked a bit and realized his boots were making no sound. He listened more carefully and noted that not even his breath resounded in the place. It was unnaturally quiet. He cleared his throat, nothing. He took a deep breath, still nothing. He called out: "Hullo?", but even if his throat worked well and his lips moved, he heard nothing. Was he deaf? He didn't know but couldn't discard the possibility. Was it what it felt like? To be dead?
Not exactly. Said a strange man in a multicolored gown who came out of nowhere. Severus could hear the voice of the man but not his own even as he tried to ask who was the bastard.
Speech won't work. This plan of existence is for the soul, muscles, sweat, your body... All meaningless here. To be heard you shall put words on your thoughts. That was when Snape realized the man hadn't moved his lips.
So... Am I dead? the former Death Eater thought out loud.
As I said before, not exactly. First of all, you came through that door... The man pointed to the Veil archway that appeared out of nowhere. ...with this useless piece of meat. the man pointed to Snape's chest meaning his body. And, of course, the most important: THAT. Snape followed where the man indicated with his finger and saw that his shadow, instead of being invisible in the dark nothingness, it glowed softly in a tone of light green. And even more intriguing, was the fact that it ended in the Veil archway, though he felt as if it could stretch for miles and miles...
And it can. The man "said".
Not used to the condition yet, the professor tried to speak but once again failed.
What are you talking about? He enunciated in his thinking.
Your shadow can stretch for miles. You see, that thing is the spiritual manifestation of Ariadne's Spell. That's what you used to get in, right?
Snape raised an eyebrow to that, how did he know?
Don't forget. I can read you thinking. To avoid that you have to raise a mental barrier. The man answered to his thought kindly.
Severus closed his mind expertly and kind of soundly, like a warning to his mind's intruder.
Don't be so shrew. I've been helping, right? The man said.
You remind me a lot of someone.
I don't have time for this. Severus said and tried to walk away... But where could he go? He remembered the reason he had walked through the Veil, but the man in the multicolored gown could no longer see or hear his thoughts and thus could no longer see the memories of tall, lanky, dark-haired man with a haunted look.
I thought so. Said the man. No breathing man comes here on vacation. But without my advice you won't get anywhere. What do you seek?
Severus eyed him suspiciously. Should he tell? Should he trust? He looked around and saw only dark. He had no other choice.
I seek a man. Thin with short dark hair and blue eyes.
It's no use to tell me what he looks like. He can look however he likes in here. The man's clothing morphed in a dark blue kimono. Severus decided to try the trick. He concentrated in imagining himself without the Dark Mark. He pulled up his sleeve and it was still there.
You mustn't imagine it. You must believe it.
I'm a potions man, not the kind of person who believes things unless it is proved manticore blood + dragon nail.
You sound like a muggle scientist. The man said and smiled at him. Severus just quirked an eyebrow.
The point is: I'm no believer. Severus said.
You'll learn to be. People never get out of here unchanged, you know... Now come, we have to find your friend.
To Snape's surprise the man "ripped" the "fabric" of the darkness surrounding them like it was the cloth of a tent. The hole led to a sunflowers field. The sun was hot and Severus started to sweat almost instantly. It was a beautiful place though. Even if it was hot. He looked back and the rip through which they came was gone. They walked the field in silence for a moment, the yellow flowers brushing Severus' dark clothes and caressing his hands, he wiped his forehead with a white handkerchief.
Stop doing that. It's not hot. It's only someone believing it is. Everything here is based on will. Carmen... He pointed to a beautiful brunet in a red dress that smiled and held her white hat. ...Likes it hot. But your will is your own. Believe its cooler and it will be for you.
I believe what I see and I see a hot sun in the sky, burning my skin and making me sweat.
Suit yourself, Saint Thomas. Changing the subject... what kind of man is this friend of yours? The man asked serious.
He is no friend of mine. Severus grumbled. But if you need to know, he is self-centered, arrogant, proud, selfish, insufferable, inconsequent, irresponsible, inconvenient...
And why does such a gross man deserves what you are doing for him?
Snape looked at the man, his eyes guarded by his occlumency.
He doesn't. I'm doing this so that I can kill him after. The man laughed downright at his words. Severus, on his behalf, only raised an eyebrow.
