Girl Talk/Guy Talk
by Netherwood

Disclaimer: I don't own it, I tell you! I don't!
Thanks to: BOC42 :)

Monique bubbled with enthusiasm as she dumped her shopping bags and sat down with her smoothie in Middleton Mall's fooodcourt. "We scored it big today, girl," she said happily. "Check out this shirt I found—thirty percent off, the last one left on the rack, and so my style! What'd you find, Kim?"

Kim distractedly sat across the table, letting her bags fall and taking a sip out of the smoothie. She was clearly not paying attention—her eyes were out of focus and she was biting her lip worriedly.

Monique waved her hand in front of Kim's face. "Hello Kim! Reality is pagin' you, girl," she said.

Kim did nothing.

A small smile crept onto Monique's face. "So then Bonnie and I started fighting over who Brick was taking to the dance," she began, "but we both ended up tweaked when he came outta nowhere and said he was taking Rufus to his yodeling lessons that night so Ron could take Zita to prom instead. Ron was hoping to have purple squid for dinner."

Kim choked on a mouthful of smoothie, coughing for several minutes before she could speak. "Wha—Ron and Zita?" she finally coughed out.

"You haven't heard a word I said, have you, girl?" asked Monique playfully.

Kim slumped onto the table. "Sorry, Monique," she apologized. "I have a lot on my mind right now."

Monique arched an eyebrow. "Too right. You've been going space cadet all day. You didn't even pull a back flip over the crowds when you spotted the newest Cuddle Buddy on the other side of a store! I was majorly shocked. What's eatin' ya?"


The television blared, the undead moaned, the fingers pressed buttons and joysticks at an alarming rate, and Ron and Felix's eyes were stuck to glowing screen—they were playing Zombie Mayhem 3 at Ron's house.

Without taking his eyes from the game, took a soft jab at Felix's favorite game. "I still say Zombie Mayhem 2 is the far superior game here."

"Flamethrower, Ron," Felix replied nonchalantly. "Flamethrower. Can you do this in Zombie Mayhem 2?" The sound of flames issued from the television, along with another undead moan.

Ron shook his head. "Dude, the katana is so much cooler."

Felix shrugged. "Cooler, maybe. But the flamethrower's so much more menacing than the katana will ever be." His eyes suddenly shot open. "Ron, there's a necromancer behind you! JUMP!" A sticky splat came from the game. "I warned you, Ron."

Ron slumped sideways to take up the whole couch. "Aw, man! What is this? Fifth time tonight!"

"Your game's way off," Felix observed. "Sure you don't wanna take a break? Maybe it'll give you time to relearn how to play video games."

Ron laughed and jumped up from the couch, pulling Rufus from his pocket once he was on both feet. "Cover for me, little buddy," he instructed. "I'm getting snackage. You want anything, Felix?"

"Sure, whatever you got is fine."

Ron headed for the kitchen. Before leaving the room, though, he paused at a wall full of family photos—and dreamily stared at a prominent picture of him and Kim hanging at the Possible house. Unfortunately, Felix somehow chose that moment to look away from the tv long enough to catch Ron daydreaming.

As soon as Ron was gone, Felix turned to the zombie-smashing Rufus. "I think I know why his game's off," he reported.

Rufus blinked. "Huh?"


"C'mon, girl," Monique drilled persistently. "You can tell me what's goin' on!"

"Well...I don't know, I might just be imagining it," Kim replied hesitantly.

Monique tilted her head and stared Kim in the eyes. "Spill it, Kim, or I'm going to make mah own assumptions from how 'Ron and Zita' were the magic words to snap you outta dreamland."

Kim sighed. "Okay, okay. It's about Ron."


The game lay paused, and the promised snackage—nacos—lay in Ron and Felix's hands. Felix, in between large bites, fixed Ron with a serious stare. "Ah knoh why yer game's uff," he managed around his mouthful, managing to ruin the serious effect by spewing a few fragments of tortilla chip.

Ron blinked. "Huh?"

Felix swallowed the mesh of Mexican and tried again. "Kim," he stated bluntly. You're daydreaming about Kim, aren't you?"

Ron looked insulted. "Felix, I am a serious gamer, and especially devoted to the esteemed Zombie Mayhem series. I do not 'daydream,' as you put it, while there are still foul undead to destroy."

