"I'm at the pinnacle of pissed right now! PISSED!"

"Endigo, shut up!" I yelled. "What the heck are you whining about, anyway?"

"They gave him a gun. They gave Shadow a gun! Where's my gun!"

"You know, you're really overreacting to this, you know?"

"You said 'you know' twice."

"Whatever. Is there anything I can do to appease you, cause I need to get to sleep soon."

"Yes, you can write an 'If You…' story about this travesty."

"And that'll shut you up?"



If You Give a Hedgehog a Gun

If you give a hedgehog a gun, he'll shoot himself.

"What the heck is that!" Endigo shouted.

"I'm not done yet, you spaz!"

If he shoots himself, it'll probably be in the foot.

If it is in the foot, he'll most likely try and stop the blood flow with leaves.

If he does use leaves, they will be poison ivy.

Since they're poison ivy, the foot will hurt like heck.

If it hurts, he'll try to dunk his foot in a cold lake.

If he tries that, he may accidentally dunk it in a pool of lava.

Since it's in a pool of lava, he'll decide to just chop it off.

After that, he'll get hungry from the smell of cooking meat.

Since he's hungry, he'll ask you to take him out for dinner.

If you take him to dinner, you'll probably get stuck with a long wait.

If you have to wait, the hedgehog will probably get really pissed.

When he gets pissed, he'll pull out his gun.

Since the gun is out, you'll decide to just leave.

If you leave, you'll hear gunfire on the way out.

If you hear gunfire, the hedgehog will appear seconds later with a bag of cash.

When you see the cash, you'll decide to go on the run so you won't be arrested.

Since you and the hedgehog are on the run, a chameleon, a bee, and a croc will come after you.

If they come after you, the hedgehog will try to kill them.

When he tries to kill the detectives, he'll fall over because of his missing foot.

Since he fell over, the detectives would be able to arrest the two of you.

If you're arrested, you'll go to prison.

If you go to prison, the hedgehog will befriend a purple weasel.

Since you're friends with the weasel, he'll let you take part in his escape plan.

When you escape, you'll hide out at on a giant space station.

While you're on the space station, the hedgehog will get a new foot.

If he gets a new foot, it'll make him want to break dance.

If he break dances, he might hit the self destruct button.

When that happens, the three of you will need to use the escape pod.

When in the escape pod, you'll all… Do the NUMA NUMA dance!

After dancing, you'll land on Earth at a Renaissance Festival.

At the festival, the hedgehog will see a Bull's-eye game.

If he sees the game, he'll want a gun to hit the targets with.

And if you give a hedgehog a gun…

"There, happy you little fox mutant?"

"Hey! I take offense to such a derogatory term!"

"You know, I'm starting to regret the day I created you."

"You know you love me."

"Whatever. Goodnight, all."