I'm sorry... Said the man still laughing. But sometimes you living people are very funny. And, oh God... his fit went on. What a terrible liars... Snape snorted at that.
Just one last thing... If you want to find him quickly, I need an honest answer. The man said controlling himself. Do you think he has a good heart even being such a bastard?
The former Death Eater grunted and felt his cheeks red.
Yes. He whispered. Come again? Said the man. YES, yes, the bastard has a good heart! Severus answered.
Then come with me.
The man opened a new rip in the "fabric" of the sunflower field. They came through the hole and found themselves in a deserted wasted terrain in which nothing could grow. There was nothing around for miles but a huge iron gate that stood in the middle of a solid tall wall made of stone. The gate had an inscription in classical Latin: "Sinners". Severus looked questioningly at the man.
Is this hell? Snape "voiced" his question.
Kind of. You see, there are dead people too attached to their former lives. They feel so guilty about things they had done before dying that they don't allow themselves to rest. They lock themselves behind these gates and their minds find the cruelest ways of punishing them.
The potions professor shook his head. Black won't be there. He is the one person who will never feel guilty over nothing. He affirmed based on his many years of "Black Management".
The man looked deep in his eyes. That man's gaze was so old in that moment, so heavy, with so much knowledge and suffering... Severus caught himself trusting this man's judgment almost as much as he trusted Albus' and for a moment this trust was clear in Snape's eyes. The man, understanding this silent offering, opened the heavy gate as if was a simple door. Behind the gates there were mountains... Mountains full of caves.
We should start looking. Each cave is a person's personal hell. If you see anything familiar...
Severus almost despaired. There were thousands of caves! What if they didn't found Black? He felt in his chest a constricting pain... A feeling of fatalism that had been his companion since the day he heard the words spoken gruffly by Mad Eye: "You can close the door, Molly. Black is not coming back."
This was no time to panic, he knew. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 'I'll find him.' He thought to himself and never before in his life was he so sure of something. Despair was gone. Pain was gone. He wasn't trying to convince himself that he would find Black. He KNEW he would, simple as he knew arsenic was poison.
The man in blue kimono watched as he led the way and understood. Understood that Severus knew the way as if he had already been there a thousand times. His faith flooded him and the man's words came back to him. 'I'm no believer.' 'You'll learn to be.'
The cave in which Snape knew Black was took them to another part of that reality. It was a dark moonless, starless night. A building stood in front of them. It was Grimmuald Place but wasn't. It looked stronger, darker.
Looks like the one you seek hates this place most of all.
It comes as no surprise. Severus said imagining how hard it was to Black to be locked up in that house after breaking out of Azkaban. Then was when they heard screams. A child's voice it was. His professor streak kicked in and he ran to the door. As he opened it he saw the scene: the house looked lived in, the portraits weren't covered and Mrs. Black, in flesh and blood, dragged a young dark haired boy across the entrance hall.
"Mother! No! Please, I swear I'll be good! It will never happen again!" pleaded the boy he suddenly recognized as Black. He felt a cold hand gripping his heart as he saw the woman, ignoring the boy's pleas, grab a bamboo stick and beat the boy drawing angry read marks on his back. Severus made to intervene but was stopped by the man in blue kimono.
You shall not. The boy is not the real one. You must find the real one, the one that holds his core. The man led them to the second floor. The scene that greeted them in the first room of the hallway was as follows: four dementors surrounding a thin to the bone, kneeling Black. They were sucking his happiness, his life, his very soul. Still the man took Severus out of the room.
Not real yet. Said the man as they kept going to the next room. Snape was dreading the opening of the next door. For fuck's sake he couldn't take more of Black's self-imposed punishment. But even if he couldn't take that was what awaited him in the next room. Twenty-two-year-old James and Lily Potter, forty-year-old Lupin and fifteen-year-old Harry Potter... All dying in front of a bound Sirius Black.
Wrong room again. The man took him out of there swiftly. He knew Severus was having a hard time dealing with all that but said nothing. Snape also said nothing. He knew he had to keep his cool to take Black out of there with him.
The next door was the biggest surprise. Snape saw himself, young in one side of the room old as he was at the time at the other, but all facades of himself with the same purpose. They were all pitting Black sincerely. And he saw that, to Black, that hurt as much as all the other situations.
