A/N: It's another one from me, Boromir's Curse (Which I don't have a cool nickname for yet…) AKA Cassandra of Troy. Anyway, I was walking up a flight of stairs with these boys Mike, Dom, and Nick, and Dom said, "Hey! Let's call someone on the phone!" and I said, "Who are you going to call?" and Nick said, "GHOSTBUSTERS!" And that is where this idea came from. Walking up a flight of stairs.
Summary: Faramir, Boromir, Aragorn, and Legolas start their own company: Orcbusters. Obviously not cannon or book based (when does this group ever meet up in the books?), just a really weird idea I thought up. They run around to all these places in Middle-earth killing Orcs and other bad guys and basically provide us with an entertaining story to read.
Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own LotR! I never have and never will! All I own are the pictures of Merry, Pippin, and Faramir I have on my wall. For the record, I don't own Ghostbusters either, even though it's not really in the story. So, read away, and no I do not own.
I warn you, this chapter is kinda long-ish and boring-ish, but important to the story. Yeah.
Chapter One: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Insanity…
Aragorn, who is lounging around on his stately King of Gondor throne and throwing darts at a picture of Denethor, was bored. It was a boring Saturday, and whenever Aragorn got bored, it usually resulted in breaking vases, screaming, whining, and general childish behavior. Needless to say, Arwen sees a temper tantrum coming on. She runs over to Aragorn, carrying a straightjacket.
"I'm bored!" Aragorn whines, sounding not unlike a little child. He looked around for a vase to throw at the wall, but decided against it.
"ARAGORN ELESSAR! Get a hold of yourself!" Arwen screams, throwing the straightjacket at Aragorn. He caught it with a gasp, then set it down on the floor gently.
"What?" Aragorn whines, staring at Arwen.
"You need a hobby. And don't even think about telling me that your stamp collection is your hobby. You haven't worked on it since we met all those years ago in Rivendell!" Arwen says.
"And then you have your little Beanie Baby collection! They stopped making those years ago!"
"And then there's that catapult you've been going on about building! What is the matter with you!" Arwen screams, storming out of the room to the phone.
Arwen ismuttering obscenities under her breath. She picks up their shiny, cordless Sony phone, hits'memory 2' and waits tapping her foot on the floor impatiently.
"Hel-lo?" Legolas asks, on the other end of the phone…or whatever.
"Lego? It's Arwen. Hey, can you stop over so Aragorn doesn't go ballistic and break the TV?" Arwen asks.
"Again? He broke your TV again?" Legolas asks, popping a gum bubble.
"Not yet. But I'm kinda worried…"
"No problemo. I'll be over in about an hour." Legolas says, hanging up.
Arwen runs back over to Aragorn, who is twisting the neck of a Sauron Plush Toy.
"Die…you…freak…" He mutters, a crazed look in his eye.
"ARAGORN!" Arwen screams.
Aragorn shrieks like a little girl and threw the plush toy in the air. It lands with a soft splash in Aragorn's Piranha fish tank, and the fish quickly rip the toy to shreds. Aragorn laughs like a maniac for a moment, but stops when he catches Arwen's death glare.
"Yes?" Aragorn asks, chortling and kicking at the ground.
"Legolas is coming over." Arwen says.
"LEGOLAS? Wheeee! We can throw eggs at him again!" Aragorn says, skipping around.
"ARAGORN! I think it was a bad idea that you became King. Look at you! You're acting like a deranged LUNATIC!" Arwen yells.
"It's ok. Look. Just, I don't know…fix your hair or something so you at least look a bit kingly." Arwen says, walking out of the room.
Aragorn straightens up the throne room, making sure everything was in near perfect order. He then switches the picture on his dartboard to one of Elrond, and throws a couple darts at it when Arwen isn't looking.An Hour Later…
The Doorbell rings merrily, as Arwen, glad that someone had come to relieve Aragorn of his boredom, run to open it. There stands Legolas, armed with a backpack filled with board games, 12 packs of cards, and a whole lot of DVDs.
