A/N: Okay….I realize that Usagi is not portrayed as being too very bright. Especially in fan fiction. But let's give the girl a little credit here. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of book smarts, but she is going to be queen some day so obviously she's not that dumb. That's what I'm getting at here. That and the natural insecurities that I think she's bound to feel when in such a seemingly unmatched relationship, not to mention the fact that she's having to save the world on a regular basis…
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any Sailor Moon affiliates. Sailor Moon is property of Nayako Takeuchi and the last thing I want is to infringe on Takeuchi-san's rights.
Their plan had been a simple one. A nice romantic dinner at a little known restaurant, some quiet talk about the wedding and a few murmured conversation over their future life together. The night would be ended with him dropping her off at her parent's house, kissing her goodnight in one of those 'we're alone' kisses that he saved for those special moments like that and then her going to bed to dream of that recently spoke of future together.
That is, until the thunderstorm wracked Tokyo and everything had quickly become coated in a thick sheet of rain. The town was drenched in seconds after the initial cloud had broken. But that was okay too…she was already at his apartment when the dark clouds had rolled in and they came up with a new plan, just as simple and as romantic as the first…maybe even cozier, which she preferred. She would find a movie on pay-per-view and he'd make popcorn. They'd curled up on the couch and nestle together while the movie played, maybe with the lights off. Halfway through the movie he would probably reach over and turn on the side table lame, sneak his book from the coffee table and read while she finished the movie and popcorn. But that was okay. It was…comfortable…to be together in that way.
Unfortunately, that plan had come to naught also. She'd been flipping through the guide channel, looking for the perfect 'us time' movie while he waited for the microwave to beep, indicating that the popcorn was done, when the lights flickered, dimmed, then went out all together just as a particularly loud crack of thunder sounded over head. With a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, she gingerly remembered why she didn't like storms…
Now, an hour later, they sat on his couch, her leg's draped over his lap and his arms wrapped around her while she laid her head on his chest, listening to the steady 'badum, badum' of his heartbeat which calmed her nerves. She didn't like storms, was terrified of them, in fact, if she was to be totally honest, and he knew that and had accordingly brought her into his lap, holding her safe against the stark bursts of lightening and vicious roars of thunder. For that she was grateful.
Theirs was a relationship that spanned three lifetimes - this only being their second, of course. It had been several millennia since their last encounter with each other and they had only been together for such a brief time, but it had been such an amazing time…she remembered it fully now…and they had loved each other so deeply that not even the death that physically tore them from one another could end that love. She supposed that was why when they had been reborn in this preset time, they had searched so adamantly (without really knowing it) for each other. And though she could see who he used to be so strongly within him (he had changed very little, really), she couldn't help but wonder if he could still see her prior self inside of her…she certainly could not. There were similarities of course., her looks had changed little from one life to the next and she still carried the same passion for life that had been part of her before, but that seemed to be where the parallels ended and yet…yet…he wanted to be with her. He would never leave her, that much she knew because she had seen the future. She had seen with her own tear filled eyes the two of them together in that next life.
But why did he want her?
It was a question that had not only risen in her own mind every once in a blue moon, but had been voiced aloud by others, who were now nameless, from time to time. Yes, he loved her. Yes, she accepted it and returned it and knew without a doubt that it was true. And, yes, she knew with complete certainty that nothing would ever change the way she felt about him.
But what did he see in her?
Kami-sama, but she hated storms.
The candles that he'd found and lit scattered across the table and side tables, casting an eerie shadow on their surroundings and hid his eyes from her beneath his thick bangs as she looked up to see his face. She was amazingly self conscious thought hardly anyone around her, even those closest to her, couldn't particularly see it and she managed to put up an amazingly realistic front, acting as if her faults were not big deal really. And they really weren't. She wasn't perfect and she knew it. So did everyone else around her. There was no reason to hide that fact and she couldn't have if she'd tried.
