MoonDeity: Oh, wow, has this place ever changed! Hey, all, I'm back! After what, six months of absence from Anyway, I hope this is a triumphant return, because here's my Fruits Basket Valentine's Day special! Dedicated especially to my friend Terra, who is an avid fan of Kyo and Hatsuharu (what does she see in them, anyway?).

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket, nor do I want to own it.

"I am the Wall Oracle! You, sir, are a Tumor Bean! " --Wall Oracle Terra.

Chapter 1:

The Thing With The Place

The Saturday of February 12 dawned peacefully on Shigure Sohma's house, cool and aquamarine despite all the terrors that could go on underneath the roof. Shigure himself was plodding down the hallway, singing his 'breakfast song' while the scent of Tohru's delicious cooking saturated through the paper doorways. Such smells usually aroused the sleepy Yuki and the butt-lazy Kyo from their beds, and, true enough, they soon were slugging themselves down the steps and to the table.

"Eat up guys!" , Tohru chirped in her annoying tone as she placed a bowl of rice and stir-fried fish underneath the Zodiac member's noses. Shigure, always smiling despite the early hour, thanked Tohru and politely began eating, while Kyo just kind of slopped his food around and somehow got it to his mouth. Yuki watched his antics with the glare accustomed to their rivalry, as he popped food into his mouth and made casual conversation with Tohru.

"You know, Tohru, Valentine's Day is just around the corner," Yuki commented, and Tohru's eyes got wide.

"Oh course!" , she said, spinning her head around to face the calendar. "I almost forgot! And to think you all wouldn't have Valentine's chocolates if you hadn't reminded me. I'll have to buy some more this year because of Kisa-san and all the other Zodiac members I've met. This is our second Valentine's Day, after all! Oh, my, I wonder what we'll do for White Day…"

As Tohru babbled on and on in her usual manner, Kyo got up and tossed his dishes on the counter, then began rooting through the pantry as if looking for something. Shigure watched him curiously from over by the table, the Cat setting out cans, chopsticks, and soy sauce packets on the counter. Finally, he said something.

"Whatcha looking for, Kyo?"

"None of your goddamn business."

At the exercise of Kyo's favorite word, Tohru and Yuki looked up, and soon all eyes were upon the Cat. He began to sweat, pressured by the eyes, and soon he gave up and relented.

"All right! It's Valentine's Day, and soon that bitch Kagura will soon be here to beat me up and make me eat chocolate. So, this year, I'm not taking any chances! I'm going on that journey before it's too late!"

Tohru blinked her eyes, Yuki sweated, and Shigure simply sipped his tea. Kyo loaded up on an armful of instant ramen and began to run toward the door.

"I'll buy everything else at the store!" , he exclaimed, grabbing his jacket, sprinting down the hall. Tohru and Yuki rushed to the door and poked their heads out. Tohru began babbling on in her frenzied tone as Kyo ran from room to room collecting random articles that might be of use to him.

"Kyo! Are you sure? So soon, I mean, I could pack a lunch for you o-or bring you a backpack! Are you sure that jacket is warm enough? And do you even have any money? What about band-aids? I could fix you up with a first aid kit, or a sleeping bag, or just a tarp if you don't want that, or—"

"Screw the tarp! I'll sleep in a tree!" , he yelled, and came out of a room to the left, skidded, took a sharp turn, and ran hell for leather for the front door, his head practically buried under provisions and other supplies.

"Every second wasted is a second she gets nearer!' he yelled over his shoulder. "I mean, she could be right down the street! Or in the front yard! Or even at the do—"

The door zipped open suddenly right in front of Kyo's face, he tripped, and ran smack dab into none other than Ayame….and Kagura.

 Love is Evol 

"KYOOOOOOO!"

A shriek that sounded like a cross between a dying bull and a sick maticore tore through the house as Kagura latched firmly onto Kyo's chest and began squeezing.

"Oh, Kyo, my love! Did you miss me? It's been sooooo long since I've seen you, Kyo! I brought you a heart stuffed full of my love! EAT IT!"

