Secret Snog

I don't know what possessed me to write this. I suddenly found inspiration one day when thinking about a Secret Santa game I played in seventh grade. It's a bit late for Valentine's Day, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Warning: This is slash. SLASH! Remus/Sirius pairing. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's that simple.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters/names/places/events/etc. belong to JKR and Warner Bros. I'm just a poor little fangirl that likes to borrow them.

"I've got the perfect Valentine's Day activity!"

"No, James."

"Aw, come on, Remus! It'll be fun."



Remus glared at his friend over his heavy Transfiguration book. He was curled up in a squashy armchair by the fire, finishing his reading assignment. James perched on the armrest, poking Remus until the boy snapped the book shut and scowled at him.

"Please?" he repeated.

Remus let out a long-suffering sigh. "What's this activity you've got planned?"

"Sirius and I came up with it. Speaking of which—Oy, Sirius!" James called. Sirius was conversing with a small brunette girl in the middle of the Common Room—or rather, the girl was chatting away and Sirius was pretending to listen with a glazed look in his eyes that told Remus he hadn't heard a word of what she had said.

Looking relieved to have an excuse to get away, Sirius politely broke off the conversation and came to join the two boys by the fire.

"Thanks, James," said Sirius. "I didn't think she'd ever shut up."

"Any time. Remus here wants to know what we have planned for Valentine's Day."

Sirius's eyes lit up and he sat on Remus's other armrest. "Secret Snog."

"Secret Snog," Remus repeated dryly. "Do I even want to know?"

"Of course you do. It's a bit like Secret Santa, but instead of giving presents, you give a kiss."

"You see, Moony, everyone who wants to play writes their name on a slip of parchment and puts it in a hat. Then we mix up the names and each person picks out a name. They have to snog the person whose name they picked before the day is over."

"And if they don't?" asked Remus, dreading the answer.

"If they don't…well, let's just say there will be consequences."

"Like what?"

"Like breaking out in enormous purple pimples that last for three months."

"Of course," added James, "we won't actually tell anyone that until after they've picked the names."

"Oh, of course."

"So are you going to play, Remus? I'll make the announcement tonight, so that everyone will have enough time to put their names in. Valentine's Day is tomorrow."

"You actually think anyone will be stupid enough to play?" asked Remus. "Wait—don't answer that. I can think of several people already."

"So you're going to play, right?"


"It's just the Griffindors, fourth year and above. You don't have to worry about having to snog a Slytherin or a first year."




"Hey, James," said Sirius. "Why don't you go make the announcement? And try to convince Evans to join? I'll work on Moony."

"Sure, mate." James winked at Sirius knowingly before striding with confidence into the middle of the room and jumping up on a table to call for silence.

Sirius slid into the armchair beside Remus—which, being a one-person seat, meant that both boys were now squashed together and much too close for Remus's comfort.

"It'll be fun, Moony."

"I don't think it's a good idea, Padfoot." Remus tried to keep his voice as neutral as possible, doing his best to ignore the tingling sensations in his body from Sirius's warmth beside him.

"What are you worried about?"

"Nothing. I just don't feel like snogging random people I don't even know."

"But what if it's someone you do know?"

"Then that'll be even weirder. What if I get the name of one of my friends…or worse, one of my friends' crushes? Like Lily Evans? James'll kill me."

"You don't have to tell him. Besides, what if you get the name of your crush?"

"I don't have a crush, Sirius."

"Or so you claim."

"You don't believe me?"

"I don't know, Remus. You've been a little too happy lately."

Remus coughed nervously, turning away so that Sirius couldn't see the blush on his cheeks.

If only you knew, Remus thought.

"If you're worried about kissing, Moony, you can practice on me."

It took a few seconds for the full impact of Sirius's words to hit him. "Wh—what? I—you—no—I'm not worried."

"You sure?"

Sirius bent toward him, smirking; close enough so that Remus could feel his breath. The spicy scent of his friend filled his nostrils, the aroma making Remus slightly dizzy.

He felt the blood rush to his face and leaned back.

Sirius advanced. Their noses were almost touching.

