Disclamer: I own squat.
Author Notes/Summary: Draco's been turned into a girl during a Potions class. Why, oh, why did this have to happen to him?
Ok...seriously, I wrote this in like less than an hour. This is a totally random, extremelly odd one shot (you've been warned).Quite honestly I don't feel this is verygood, but whatever. You don't have to comment and whatnot, but if you do, I will not even bother with flames. Other than that, enjoy.
Great, just bloody great. No, this was greater than great. This was fantastic, bloody fantastic. I, Draco Malfoy, was turned into a sodding girl. Of course I completely blamed Neville Longbottom. I also blamed my so-called beloved Professor Snape for letting the imbecile into his NEWT level Potions class.
How in all that is holy did Longbottom manage to fuck up the cooling potion that badly? HOW I ASK YOU!
Anyways, like I was saying, I was turned into a girl. Of course, I was the most beautiful, gorgeous girl to ever walk this green world, but that really isn't the point.
"What?" I barked, glaring at everyone who dared looked amused. Most of them had the decency to quiver in fear. Others, however, looked even more amused.
Harry-fucking-Potter was clearly struggling to keep a smile off his face. "Looking good Malfoy."
Looking good Malfoy? LOOKING GOOD MALFOY? Is that all he had to say to me! After all we've been through, that's what he says. Well let me tell you, that's the last time I give him a good-cough
"Potter," I spat. "Your stupid goon turned me into a sodding girl and all you have to say to me is 'Looking good Malfoy'?"
Har-POTTER! Potter had that cute-STUPID! I SAID STUPID, AND YOU CAN'T PROVE OTHERWISE-stupid grin on his face. "Alright, really good."
I sent him the coldest Malfoy patented glare I could and stormed out of the class. I have been a girl for all of five minutes and I hated it. I hated the breasts, I hated being short, I hated having small feet, but most of all I hated missing my man parts! YES I SAID MAN PARTS!
I stormed straight to the hospital wing, where Madame Pomfrey quickly got over her shocked and looked-HOW DARE SHE BE AMUSED BY THIS.
"Well, Mr.-er, Malfoy," she began after she had examined me. "It seems that this potion will wear off eventually. For now, try to live life as normally as possible."
"Normally? Live life normally?" I laughed hysterically. I couldn't help it, I had to do something. "How can I possibly live life normally when I can't even pee standing up?"
"I did say as normally as possible," she said softly.
"THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN TO ME!" I ranted. Potter boy is not the only one that rants, you know. "THESE FICS ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE POTTER CHANGED INTO A GIRL, NOT ME! Fan girls are sick, SICK I SAY!"
"Er…what in Merlin's name are you going on about?" Dumbledore said as he walked into the room.
"Professor, you don't talk like that you know," Madame Pomfrey said seriously.
"Right…" the old coot cleared his throat. "To walk in another persons shoes is a great adventure. How was that, better?" Madame Pomfrey nodded vigorously.
Jeesh, I thought. I get to sit here listen to the old man's rambling. "Excuse me, I have a Gyffindor to slaughter."
With that I was on the hunt. Snakes are predators you know. Yes, yes, I'm aware that Lions are too. WHAT? FINE, fine. So are Ravens and Badgers, are you perfectly happy? Anyways, like I was saying…I was on the hunt, ignoring the Raven-Haired God-GEEK, geek…the Raven-Haired Geek that was following me.
"Oh, Longbottom, where are you?" I muttered darkly. I hit something hard and fell on my ass. "WHAT THE FUCK! WEASLEY!"
"Hey there," Ron said. He's been oddly nice to me lately. Freaks me out is what it does. He helped me up. "Rumor has it you're having, how did 'Mione put it? An identity crisis. How's life as a chick?"
I glared. "Look here Weasel-bee, I'm not in the mood for your shenanigans. I'm looking for your clumsy idiot of a dorm mate."
"I'm aware," Ron grinned. "Harry's going to have fun with you tonight."
