Hidden in Darkness
Summary: AU: Padmè's thoughts on her imprisonment by Darth Vader. One-shot.
Disclaimer: GL owns anything SW related. All rights reserved.
Rating: PG-13 for some pretty heavy innuendo and violence. Pretty dark themes too.
A/N: Italics denotes flashback type things. OK, this is pretty dark. You've been warned.
What became of the woman known only as Amidala? Once a Queen; gone as a Senator. Where has she gone? This name – Amidala exists only due to those who faintly remember the woman. The name does not exist otherwise. It was erased from the galaxy – erased from the Empire. By all accounts this woman does not exist.
I would have to agree. Amidala was the name of a woman who had been strong. She ceased to exist the day the Republic died. She had been a Senator, a democratic voice in an imperial corruption. Her voice alone sung out against the Empire and this was her downfall.
With the years that pass, her name too will disappear. The memory of this Queen…Senator will be destroyed or replaced. There may be discrepancies; breaks in the history before the Empire but all those who question it will eventually forget.
For many years these thoughts have plagued my mind. The death of the political figure of Amidala has had a great impact on me. You see, a long time ago I was Amidala.
I was Queen Amidala.
I was Senator Amidala.
I married a Jedi.
I can trace back all the sadness and happiness in the world back to this one moment. I was young, naïve and stupid. Hidden away in my politics, I told myself that perhaps one day we could be normal. We could do the simple things like hold hands in public and go for evening walks along the Nubian beaches. I could be a Skywalker in name.
I was a fool.
In these years of hiding and pretending, I became pregnant. It seems like a lifetime ago I carried my children, protecting them inside me from the horror that would unfold. Amidala and Padmè both watched on as the Republic crumbled. The Jedi failed. The Sith Empire began to rise. Amidala tried to protest this blatant corruption while Padmè panicked. Of course; Amidala was smart.
I was hysterical.
I believed that maybe…just maybe my husband was still in there somewhere. It was at this moment Amidala died – she would never stand by and watch herself become Anakin's enemy. No, not Amidala.
I was weak.
I am weak.
I believed unwisely that my husband – that Anakin Skywalker would save me. Even without the wits and strength of Amidala I could rely on him to save me. Amidala was the strong one. Padmè was the weaker one – she loved with her heart, with her mind. She had the lover's passion.
Anakin was glad.
Vader was glad.
I begged him for sanctuary. I begged him for safety from the Empire. A simple plea from husband to wife. I asked him to think of his wife – Padmè Skywalker. I asked him to forget Amidala.
With the disgusting glowing eyes he Force-choked me.
"Forget Anakin Skywalker," he hissed. "And forget his wife."
Crying, I clutched my stomach.
"You will make a fine prize for my Master, Skywalker. Yes…I'm sure he would want to get his hands on the spawn of Vader. Amidala would have made a wonderful kill. It's a shame she's dead you know. Instead, Padmè will have to suffer."
"No, Anakin. Please. I'm your wife! You have to stop this Anakin."
He raised his hand and slapped me, hard.
"You will pay for your insolence, woman. That man does not exist. I am Darth Vader. Your only credit now is the child you carry."
I could never remember how I ended up here – the place I now call home. All I can recall is the darkness that consumed me. I saw a myriad of images from the life I shared with Amidala. I saw the Queen's robes, the Battle of Naboo. I saw a japor snippet; an older Anakin with a padawan braid. I saw my wedding to Anakin Skywalker and I saw the look on my husband's face when I told him we were going to become parents. I saw laughter and happiness. Then the feeing of emptiness was greeted to me as I regained consciousness. The sound of screaming pierced my ears.
"My children! What are you doing with my children?"
Suddenly, a dark figure came into the light, revealing the face of Anakin…Vader.
"You foolish woman. You thought you could hide both of my children from me?" he spat.
Frozen, I did not speak.
"You went into a premature labour, Skywalker. You nearly killed your own children." Vader said, more calmly now.
He is trying to taunt me, I recalled.
The voice of Vader was coated in a menacing tone. It lacked the softness of my husband.
"The children will never see you again, Skywalker. They are to be raised as Sith. You have failed them. They will become the Vader twins. You have no use to us now, Skywalker. The Emperor wants you dead."
"However," he paused and moved even closer to the bed. His thick, black cape contrasted heavily against the blood stained sheets. I remember.
"I don't think I'll kill you just yet. Amidala may be dead but Padmè is still alive. She loved Anakin. I do not love you, Skywalker. Know this." He stood again.
"You will remain with me. You will be my prize. I will take the wife of Skywalker. You will break. This is my final revenge."
Evil, truly evil. And I have remained here, since. Not as the wife of Darth Vader, hardly. I am the wife of Anakin Skywalker. I am condemned to a Skywalker life. I stay in this prison, locked away. I am branded as only Padmè.
Not a soul knows I was Amidala. Not a soul knows I bore the Vader twins. Not a soul knows I loved this monster.
Not a soul knows of my existence down here, locked away.
I am locked away in a simple room.
Not even a knock and he barges in.
I remain on my bed, eyes toward the ceiling. Still sore from the birth of the children I will never see again, I lay.
"You will stand woman, when I enter this room!" he roars. Striding over, he picks me up with no effort at all. Again, I get hit.
There is blood.
"You will understand, Skywalker. You will understand that your husband is DEAD! I stand here in his place and now you belong to ME!"
Tears and blood mixed together reach my lips.
"Alive. That is all you will know of the offspring you gave birth to."
So here I have been. For five years I have been trapped here, submitting to Vader's demands. For five long years I have sat here as Padmè Skywalker. The blood permanently stains my clothes and my surroundings. Day after day, I suffer.
I know why he does it. He tries to crush my spirit – my belief that maybe one day I will see my children again. He needs to prove to me that Anakin Skywalker is truly dead. He needs to punish me for the small glimmer of hope I hold in my heart that maybe he is not truly lost.
"He is dead, Padmè." He says in a gentler moment.
He puts his clothes back on and stands up.
"She is gone," he says to me. "Amidala has been erased from all Imperial databases. You do not exist – and never have."
I do not move – I have learnt that.
"Luke and Leia are healthy. They will become powerful Sith one day."
I simply nod.
"He is dead, Padmè," he repeats, more menacingly. With a single slap across the face, he begins to leave.
"I will break you, Skywalker."
Today it is the fifth birthday of my twins. I touch my fresh bruises and wonder how the world outside is doing. Does anyone remember Amidala anymore?
Of more intrigue, perhaps, is if anyone knows of the other woman – Padmè.
Is Padmè remembered?
But not a soul knows of the breaking woman who remains the silent captive of Lord Vader. Not a soul knows of the winning prize the Sith takes, the wife of his former identity.
She is nearly broken.
I am nearly broken.
Yet, on this anniversary of my children's birth, Amidala reminds me from beyond the grave. She lends me a little strength and reminds me, there is still hope here, hidden in darkness.