Talk to him. That's the real him. But I must warn you now. Even if you found him, you have to convince him to follow you. He must go of his own accord. Snape's traveling companion explained to him. Snape on his turn, stopped and weighted his options, chose his arguments. Closed his eyes again, took another deep breath and sneered at Black's face.
Black, how pathetic do you think I am in that deranged mind of yours? I couldn't care less for your crying fits, you disgusting mutt. Severus had to put all of his acting skill and all of his control to give a scorning laugh. I knew it. I told Albus but did he listen to me? Nooo. 'Black is a good soldier.' Good soldier... He shook his head slowly as part of the role-playing of himself. Severus never thought it could be that hard. A useless wreck, say I. You are not even capable of a staying alive in order to keep your brat of a godson happy!
Black, who had been on the floor in his misery, raised himself, his eyes burning with fury as a pair of torches of blue fire.
You'll swallow word by word, Snivellus.
Come and make me. It was all it took to get Black to jump at Snape intending on beating that sneer out of Severus' face. The latter dodged and ran for it. The man in blue kimono laughed at the scene and ripped reality once more. Snape dove through the hole and got to the place where it all started. The darkness without sound. Black at his heels. When the man in blue kimono passed through the hole, he still got a glimpse of Black falling through the Veil... Again.
How did you do that? He asked Severus.
Tripped him. Came the answer from smirking lips.
That was low...
Just remembering school days.
The man looked at Severus in the eyes, his gaze once again so sad. You are a very intelligent man. I envy you, Saint Thomas.
I would have done nothing without your assistance. I must thank you.
You really want to?
Enjoy this blessing then. You love him to the point of mad hatred and that saved him. You want to thank me, be with him. Said the man sincerely.
Why did you help me? Snape inquired.
Because you reminded me of myself in the beginning... I created Ariadne's Spell. To bring my wife back...
Severus saw in a flashback the sunflower field. The woman in red, Carmen.
But she never followed you. Severus finished in a whisper. The man nodded.
You must go now. And make sure to thank me properly. It was Severus turn to nod. I will. And with these words Severus crossed to the world of the living.
Sirius opened his eyes slowly, his head hurting like hell. His face and chest against the cold stone floor. He groaned.
"Sirius... Are you awake?" Harry's voice.
"Uh... no?" He answered from the floor and slowly tried to sit. "Crap... My head..." He felt Harry's Invisibility Cloak slid off of him. They were at the Veil Room at the Ministry. Snape was nowhere to be seen. Even with his head pounding he did not forget what happened behind the Veil. He had to speak with Snape.
"Sirius, we have to go... NOW." The urgent tone in Harry's voice finally got his attention.
"Out of here. Come on, under the Cloak." He did as he was told and they swiftly and silently exited the building through one of the emergency exits. They found themselves in an alley, the timid sun graying the sky. As soon as they were out Harry got out of the Cloak and got a cab so they could both go back to Grimmuald Place. On the back sit, Harry looked at where he knew Sirius was sat and whispered so that only his godfather could hear. "Good to have you back." The boy smiled without even noticing it.
"It's good to be back." Was the whispered reply.
An awkward silence hanged in the air when they finally stood in the front yard of number 12 Grimmuald Place, Sirius still under the Invisibility Cloak. He dreaded the idea of being imprisoned again in the danmed place that looked dark even in the light of the morning. Even so, he knew it was all he could do. Snape's words echoed in his mind: "You are not even capable of staying alive in order to keep that brat of a godson happy."
Snape... The slimy git had saved him, had brought him back from hell, had entered hell for him... Why? Why the hell? Now Sirius owned the man. Owned him his life. Sirius hated owning anything to anyone... But he shouldn't think about that at the moment. First he should find out what was going on.
As soon as they reached the House of Black, Sirius rushed to the Dining Room where a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix was being held. Taking the invisibility cloak in front of all of them he said:
"What the fuck is happening here? Where is Snape!"
All eyes were on him in an instant. The owners of said eyes still not quite grasping what a dead man could be doing asking for answers. Remus' smile was bigger than his face. Albus looked at Sirius over the rim of his half-moon glasses. That somewhat calmed the younger man.
"Calm down, my boy. Come and sit with us. We are to discuss just that."
The Order sat around the Dining Table looking expectantly to Dumbledore .
