Notes: It would help if you've seen "Partners". If you haven't, DNAmy is the one who gave Monkey Fist his genetically altered monkey hands and feet, and she's kinda sweet on him. (insert shudder here)
Summary: When a 'baby ray' turns Kim into a toddler, Monique and Ron have to take care of her for a weekend. So NOT a good time for Monkey Fist and DNAmy to drop by.
On Board, Baby
(Third in the "On" Series)
A Kim Possible Fanfic by
Nate Grey (XMAN0123-at-aol-dot-com)
Monique couldn't shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong.
Kim and Ron had disappeared shortly after lunch, almost certainly on another mission to save the world.
Now, though, it was well after midnight, and she hadn't gotten the usual call from Kim confirming that they were both at home, safe and sound. It was something they'd only started recently, now that Monique had her own personal Kimmunicator. Ron might've forgotten to call, but Kim never had. So something had to be really wrong.
To make things worse, a thunderstorm had rolled in, and showed no signs of stopping any time soon. Monique had considered the possibility that the storm was keeping Kim from calling, but with the near-unlimited access Wade had to advanced technology, it didn't seem all that likely. And with the rain constantly pounding at her window, and the thunder booming loudly overhead every few minutes, Monique thought she might go mad before she finally got the call she was waiting for.
She never did get the call, but that was fine, since she got something much better...or worse, depending on how one looked at it.
Around two in the morning, the rain pounding on her window gradually turned into a rapid tapping, which then turned into outright knocking. Monique looked up to see the soaked face of Ron pressed against the window. She ran over and threw it open, allowing Ron to stumble in and get rainwater all over her floor.
"Ron, what happened?" she asked as she pulled off his wet jacket. "Where's Kim?"
"We got...big trouble," Ron gasped, still trying to catch his breath.
Monique suddenly noticed the oversized backpack on his back, especially when it shook slightly. "Oh, poor Rufus! He must be soaked!" She tore open the backpack and got the shock of her life.
Instead of the expected sight of a cold, wet naked role mat, what greeted Monique's widening eyes was a cold, wet two year-old girl. A very familiar looking two year-old girl, in fact.
"Oh my Lord," she breathed. "Kim!"
The little girl blinked and turned startlingly green eyes on her. They lit up at once with recognition, and the girl's small, slightly chubby fingers reached out for her eagerly.
Monique carefully picked up the toddler and held her at arm's length. "Kim?" she whispered again, holding the girl closer to her face.
The toddler grabbed two small fistfuls of Monique's hair. "Mo-Mo!" she shrieked happily.
Monique felt the girl's round little face with a trembling hand, then reached up to pat the two tiny pigtails in her red hair.
"Had a run-in with Professor Dementor," Ron explained. "He shot KP with this funky ray, and the next thing I knew, she started shrinking. I got her out of there while he was doing the whole evil laugh, and we went straight to the nearest Smarty Mart, since none of her clothes would fit anymore." He paused to take a breath. "Do you know how hard it is to dress a squirmy toddler while you're looking the other way? I swear I put the pink overalls on her backwards at least twice."
Monique shook her head. "Ron, we have to tell Kim's mom."
"What? NO! We can't tell Mrs. P! She'll kill me!"
"Ron, it wasn't your fault. And she's a brain surgeon! We have to know if this ray had any negative affects on poor Kim's brain! I mean, you see what it did to her body!"
"But I really think she's okay!" Ron argued weakly. "She knows us, she just translates everything into toddler talk. Here, I'll show you." He waved to get Kim's attention. "KP, who am I?" he asked, pointing at himself.
"Wonnie!" Kim squealed, bopping him on the nose with a little fist.
"OW!" Ron stepped back, clutching his nose. "And who's that?" he asked, pointing at Monique.
"MO-MO!" Kim cried loudly, waving her arms.
"And who fits in your pocket, huh?"
"Woofus!" Kim said proudly, beaming at him.
"See? She knows our names, she just can't say them right. Perfectly normal for a toddler, right? Right?"
"I guess," Monique admitted. "But we need to know for sure that she's okay. This is Kim we're talking about, Ron. Do you really want to risk not knowing if something else is wrong?"
His face fell. "No," he said quietly.
"Don't worry, no one will blame you. Anyway, Kim's family is at that big science conference in Washington, remember? They won't be back for a few days, so we've got some time to figure this all out. Call Wade and tell him everything that went down. I'll find some way to keep Kim entertained."
Kim apparently liked the idea of being entertained, because she got so excited that she let herself go. Literally. All over Monique.
"I was wondering where she put that Mega Gulp from earlier," Ron murmured hesitantly.
Monique glared at him. "You bought her clothes and a Mega Gulp, but no diapers?"
"Hey, the KP we know and love is potty trained! How was I supposed to know?"
"Ron, she's TWO!" Monique hissed. "EVERYTHING gets translated into toddler, not just words! Even if she knows better, she can't help it!"
"So what do we do?"
"YOU are going back to Smarty Mart for diapers and other assorted baby products. And call Wade, he should be able to help you come up with a shopping list. I'm going to get Kim cleaned up."
"But...won't you have to...y'know...undress her?" Ron asked.
