Moonyasha walks in flanked by dozens of SOLDIERS and an unhappy Zack as the lights come on. The audience looks angry as Moonyasha sits down and plays with the cards on the podium.
"I'm sorry the update took so long, but Legolas and Frodo were kidnapped by rabid fangirls and it took a while to track them down. Then Legolas was kidnapped once again, this time by Sephiroth, and I couldn't find them." She says as the Fellowship file on to the stage. Frodo looks quite disgruntled as he sits down. Legolas sits down a moment later after glaring backstage to Sephiroth, who smirks before being ushered away by Riku and Bit.
"Alright, First I'd like to thank all of my reviewers and apologize for the long wait. Now without further delay we'll play a game called Let's Make a Date. This one will be for Legolas, Boromir, Gimli and Gandalf. Legolas will be the bachelor while the other three will be bacheloretts with strange personalities. At the end, Legolas will have to guess who they are. No, Sephiroth, you may not play this game and you will not be allowed alone in the same room with Zack." The four in question nod and set up the stools. The fifth snorts and retreats backstage while the sixth sighs in relief.
While Legolas is fixing his hair, Boromir, Gimli and Gandalf read their cards and look ready to kill the authoress. "Alright, you guys may start whenever you're ready."
"Bachelorete number one," Legolas begins," I like horses. What is your favorite animal?"
The words 'Flirty Texan Cowgirl' appear in bold as Boromir begins speaking. "Well, I like horses and cows, and I just lloovvee bulls." He proclaims in a girlish voice in an accent that sounds more Swedish than Texan. "I love them bulls."
Legolas raises an eyebrow. "Okay….. Bachelorett number two, my weapon of choice would be a bow and knife. What weapon would you choose?"
"I would use a mop," Gimli says as the words 'Crotchety Old Maid About To Retire' appear on the screen. "Windex is my long range weapon of course, but I have to use my retirement money to buy it." The dwarf adds in the most annoyed voice he can muster.
"Right. Anyway, Bachelorett number three." Legolas is looking slightly disturbed now. "I like to take VERY long walks in the woods. What do you like to do?
It is now Gandalf's turn as the words 'Rich Middle-Aged Widow' appear on the screen. "I like to count my money all day and night. Nothing else is more important, not even breathing." At this Gandalf decides it appropriate to hold his breath. No one seems to care as his face begins to turn blue except for Gimli who smacks the wizard on the back, forcing him to breath.
"Remind me to get you some help." Legolas says before turning his attention back to Boromir who is batting his eyelashes girlishly. This seems to freak Legolas out and he turns to Moonyasha for some reassurance, only to find that the authoress has fled and left one of her mouse generals and Riku at the podium to watch. "So, Bachelorete number one, I have one horse and I love him dearly. How about you?"
Boromir stares at the ceiling for what seems like a few hours before answering, "I have seventy-eight horses named Bob." He bats his eyelashes again. Behind them, Aragorn and the hobbits look worried as Legolas has now turned a pale shade of green and looks as if he is about to throw up. The audience laughs at this.
"Bachelorette number two," Legolas is now talking very slowly while clutching his stomach. "My hobbies are archery and singing. What do you do in your spare time?"
Wiping the smug look of his face, Gimli replies, "I like to clean my house. Once I clean it I go back and clean it again."
Legolas in unable to reply to this boring statement as he stares at Boromir in horror. It seems that the steward's son had taken his role too literally and is now sitting on Legolas's lap. This seems to be freaking other members of the Fellowship, but the audience isn't worried. The mouse general has sent Riku to call Moonyasha back in the studio, who does so while holding back a laugh, muttering something about payback, stupid fangirls and hotdogs.
The authoress sits back at the podium with the mouse on her shoulder and glares warningly at Boromir. He seems to get the message and backs off of Legolas who looks as if he is about to be sick at any moment. Riku shoots him a sympathetic look before glaring at his fangirls and Sora who have congregated near the entrance of the studio. Legolas seems to be determined to finish the game, however, and continues on to Gandalf. "Bachelorete number three, I spend my money wisely. How do you use money?"
In an attempt to save the skit in a moment of complete old person bliss, Gandalf replies, "Money? What money?"
Everyone in the audience stares at the wizard for a moment before bursting into laughter
It is at this time that Moonyasha gestures for the SOLDIERs to surround Boromir, and for Zack to get Legolas a trash can. The dark haired male considers disobeying for a moment, but runs off after Riku mimes his death behind Moonyasha's back. "So, can you guess who they are Legolas?" She asks the Elf kindly, wincing as Legolas throws up in the trash can Zack just brought back
"Okay, Gandalf has a lot of money."
"Gimli…." He pauses to think for a moment. "Gimli is a maid."
"And Boromir is definitely a flamer."
"No he isn't, but I'll take it because Boromir was really acting the part." The four put the stools away and sit down, Boromir scowling. "Alright, everyone except mister literal over there gets three thousand points."
"Hey!" Boromir shouts.
"Hey is for horses." Moonyasha shuffles her cards absentmindedly. "And since you were completely out of character for most of the game as my general and resident Keybearer report," The mouse smiles proudly and Riku just shrugs, "I am banning you from the show." Boromir is marched out of the building flanked by the SOLDIERs and Sephiroth, who grumbles something profane, which is bleeped out.