The trap was sprung. "And you don't stop to ogle her picture, either," Felix added smugly.

"Exactly, I don't—Oh, wait."

Rufus sniggered. "Ho, busted!"

Felix downed another naco. "Hey," he started, "do you keep nacos around here or something? I mean, you just went to the kitchen to get these, not Bueno Nacho."

Ron's chest inflated with pride. "Yeah, I keep a supply around. I mean, I did invent the glorious thing, I know how to make a few for snackage emergencies."

Felix swallowed his last one and pointed to Ron's. "Bet you can't eat the last two at once," he challenged.

"Watch me!" Ron promptly smashed both together, opened wide, and swallowed both of them. The feat was quite clean and tidy, as most of the mess actually comes from chewing food twice the size of the mouth.

An appreciate whistle sounded from Felix. "Impressive, Stoppable!"

Ron took a bow. "I have honed my abilities to perfection through long hours of training," he bragged. "You too may one day possess my bon diggity skills, young one. Train hard."

They quickly wiped their hands on their pants and unpaused the game.

"Weren't we talkin' about something before the nacos?" asked Ron.


"Oh, yeah."


Kim reached for her smoothie and took a fortifying sip before continuing, Monique hanging on her every word. "We were just out on a regular mission stopping Drakken from launching a satellite that would turn Canada's snow blue—why he wants to, I have no idea. The mission was no big. Shego wasn't even there. Drakken tried to take over the world while Shego was on vacation!" Kim scoffed. "Seriously doomed."

"So...what happened between you and Ron?"

"It was after the mission," Kim explained, not sure whether telling was a very good idea. "We were waiting for the ride Wade set up. We were sitting on this park bench facing the sunset..."


Felix reviewed the story mentally. "Okay, so you're sitting there waiting for your ride. What then? Any violin players putting on massively romantic music or something in the background?" He laughed shortly. "There must've been something special for how many times you've gotten pulverized at ZM3 tonight!"

Ron shrugged. "Uh, I can't think of anything."

"Candelight dinner appear out of nowhere? Some overly cute chick flick start playing on a suddenly appeared tv?"


Clear disappointment crept onto Felix's face. "So you just sat there?"

Ron shook his head before going on. "Well, it was cold. Strangely enough, Canada, despite having such clean cities and excellent health care, has not yet shown enough concern to install outdoor heaters to take care of those Canadian winters." He sounded truly baffled.

Felix chuckled. "Yeah, what are they thinking?" he asked cheerily.


Despite her doubts, Kim now seemed to be enjoying telling the story. Monique wisely refrained from commenting on her victory. "We were both in our mission clothes—I mean, we didn't think we'd be waiting outside, so we didn't bother to bring out winter suits."

Monique winced sympathetically. "Ouch. Canadian winter, girl! Cold! And those clothes aren't exactly the warmest thing around." A little grin slipped onto Monique's face. "I think getting a longer shirt might help there."

Kim was indignant. "My skin needs to breathe during a kung fu fight, thank you!"

"I know, I'm just teasin' ya, Kim," Monique said calmingly. "Go on!"

"Sparring with Drakken's henchmen hadn't even warmed me up," Kim said, some contempt for the amateurs creeping into her voice, "So I was shivering by this point. Ron saw that I was freezing, gave me his I've-got-your-back smile and said, 'You look cold, KP.' I said something like, 'Ron, anything with a pulse should have hypothermia out here, of course I'm cold.' I didn't make it harsh, though, Ron's always saying stuff like that on our missions and I don't mind. Then he gets this look and says, 'Don't worry, Kim, I can help you there.' " Kim paused for a moment, and continued, sounding a bit more distant. "And then he moved a little closer and put his arm around my shoulder."

Monique coughed on her smoothie, took a breath, and leaned forward eagerly. "No way! He really put his arm around you and held you? Ron?"

The distant voice disappeared and energy returned to Kim's voice. "Yes!"

"That boy's gettin' bolder!" Monique seemed to approve. "Do you think it was best friend keepin' best friend warm in freaky cold weather," she stopped to grin mischievously, "or was that just an excuse to get a little closer?"

"I don't know, that's what I'm trying to figure out." Kim sounded baffled, but hopeful.

