Knock First, Damn-It!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. The story, however, is my own, my preciousssss (LOTR rocks!).

A/N: hey, everybody! college is weird. ((rubs eyes confusedly)) all my classes were like…"grr." i was so terrified i was gonna fail everything (but i didn't! woo-hoo!). and it's also sad that it seems everyone abandoned this story. of course, that's my fault because it takes me so long to update. ((sigh)) i'm hopeless. oh, well. i hurried to finish this once my semester ended, and i did. this is a late christmas present to everyone who reads and reviews my stories! thanks! belated merry christmas and i hope you like it!

Previously on Knock First, Damn-it!

"Draco?" he half yawned, half yelled as he entered the bedroom.

"Yes?" an icy voice responded from the floor.

Harry looked down. "Draco!? What are you doing lying down there? You shouldn't have let me fall asleep! We'll miss our dinner reservations!" and when Draco made no response, Harry snapped, "Well?"

"I've fallen and I can't get up, you moron," Draco growled.

Harry blinked. Oops.

And now, on with the show…

Chapter 11- A Dish Best Served Cold

"Ow…ow…ow…ow…o-Goddamnit, that fucking hurts!" Draco bellowed.

Harry sighed and looked at the glowering blonde, whose leg was propped up on the couch with a pillow with an ice pack lying dejectedly on his ankle. Apparently, Draco had fallen after putting the clothes away. He still hadn't told Harry how. And he'd also apparently called Harry's name many times, but since Harry had been asleep (and there's no waking him up once he's out), he hadn't heard. So, now Draco was throwing a temper tantrum.

"Look," Harry rubbed his eyes, "let me bring you down to the hotel clinic and they'll help you, okay?"

"No!" Draco screeched, "Why can't you just heal it? You fixed my finger in chapter six!"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Don't be such a baby. Anyway, that was your finger. This is your ankle. That's a big difference and I don't trust myself to not hurt you further."

"I trust you!" Draco wailed, "Please, anything but the doctor."

Harry debated asking Draco about his fear of hospitals and doctors, but seeing the hysterical state his husband was in, he decided to leave that discussion for another day. Instead, he leaned down and snaked his arms under the blonde, picking him up in one smooth motion. Draco shrieked.

He beat his fists against Harry's chest, "Let me go, you big mean brute!"

Harry shrugged and started to put Draco down, but when the blonde put weight on his ankle, he yelped and cried, "Pick me up! Pick me up!"

"Make up your bloody mind," Harry grumbled as he again lifted Draco into the air.

Draco smiled beatifically and linked his arms loosely around Harry's neck, "Fine. Take me to your cruel muggle medical practitioner. But if he tries to poke me with any needles, I swear, I'll scream."

Harry raised his eyes heavenward and carried Draco across the room. "Could you get the door, love?" he asked in a pained voice, "I can't seem to juggle you to do so."

"Are you suggesting I weigh too much?" Draco asked sweetly as he turned the knob.

Harry grimaced, "Would I ever imply that?"

"Would I ask if you weren't?" Draco retorted in a wounded voice.

Harry ignored him and walked out the door and down the hall, carrying the sulking blonde. As they reached the elevator, Harry realized that his overdramatic husband was not going to push the button for him, so with a roll of his neck, he shifted Draco around and swung the man over his shoulder. Draco yelped, "What are you doing?"

Harry shrugged, "Catching the lift?" and he pushed the down arrow. A bell chimed and the white doors slid open. Harry grinned sardonically, "Caught it."

"You're weird," Draco muttered into Harry's back. Harry just chuckled and rearranged his lover so he was again cradled in his arms.

"And here," the brunette replied cheerfully as he stepped out of the elevator, "we are." He marched over to a black door in a hallway off of the hotel lobby. When they got closer, Draco saw that the door had 'CLINIC' written across it in small white letters. He started to panic.

"I really don't think I need to see any doctors," he insisted nervously as they grew ever closer to the feared destination, "I'll be fine, really. I-"

"Draco," Harry stopped moving, much to Draco's delight, "I'm taking you to someone who can help you. I don't want a silly sprained ankle to wreck our honeymoon. I've been looking forward to this trip for months."

Draco, who was much less delighted by those words, sighed wearily, "I understand, all right? I was counting down towards it, too. And here we are, two days in, and I've already gone and messed everything up…"

"Oh, love, it wasn't your fau-"

"Let me finish," Draco put a finger to Harry's lips, "But I just can't see a doctor. I can't," he added in a whisper.