Remus's breath caught in his throat. He was sure Sirius could hear his pounding heart. He wanted to look away from those pale eyes—but couldn't. There was something—alluring—about the emotions that swam just out of reach in those blue pools.

"This—isn't—normal, Sirius," he managed to blurt out.

Sirius's smile faltered for a minute, but returned as he sat upright, putting a comfortable distance between the two of them.

"I'll…do it." Remus was surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth.

"You'll what? Practice on me?"

"No, I'll do the stupid Secret Snog."

Sirius beamed, clapping Remus so hard on the shoulder that the boy cried out in pain.

"Sorry, mate."

"Don't worry about it," said Remus, sullenly rubbing the spot where Sirius had smacked him.

"Great! Then let's go put your name in that hat." Sirius stood and lifted Remus onto his feet.

"What about you?"

"My name's already in the hat."


Remus felt a little flutter of hope. Maybe he'd get Sirius's name. He let his mind follow in that strain for a while.

The daydream ended with Sirius and Remus confessing their feelings for each other and kissing—among other things. Remus sighed. Like that'll ever happen. Sirius is the Casanova of Hogwarts…and I'm a gay werewolf with no experience in love. Oh, yeah. That'll work out well.

To Remus's surprise, nearly everyone above third year in Griffindor House signed up for Secret Snog. When the Marauders made their way to up the staircase to their dormitory, the old top hat James had used for the names was almost full to the brim with pieces of pink and blue parchments. James had decided to use only one hat, but write the girls' names on pick parchment and the boys' names on blue. That way, one could choose according to whatever gender one was attracted to.

Remus wondered if he dared to pick a blue parchment. He quickly decided he didn't dare. At least, not if he had to pick in front of everyone.


Valentine's Day dawned bright and early with no clouds to be seen in the sky. The Hogwarts grounds were blanketed with snow, but the Griffindor Common Room was warm and cozy.

Sirius watched as James gathered up the participants of Secret Snog to pick names.

"Everyone shall pick one name. Girls are pink. Boys are blue. So pick whatever gender you like." James stopped to wink before continuing. "No one else will be able to read your parchment, so you don't have to worry about any prying eyes. You must snog—and I mean on the lips, at least a minute, saliva must be involved—the person whose name you pick out of this hat before midnight…or else."

"Or else?" asked a nervous-looking fifth year in front of the crowd.

"Or else you'll see." James smiled cryptically. "And to demonstrate, I shall go first!" He held the hat in front of him, closed his eyes, dug into the pile, and pulled out a pink slip of parchment. "Right, see?" James scanned the name—and froze. He paled, then turned red as a rapturous smile broke on his lips. "Uh…yes. It's easy, see? Sirius, would you do the honors?"

Sirius made his way to the hat the flustered James held out for him. He put on his most winning smile—the one that made girls swoon over him—and shoved his hand into the hat. "Why do you look so happy, James?" he whispered out of the corner of his mouth. "Did you get Evans?"

From the way James sputtered and looked away, he had.

Sirius pulled out a slip of parchment—blue—and ignored the gasps and cries of his scandalized admirers. Everyone in Griffindor suspected that he swung both ways, but what they didn't know was that he actually only swung toward his own sex (more or less). This was the first time he had "come out" in public like this.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and traced it up to James's smiling face. "I'm proud of you, mate," James said, his eyes sparkling with approval.

Sirius grinned back. James was the only one he had told about his orientation before this.

He took a deep breath and opened the parchment.

Remus Lupin. Sixth year.

Sirius closed his eyes and opened them again. The name hadn't changed. It took all of his self-control to keep from jumping up and screaming his joy at the top of his lungs. Instead, he made his way dazedly to an armchair in the corner of the room and sunk down in it.

Remus…oh, God! How the hell am I going to kiss Remus? Will he realize that I like him? Remus isn't even gay!

Sirius had liked Remus since their second year, but had never followed up on his feelings for fear of losing his friendship. This was the perfect opportunity to test Remus's feelings. But Sirius had the premonition that this was going to be hard—perhaps the hardest thing he'd ever attempted besides the Animagus transformation.


I hope you enjoyed the story so far. I like the next chapter (which is half-way done), so I hope you guys come back to read more. Any and all reviews will be appreciated. Any suggestions welcome, as well.