"Okay, girl, let's look at this. How close did he get?"

"Hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder close," Kim replied bluntly.

"How'd he talk?" Monique's excitement was building.

Kim frowned thoughtfully. "He sounded way happy, a little nervous. At first, I thought it was just the mission, you know, job finished and everything, but...there was plenty of time for that to wear off, and it wasn't even a very thrilling mission anyway..."

Monique was bubbling. "Ooh! What about this 'look' he gave you? The eyes tell everything, girl!"


"She's cold, you're cold—not that you're admitting that part, you're far too macho—and so you put your arm around her," Felix recapped while rapidly hitting the attack button on Zombie Mayhem. "Am I getting this right?"


Felix grinned slyly. "Was keeping her warm the only reason?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ron spluttered.

"Exactly what I said. Is there any other reason you were putting an arm around her shoulder like that?"

Ron attempted to look indifferent (and failed miserably). "Felix, there is no reason to take this subject any farther than we've—"

Felix cut him off. "Just answer it, Ron. Are you, or are you not, crushing on Kim?"

Panic crept onto Ron's face. He dived for the couch pillows and shoved one over each ear. "Not telling, and not hearing you ask," he said loudly. "LA LA LA LA LA!"

Robotic arms shot out of Felix's hoverchair at the press of a button, and Ron found himself dangling from the ceiling. "I can hold you there all night and keep playing, you know," Felix gloated.

Ron was in panic—but for a different reason. The cursed music was coming out of the television again. "Rufus! The necromancer's back," he shouted. "GET MY CONTROLLER! KILL IT!" Rufus dutifully dived for Ron's fallen control pad and started jumping from button to button. An annoying splat met Rufus's attempts. "Not again," fumed Ron. "Rufus, use the katana, not the flamethrower!"

Rufus hung his head apologetically. "Sorry," he muttered.

"I'm still waiting, Stoppable," Felix said impatiently.

Ron shook his head and folded his arms as best he could while restrained. "Sorry, Felix," he said firmly. "That info is so classified not even Wade can hack into it!"

"It's back, oh pain," Rufus chattered. The necromancer music filled the room again.

"Felix, give me the controller," Ron pleaded. "That necromancer's after me again!"

Felix wouldn't relent. "Say it..."


"I'm still waiting."

A drop of sweat crept down Ron's forehead. The necromancer closing in on Ron's character. He made his decision. "YES I'M MAJORLY CURSHING ON KIM!"

Felix gave off a victorious whoop and lowered Ron to the floor. "Good boy, Ron!"

Ron dived for his controller and began frantically dodging—just in time to hear the familiar splat mock him. He moaned, crawled to the couch, and began beating his head on the cushions. "Why, why, why?" he moaned. "I jus' wanna level up, is that so wrong?"


"So Ron is puts his arm around your shoulder—and I say he's going for more than just best friends. Then what?"

A faint blush crept into Kim's cheeks. "Nothing, really," she evaded.

Monique was incredulous. "Nothing? Come on, girl," she drilled. "That's not a 'nothing' sitch!"

Kim's faint blush rapidly intensified. "We just sat there."

"Kim, you're blushing so bad your face matches your hair," Monique teased.

"We were just there until Wade's ride showed up, really," Kim mumbled toward the table.

Monique leaned forward so Kim had to look at her. "I'll ask Ron if I have to," she threatened "He'll spill before even thinking about it and you know it!"

"Fine," Kim hissed angrily. "I moved closer, leaned back onto his chest, and THEN waited for our ride to show. Happy?"

Monique's jaw dropped open and she giggled briefly. "Wait, wait, wait—you did what?"

Kim sent a defensive deathglare at Monique. "I was cold, I was tired, he was warm, he was soft, and it's just RON!" she almost yelled.

Monique leaned back. "Touchy subject," she said. "You're crushing on him, aren't you?"

Kim went from near-combat mode to near-panic. "Crushing? I'm not—"

"Ooh, so it's more than just crushing?" Monique asked, eyes lighting up.

"It's just Ron," Kim insisted. "Best friend, trust each other with our lives, haven't been apart for more than a week since Pre-K—remember him?"

A fanatic tinge crept into Monique's voice. "Yes! Just Ron! Just you and Ron! Best friends ever, watching a romantic sunset and in a distinctly non-best friends position!"

