Disclaimer: If the world were perfect, I'd have Roy living in a stable, and I'd own Fullmetal Alchemist. But it's not a perfect world. And so I go on dreaming.
A/N: Hello readers! Here's another cute one-shot RoyRiza fic! This one is mostly fluff, but then, sometimes, it's nice to take a break from all of that physical love, at least I think so. I think that I'll dedicate this fic to aphrael-chibi, who was my first reviewer of "Me Neither." Aphrael-chibi, if you're reading this, thank you, and I hope you like this fic
"—And so the final conclusion is that, while Professor Eislestein was indeed involved—" Hawkeye reported in her usual strong voice. Roy sat in his chair, absently chewing on a pen, eyes frozen in what appeared to be rapt fascination. At least he hoped it looked like rapt fascination, instead of what he was really doing—staring off into space. Yes, he knew that he should be paying attention, should be fully informed on the subject, but it was so boring!
Reports were so tedious, even when Hawkeye did her best to condense them. Roy shuddered at the thought of having to read the entire reports of some cases. Most of the time, he actually did listen to Hawkeye, as a way of respecting the work she put in to make them easier on him. But he already knew enough about this particular instance. Oh well. At least, with her standing here, rattling on, he had a great chance to imagine her in a miniskirt.
"—And while another state alchemist was in the area at the time, there has been no evidence of his involvement," Hawkeye finished her report, looked at her superior, and knew immediately that he hadn't been paying attention. "Because of this reason alone, I have great reason to suspect that a certain colonel is busy in his own personal la-la land, and would not even notice should I make some wry comment to that effect."
Roy stared at her a while longer, and then realized that she was looking at him in a way that suggested she was waiting for a response.
"Ah—good work lieutenant. Thank you for that report..." He said, still chewing on the pen, and trailed off when he saw the scowl she was giving him.
"Sir, I know that it's painful for you, but please at least try to pay attention," Riza put the written copy of the report on his desk. "Here. I don't suppose that you'll read it, but then, I've done my best." She saluted and turned to walk out of his office.
Roy frowned. "Wait a minute, lieutenant." Hawkeye turned to face him. "Yes sir?"
"Maybe it wouldn't be so boring for me if you smiled a little more often," Roy winked. Riza sighed. "Sir, in case you haven't figured it out, reports are not my most favorite thing in the whole world, and if I started smiling during a report, I'm afraid that's all you'd focus on anyway."
"Well, you never show any emotion as it is! Is it so much to ask that you act a little more human sometime—" Roy chomped on the pen, and immediately wished he hadn't when a foul taste flooded his mouth.
"Sir, I've told you before, you shouldn't chew on those pens..." Her face showed no emotion at his current predicament. Roy could not even reply with certain choice words, because his mouth was filled with ink from the exploded pen. Respectfully, she allowed him to run out the door in front of her.
Roy dashed to the bathroom, and spit out the ink as well as he could.
"Damn! What are the chances...?" He spit some more. Why did these things always happen to him? And just when he had asked Hawkeye something...slightly more personal than normal. Hawkeye was his greatest challenge—but he would triumph sometime! ...Even if it was only to get her to smile.
Roy examined himself in the mirror for a moment. It looked like he was wearing black lipstick from the ink stains. And they ran down his chin like drool too. How dignified. He wondered how long it would take him to wash that off his face. It would certainly take several washings.
He returned to his office, and found Hawkeye waiting there for him, scrubbing at his desk.
"What do you want? Is there still another report?" He growled at her. The remainder of the ink in his mouth still tasted bad, and he hadn't been expecting her to still be there. She shook her head. "No sir, I just wanted to clean off your desk, and make sure you were all right. That ink is nasty stuff."
"I'm not made of glass!" Roy snapped at her. "I'll be fine! And I think I can clean my desk well enough."
Hawkeye's face twitched strangely. "Yes sir." She still stood there staring at him. Roy glanced at his desk and was annoyed to see that a little ink had even gotten across the beautiful wood finish.
Hawkeye was still staring at him. Roy seriously doubted that she was admiring his good looks, so he asked, "What are you looking at? I'm sure my uniform is—are you okay?" Roy was slightly worried; her face was twitching again.
"It's nothing...," Hawkeye said in a slightly stifled voice. She looked down at the floor, and it almost sounded like she was crying. It took Roy a moment to figure out that she was laughing! How dare she laugh at him! Roy cleared his throat in an annoyed fashion.
"I-I'm sorry sir..." She gasped out, "It's just that...you look so...so...stupid..."
"Thank you for you observation lieutenant," Roy replied dryly, and started cleaning up his desk. Riza kept laughing for a moment, and then regained her composure. She saluted and said, "I'll leave you to your work, colonel." A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.
Roy sighed. "You can smile, you know. Even if it is at my own expense..."
"Thank you sir!" Riza smiled. It was not a flashy smile, just a little banner of amusement. But it was enough.
A/N: Alright. This was just another little stupid idea I had, and while it wasn't as romantic as my other oneI think it was fluffy. Oh well. Please tell me what you thought about it.