Adventures in the Bar of Killed Off Charachters


LiL Pippin Padfoot


Disclaimer: "It all works out, see. Boromir is just in a coma, and Sirius is just on hiatus. I told you that because you were getting really depressed about Sirius's...hybernating. You just watch. He'll pop back up in the end of the seventh." -Quoted from an e-mail sent to me from TrisherNicole

Thanks for this story is to Nota Lone, who gave me the idea. AND dedicated to Nota Lone.


Boromir wasn't in a good mood. Understandibly so.

I mean, you wouldn't be in a good mood if you were stuck in a bar with all the killed off charachters of other novels.

Boromir hated the loud yaps of all the dogs. When you are stuck with Old Yeller, Old Dan, and Little Ann, barking all day, you get in a bit of a bad mood.

'No wonder that kid killed Old Yeller off.' thought Boromir 'He wouldn't shut up.'

Boromir did NOT like the three little girls. Beth, Winnie, and Jamie. They were all good little girls. Beth died of a fever. Winnie had a chance to live forever, but died eventually of natural causes, but was in this bar as a little girl, how that happened, Boromir couldn't figure out. And Jamie had had cancer, gotten married, and died at seventeen. And they were ALWAYS polite and kind and caring.

Sheesh, didn't they ever get in a bad mood?

Then there was this Injun Joe guy, nasty stinking guy. Maybe the next worst person next to him was Pap.

Then there was a group of 10 people along with a guy named Hugo, two of which had committed suicide, two had killed people, and the rest had been killed, by this wacko judge guy. They had all inadvertantly killed some one.

Some people were just plain weird.

There was also Phineas. That guy that had been pushed out of a tree by his best friend.

There was one intresting fellow, always coming and going. His name was Dustfinger. In his original story, Inkheart, he died. But, he was actually read out of his book by a girl named Maggie. So Dustfinger tended to stay for a little while, then leave.

Then, you finally got some intresting people, such as Hector. A man who had died fighting in a war his little brother Paris started.

Boromir would of course do that for Faramir, but somehow, he couldn't see Faramir starting a war over a girl. That wasn't a Faramir type thing to do.

Another person that reminded Boromir of Faramir was a guy named Pendon. Pendon was Captain of the Guard in Shelby, he was sort of like Dustfinger, sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn't.

And Boromir's biggest peeve was Haldir. That stupid Lothlorien elf that claimed this 'Peter Jackson' guy killed him off.

Yeah, right. Most likely fell out of a tree. Just becuase they had been in the same novel doesn't mean that he has to follow him around!

Not a lot of new people came in. Most of these people had been here for what seemed like forever, unless of course, it was Dustfinger.

But one day, a new man walked in.

He had long black hair, gray eyes, and was very angry.

"Where is she?" he growled "Where's Bellatrix?"

Everyone, except Boromir rolled their eyes. Most people came in screaming and fighting, or however their death had been. Boromir for instance, had came in swinging his sword, and running, same as Hector.

The man drew out what looked to be a polished stick.

"Who are you?" demanded the man "Huh? What kind of stupid gits are you?"

Everyone ignored him.

"You!" said the man, walking up to Boromir

Boromir turned and looked at him. "What?" he asked, looking the new guy straight in the eyes.

"You don't know who I am?" he asked

"No, I don't." said Boromir "And truthfully, I don't care."

"But...but.." he stuttered "I'm Sirius Black. You know, notorius murderer at large? Harry Potter's godfather? Illeagal Animagus?"

"Never heard of you."

"I don't know to be glad or sad that you don't know me."

Boromir shrugged.

Just then the Wicked Queen began schreeching about seeing a rat.

"Is it always this noisy?" asked Sirius

Boromir shrugged. "Just wait till the dogs see the rat."

"There are dogs? Where are we?"

"You are in the Bar of Killed Off Charachters."

"The what?"

"We were all in books, once. Then the author decided to kill us off. Otherwise, we would still be living our lives."


Sirius looked around and cringed at a kissing couple in the back.

There were two men trying to convince everyone else they were a Duke and a King.

"So, we're dead?"

"In a sense."

"Hello Boromir!" Haldir sat down next to Boromir.

"Haldir." said Boromir "Go away."

"You tell me that everyday." said Haldir

"And yet you never leave." said Boromir

"Nope!" said Haldir "Becuase you haven't a friend in the world besides me."

"And I would do just fine without you." muttered Boromir

"I heard that...hey, who are you?" Haldir turned his attention to Sirius.

"Sirius Black." he said

"Hello Sirius Black!" said Haldir "I'm Haldir, guard thing of Lorien! And my cheery friend here, is Boromir, son of Denethor, Heir to the Noble House of Ecthelion, Heir to Stewardsh-,"

"Will you shut up?" asked Boromir "I used to be, but now, I'm not."

As you can see, Boromir wasn't taking his death very well.

"What's your title?" asked Haldir

"Sirius Black, Heir to Black Manor, Notorius Murderer at large, godfather to Harry Potter."

"That's nice-, wait! Did you say you were a murderer?" asked Haldir

"Yes, but I didn't do it." said Sirius.

"That's what they all say!" said a gypsy woman nearby

Just then the dogs came in, yapping their heads off.

"They at least look like they're having fun." said Sirius

"So go join them." said Haldir, laughing.

"Fine." said Sirius, transforming into a giant black dog, he began following Old Dan, and running around chasing rats.

Everybody's eyes boggled out of their heads.

Sirius turned back into a normal person when Old Yeller had killed a rat, and the other dogs began eating it.

"I've eaten too many rats in my life time." said Sirius

Everybody stared at him.

"You, you can turn yourself into a dog?" asked Boromir

"Yeah." said Sirius. "Now, how do I get out of this bar?"

"You don't!" said Haldir "You stay here forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever..."

Haldir began spinning around and saying 'ever and ever and ever...'

Boromir rolled his eyes. "He," said Boromir, nodding to Haldir "Is and idiot."

"I can tell." said Sirius. "We're really stuck here?"

"Do you really think anyone would hang around here?" asked Boromir

"Good point."

Just then Haldir fell on the floor, and the dogs ran over to lick his face, and Haldir was still saying 'ever and ever and ever...'

Sirius shook his head. Haldir was an idiot.


If you would like to find out anymore about any of these charachters, here are their names and books. If you want to know the author, just say so in your review, and I'll tell you.

Beth Little Women, Phineas A Seperate Peace

Old Yeller Old Yeller, Old Dan, Little Ann Where the Red Fern Grows

Dustfinger Inkheart, Injun Joe The Adventures of Tom Saywer

Pap, Duke, and King The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

The Ten People and Hugo And Then There Were None (Umm, I don't remember all the people's names...)

Winnie Foster Tuck Everlasting, Hector The Trojan War

Wicked Queen Snow White, Kissing Couple Romeo and Juliet

Wicked Witch of the West The Wizard of Oz, Gypsy Woman (Esmerelda) Hunchback of Notre Dame (in the book she dies.) Jamie A Walk to Remember, Pendon Heir Apparent