"Yeah. What's your point?" Monique asked.
"Won't that a be a little...awk-weird? I mean, it's still Kim."
"Yes, but she's two. She needs this, and if I were hit by a baby ray, she'd do the same for me."
"Okay, but how likely is that?"
"Ron, just go. I feel a headache coming on, and you don't want to be here when that happens."
"Right. I'll just, uh, use the front door this time. Wet trees do not a good climbing tool make." He hurried out of the room.
Monique sighed and looked into Kim's innocent eyes. "Kim, because you're two, and you're my girl, I'll overlook this little accident. But in the future, let's try a little advance warning. You have to go, you let me know. Okay?"
"Okies," Kim replied, looking as serious as a toddler could.
Monique shook her head. "I hope Wade figures this out fast. You are too cute, and I've got a bad feeling I could get used to this."
Kim pulled open the big pocket on the front of her overalls. "Woofus sleep," she said, revealing a snoring hairless rodent.
"I'm glad one of us is getting some sleep tonight," Monique sighed. "Now let's hope changing diapers isn't as complicated as men make it seem..."
Only ten minutes later, Monique ran into her first real baby problem. The cleaning (hers and Kim's) had been fairly easy, but now she was stuck. Her house was very much diaper-free, and Ron still wasn't back yet. But she could hardly let Kim just sit there with her bottom hanging out. Kim could catch a chill, or be encouraged by the freedom to make an even bigger mess.
Monique had improvised with a large wad of super absorbent paper towels. Kim didn't care for the way they felt on her skin, but fortunately, tickling and numerous belly raspberries easily distracted her. Even Rufus was doing his part by doubling as a rat plushie, but fortunately, Kim seemed to appreciate the difference.
When Ron finally did return, Monique could understand what had taken so long. He hadn't known what size or type of diaper to buy, so he'd bought them all (at insanely low prices). There was even a box of adult diapers.
"And why would Kim need those?" Monique asked.
"They're for me," Ron explained, which earned him a blank look. "Hey, what if she wets on me while I'm here? What am I supposed to wear?"
"Ron, are you trying to say you would rather walk home in a diaper than in one of my old t-shirts?"
"Yes," Ron said firmly.
Monique shook her head. "Sorry I asked. What did Wade have to say?"
"He's going to try tracking down the baby ray. If he can't do that, he'll try making one that can reverse the process. Until then, he thinks we should be Kim's primary caregivers. I thought we could take turns."
"Toddlers are fussy, Ron, and they don't believe in turns. So if Kim says 'Wonnie' at 2 A.M., guess who I'm calling?"
"Aw, no way, Monique! That's just plain unreasonable! What can I do at 2 A.M. that I can't do at, say, 6 P.M.?"
"Well, I guess we're going to find out, Mr. Stoppable. Because until further notice, you will now be known as Kim's Daddy."
"But I'm not ready to be a father!" Ron whined.
"And I don't think Kim was ready to be a toddler again, but she's dealing, and so will you."
"How am I supposed to deal! When I left the house yesterday, I was a slightly awkward teenager! Now I'm knee-deep in a marriage with a kid! It's too much!"
"Don't think of it as taking care of a family. Think of it as looking out for Kim. After all the times she's saved your life, I would think you could give up three days for her, Ron."
Ron sighed. "But what if I screw up? KP will have to live with it for the rest of her life!"
"With any luck, Kim's natural toughness will come through even now. So as long as you don't start throwing bricks at her head, I think she'll be okay. But she still has to be watched every second."
"But that's like all the time!"
"Ron, you've spent over half your life with Kim. I think it's a bit late to decide you don't want to be around her anymore."
"She wasn't spitting up and peeing on me then!"
Monique decided to put her foot down then and there. "Ron, I'm going to say this only once. You'd better hope Kim doesn't remember how you're acting when she's back to normal. And even if she doesn't, I'm going to tell her."
"You wouldn't!" Ron gasped.
"If I'm going to be losing beauty sleep over Kim while you snore, then you better believe I would. Raising a little person generally works out better when there's two parents. Especially when those parents love and protect her. And if only for three days, you are going to love and protect Kim like she was a baby Stoppable. Because if you don't, I'll do something that would normally be beneath me."
Ron watched as she walked over to her dresser and picked up her Kimmunicator.
"I'll call Shego."
His eyes widened. "NO! I'LL BE THE DADDY, I'LL BE THE DADDY!"
"Much better." She opened a package of diapers and tossed one to Ron. "Slap that on her while I try to find something for her to eat."
Ron looked uneasily at the diaper, and then at Kim, who was trying to stick her toes in her mouth without much success. "Rufus, you gotta help me out here. Lead me by touch so I don't feel or see anything I shouldn't."
Rufus nodded and grabbed Ron's hand.
A moment later, Ron touched something that couldn't be his target. "Rufus, that don't feel like a leg!"
"Sorry! She moved," Rufus squeaked.
Ron took a deep breath. "AAAAAHHHHH!"
Kim giggled and kicked at Ron's thumb, very much amused.
Next Chapter: Monique gets into her 'mommy' role, and Shego pays Professor Dementor a visit.