Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist, one do you really think this wouldn't be an episode? and two, there would be a lot more EdXRoy.

Author's Note: This idea came from reading A superdooper happy funtastic week, by Harada Risa.

Um, if I manage to put in any pairings, RoyXEd (definitely), AlXHawkeye (possibly)

This is a crack fic.


I'll Be Fuhrer

Chapter One: Too Much of A Good Thing

"Lieutenant, I need some coffee," Roy said as he signed another paper.

"Sir, I think you've had too much coffee this morning," Hawkeye said. "If you don't stop drinking it, you'll have to pee really bad later."

Roy giggled, "You said pee."

Riza Hawkeye knew something was wrong and was about to grab her gun when a blue dash flew by and towards the break room.

She fallowed the streak and was amazed by the amount of coffee Roy was drinking. He was drinking the whole contents of a full industrial sized coffee maker. That wasn't the worst part, he had dumped a full bag of sugar into the mix.

Five Minutes Later

After Roy Mustang finished the coffee he got a crazy look in his eye. Riza Hawkeye did something she rarely did, she retreated, hastily. She needed reinforcements.

Meanwhile, it wasn't a very good idea to leave a hyper alchemist to his own devices in the middle of the break room.

"NOW I CAN PUT MY PLAN INTO ACTION," Roy shouted laughing manically. He grabbed all the sporks he could find and then cried, "There isn't enough."

He ran from the break room carrying a large box of 1,000 sporks to the lunch room.

Lunch Room

Edward sat down and was about to pick up his spork to eat his ration of lunch room slop when the eating utensil was taken from him by a very familiar glove.

"SPORK! SPORK!" Roy was shouting as he went around the lunch room grabbing people's sporks.

Ed was worried. Hughes looked up from the picture of his daughter that he was showing a random soldier, who didn't give a damn. "Roy, why are you stealing everyone's sporks? I'm sure they want to eat their meals," he asked as the extremely hyper alchemist ran by.

"CAN'T TALK, NEED MORE SPORKS!" Roy shouted as he ran to the back, now with 10,000 plus sporks in his box.

"I sense something bad," Ed said, Al and Maes Hughes nodded. The three of them retreated to the safety of Roy's office where a certain blonde lieutenant was making phone calls.

End Chapter


What's Roy doing with the sporks? I can't say now, I don't want to spoil it, but the title will make sense next chapter. Oh and Roy finds more coffee.