She was lazy, sleeping until late into the morning when she had the chance. It irritated her mother and father to no en and irked her friends because that only led to her second fault: tardiness. Rarely was she ever on time for any function or scheduled event despite the fact that she has been working so hard to remedy that particular flaw.
She was overly emotional. She knew it, he knew it, everyone knew it. She cold cry at the drop of a hat. Jealousy flared up at the slightest invocation. Hopelessness and anger were just a few of the emotions that could well so deeply within her and burst forth only to be forgotten seconds later and be replaced with something equally as passionate.
She wasn't really smart. Her grades were horrible and she didn't particularly care for school. She'd only ever managed to pass just enough to keep moving ahead until she could graduate high school and do something with her life…but then, that was just another fault she had. The only thing she had been able to study without becoming to frustrated over her lack of ability or knowledge, was fashion…well, there was always food, but she was a horrible cook and though she couldn't sew to save her life, she had always had a knack for creating cute ensembles. That's why she had decided to major in fashion design. Besides….she was going to be a queen someday…did she really need a career?
Fear spiked through her at that thought. Fear…another one of those emotions that tended to overcome her. She was going to be a queen….she was going to be someone that an entire society would honor and respect and look to as a guide and a leader. She had barely been able to act as a leader to the senshi…how could she be a queen? Self doubt flared again and she closed her eyes with a heavy sigh.
But everyone seemed so happy when we were there, she thought, trying to reassure herself. I obviously didn't screw up that bad…and she…I mean….I…seemed so different…I was like…my mother…both of them…mama and hime-okaa-sama. That me…she didn't look like someone who slept to long or ate to much or didn't study enough…she looked like ….like….royalty.
Lightening flashed again, lighting the room for a split second and she could see his face. He looked peaceful, his eyes closed, but she could tell he wasn't sleeping.
But I don't understand. How did I change? When? When will I be someone who deserves to have him love them? When will I be someone who can make them all proud? When will I be someone that she can look up too? The mental image of a little girl with sugar pink hair and bright red eyes flashed in her mind and she smiled again. The little brat was annoying to say the least, but she couldn't ignore the spark of pride that she felt thinking of the child. Her futuristic daughter was a perfect embodiment of them both, carrying both of their best qualities.
"Mamo-chan?" She felt the need to whisper, for some reason, in the dark.
His eyes opened and looked down at her. "Hmm?"
It was a stupid question, she realized then, to ask someone why they loved you when you knew it didn't really matter why they did, just that they did. Miracles don't need explanations. They just simply are. "I love you." She wrapped her arms tighter around his torso and sighed, closing her eyes, finally content.
His lips gently brushed her forehead and one hand temporarily left her waist to raise to the odangos atop her head and undo the pins that held them in place so that she could rest, unhindered. Her hair cascaded down, untwisting, and falling in long golden waves across his arm and onto the couch cushion behind her, some falling over the edge to pool at his feet. She could feel the warm moistness of his breath tickle her forehead and ruffle her bangs. "I love you too, Usako." His voice was barely above a whisper.
She smiled. He loved her. The gentle words that he rarely spoke aloud (what need had they for words after all) was enough to quell the fear that had plagued her only minutes before and she could rest easily now. The way his arms slackened their hold of her and the gentle rise and fall of his chest told her he was a sleep and she opened her eyes once more, raising her chin to look at him before planting a soft kiss on his jaw. I can't promise anything close to perfection, but I can promise that I will love you no matter what. Even if that future doesn't come, I'll be happy with the past we had…and the present that we have now. This, she yawned and closed her eyes again, snuggling closer to him as she started to drift asleep herself, this is enough…
1. Kami-sama - god
2. Hime-okaa-sama - Okay, Hime is princess, okaa is mother, and sama is a very respectful tag added to names/titles. Basically this is my idea of what Usagi might call the former Queen Serenity.
3. Chan - a friendly tag added to the names of those younger than you or someone you are particularly close to.
4. …ko - 'ko' is sometimes added to girl's names instead of the chan tag. Most people refer to Usagi as Usagi or Usagi-chan, but Mamoru calls her Usako. It's a pet name.