Title: The Melt-down of Shiranui Genma by Meleth78

Genre: Humor/Romance

Characters: Genma, Kakashi (Kakashi/Iruka & Genma/Raido implied)


Status: Continuation of The Melt-down of Umino Iruka. I just couldn't leave it at that.

Comments: Poor poor Genma. I didn't mean to hurt you but I HAD to…It's really not my fault. At least I gave you a sweet caring Raido didn't I?

Disclaimer: They want to be mine, but they are not. No one cares how THEY feel.


Shiranui Genma had just about had it.

Kakashi had been stalking him for days. The pale-skinned fucker hadn't even bothered to hide the fact from the long-haired jounin. He stood, single blue eye blatantly staring while Genma had been supervising the training of some higher level chuunin. He watched, radiating evilness while Genma did his paperwork in the teacher's lounge. The silver-haired bastard even glared, emanating pure hatred at Genma while the latter was trying to have a peaceful lunch with Raido.

Genma had had enough. The sheer stress of anticipating Kakashi's retaliation was driving him insane. Last night, he had suddenly…in the midst of…Genma couldn't even bring himself to think about it. Raido had been really really sweet about it and even comforted the distraught jounin by saying that it wasn't uncommon, and that it happened to the best of men. Plus Raido, being a sweet caring soul, also added that he was fine with just cuddling for the night. CUDDLING! Genma moaned as he held his aching head in his hands. He couldn't do it anymore. Kakashi clearly wasn't going to make his move anytime soon. The copy nin was too damn brilliant to not realize the effect his stalking was having on the other jounin. Genma wouldn't even put it pass the silver-haired fucker to have cast a jutsu that led to his….dysfunction last night. Yes, that must have been it. A forbidden justu cast by a vengeful Hatake Kakashi. No way it could have been anything else. That HAD to be it. Genma was just going to have to confront Kakashi and inform him politely to quit it. After all, it wasn't Genma that had done the licking…

'Do you taste like vanilla?'

God. The senbon-chewing jounin clutched at his arm which had been so suddenly and so wetly violated. He could still feel the damp swipe…Genma bent over groaning, head still in his hands. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. At least Iruka hadn't been able to reach him to sniff….arrghh…don't THINK about it!

Sigh, it wasn't as if Genma didn't find the young sensei appealing. On the contrary, he found Iruka very, very enticing. For one thing, the younger man was just so darn pert. He had a scarred pert little nose, cute pert little lips and an ass that screamed out 'Look at me! Squeeze me! I'm so fricking pert you wouldn't believe it!'. The pertly pony-tailed sensei even taught at the academy all pert like, his pert bits bouncing about merrily in the classroom. The senbon-sucking jounin sighed again, senbon in question twitching irritably. Like he thought earlier, it wasn't that Iruka wasn't attractive. It was just… Genma shuddered as he recalled the look in Iruka's eyes as the younger man had asked that question. Insanity, hope and longing combined to form a crazed gleam that made the chuunin's dark eyes scarily glazed. Sigh. He no longer wondered why the apparently respectable chuunin had taken up with the mask wearing deviant. They were both fricking nut cases. Unfortunately for him, one half of the fricking nut-cased duo had developed a vendetta against him. Crap.

Ok, thought Genma as he took a calming breath as he re-arranged his hitai-ate bandana at a more rakish tilt. This had to end and this had to end now. There would be NO MORE JUST CUDDLING. He was going to look for Kakashi right this very moment. Unfortunately for him, Genma knew exactly where there the Sharingan jounin was because Kakashi had announced loudly that he was stepping out for a couple of hours to train with his team but that he would be BACK. The last comment was clearly aimed at the long-haired-senbon-chewing jounin who froze, stupefied, as the paler man all but shrieked it into his left ear.

Pre-emptive action, the mark of any competent shinobi. And Genma was nothing if not competent.


Wandering around the open field, Genma first spotted Naruto and Sakura practicing jutsus together, the young blonde actually appeared to know what he was doing. Sakura was even laughing happily at his progress. And then Genma saw him. Kakashi. The masked jounin was sprawled out, back to the trunk of a tree, for all appearances engrossed in his book. But Genma knew better. He felt it the minute he stepped into the vicinity. The chakra of the silver-haired man had fixated on him and was right at that very moment focused on squeezing THE VERY ESSENCE out Genma's own source of chakra. Genma gasped sharply, bit down hard on his senbon and then bellowed,

'YOU BASTARD!' before he doubled over. Knees hitting the grass. 'KAKASHI!' Genma looked up as he yelled out the other jounin's name threateningly. 'You fuck…' the long-haired man wheezed, senbon clenched hard between his teeth.

Naruto and Sakura froze. Wide eyed they stared at the usually unflappable dark-haired jounin who was now a pale, panting, heavily sweating curled up ball. They also noticed that the older man had a frantic, painfully tortured look in his light brown eyes.

'Naruto. Sakura.' The melodic voice of Kakashi called out to his two partners.

'Sensei?' questioned Sakura on behalf of both of them. Naruto was otherwise occupied, slowly inching his way to the dark-haired jounin clearly intending to prod the man out of his stupor.

'Why don't you and Naruto take a break? Genma-san seems to have something he needs to talk to me about.' Kakashi beamed as he ruffled the pink haired girl's head.'

'Hai sensei' Sakura replied before grabbing on the protesting blond boy. She made to leave but not before throwing a disapproving look at the long-haired jounin for what she saw as reprehensible behavior. She was so glad that Kakashi-sensei was her teacher. He might be late all the time and kind of perverted but as least he wasn't demented. Sakura hoped that her sensei would be able to help his fellow jounin or at least offer wise counsel to him in his time of desperate need.