Harry looked into the pleading silver eyes and felt his resolve starting to break. But only starting. "Why?" he asked quietly, "why are you so afraid to go see a doctor? In all the years I've known you I've never seen you go to a muggle doctor, much less a medi-witch or wizard. Why is that?"

Draco suddenly found his hands very interesting, "I won't tell you that."

"What happened to that 'no secrets' thing we talked about at the Burrow so long ago?"

Draco blinked, "I don't remember that."

"Chapter two, love," Harry supplied gently.

Recognition dawned in the grey eyes and Draco hung his head, "But I just really can't tell you this time."

Harry placed Draco on a couch in the lobby and knelt in front of him, taking both his hands, "If you really don't want to tell me, you don't have to. But," he continued solemnly, "I really wish I knew, so I could help you."

Draco raised his head slowly and looked at Harry. When he saw only love and sincerity shining in the brunette's eyes, his own resolve imploded. "Oh, Leo!" he cried, flinging himself into Harry's arms and succeeding in knocking them both to the floor. "Oops, sorry," he smiled sheepishly as he arranged himself comfortably on top of Harry, whose back was flat on the parquet tiles. "I will tell you because I know you'll understand and help me. But," his eyes started to tear, "it's horrible and degrading and-"

"Utterly boring," an all-too-familiar voice chimed in.

"I agree. Their weepy, fluffy couple act is really quite tedious."

"I know. If they kept it up much longer, all their readers will abandon them!"

"And we all know how troublesome that would be, because then what would become of them?"

"I shudder to even think of it."

"Really, you two, you've gotta pull yourselves together!"

"Get your acts in gear!"

Harry and Draco just stared at the men before them. Finally, Harry managed to burst out with, "What are you two doing here?"

Fred and George smiled and said together, "To make your lives a living hell."

Draco snorted, "That was already a given as soon as you got here."

"We see that your husband is as lovely and polite as ever," Fred told Harry pleasantly.

"Actually, Ron sent us," George admitted solemnly.

"And why in Merlin's name did he do that?" Draco barked.

"To make sure you didn't kill each other!" they cried.

"Because that would really be quite a loss," Fred murmured gravely.

"Indeed. How would the Wizarding world go on?" George continued.

"How would Mum go on?" Fred added.

George's eyes widened, "By spending more time badgering…us!" And the pair proceeded to shudder, stricken looks on their faces.

"That's enough!" Harry broke in, "I don't know what Ron's problem is, but you have no right to barge in here like this and-"

"Oh, get off your high horse, Harry," George scoffed, "if we hadn't showed up when we did, you two would have ended up having a sappy, heartfelt confession session."

"And what's wrong with that?" Draco questioned darkly.

Fred's smirk was an almost perfect imitation of Draco's, "The comedy in this piece is almost completely gone. We were saving you from yourselves."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at us, Potter!" George scolded, "The author's always planned on having someone show up on your honeymoon. It was either us or Draco's parents."

Harry considered that for a moment and eventually shrugged his shoulders, "All right, I guess you two are better than Lucius, who'd flip out every time I even breathed near Draco."

"Speaking of Draco," an annoyed voice broke in, "what about my ankle?"

Harry glanced over at his husband with an apologetic look on his face, "Sorry, love, I just got sidetracked."

"You see, Draco," Fred said seriously, a solemn glint in his eye, "my brother and I are just-"

"that much more interesting than you," George picked up, "that as soon as we arrive-"

"-Harry forgets you all together," Fred finished.

Draco growled, "Get out of Hawaii and away from Harry and I's honeymoon!"

"We'd love to, honestly…" George began.

"…but I think you'll find yourself begging us to stay in the end," Fred ended enticingly.

Draco snorted, "Oh, and why is that?"

"Because we know something you don't know," they chorused together.

"Is that so?" Harry asked, amused.

"Oh, yes," said Fred.

"Because we know-," said George.

"-that I know-" said Fred.

"-that I can-" continued George.

"-fix that ankle of yours," Fred smirked again.

Draco's mouth dropped open, "You can!?"

"Why, Mr. Malfoy, you wound me," George threw a hand over his heart dramatically, "Why do you doubt my healing prowess?"

"Because it's you," Draco retorted, "and the name's not Malfoy- it's Potter." And the blonde suddenly started to blush.

"Oh, that's right, George. Drakie here changed his last name to match Harry's," Fred cooed.

"That's so darn cute!" George agreed, reaching out his fingers to pinch Draco's cheek and… Draco bit him. "Bloody hell! What in the blazes was that for!?" George cried, cradling his abused digits.

