There are many times in my life when I hate the male population. An old guy friend of mine told me once that men think with one track. It must be something they cannot help. He mentioned something about women being able to multitask better because of our ability to concentrate on more than one thing. Along with that, men apparently are better at single things because of the one-track trait. Yes, I agree with that statement. They are all good at being complete idiots.
Then again, a girl falls for at least one idiot in her dating career.
The effects of the party have died down, and the whole rehearsal dinner is out of the way. Thank God, if you ask me. Sure, I love the whole concept of a wedding, but personally don't think it necessary to practice walking down an aisle. Many of the girls involved in the wedding party, I never met. Being friendly was essential, because this foreboding feeling kept coming down on me. My only friends in Pallet were Ash, Brock, and Gary. In weddings, following one screwed up tradition, the sexes seem to separate during the whole process. I'm in trouble.
Ash actually woke up early this morning. Surprises are nice every once in a while, and having his head peak in my door around eight definitely qualified as one. He's been acting strange over the past few days. I expected that much, but there've been moments that have caught me off guard.
After breakfast, I could ignore the beautiful day no longer. Being a morning person has its perks, believe it or not.
Delia left a stack of lawn chairs in the backyard from the party. I lifted one from the pile and carry it over to a semi-shady spot. My schedule consisted of relaxation and some catch-up on reading. Hey, every girl needs a part of the day to herself, and what better way to spend it than with a good book.
However, I couldn't concentrate. The thought had been bugging me ever since I woke up.
When was the last time that I had a serious date?
"Misty?" Mrs. Ketchum called from the back door. "If you're not busy, you have a phone call."
"For me?" I asked the obvious.
Mrs. Ketchum began to cross the lawn to my chair. "Yes. I believe it's one of your sisters."
I raised my eyebrows,
but accepted the phone. "Hello?"
"Misty? Hi! It's me, Lily."
"Hi, Lily," I said. "How did you get this number?"
"Phonebook! I'm not that stupid, you know. Anyways, I just wanted to drop a word in with you, see how you're doing and stuff like that."
"I saw you a couple days ago at Gary's party," I replied. "You could have asked me then. What's your real intention?"
Lily laughed. "I can't check up on my baby sister?"
"Oh, fine," Lily huffed. "Daisy, Violet and I knew how worked up you can get and we didn't want you to start cutting yourself or something."
"Don't lie to yourself, Misty, you have a temper," Lily stated.
"We had a feeling, you see. Sort of a vision," Lily continued, sounding like a drugged Ms. Cleo. "We didn't want your jealousy to get the best of you."
"I am not jealous! Stop assuming things about me when you don't even bother to ask how I'm doing in person."
"The idea to call was Daisy's, Misty, so don't yell at me."
She completely missed the point.
"Emily is such a sweet girl!" Lily cooed. "She's going to be some tough competition, am I right?"
"Competition? She's engaged, Lily. Why would I care?" I asked. "It's Gary, for crying out loud."
"Hold on a second, Violet's trying to tell me something," Lily said. "What? Oh…Gary's not the one she had the crush on? What's his face was the one? The kid with the goofy black hair?"
I took my book and started hitting myself on the head.
"Okay! I'm back," Lily giggled. "Forget that last part."
"Lily…why did you call?"
"I already said why! We don't want you to get over depressed because you've never dated anyone--."
Lily cut off. The phone must have dropped.
"Misty? This is Daisy," Daisy came on.
"Lily never can repeat messages, can she?" Daisy tried to joke. "Anyways, what we really wanted to tell you is to not get discouraged."
"I'm not discouraged."
"Yes you are! Listen to yourself! You're crying in agony! I can hear you tears, baby sister!" Daisy cried.
"I'm actually laughing," I said.
"I'm sorry you weren't as blessed as the three of us. Especially me, I mean, this ring is just beautiful!" Daisy snickered.
"So, you wasted your time calling me to tell me how unfortunate I am to not have found that special guy yet," I summarized for them. "To tell you three the truth, I couldn't care less. Yes, I had a few mixed feelings, but those passed easily."
"Yeah! I know what you mean!" Daisy said. "Some of those snacks Mrs. Ketchum made were delicious, but my stomach felt horrible afterwards."
Dear God, please, let my sister's learn English terminology.
"Misty? This is Violet. I wanted to tell you something helpful."
"And what is this treasured advice that I so desperately craved for years?" I asked sarcastically.
Violet sighed as if trying to hold back a tear. "This is your prime opportunity to get the jerk back in his own game."
"To get the jerk back in his own game?" I repeated.
