A/N: Well, here's chapter two…I can't believe people wanted me to continue. You do know what they say about "getting what you wished" don't you?
"Um…?" I offered, and gave a little shrug, not knowing what to say.
What could I say faced with this situation? "Oh by the way, I'm from Earth and know all about the Stargate and Atlantis, and I also have a really huge big crush on Squishy here"? Yeah, I can see that going over real well.
Not that my 'um…?' and shrug was any better, since McKay's frown deepened and he turned to glance over his shoulder, at Zelenka no doubt. Then he glanced back at me and tapped the little earpiece thing that I've always assumed was their radio. "Elizabeth, we have a big problem here."
All fat jokes aside, I wondered how on earth I could be a big problem. I mean sure, I was a strange person sitting in the middle of what was probably a very important lab, and was attempting to hide from them, but still, I was harmless. I mean, I might be able to understand techno babble, but I'm no physicist, and I certainly wasn't concealing any weapons in my pajamas, which consisted of flannel bottoms and a pink tank top (basically screaming 'White Trash', with me being overweight and my hair flying every which way).
'What sort of problem?' Elizabeth Weir's voice was easily recognizable over the radio, and the concern in it was just as easily identified. That's why she was one of my favorite characters. She might pretend to be strong, to show everyone she's a leader, but when it comes right down to it, she empathizes with her people, and that counts strongly.
"We have an intruder," Rodney answered, still holding my gaze, "sitting in my lab. I found her trying to hide, and she looks absolutely terrified now, so I must have caught her doing something."
"You shouldn't come to conclusions without all the facts," I muttered, lowering my eyes to the ground. Really, I knew better than to say anything, but it really irks me when I'm being accused of something that I haven't done.
"Yes well you're the intruder, you're here in my lab, and I can make any sort of conclusions about you that I want to," Rodney began, his voice sharp with annoyance.
'I see,' Elizabeth's voice responded, thankfully interrupting Rodney before he could finish his tirade, and I briefly wondered how she could see when she wasn't there, 'I'll have a security team sent.'
I very quickly found the hem of my pajama bottoms incredibly fascinating, my fingers rolling the fabric up and releasing it in a nervous gesture. If they were bringing a security team in, then I was going to be interrogated, and I didn't think I'd be able to answer their questions to their satisfaction. Unfortunately, I didn't exactly have much choice in the matter. Here I was, and they were coming.
"She does not look so very dangerous to me."
Squishy's voice had me giving myself whiplash as my head; to my complete dismay, I found myself looking up at him. He was looking down at me with unabashed curiosity and amusement, his glasses having slid down his nose a little (This made me reach up to adjust my own glasses, but my fingers touched nothing but skin before I remembered that I had taken them off before the purple non-object thing had appeared).
"Well, how did she get here?" Rodney retorted, "Oh, I know, she just suddenly appeared out of thin air while we were away for five minutes. Radek, be reasonable."
No, I appeared because of some kind of purple non-object thing. I was getting really tired of it, and it wasn't even around any more. Purple non-object things had just made my top ten list of "things and people you should not associate with".
"I am being reasonable, you are the one who is speaking of impossibilities," Squishy replied calmly, "Perhaps if ve question her?"
"That's not our job."
"Security team is not here yet."
"Yes, but they would know how to get information out of her."
"How do you know I do not? Look at her, does she look like she vill cause harm to the lab?"
"Um, I am still here you know," I said, making them forget their argument and bringing their attention back to me. As amusing as the banter was, there were a few things that didn't quite sit right.
On the one hand, I was glad Squishy was on my side. On the other hand, I was a little offended that he didn't think I was dangerous. On the other hand, I kind of wondered why he wasn't more suspicious of me. On the other hand, neither one of them seemed very surprised to see a strange person sitting in the middle of their territory. On the other…wait, I think I've used up too many hands. Oh well.
In any case, I was now back in the center of their world because I had to open my big mouth and interrupt them.
"Of course we know you're still here," Rodney remarked, waving his hand dismissively, "What's your point?"
"Well, it's rude to talk about someone as if they aren't there, when they obviously are there," I responded.
"What are you, my mom? In case you're forgetting, YOU…"
"I know! I'm the intruder!"
I scowled and crossed my arms, glaring at the scientist. I liked Rodney, really I did, but…at that particular moment I would have happily thrown a cream pie at him. Which didn't explain why I suddenly found myself holding a cream pie in my hands. The metal of the plate it was in was cool to the touch, and was certainly real (I really am not going to go into the whole reality thing again…really).
"How did you…?" Rodney didn't get to finish his question as the pie inexplicably found its way with unerring accuracy from my hands to his face. The now empty pan slid slowly down his face where it hung a minute on his chin and then fell to the floor with a clatter.
I couldn't help the snort of laughter that came from me at the sight of the smeared whipped cream. I mean, come on, wouldn't you find it rather amusing, if not totally confusing? My eyes cut to Radek as a choked sound came from his direction, and I could see that he was finding difficult not to laugh at his friend's predicament. See? Even he found it funny.
"Oh yes, I'm sure you find this all very amusing," Rodney said, and I'm guessing he was scowling, because I couldn't see his face through the pie, "but now you have to admit I was right. There is something dangerous about her."
Squishy tilted his head and gave me a considering look, which made me look down at the floor. Okay, so despite the childish enjoyment I got out of that whole scenario, I had to admit it did make me look even worse. Still, I hadn't actually done anything. Had I?
"Oh sure, she's the "Pie Thrower of Doom"," another voice interrupted, "let's all get our 'pie repellant'."
I wasn't the only one to look as Major John Sheppard stepped in between Rodney and Radek, a sardonically amused grin pulling at his lips.
"And just how long have you been there?" Rodney asked indignantly.
"Long enough," was the vague reply, John waving his hand through the air. "So, you're our intruder."
I fidgeted and looked down at the floor again, uncomfortable under so much scrutiny. Two people I could handle, even when one of them was someone I had fantasized about quite a lot, but three people staring at me like they were waiting for me to do something (and probably they were, but lets not get into semantics here) was far too much. I much preferred being alone and doing stuff on the computer. At least there was a screen separating me from the people I talked to.
"You should probably take her to infirmary first," Squishy suggested, "see what she is."
"What I am?" I squeaked, now totally offended, "I'm human." I said the last part in a sort of whiny, little kid voice that I couldn't help.
The three of them stared at me, and I went back to finding the hem of my pajama bottoms fascinating. Well, going to the infirmary would certainly prove I was human. But what if it didn't? What if, somehow, that purple non-object thing had made me something else? Plus, I really hated going to doctors. I never had anything wrong with me, and all they ever did was say "You've got to quit smoking, and that'll help you lose weight, and make you breath easier."
I don't smoke, which makes it all the more unpleasant, because no matter how many times I try to tell them that it's my mom and my sister and my nephew who do it, they just pat me on the head and say 'uh huh, well that's good for you!'. Like they hadn't just told me to quit smoking!
As you can see, this caused my nervousness to increase to the point where I was starting to get nauseous. I bit my lip and breathed shallowly, to keep myself from puking the contents of my stomach all over the place. How embarrassing would that be?
"I was planning on it," John said, unaware of my internal struggles, after a significant pause, "it is standard procedure."
There was another long pause and then…"Zelenka, why are you wearing a purple dress?"
(to be continued!)