I spluttered. HOW DARE HE! "POTTER IS NOT GOING TO SHAG ME! Well, not as a girl…I MEAN, he's not going to shag me girl or not!"
Ronald grinned with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. Stupid Gryffindors with their stupid grins and their stupid twinkles thinking they know stupid everything. Alright, so that didn't make sense, but you can just bite me. Crap…I probably just gave all you fan girls, and boys, something extra to dream about. BUT REMEMBER I'M ALL HARRY'S- I MEAN…crap, bugger off.
"Out of my way, you stupid Gryffindork," I muttered harshly.
"Oh, attitude, Ferret-Girl, attitude," he smirked.
HEY! GRYFFINDORS CAN'T SMIRK! IT'S UNNATURAL! "FYI Weasel, I am a girl now, I have hormones in my body you couldn't dream of," I glared. "I have the rights to have an 'attitude' as you so kindly put it. Now tell me where I can find your idiot friend."
Ron pointed towards the Great Hall and grinned. "Have fun."
I stomped into the Hall pointedly ignoring all the stares I was getting, waltzing directly to the Gyffindor table and dragged a very frightened Longbottom out of the Hall.
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you," I hissed dangerously.
"HEL-" I covered his mouth.
"Don't even bother," I glared. "TELL. ME."
"They made me!"
"Blaise, Pansy, Ron, and Hermione."
"And why did they make you do such a HORRIBLE THING TO ME?"
"They had this bet, you see," Neville shifted. "The Slytherins think you couldn't last 24 hours as a girl, but Ron and Hermione think you could, especially with Harry."
"OH FOR THE LOVE OF-DOES EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT US?"
"Well, yes, you guys aren't very discrete you know," Neville grinned.
"How in the fuck are we not discrete?"
"Shagging in classrooms, the corridors, the Great Hall, the Prefect bathroom, the Room of Requirements, the Forbidden Forrest, the-"
"I get it." I paused. "So does Har-Potter know about this bet?"
"No, Harry does not."
"And my friends bet against me?" A nod. "Very well, only one thing to do…"
"Oh, you'll see."
With that I turned on my heal and walked towards the Slytherin Common Room. I was about to raid Pansy's closet. Oh, yes, she'd rue the day where she crossed Draco Malfoy, oh, yes, she would. I cackled.
I got to Pansy's closet and squealed. Yes, yes, I got past the wailing stairs, remember I am a girl at the moment.
Anyways…where was I? Right, squealing. She has the most wonderful clothing.
Black bra. Check. Leather mini. Check. Dark green tank. Check. Leather knee boot thingies…Check. I gelled my hair and put some make up on. Don't ask how I knew how to do that, I just do. Time to make an entrance.
Oh, my fellow snakes, eat your hearts out…and swallow your tongues and die while your at it, changing me, Draco Malfoy, into a girl and then thinking I wouldn't be able to make it work.
I walked into the Hall with my head held high and the famous Malfoy Smirk planted on my face.
Hey, that's cool! Some of the guys fainted…so did some girls. Man, have I got it going on!
Now, I'm back on the hunt. The hunt for a Raven Haired Gryffindor, the hunt for the best lover this side of the Atlantic. And he's all mine, MINE I SAY! I cackled aloud. Ok, now they're looking at me like I'm crazy, but you know what, screw them! SCREW THEM ALL I SAY!
Ah, there he is, mouth open in shock. Well, what can I say, I have all the right things in all the right parts. I sat next to him and nibbled on his ear.
"So, you're place or mine big boy?"
Harry smirked. I got chills. Harry doesn't smirk unless he's up to something.
"Guess I won, eh?" Harry looked at his friends, and my friends who gathered around.
"That's so not fair!" Hermione wailed.
"The bet was set so that Malfoy wouldn't make a move on Harry as a girl, you lost," Seamus stated. "He and Ron win."
"Thanks Dray," Harry grinned as the others handed him and Ron the money they had lost. Harry handed him the antidote. "A deal is a deal, I bottom for a year."