"Why?" Draco sneered, a cold look in his eye, "Why? Because you're both annoying, my ankle hurts, no one pinches my cheek, and I wish you weren't here and none of this had happened because I'm horny, damn-it."

"You're horny?" Fred asked incredulously.

"I pity you, mate," George glanced at Harry sympathetically, "because you have to put up with a man who's thinking about his libido at a time like this."

"And how," Fred agreed.

"Now, do you want me to heal you or not, you freak?" George asked Draco bluntly.

Draco scowled, "Best get on with it then. But, so help me, if you do anything but heal my ankle, I- Harry'll kill you."

"Will he now?" George grinned.

Harry shrugged, "Apparently."

"That's the spirit, mate," Fred slapped him on his shoulder, "Now then- George?"

George nodded, "All right, Draco, don't move. And here we go." He pulled his wand from his pocket and-

"We can't do this here," Draco hissed, "we're in the middle of a muggle hotel lobby!"

The other three looked at each other. "He's got a point," Fred admitted.

Harry beamed at him, "That he does," and he again picked Draco up and walked towards the elevators. "Follow us to our room," Harry instructed the two redheads, who saluted him.

"Gladly, dear honorary brother. Just as long as we don't come across any-"

"-delicate belongings-"

"-or risqué items-"

"-we know you, Harry-"

"-you're an animal."

Harry shook his head and entered the elevator, "Shut up and get in here."

A few minutes later, Harry passed off a protesting Draco to Fred so he could search for the room key in his pockets. "Stupid muggle locks," he muttered to himself as he finally found the thin card.

"Hurry up, Harry!" Draco said suddenly, "This twin's giving me a scary look."

Harry turned and glared at Fred, who shrugged carelessly, "If smiling's a 'scary look', I'm guilty as charged."

Harry groaned and quickly opened the door to his and Draco's room. "Put him over there," he motioned vaguely to the living room area. He, himself, went straight through to the kitchen, where he set about making himself a very large gin and tonic.

Fred strolled up next to him, "Never took you to be a drinking man, Harry."

"I wasn't one," Harry replied absently, "until very recently." Fred grinned.

"Harry," a scared voice cried, "George is trying to poke me with his wand!"

Fred chuckled, "And here I thought Harry was the only one allowed to do that to you."


Harry grimaced, "You shouldn't have said that."

"Oh," Harry heard Draco's surprised voice with a frown, "Harry!"

Harry finally gave in and left the relative safety of the kitchen, only to find Draco standing, on his own two legs, in front of him. "It's a little stiff," the blonde said carefully, seemingly in a state of shock, "but he healed it with no problem."

"Your apparent surprise wounds me, Mr. Potter," George sniffed and hid his face in Fred's shoulder. Harry rolled his eyes, and looked at the younger twin, who peeked out at him and winked.

"Where'd you learn to heal?" Harry asked him.

George merely shrugged, "It's a gift."

"George had once entertained the idea of becoming a medi-wizard-" Fred began.

"-but when we quit school in seventh year, that thought went out the door, quite

literally-" George continued wistfully.

"And now he only wants to be a joke-shop owner with me!" Fred finished triumphantly.

Draco snorted, "You really need to get yourself a girl, mate."

"Or," Harry grinned knowingly, "you've already found one and have proved incapable of wooing said strumpet."

Draco smiled dreamily, "Johnny Depp is so gorgeous."

"You two are weird," Fred and George stated together matter-of-factly.

"Yes, we are," Harry agreed, as he turned to his husband, "Ready to test out that ankle, Dray? There's so much to do here!"

"Definitely," Draco smiled and took Harry's outstretched hand. As they walked towards the door, he turned and said, "Thanks, again, George!"

George smirked, "No problem, mate. But I'm sure you've realized there's a condition to my helping you…"

Harry and Draco stopped dead in their tracks. Oh no…

"George and I have decided to join you for a while."

Oh, hell.


Harry woke up feeling very warm and comfortable. He stretched slightly and realized he still had an armful of blonde. Looking down at his husband, he smiled lightly. He loved Draco so much. And they had two weeks to enjoy each other and spend time together. Harry sighed happily: things couldn't get any more perfect. They were in no rush and it was still very early, so he closed his eyes and decided to get some more sleep…

The door slammed open and two people barreled in. "Good morning, campers! Time to wake up!" one cried.

"And time to have us some fun, fun, fun!" the other added jovially.

