Summary: Set IMMEDIATELY following the episode 'Brother's Keeper'. Feelings surface after Leo's death. Jesse trys to comfort the untouchable Lexa.
Disclaimer: My addictions to drugs and gambling forced me into bankruptcy and I had to cancel season 4 of Mutant X. Damn addictions! Well, since I don't do drugs, I don't gamble, and I don't own Mutant X I guess you all could forgive me for Tribune running low on the dough and leaving Fireworks on the shitter with no paper. And I'm done...
Author's Note: So this will be my absolute last story set after 'Brother's Keeper', haha. I decided since the episode 'Possibilities' seemed COMPLETELY out of place being aired after 'BK', I thought 'Conspiracy Theory' should have followed but that's just me. SO I thought there needed to be a bridge between the three episodes and here it is...
You Are There
Looking back one last time he saw her sitting on the bed, emotionally torn and there was nothing he could do about it. A part of her blamed him for her brother's death and he could understand that. Reverse the situation on him and he would have found blame towards Lexa.
She had known what she needed to do then and though he and the rest of Mutant X tried they couldn't help her, no matter how much they wanted to. This was something they could not have fixed and now Brennan saw that, but by now it was too late.
He left her room shutting the door behind him. After a sigh he started for Shalimar and Jesse to tell them of her reaction and current state. Upon approaching them in the main room the pair looked at him eager to hear of what he had to say.
Shaking his head he looked down, stopping in front of them. "She, she's looking for someone to blame and right now it's me. Not that I can truly blame her," he said.
Jesse glanced passed Brennan towards Lexa's room. "Maybe I should," he started but was stopped by Brennan.
"Jess, she needs some time alone," Brennan warned, eyeing the other mutant to consider his premature action.
"Brennan she's been alone practically her whole life. She needs to know that she's not alone," Jesse stated. The silence was what opted him to continue. Looking from Brennan to Shalimar for understanding he persisted, "guys she's breaking down emotionally."
The new member had not been with the team for very long but she had never tried to enter that circle, quite the opposite in fact. She had tried to stay away from the word team as much as possible. That's what Shalimar and Brennan saw, that's what Lexa wanted them to see, but Jesse saw passed that exterior image. Lexa was alone and though she'd never admit it she needed someone to comfort her. She yearned deep down for someone to hold her when she felt vulnerable and to find that missing piece to make her whole. All of the simple pleasures of companionship that she never felt before.
Brennan shook his head, this was becoming more complicated then he felt was necessary. "Yeah I know that but right now she needs to think. Lexa was and is a mercenary. The one thing she doesn't need is for us to go in and try to patch things up."
Shailmar stepped passed Brennan who had backed away ever so slightly. She reached for Jesse's arm as Brennan slipped away to go work off whatever feelings on the matter that still remained. Jesse turned to face her.
A comforting smile pulled him in to what she was about to say. "If she can't get through this on her own then she'll never get through it. Jess, it's who she is," she comforted.
Taking a moment he considered her words then he turned completely and uncomfortable towards Shalimar. Glancing up at the ceiling he took a breath then spoke, "alright," he paused, forcing his attention to his feral sister. "Alright Shal." His instincts told him to ignore Shalimar but her exterior was how Lexa needed to handle this. That independent part of her would fight through this, otherwise like Shalimar had said 'if she can't get through this on her own then she'll never get through it'.
Her interior needed someone to take care of her, like she did for Leo. The issue of trust hindered any to be in that position but in Jesse's heart he knew he was slowly wearing her down.
If he went to her he wasn't sure which side of her he'd find. Some would say the independent, headstrong brunette that didn't need anyone while the other side to that was the vulernable, broken hearted woman who had just lost her brother, her other half.
Shalimar smiled, patting Jesse on the chest. A slow and comforting motion intended to sooth him. "Jess I know you care about her," she began, taking in his reaction. He eyed her, surprised of her knowledge yet he wasn't. After all she was a feral and sometimes his emotions were open to all that saw. "But you can't be there for her if she doesn't want you to be."
Looking towards the distraught mutants room he sighed. "Shal you don't know her like I do," he argued.
Shalimar put her arm around his shoulders. "No, but I know you," she tightened the gesture into a hug. "I don't want you to get hurt," she whispered into his ear.
Smiling he replied, "you have to get hurt in some way otherwise the good things wouldn't be worth it."
She pulled away from him, eyes locking they smiled at the others words. "We all have our downs," she said leaving Jesse to find Brennan.
Jesse needed to be alone to decide what he'd do. Shalimar could not make that decision for him. Undecided he headed towards the rooms. Passing by Lexa's he stopped. Upon hearing the sorrow of tears he reached for the door handle only to stop when he thought of the words that were spoken earlier. 'If she can't get through this on her own then she'll never get through it.'
Feeling his own eyes water his heart reached out to the torn woman behind the door in front of him. Sighing he contented himself with retiring to his own room for the night. Perhaps some sleep would reveal an answer for him.