As the two teenagers made their way away from the two older men, Kakashi slowly sauntered over to the enraged kneeling special jounin, stuck his hands into his pockets and bent down before casually commenting,

'Chakra got your balls?'

'You bastard!' gasped Genma in return. 'Let…let GO!'

'Why should I?' A harder squeeze.

'He licked me FIRST!' Genma screamed, hands going for his own groin. Why? WHY oh WHY was it that every time someone was angry at him the first thing they went for was his dick? He knew he had a reputation but this was just getting ridiculous!

'I know.' replied Kakashi calmly.

Ok. THAT Genma didn't expect. His wide eyed looked must have conveyed his shock to the other man because Kakashi squatted in front of him and firmly took Genma's chin into his gloved hand.

'Iruka told me.' The evil, pale man smirked. 'What? You think he keeps anything from me? You think he can?' He gently shook Genma's chin. 'Silly silly Genma-san'

A tinge of humanity must have re-entered Kakashi as he looked into Genma's beautiful large brown eyes because he released both his intensely painful chakra hold as well as his grasp of the other jounin's chin. The dark haired jounin sat down heavily.

Genma barely prevented himself from scrambling back and away from the clearly insane man. But he was a jounin. He held his ground. Mostly by sitting on it. Also, he could barely breathe, much less move. He slowly brought himself up onto his knees and watchfully observed the man close to him.

Kakashi had plopped himself down quite comfortably, cross-legged in front of his fellow jounin, chin in hand, peering curiously at the other man, gauging his reaction. He knew it. Kakashi had finally lost it. He must have killed….no….Genma had seen Iruka only this morning at the academy. The younger man certainly didn't look any worst for wear. In fact, Genma had even overheard Anko whisper to Kurenai that Iruka-sensei had an 'I've-spent-all-week-being-stupendously-fucked-and-I-don't-care-who-knows-about-it' lose limb-ness to him.

'Then why?' questioned the long-haired man out loud. His brain however, was shrieking, Why me you single-eyed freak? Why not your precious licking chuunin Iruka? Why am I the only one to suffer…dysfunction! And WHY does everyone ALWAYS go for my freaking dick!

'What? Iruka's not good enough for you?' shot back the silver-haired man. Malicious.

What the fuck?

'What the fuck are you talking about?' Genma threw back. They were….they were insane!

'My Ruka told me what you did to him.' continued the pale jounin.

'I didn't DO ANYTHING TO HIM! He came on to me' Genma almost sobbed. 'He even LICKED me!'

'Oh, and it didn't occur to you to lick him back?' said Kakashi clearly extremely displeased.


'Ruka said you ran away. You didn't even let him SNIFF YOU!' Kakashi yelled at the end, his composure cracking at the thought of his precious Ruka having to suffer the humiliation of not even getting a cursory swipe back. The pale jounin continued,

'You didn't have to like it, but you could have pretended.'


'You hurt his feelings. I had to spend that whole night convincing him that he was still sweet and adorable and lickable. My tongue went NUMB!' Kakashi paused, 'How could you!

Genma was just….speechless. The other jounin continued his reprimand,

'You hurt him you son of a bitch. You couldn't have blushed? At least ASUMA did.' Kakashi all but flung the other jounin's name in Genma's face.

Asuma? Kakashi was glad that the cigarette smoking man got turned on by Iruka? What the fuck? Genma just stared at the other man, seriously not understanding what was going on.

'Don't you think Iruka is attractive? Does he…' the pale jounin paused before he spat out the next part of the sentence, 'disgust you?'


'I-RU-KA. Are you attracted to him?' Snapped Kakashi. 'Pay attention.'

Fine, Kakashi's problem seemed to be that Genma hadn't reacted to Iruka, did the other jounin want him to admit that his lickable-lover was appealing? That wouldn't be a problem. Iruka was after all, as Genma had previously asserted, one of THE hottest shinobis in Konoha.

'He's….very attractive. He's…he's quite hot actually.' Replied the long-haired jounin.

'So you wouldn't think twice about doing him?' questioned the other man. His single cobalt blue eye stared intently at Genma this time, the answer clearly meaning a lot to him.

The senbon-sucking jounin almost slapped himself silly. God. So this is what it was all about. Kakashi protecting his precious love's fragile ego. It was actually very sweet, in a really stupid, making no sense whatsoever sort of way. Genma would do anything, say ANYTHING to get the crazy-ball-squeezing-jounin and his manic-arm-licking-lover off his back. Plus, he wasn't totally lying when he said,

'Sure I'll do him. He's totally fuckable. Anytime.'

Genma reached out to pat his fellow jounin amiably on his shoulder. There there. Feel better now? The dark-haired jounin then mentally congratulated himself for managing to weasel out of this total mess without coming to blows with the infamous Sharingan Kakashi. Not that he couldn't take the younger man but he had to conserve his strength to prove to Raido tonight that he could do more than just cuddle. Suddenly, the squeezing sensation that had previously assailed his groin became a vicious chakra-molded kick. Genma screamed as he doubled over again, grabbing on to his inflamed crotch.

'Wha……..wha…..I said….what you….wanted' He barely managed to gasp out. Why God why? Why ALWAYS the crotch?

'That's for even thinking of getting your grubby hands on my Ruka.' Snarled the pale jounin from above him. 'Stay away from him bitch, or I'll really make your life a living hell.'

With that the silver-haired jounin got up, brushed off his grass covered butt and whistled a jaunty tune as he slowly made his way to where Naruto and Sakura were sure to be.


Raido found Genma later than evening, sprawled out flat on his back where Kakashi had left him. The long-haired jounin was silently sucking on his senbon, staring blankly at the darkening evening sky. Upon seeing the scarred man, Genma whimpered and clung on to his love like a newly born babe as Raido gently brought him back home for yet another night of just cuddling.