Harry's feeling of elation went bye-bye: he'd forgotten about Fred and George. How could he forget about Fred and George? He cracked open one eye wearily and promptly closed it again. "Your hair's too bright," he moaned, "Go away."

"No can do, little bro," Fred chirped happily.

"It's time to take on the world!" George agreed cheerfully. He came over and sat on Draco. And then he started to bounce up and down.

"You're going to hurt him," Harry pointed out weakly.

George scoffed, "No, I'm not. Draco dear is made of tougher stuff than that. But it's time to WAKE UP!"

Everything that happened next happened very fast. There was a great upheaval of blankets and George went flying from the bed. Draco leapt after him, his hair and eyes wild. George took one look at the blonde and was out the door like a shot. Draco growled and ran after him. Harry and Fred glanced at each other and, steeling themselves, followed after slowly.

What they found was Draco and George staring each other down from opposite sides of the couch in the living room. When one went one way, the other did as well. Finally, Draco bluffed left and launched himself over the couch, tackling George to the ground.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck distractedly as he walked over to the struggling bodies, and reached an arm down. He yanked Draco up and held the struggling man to his chest. "Lemme go, Harry! Lemme at him!" Draco flailed his arms uselessly.

"Calm down, love" Harry murmured in his ear quietly.

"No!" Draco squirmed harder, "No one bounces on me!"

"Except Harry, right?" George smirked.

"GEORGE!" the other three yelled in unison.

George actually flushed, "Sorry."

That had finally broken the mood and Draco's fighting spirit. Harry let him go carefully and then plopped down on the couch with a sigh. "Can't you two just go home?" he begged wearily.

Fred and George glanced at each other thoughtfully and then promptly chorused, "Nope."

"Dear Harry," Fred added sincerely, "just think of this as payback for all the times you two have made out in front of us."

George grinned.

Harry and Draco's faces paled.


Harry woke up the next day feeling very cold and alone. He sat up suddenly and his eyes snapped to the clock. It was almost two in the afternoon. "What!?" he cried, leaping up.

As he hurried through the hotel room, the twins (who were sleeping in the living room), and more importantly, Draco, were nowhere to be seen. He stopped in the kitchen and ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "Where would they take him?" he muttered to himself.

Because there was no doubt in his mind that Fred and George had kidnapped his husband.

To be continued…

A/N: whew. that was tough one. i know fred and george showing up was random, but sometimes, i feel my characters get too fluffy for their own good, so i save them from themselves with…the twins!! woo-hoo! but, is it just me or is this story rather silly and irrelevant? i mean, that's obviously the point (this story is crack, but slightly more serious crack, i guess). i want to write a serious story with a set plot and issues that i don't just come up with willy-nilly…or i think i do. haha. anyway, i hope you liked it and now that i'm settled in at college, i think my updating may get a little more regular (i hope…). please review! a belated happy holidays and a happy new year!!!

Preview of Chapter 12- A Tanning Lamp is Not a Weapon

So, okay. If he were the twins, with a frazzled, bitchy blonde in tow, which Hawaiian hotspot would he take him to? Harry rubbed his eyes tiredly. Thinking like Fred and George made his brain hurt. But he had to figure out where his honorary brothers and husband were, before he had a double homicide on his hands.

He walked quickly up one of the main streets in Honolulu (he could barely sound out the name in his head, so he didn't even attempt to pronounce it out loud), looking in each store window, hoping to see familiar red and blonde heads. He was at the end of the street, and just about ready to give up and go back to the police with his tail between his legs when he heard a voice shouting, "Back, you cannibals, back!" from a tanning salon on the other side of the street.

He groaned and jogged across the pavement, hoping to Merlin he had heard that familiar voice wrong.

Plus, a sneak peek at my newest story, Winsome Worries, the long-anticipated SEQUEL to You Had Me at Hello:

Harry sighed, "Look, I understand why you're worried about tonight, Draco. I mean, Ron fainted when we told the Weasleys. But at least your family knows about us before we show up together."

I shook my head rapidly, "That won't stop them. Trust me."

"The war's behind us, right? The family that's gonna be at the mansion tonight is everyone not in prison. So, they can't all hate me, right?" Harry laughed nervously.

I snorted.

Harry ran a distracted hand through his hair. "All right, fine," he snapped, "so if this is going to be an utter disaster, why are we doing this anyway?"

Finally, a question I knew the answer to, "Because mother said."

Winsome Worries: the drama, comedy, and complete mystery that is Draco Malfoy's mind is coming soon to a computer screen near you! Stay tuned!!

yay! two updates to look forward to!! thanks and please review!!