"Let's figure Ron out first, not me, okay?" Kim said, sounding hunted.

Monique tried her best copy of the puppy-dog pout before speaking with her best wheedling voice—she wasn't letting Kim pull her off THIS subject. "Come on, Kim, you two are made for each other, I knew it when we met, and you just proved it yourself—you're the ultimate best friends ever, you two trust each other totally, you're so tight it's freaky sometimes, and you'd fall apart if you couldn't constantly hang out with him, you two mean everything to each other—wasn't that what you just said?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "Yes," she said. "But twisted beyond recognition."

Monique slipped back into bubbling mode. "And you're just so cute together!"


"I so knew you were crushing on her," Felix said smugly. "I even thought you two were already hooked up for about two months after I first met you!"

Ron blinked in confusion and surprise. "Huh?"

Felix struggled to find the right way to explain. "Well, you two were always really tight. Inseparable tight. You tight." He fixed Ron with a penetrating look. "Don't tell me you two haven't gotten this before," he said, sounding tricked. "Mix how tight you are with all these casual touches and little flirts you two constantly pull and people probably think you're engaged or something!"

Ron was dazed. "We flirt?"

Felix burst out laughing. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed," he finally managed.

Ron beat his head on the couch once more before crawling back towards Zombie Mayhem. "I just wanna level up," he whined. "Can't you torment me later?"

"Fine, just one more question," Felix agreed, visibly trying to calm himself. "Scale of one to ten, how hot do you think Kim is?"

Ron scoffed. "That is such a stupid question, Felix, that I'm not even gonna bother answering."


Ron grinned. "Booyah."


Kim and Monique were both standing and gathering their shopping bags. Kim looked relieved, Monique looked slightly disappointed.

"Don't think you're off the hook just because you need to be home by seven, girl," Monique said both menacingly and playfully. "I'm calling you later!"

"Hey, Monique," Kim started curiously, "Do you think Ron's obsessing about that little scene as much as I am?"

Monique nodded vigorously and certainly. "Definitely, girl. How could anyone not? I mean, wondering if your best friend wants to take things to the next level—that's bigger than movies, sports, video games, or whatever guys do together. This is about your relationship, girl!"


Rufus, Ron, and Felix were staring at the screen intently, firmly back in gamer trance. Suddenly, the glorious victory music sounded. A cheer went up from all three, Rufus pulled some celebratory jump kicks, Felix began pounding the armrest of his hoverchair, and Ron started banging pillows together. Ron and Felix took up an exhilarated, impromptu chant: "LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP! LEVEL UP!"

Ron shouted, "Booyah! Let's see that necromancer get me now!"


Kim and Monique climbed into Monique's car and shoved their purchases into the back seat.

"Do you ever wonder what guys talk about when something like this comes up?" asked Kim, sounding pensive.

Monique shrugged, unconcernedly, already convinced of her logic. "I bet it's not that different. I mean, you got the same things to talk about when someone might be crushing on you, right?" She started ticking off items on her fingers. "You gotta figure out if they're really trying to catch your attention, or if they just normal like you. Then there's whether they're the serious relationship type or the summertime fling guy. And how well you get along...if you like his sense of humor... There's so much you gotta think through, but it's all gotta be thought through. They gotta be talkin' about all the same things as we do."

Kim nodded slowly. "Makes sense," she admitted.


Once they started getting headaches from prolonged exposure to Zombie Mayhem (and, more importantly, had achieved several more level ups), Ron and Felix had turned off the game and started talking without multitasking.

Ron mentally ticked off several items. "Have we covered all the important stuff?" he asked.

"I think so..." Felix said. He stopped. "Wait, we forgot one!"

"What is it?"

"What's her favorite five bands?"

"Ooh, can't forget that one. Hang on, lemme think."

Thanks for reading. (I know it was extremely long, please forgive me) I was going to write this as a humor fic, but my inability to be funny for so long stopped that... Anyway, now that you've seen how I write private conversations for both guys and girls, I'm curious...which do you think I am? Please review! Thanks :)

Okay, this time I've REALLY fixed the spacing. seems to be prejudiced against extra line breaks for some reason. Thanks for all your reviews and support!