"Most of you must be wondering what exactly is Sirius doing here." Some of them nodded.
"Harry, would you care to explain or shall I? Severus, left a letter about his atempt." Said the old man.
"Er... Please do, sir." Said the boy.
"Well, Sirius was brought back from the dead by a very complicated spell. It's called Ariadne's Spell." Some faces showed recognition and Dumbledore went on. "As many of you know, Ariadne's Spell had never worked before and therefore was considered dark magic for the number of victims it made. Severus, though was not one of these victims." Sirius was relieved at knowing for sure Snape wasn't dead because of him. "And we are looking at his success." Albus gave Sirius a pointed look and all the assembly looked at him.
"Where is he, then?" Asked Lupin wondering, Sirius knew the expert in Defense Against the Dark Arts was dying to ask Snape how the spell worked.
Dumbledore's eyes didn't twinkle as he answered. "He was caught in the act. The Ministry found him in the Veil Room before he could escape or hide as Harry and Sirius did. He is in Azkaban now."
Sirius was on his feet before he even realized and the words dripped from his mouth without him controlling it. "I'll lead the rescue," he said. When he stopped to think it through, it was just fair. It was his duty to save Snape. The man had saved his life the sooner he paid his debt the better.
Albus looked at him with so much pain deep in his no-longer-twinkling eyes that Sirius just knew what he was going to say. "There will be no rescue."
"Albus, he will go mad!" Sirius pleaded.
"We can't blow his cover. Voldemort would hunt him down..." Some of the wizards closed his eyes still thinking what was worse: madness or death...
"Sirius, he is a strong man." Dumbledore said as if reassuring not only the animagus but also himself.
"Yes, he is." Sirius said in a low voice to himself.
That same afternoon, with his plan in mind he readied himself in him room. It wouldn't be easy, but he had escaped from Azkaban once, to free someone else couldn't be that difficult could it? And being alone people could think Snape escaped on his own.
"Death must be a really hot chick for you to go chasing her so quickly after leaving her for just some ours." He recognized the voice, the accent... He could even picture the expression on the face of his long-time friend without even looking at him.
Sirius finally looked at Remus. "He saved my life."
"Yes. And 'you own him. And you hate owning people.'" Lupin completed Sirius train of thought. "I already know that, Padfoot. I was just hoping that I could make you change your mind."
"You know me too well, Moony."
"Yes. And I know that what you meant to say with that sentence is that I'm losing my time and you'll go anyway. Am I right?" Questioned half heartedly.
"Yes." Answered the animagus.
"Then I'll be thinking in a way to cover up your absence tomorrow."
Sirius eyes lit up with gratitude for his friend. Remus face was solemn even so.
"Be sure to come back in one piece, ok?" Said the werewolf.
"I will. Thanks, Moony."
"You own me that." Remus winked at him and smiled, leaving the room.
Later on, just before he left he heard the door open and shut slowly. Sirius looked at the famous pair of spectacles of his godson.
"'Et tu, Harry?'"
"Thought you'd need this." Harry said as he approached and put a knife on the mattress beside Sirius bag in which lay a helmet. The knife Sirius recognized as the one he had given Harry before he died, the one, which could open any lock.
"I gave it to you. It was a gift." Sirius said with the knife in his hands.
"I know and I'm not giving it back. I'm lending it to you. So you'd better bring it back. And Snape as well. He cares about you, I've seen it when he performed Ariadne's Spell." Harry was very serious about this, not a smile graced his lips as he spoke.
"Don't give me that." Sirius said trying to lift up the mood.
"Ok, I don't. Just bring Snape back." His godson said with no emotion.
"I thought you didn't like him."
"I don't but Draco does... And you too... Even if you don't understand it." Harry said and left, leaving behind a flagbastered Sirius. 'Harry and Malfoy? Together? Snape and himself saving each other?Yes, the Wheel of the World's End had started its turning.'
Hidden in the shadows Sirius watched.
His blood ran cold in his veins. Azkaban's gates glared at him from their place on the only road of that forsaken island. Dementors floated around the building that stood tall on top of the slope, their presence like ice, was colder than the freezing sea water he had braved swimming all the way from the country. He was tired, cold and in the 2nd. place he most hated in this world. His mind, though, kept telling him, 'you own him that'. He put on the helmet he had made Mundungus Fletcher smuggle all the way from the Norway to him before he died and continued his way.