Lexa thought she'd never sleep again but once exhaution took control she did not have a choice but to accept the blissful slumber. It wasn't long before she tossed and turned in her sleep. Images of her past of her past with Leo and the events of the day consumed her dreams to nightmares.
As he began to drift off to sleep he heard the cry. Instinctively he knew who it came from and where. Lexa was having a nightmare. Practically jumping from his bed he raced to her room. Listening outside he heard her cry of 'Leo'. Opening the door he saw her knelling on the floor beside her bed.
Squinting in the darkness he stepped towards her trying to figure out why she was by the side of her bed. He could hear her crying as she craddled something in her arms he couldn't see. "Lexa," he called out softly as he approached.
Peering over her shoulder he saw a body. "Lexa!" he exclaimed, fearing she had taken her revenge on Brennan he took the final steps in stride he had to find the identity of the body Lexa held. At her side he saw his face. It was Leo. But that wasn't possible. "Lexa, what's going on?" he asked rightfully confused.
She looked up at him, "Leo," she whispered, her raspy voice held back any further explaination.
Looking from her face to her hands where she cradled her twin. Her hands were covered in something dark, with what little light that illuminated the room he could tell what it was. It was blood. "I killed him," she said, timed just right with his reaction.
Jesse knelt beside her and reached for her shoulder. "You did what you had to do," he assured.
She shook her head in response. "No, no!" Taking a tighter hold she rocked Leo close to her. "Come on Lee, you're going to be fine. Just remember what mom said. Let that one good thing bring you back," she said, stroking his hair.
"Lexa!" Jesse called out, bringing her closer to him. Lifting her chin he looked into her eyes. "He's dead. There's nothing you can do for him now."
Their eyes met and in a flash Jesse was suddenly back at Carter's building. He and Shalimar had just entered to find Leo dying in Lexa's arms. As he started towards her to comfort her Shalimar stopped him. Despite his instincts that told him to go to her he stayed.
The flash came again and this time Jesse shot up in his bed. Sweat beads dripped from his brow as he gathered in his surroundings. Regaining his breath he rubbed his face as his dream replayed over in his mind. For once he understood the meaning of a dream. Back when Lexa had just killed Leo he held back. He knew how Lexa felt, Leo's blood was on her hands and he should have gone with his instincts, he should have been there to give her solace. Not to have held back like Shalimar had insisted, ever so slightly.
Even before he went to bed when Brennan and Shalimar told him to give Lexa some time alone, now he would hold back no more.
Ripping the covers from his body he stood, exiting his room. Down the hall he found Lexa's closed door. Before he turned the knob he heard the outcry of a nightmare sounding from inside. Quickly he entered, unconsciously closing the door behind him he was then at Lexa's side. Taking hold of her he shook her awake.
"Lexa!" he called out. The first call created a few more outbursts while the second silenced her. It was the third call that awoke her. Confused, at first, she looked around. As everything came to focus she laid back down, taking a breath her breathing slowed and she looked up at Jesse. Narrowing her eyes she asked, "why are you here?"
Knelling next to her he answered, "making up for the other times I should have."
Lexa looked at him questionably. Her mind once again returning to her nightmare of her memories and the events of the previous day. Closing her eyes in pain she tried to force them out but to no avail. "Jesse, don't," she began, tears threatening to fall from her eyes for the hundreth time that day.
Confused his eyebrows narrowed into a frown. "Don't what?"
Lexa sat up, both on an even level their eyes met and for the briefest moment a glint of compassion connected them but Lexa broke that connection, too untrusting to accept what she felt and what she knew Jesse felt. "Don't ask me to feel something I cannot. Not now."
Silence filled the room. Neither could talk, both too hurt to speak. Feeling uncomfortable Jesse got up and started to leave but was stopped by Lexa. Reaching out she took hold of his arm, stopping him and pulling him back down. Confused he allowed her to lead him back on the bed.
"I didn't mean for it to sound like that," she said, turning away from him.
Jesse tilted his head, relief along with a stronger feeling of care for the woman who sat in the bed next to him filled him. Reaching out his hand supported beneath her chin turning her back to face him. "You don't have to apologize." Looking into his eyes she felt warmth and saw something she thought that she would never find, someone that would care for her.
"Jess, I don't wait to be alone," she whispered. A yawned escaped as she tried to keep her eyes open. Jesse moved further into her bed, noting that she allowed him to. Pulling her close he laid down with her. In his arms she fought the nightmares away and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Finding the gesture to be something to fill her loneliness he contented himself in the embrace. Never before had he felt so comfortable, closing his eyes fell asleep.
Lexa awoke, not alone. She didn't know what to feel. Too sad to feel joy, too broken to heal, she was left torn. She had to leave. Maneuvering from his embrace she got out of bed, made her way out of her room, and to her computer. She had to get her mind off of her personal life and back to her professional life her defenses came up again. She didn't want to chance being hurt so soon, she couldn't lose someone else she cared for. Not now.
Jesse woke up, alone.
Author's Note: Yup, more angst but hey where their relationship is at this point in the season I had to end it like that. Well let me know what you think, since this was SUPPOSE to be short but turned out somewhat long.