SHE'LL NEVER GET TO SEE THE BEST OF ME

Author: Monica

Rating: PG

Summary: Catherine will regret something all of her life.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. I wish i did

A/N: It's based on a true story. I only changed the names and the sex from one of the actors. It's really sappy but this is how it was for real. If someone wants, I'll tell you the story.

It wasn't a good day. Despite the weather, the place, the dresses, the smiles, it wasn't a good day. There I stood, watching people come and go, kissing each other, saying each other sweet words. Everyone was happy or at least, seemed happy. I, on the other side, was not happy and, unfortunately, didn't seem happy. I wanted to seem happy for her. I wouldn't demonstrate to the world I was deadly sad because of her. It was her special day and I wasn't going to blow it up.

I went to see her. Half-dressed, she opened the door. Beautiful as always, her light-brown hair, now curled, was hanging on her shoulders. She had a flower in it. The silk robe covered her until her knees, making my head spin because of her undressed shoulders. How much I wanted to kiss that skin right then. But I had to restrained myself. I wasn't going to make feel uncomfortable on her most important day. It's something I should have done long time ago, not right then. I could have but I didn't and I lost my chance.

I kissed her softly on the cheek pretending only to be a friendly kiss. But for me it was more. It felt like being in heaven. Lots of thoughts of what could have been crossed my mind. She and me getting older together, Sundays on bed, walks in the par, candle-light dinners…. But none of them would ever be real. And only because my fault, because I was so stubborn at the moment to admit my love of her. And when I finally did it, she had moved on. I would never know if we could have been together forever.

I helped her get dressed using the opportunity to memorise all the inches of her skin. Remembering where she had a mark or a scar. Because from now on I was only to live on those memories. While she would be with her husband, sharing a wonderful time together, I would be, at home, alone letting the vision of her invade my mind. Would I never be able to be in love? Sincerely I doubt it. Before her, I only had been in love once and being objective it was more lust and the need of protection than love. But with her all was different. Better. Amazing.

I left her alone assuring her she would make a beautiful bride. Of course she would do it. Never in my life I had seen someone as beautiful as her. I went back to my place, forcing a smile in my face, saying hello to the people I knew, sitting next to the only person who knew about me and her. I must thank the lord above for letting me having such a good friend. Someone who didn't judge me but listened to me, giving me the strength I need, encouraging me.

"Are you feeling well?"

"Not really"

"Don't worry. I'll always be here for you. When you want to smile and when you need a shoulder to cry on"

"Thanks"

Then the ceremony began. I stood up, like other people did, to see the bride made her way to the altar where her husband-to-be was waiting. She turned to me giving me a half-smile which I returned by whispering her "You are beautiful".

"We are here today to celebrate the union in front of God of Sara Ann Sidle and…"

I didn't here anymore from here. Later, at home, I cried until I ran out of tears. I'll never forget myself for confessing my undying love to her before.