"Thank heaven! He just started to break the antique china from Rivendell." Arwen says, ushering Legolas in.
"Oh. I came just in time then."
Legolas smiles and says, "You have a DVD player, right?"
"Yeah," Arwen says, "in the throne room."
"Good." Legolas walks into the throne room, where Aragorn is launching firecrackers out of windows. Shrieks of terrified civilians are heard, including a voice that sounds remarkably like Faramir's screaming obscenities directed at Aragorn.
"ARAGORN!" Legolas screams, throwing an action figure at Aragorn's head.
"WHAAAAAAAT?" Aragorn growls, turning around.
"I'm here to help."
"Legsie! How spiffing to see you!" Aragorn says, laughing.
"Uh… Why don't we watch a movie?"
"Cool! Watcha got?"
"Uh…how about…I dunno, Ghostbusters or something?"
Aragorn puts Ghostbusters in the DVD player, and they watch happily as Arwen sneaks out to buy some new shoes.
"Need…shoes…" Arwen mutters as she runs out of the door.
Aragorn and Legolas start laughing at really odd points in the movie when the directors didn't want anyone to laugh. Suddenly, Aragorn gets an idea!
"Hey, what if we made a group of people and were like Ghostbusters, only we were Orc Busters!" He says excitedly.
"Wow! That's, like, the best idea since sliced ham in those little lunch packages!" Legolas shrieks.
"So, who all are we going to ask to be in the group?" Aragorn asks.
"We need some particularly adept warriors." Legolas says.
"What, like, Gimli?"
Legolas stares at Aragorn with a look of terror on his face.
"GIMLI? No way! He'll ruin the cool uniforms!" Legolas screams.
"Oh, is that what you're drawing on that napkin?"
"Yep! Now, how about…I dunno, Elrond?" Legolas offers.
"Elrond? He's, what, like 6,000 years old? He can't even pick up a Ring and march it off to a mountain, I don't think we want him defending us if we're ever surrounded by Orcs." Aragorn says.
"Ok, so he can be our agent and wear suits and handle our calls. How about Denethor?" Legolas asks.
"Dead and a pyro. Also old, so I don't think he's about to pick up a sword."
"But he carried around that weird broken horn, and that thing looked heavy!" Legolas says.
"Legolas, it was broken." Aragorn says. "And we cross out Denethor unless we need a pyromaniac to cause a distraction."
"How about Gandalf?" Legolas says.
"Hmmm…we can make him our magic specialist." Aragorn says.
He can shooom in and go "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" and then shooom back out when he killed everything!" Legolas says.
"It's an, ah, Elvish term." Legolas says uncomfortably.
"Ok, what about Faramir?" Legolas offers.
"FARAMIR? What, so we can have someone run in front of the Orcs, take the arrows meant for us, and get carted off?" Aragorn asks.
"That's not actually a bad idea. We can get Boromir, too!" Legolas says.
"But Boromir is dead, Lego." Aragorn says. Apparently, Aragorn thinks, Legolas is interested in hiring dead guys.
"Then why was he walking around the city 2 days ago?" Legolas counters.
"Uh…no idea. Maybe you're seeing things." Aragorn says.
"I am NOT CRAZY!" Legolas screams.
"Ok, ok, you're not crazy. You're just a little unwell…" Aragorn says.
"Whatever, Aragorn, you're such a loser." Legolas scoffs.
"Ok, so we'll ask Faramir and Boromir to be in the group, and we'll ask Gandalf, Denethor, and Elrond to be backup or something like that." Aragorn confirms.
"Right. We can ask tomorrow. Can I crash here, my car broke down?" Legolas asks.
A/N: Well, how did you like it? It was weird, yes? Well, it was, and hopefully we'll be able to get farther in the plot in the next chapter. Review if you liked it, and if you didn't, all flames will be given to Denethor and Sauron because they're…so…cool?