Screams, the snapping of ribs, and Kagura's wail echoed throughout the Sohma household. Totally normal chaos, as they say, and Yuki, Ayame, and Shigure sat sipping their tea quietly in the kitchen. Tohru had gone off to prepare rooms for Ayame and Kagura, under the presumption that they'd be staying the night. And Kyo was trying, fruitlessly, to get away from Kagura's grip.

"Ow, bitch, leggo!"

"Why don't you ever eat my chocolate, Kyo?"

"I don't want you're damn chocolate! You always give me chocolate! Chocolate covered strawberries, chocolate covered oranges, chocolate covered shoelaces, chocolate soap…."

"I got that soap for you so we could bathe together and have a yummy dessert while we do it!"

"WHAT! GAH, WOMAN, YOU'RE SICK!"

"Waaa….Kyo…."

Ayame chuckled as the Cat ran past the doorway with Kagura hot on his trail.

"You know, Shigure, that last comment about the soap really tells me that Kagura is starting to feel passionately about Kyo," Ayame commented, gazing at the Dog over the rim of his teacup.

"I was thinking the same thing," Shigure said, setting down his tea. "I wonder how Kyo will deal with it if Kagura expects the you-know-what."

"She'll be a dominatrix, that's for sure."

"And just when I thought my house was past the point of destruction…."

There was a silence for a few moments, the three Zodiac members quietly sipping their tea. Ayame suddenly burst out in laughter, set down his tea, pointing at Shigure.

"Oh, goodness! Do you remember when we did it to 'Hari in tenth grade?"

Shigure's eyes widened and he began laughing.

"The thing, or the other thing with the place?"

"The thing with the place!"

"Ah, goodness, that was good! Hey…do you think we could do it today?"

Ayame snorted, and Yuki raised an eyebrow.

"'It?'" ,he thought as he stared at his giggling relatives. Ayame turned to Shigure, mischief reflected in his eyes.

"Oh! God, he'd kill us!"

"Well, it can't be as bad as what 'Hari did to us after it!"

"Do you think we should…?"

"Why not? It's Valentine's Day, of course!"

"And Tohru would approve…"

The two Zodiac members smiled deviously at each other, and clapped hands in a pact.

"We'll do it!"

"Yeah!"

"I'll call the spa!"

"I'll get the baggage!"

"This'll be so good! Do you have the camera?"

"The camera…yeah, I have the camera, but do you have the oil?"

"I might have the oil here somewhere…"

Shigure and Ayame scrambled around outside of the kitchen, tossing various things to each other. Yuki sat in a confused stupor with his teacup still in one hand; Shigure and Ayame's were spilled across the table because they had gotten up in such a haste. He sighed, and then rose from his sitting position.

"Why should I get meddled in with their affairs?" he thought as he rinsed his cup at the counter. "After all, if it concerns Kyo, it shouldn't concern me…."

A crash from the other end of the house signified that Kyo, or Kagura, had broken another door. Yuki sighed and placed his cup in the rack to dry. Even though he knew he should stay out of it, curiosity was overwhelming him. What was 'it'? What did Shigure and Ayame do to 'Hari that was so terrible? They spoke of the after-effect like it was something they didn't want to go through again.

"It's none of you're business, Yuki," he told himself as another crash resonated through the household. Shigure and Ayame skidded into the kitchen at that moment, carrying a brown sack and looking mighty suspicious. Ayame yanked open the drawer and began fishing through it frantically, pulling out all the spoons and throwing them into the sack.

"That's all the spoons!" ,he panted. "Now we need to find cucumbers and carrots!"

Shigure and Ayame ran out of the room, leaving a spoonless Yuki standing there feeling about as ignored as a novel of advanced European literature amongst a stack of action manga. He went to the door and stared out after his relatives as they pinned down Kyo and were talking to him and Kagura.

"What's this about?" , he wondered as he gazed at the babbling Shigure. "What are they going to do?"

He was lost, but as he listened to the Dog speak, his eyes grew wide with recognition, and realization. A small tingle began to rise in the back of his throat, and he turned away, clasping his hand over his mouth. It parted past his lips like a warm wave and soon overcame him; his sides were shaking. Yuki was giggling. The prince was giggling like a little pre-teen girl. Giggling at the very idea of what Shigure and Ayame were about to do…

MoonDeity: Well? cricket chirps No one loves me….

Note: There really is a nationally manufactured chocolate soap.