"Now, I give an extra five hundred points to Legolas for having to put up with all of that." She sighs. "You and Aragorn can pull it off, Sora and Riku can pull it off, but Boromir can NOT pull it off. He is straight."
Legolas and Aragorn stare at Moonyasha as though she has grown an extra head.
"Moon, knock it off with the yaoi. I think you're scaring them." Zack says as he shoves the authoress out of the chair and sits on the edge so that Riku can sit on the other half of the chair.
"Now that Moonyasha has been temporarily been ousted from her seat of power, Riku and I will be your hosts for the remainder of the show." Zack says cheerfully.
"You DO know that Moon is going to kill us, right?" Riku asks darkly, ducking as a fangirl attempts to pounce on him.
Zack blinks. "ANYWAY, on with the show! The next game will be… erm…"
"You've never actually seen the show, have you." Aragorn asks from his seat, still looking quite disgruntled.
"They never gave us any free time at Shinra!" Zack protested.
"Let's just do scenes from a hat, then." Riku says as he pulls out the hat that is full of love notes to either himself, the Fellowship or Zack, which he dumps into a paper shredder.
"Okay, then…" Zack rolls his eyes. "This will be for Aragorn, Pippin, Frodo and Sam."
The four nod and stand up and move to take their places on the stage
"Alrighty, first…" Riku reaches his hand in and pulls out a piece of paper that has Sora's phone number on it. He tosses it aside and reaches for another one. "Ooh, this is a good one. 'What the Flying Monkeys do in their spare time.'"
Frodo and Sam shrug before standing across from one another and mime playing air hockey.
"No fair, you're not supposed to hover over the table!" Sam shouts, causing Frodo to crouch down slightly to make it look like he was flying.
"It's not cheating, you can hover, too!" Frodo replies fervently, stamping his foot as Zack hits the buzzer.
Aragorn and Pippin pretend to be playing Quidditch, which is quite amusing in itself. They have also found paper wings somewhere which adds to the whole scene. Eventually, they stop as they've found they both have fake scars on their foreheads.
"I want to be Harry Potter!" Pippin whines.
"No, I want to be Harry Potter!" Aragorn whines back as he pulls out a pair of glasses and puts them on. The stop with gins on their faces as Zack pounds the buzzer while laughing hysterically.
Riku is also smiling, which causes a few fangirls to drop dead in surprise. He reaches into the hat and pulls out a stuffed flying monkey. "Very funny." He says as he places it on his side of the podium before pulling out a slip of pink paper with hearts on it.
"Contrary to popular belief, this is actually not a love note. Anywho, this one says 'Sauron in college'. He glances out at the audience and glares at one of the LOTR geeks sitting up in a corner who is wearing too many Lord of the Rings items.
Aragorn and Pippin decide to go first. Pippin pretends to walk down the hallway and trips over Aragorn's protruding foot.
"LOL, I pwned j00!" He shouts before running off laughing manically, leaving a disgruntled and confused Pippin on the floor. Because Aragorn spoke in n00b, subtitles were required for the audience to understand him. They were amused, however, and started laughing.
"I swear I saw something like that on Youtube." Riku muttered before pulling another slip of paper out of the hat. "Interesting… 'The REAL reason Paris Hilton went to jail'.
Frodo and Sam laugh. "We thought this up ages ago!" They shout before getting into position.
Frodo, as Paris, stands, his posture implying that he's leaning provocatively against a car. Sam is the police officer who is reading offenses off from a small notepad.
"I'm sorry, Ms. Hilton." He says apologetically. "You have far more money and good looks than is legal, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you."
Looking startled, Frodo bursts into real fake tears. "But officer, it was an accident! I didn't donate to the children's fund because I broke a nail!"
The audience is in hysterics at this point, which only escalates when Zack falls off the stool due to the fact that he is laughing so hard. Riku takes this opportunity to steal the rest of the stool for himself. He hits the buzzer and Frodo and Sam glow with pride. "That was hysterical. Can you top that, Aragorn and Pippin?" Riku asks and all eyes move to the Man and Hobbit, who shrug and move around a bit.
"Brittney, you really shouldn't be driving. You've had too many drinks!" Aragorn/Paris says to Pippin/Brittney Spears.
"It's," Hic, "fine," Hic, "Parry." Pippin replies, pretending to be drunk.
Riku hits the buzzer amid a giggling audience. "Funny, but not as good as Frodo and Sam." He says, watching as Zack hauled himself to his feet.
"Too… Funny!" The first-class SOLDIER panted as he slumped against the podium.
Riku simply rolled his eyes at Zack before pushing him back on the floor. "Anyway, all of you get… Wow, this is a big number…" The silver-haired teen shrugs and writes 10,000,000,000,000,000,000 on a piece of paper and holds it up. "This is how many points you get. Anyway, review and, if you want Zack and I to permnantly hijack the show, say so. Also, if you have any idea for skits, send them in and, if they're cool, they will be used and you will get LOTS of credit for it! Until next time on Who's Line Is It Anyway!"