Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously.
A/N: This is me at about midnight, sleep-deprived, inspired to write about our dear English-challenged friend, Cats. He is indeed a special individual, and deserves a special story.
Once upon a time, Cats got bored doing whatever he does for a living, commanding his minions around in broken English and whatnot. So, he decided to fly his battleship to my planet, namely the humble planet of Muffin. We are a peaceful people on the planet Muffin. Well, except for the Random Acts of Randomness, but more about those later.
When he reached planet Muffin, he was greeted with a warm welcome from our tribe, the lazy-yet-widely-feared Butternut tribe.
"Nnnganahh-ehhhhhhh! Jinnntoh-ehhh-ee-ehhhh!" said our tribal chief, who was known only as Dances With Penguins. (Translation: Welcome, oddly-dressed stranger! We greet thee, oh other-worldly being!) Cats replied in the most intelligent way he could think to.
"All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive make your time – I mean, I are not invader of your crib. Peace, my dawg." Cats had been picking up cheesy radio signals from Earth lately that interfered with his Engrish communicator.
We stared at him with perplexed expressions on our faces. Not quite understanding what had just come out of this strange visitor's mouth, we embraced him with loving arms.
"Shayaaaaaaa-shangehhhhhhh! Machii-maki-maki-ohhh!" we cried out in unison. (Translation: We shall now perform the sacred shanking ritual! To the Shanking Grounds!) We carried him off on our shoulders to the sacred Shanking Grounds of the Ancients. When we reached our destination, we set Cats down on the ground and yanked his pants down.
"Ow!" cried Cats, not expecting to have his chili pepper-print boxers exposed so early on in his visit. "What you do?"
"Rrrrrrrrringatchi-ennnn, ohmah!" said Dances With Penguins. (Translation: Now let us celebrate the arrival of our new king!)
"Krrrakii-ehhh! Duumu-teppii-doh!" I yelled. (Translation: Woo-hoo! Let's party, y'all!)
We all carried Cats, our new king, off to our Giant Party Tiki Hut. Why did we choose him as our new king, you may ask? Because we wanted to, that's why. You see, this was one of our Random Acts of Randomness. So, we all drank pineapple-mango juice and danced to repetitive-yet-addictive techno music all night long. At the end of the celebration, we crowned Cats with his new crown, initiating him in as our new king, and presented him with his new tribal name, Maximum Tomato. Sadly, he had to leave us the next morning to continue his quest to conquer the universe. Nevertheless, Planet Muffin will never forget our beloved and eternal ruler, Cats the Great.
A/N: If this was a little to bizarre for you, it's because I was very tired when I wrote this, yet I still felt that I needed to pay tribute to Cats. Review if you wish, and happy reading as always.