Menstrual Magic

Harry flopped on his four-poster bed. Draco had just called him a stupid, muggle-lover.

Harry just felt like dying. Everything bad happened to him. Everybody thought of him as a celebrity, girls showered him with gifts, other boys envied him. He hated it. And on top of it, he had no more Chocolate Frogs to indulge in. He also missed having no T.V.; he would watch it when the Dursley's were gone. His favorite, when he was sad, was Golden Girls that played on Lifetime. Ron walked in the dormitory.

He shrugged, "You know you shouldn't take it this seriously. Draco is a git, and so what if you're a quote-un-quote 'muggle-lover?' What's the big deal? Malfoy makes fun of us all the time."

Harry yelled, "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME ABOUT ANYHTING WHEN I WAS AT THE DURSLEY'S THIS SUMMER! YOU JUST MASTERBATED TO HERMIONE'S PICTURE AT SIRIUS' HOUSE!"

"What are you talking about! That has nothing to do with what I said," he moved closer to Harry and whispered, "And how did you know about the pic–––"

"Never mind, you… you just don't understand," Harry pouted.

He hugged his pillow. Tears started to well up in his eyes. Ron didn't understand his pain. Ron was just a big, inconsiderate, bastard person. Hermione was his only friend.

When Ron finally left, Harry ran out to find Hermione. She was sitting in front of the fireplace reading a large book. Harry ran over to her and sat down.

Harry smiled, "Hey gal-pal."

Hermione gave him a puzzled look, "What the hell did you just say?"

Harry screamed, "I JUST SAID 'HI'! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY ONLY FIREND. I HAVE NOBODY IN THIS WORLD. DUMBLEDORE DOESN'T TALK TO ME, RON IS A BIG JERK, AND YOU ARE A KNOWITALL BITCH!"

Hermione looked taken aback. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She choked, "Harry what's wrong. I really do want to know and really do care. How could you say such awful things?"

She started to cry. Harry felt really bad. He patted her on the shoulder. He then gave her a big hug.

"I'm sorry. I've just been through a hard time; with Voldemort coming back and all. I'll apologize to Ron also. Now let's go to class."

They stepped out of the swinging open portrait door. Ron was waiting outside. Harry nodded and Ron nodded back. They both smiled. It was like it had never happened. The trio walked down to Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. This was the second class they had and Harry hated it. Umbridge was a horrible old whore who Harry believed never got any. She was the ugliest thing to grace the earth too.

They walked in the room and the ass-face, dry vagina, old toad sat at her desk. Harry sat next to Hermione and Ron sat behind them. Neville sat beside Ron.

Umbridge croaked, "Do what I have written on the blackboard."

It said to read page 473 on vampire repelling spells. They were supposed to understand the theory and never practice the spell. That is what made no sense to anyone except the old toad. Harry began to read and was bored to death. He then became aggravated with having to read and not practice the spell. Hermione could see him getting hot under the collar.

She whispered, "Now, Harry, you already have detention for most of this year. You don't want anymore than what you have? Just cool it."

Harry whispered back, "You always tell me what to do and when I follow your advice, it's wrong."

"What are you talking about? I've always been right. You always have to be the pompous hero."

Harry screamed, "HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!"

The class rolled there eyes and sighed all at once, "Here we go again"

Harry screamed once more, "FUCK ALL OF YOU… AND YOUR MOTHERS!"

Umbridge stood up and said briskly, "Mr. Potter please sit down and read your book or I'll have to extend your detention."

Harry walked up and spat in her face. He then yelled, "NO! I'M GOING TO YELL IN ALL CAPITALS ALL I WANT! AND VOLDEMORT IS BACK!"

As Harry walked back over to his seat, Umbridge said in a fake girlish tone, "Mr. Potter please sit down and shut up. There will be no more shouting of lies."

"YOU BIT–––"

Ron pulled Harry down into this chair. Ron whispered in Harry's ear, "Do always have to be a jackass? She's never going to believe you. So just give it up. We can practice the spells later."

Harry said menacingly, "I hate you…but practicing spells sounds fun."

Ron tossed up his arms.

Class was finally over and Harry had an extra two weeks of detention. As they walked Harry spotted Cho Chang. She was standing in the corner by herself, laughing. Harry's heart skipped a few beats.

He said to the other two, "I'll catch you guys later."

Harry ran over to Cho and nervously said, "Hi. I see that you're laughing for some odd reason. Why's that?"

Cho began to cry, "I don't know, I was laughing at I joke Cedric told me and I realized he's dead!" she sniffed and said cheerily, "But I'm glad you're here."

She grabbed Harry and kissed him. Harry felt her tongue slip into his mouth. He did the same to her. They were soon on the floor dry-humping.

Ron then came up and said, "I see you're a Tornados fan. Do you just like them since they've been winning?"

Cho got off Harry and was about it kiss Ron but said, "You're not worth it. Oh, to answer your question, I've been a fan my whole life," he then became angry and yelled at Harry, "Why did your friend interrupt us! I thought you loved me! I need a Chocolate Frog!"

She ran off. Harry was enraged. He couldn't believe Ron. He best friend walked up and scares away Cho? Harry backhanded Ron. The redheaded teenager fell to the floor.

Harry screamed, "What the hell was that! YOU STUPID FUCK! Couldn't you see she was into me!"

Ron rubbed his cheek, "Sorry I just didn't like how she was a Qudditch poser!"

Hermione cut in, "Harry, Ron didn't mean to make Cho run off. She decided to be all menstrual, like you are right now."

Harry spat, "You hate me now I'm sure."

Hermione looked offended, "How could you say that? Of course we love you."

Harry yelled, "NO YOU DON'T! YOU JUST SAT AT SIRIUS' HOUSE AND FUCKED RON! THEN YOU TELL ME I'M MENTRUAL! I SAW CEDRIC DIE!"

Hermione patted Harry's shoulder, "We know, and believe you. You just don't believe that we do," she then whispered, "How did you know about–––"

"YOU LIE LIKE A RUG! I SAW CEDRIC DIE. I SAW VOLDEMORT COME BACK. THE DAILY PROPHET WRITES LIES ABOUT ME! EVERYBODY TREATS ME LIKE A CELEBRITY! I'M FAMOUS AND I HATE IT! AND I'M OUT OF TAMPAX!"

Ron joined in asking, "What? Tampax?"

Harry said, "I just… used it for dramatic effect."

Dumbledore then walked by. He gave them a nice smile and then pulled Hermione and Ron aside. They went into the corner and whispered vigorously. Hermione tuned around to look at Harry and they all giggled.

Dumbledore walked over, "Oh I wanted to say hello. Also, I made Ron and Hermione prefects because I," he looked back at Ron and Hermione and tried not to laugh, "thought you had too much to handle," he snickered.

Harry screamed, "I'M JUST GOING TO GO INTO THE DORMITORY AND PIG OUT ON CHOCOLATES AND DIET DR. PEPPER!"

After Harry ran off, Ron asked, "Diet Dr. Pepper?"

Hermione sighed, "It's a muggle soda that people drink because it has no sugar."

Ron sighed, "Damn he needs to get laid."