The last door.
The last fucking door in the end of the last fucking stairs in the last fucking tower of the danmed building. Only he could be so "lucky", Sirius thought to himself. He used the knife Harry lended him to open quietly the door to Snape's cell.
As soon as he entered, it hit him. HARD. A wave of psychic power. Sirius swooned face first on the floor. Why anyone hadn't bothered telling him Snape was such a powerful legimenes? Was the last thing he thought before passing out.
When Sirius opened his eyes again he was looking at a younger version of himself that was making fun of him and he felt upside down. This young Sirius was calling him Snivellus and he was feeling so ashamed that he just wanted the floor to swallow him whole. He knew his underwear was showing and everybody was looking at him and his underwear was old and that was because he didn't have any money to buy a new one. A pureblooded wizard: poor... Danmed Black! Danmed Potter!
That was when he understood. He was reliving Snape's worst moments from Snape's point of view.
The image fogged and he was in the Slytherin Common Room and everyone was laughing again, and Lucius was just saying them all how low the Snape family had gone... Buying second hand books and uniforms. Begging to borrow gold from Gringotts, selling lands... Then he, Lucius again, face flustered, eyes shut in pleasure. He was violating Snape. Black felt his anger rise inside and the taste of bile in his mouth sickened him even more.
The image fogged again. He saw Snape's mother. Her eyes filled with silent tears as she parted with her heirloom jewelry. Her big dark eyes once again filled with tears, this time despaired tears trying to protect him from his own father, who was drunk and was hitting him far harder than he ever had. Once more he saw her beautifulk dark eyes, this time lifeless, his father at the other end of the killing curse. Now Sirius was crying and Snape's pain too great.
Once again Sirius was taken by the fog to another memory. His left arm burned to the bone. He met a pair of blue gleaming eyes and he knew this was Severus Initiation Ceremony. He saw the Dark Mark on Snape's pale arm. It scared Sirius and he knew Snape had been scared at that moment too.
More fog, he saw that same arm cast the Avada Kedavra, he saw it cast the Cruciatus, he saw it brew poisons and he knew Snape was sickened and that he couldn't bear it. He knew now that every time Snape had killed he had cried and he, Sirius, felt his guilt and it was as crushing as his own about James and Lily's death.
More fog, much older now. The day of Sirius own death. "You can close the door, Molly, Black is not coming back." Mad Eye had said. Sirius saw how that words had made no sense to Snape how the pain had made no sense, how he had simply gone crazy with that. In Snape's mind Sirius heard the words over and over like a mantra it should have been me, it should have been me...
He knew he had to do something, to go back to the plan. He focused on now. Severus despair... Fucking dementors... The man was like a wild beast just like Sirius himself would be if he had not used the helmet he wore at that moment. The Helmet of Odin, the only thing in the world that could make someone "invisible" to a Dementor.
Wave after wave of Severus despair hit him and he had to concentrate hard not to lose focus.
He calmed himself as if meditating but this time instead of reaching himself, he reached for Snape. He let feelings of gratitude and... so much more, he realized, reach the core of the man, he let these feelings soothe, caress the tormented mind and soul... He felt the waves of projected pain lessen and disappear, leaving just an unconscious man lying on the floor.
Sirius was asleep in his seat by the bed of his own room in Grimmuald Place when he heard the question.
"Why did you do it?"
The questioner's voice was week from the bed. Snape's pale face looking him straight in the eye.
"Same reason you did. Why did YOU do it?" Sirius answered calmly.
"..." Severus couldn't force himself to speak.
"Don't give me that shit. Why?" Sirius pressed on.
"You know why." Was Severus answer.
"I would need to be blind and retarded not to know. I just want to hear it from your mouth."
"I'm so sorry to disappoint you." Snape smiled sarcastically as he sat on the bed. The mood lifted... And both knew what that was all about and why.
"Bastard..." Sirius smiled softly at him. His feelings filling his blue eyes with light. "And you think you can get your wicked way with me without even that?" Sirius jested.
"Yes." Severus answered arrogantly.
"You are so fucking right." Sirius inclined his body and kissed Severus fully on the mouth.
Of the FIRST turn.