"Yeah! That kid with the goofy black hair! Have they had a Bachelors' Party yet?"
"Why should that matter?" I asked
"You know… I don't know, ignore that," Violet corrected herself. "What I really wanted to say is that you need to get yourself a man, Misty."
"It's not a matter of life and death. Like I told Daisy, I couldn't care less!" I said.
"Yes, and I believe you, baby sister! Weddings are huge events and there are going to be many guests. Mingle, mingle! To acquire a man's attention and respect, you have to force it. Make him want to kill himself over you."
My jaw dropped, taken aback. "Violet, um…"
I couldn't say anything. My throat ached to break out in laughter, yet something deep in my chest was swelling.
Lily's voice could be heard shouting in the background. "We want to plan a stupid Bachelorette party, damn it!"
"Go for the tall and tan, alright?" Violet advised. "I know how much you like the nerdy type, but it's time to branch out."
"Misty!" Lily tugged the phone away once more. "You're in your prime for dating, trust me. You may be my baby sister, but only by two years. I walked in your shoes not too long ago. Go for the big bait."
"Um, I appreciate all your tips, but, I think I'll hang up now," I said.
"Bye-bye, baby sister! Best of luck!"
That night, Ash and Brock kicked Mrs. Ketchum and I out of the house for Gary's Bachelor party. The smirks on both of their faces truly pissed me off. I knew what they had planned: Booze and lots of women…better yet, why not drunk women? The more the confused they are, the better, right?
How I yearned to somehow situate a security camera in the house that night. However, I probably wouldn't be able to stand watching what happened, for there are festivities and traditions that are better kept secret.
Delia and I, once in her car, spoke of nothing. The look on her face reminded me of a death row convict. They knew what was coming, but could do nothing to stop it. They possessed no such power. Parents want to keep their children innocent forever, and sometimes pretend it'll come true.
After a half hour of driving in silence, Delia pulls up in an unknown driveway and unlocks the doors.
"Go on, they're probably waiting for you."
Delia grinned. "Emily is having her Bachelorette party tonight, coincidentally. You were, of course, invited."
"Aren't you coming too?" I asked.
Delia laughed at my stupid question. "Me? I'm a bit too old for this stuff. I'll be spending the night at an old friend's house. She lives in this town."
Delia takes a slip of paper out of her pocket.
"Here's her address if you need to stop by after the party."
"Um, thank you," I said.
I exit the car and Delia drives off with a short wave.
The front door of the house opened, startling me.
"Misty? Is that you? Get in here! Emily will be here any moment!"
I rushed into the house and met up with a handful of girls I recognized from the party.
"Oh, I'm so excited for this!" A girl named Melissa exclaimed.
Sara chirped in. "Oh, I know! Emily is going to be super surprised."
"Isn't she going to expect a party?" I asked.
Jen smiled wide. "Yes, but she doesn't know where we're taking her. I know of a great bar just down town, next to that small convenient store. Serves the best cosmopolitans."
Sara added with a whisper: "Hottest bar tenders you'll ever lay eyes on."
"You're giving me chills just thinking about it!" Melissa said.
Yup, this was going to be the typical Bachelorette party. Pink cocktails in a smoke filled bar with overpaid bar tenders staring at you like they honestly care. Eh, might as well enjoy myself.
Emily arrived shortly after me and she hardly got in the door before the other girls pushed her out. We strolled down to The Brown Bench Bar and the carousing sprung up sooner than you could say 'spinster'.
I recall back in grade school how they tried to talk us out of drinking excessively when we came of age. One of the points covered how your body weight effected how quickly you got drunk. Haha! Bull! Emily, I swear she's no heavier than 120 pounds, knocked so many down in the first two hours and still could walk steadily to the bar for another. I never thought I'd have a great time drinking with a rowdy bunch of girls I hardly knew. On the contrary! It was better than if I were with my sisters.
"You see the one with the brown hair?" Melissa asked, slouching in the chair next to me. "Oh, what an ass."
She appeared to be in Heaven. She raised her hand and the brown-haired waiter came to her service.
"Beef-Eater with blue cheese olives? Thank you, love."
"Anything for you, miss?" The man asked me.
"Huh? Oh, um, watermelon sour, please."
"Going light? Why bother?" Melissa laughed.
"Saving it for later, I suppose."
Melissa snorted, then covered her mouth momentarily. "I hate my laugh. You know, the one behind the bar has been watching you for quite a while. Oh! I just had the best idea! You and me are gonna run a bar sometime. We'll hire only men, and we'll require them to wear tiny white shirts and black shorts. Hey! If guys can have Hooters, we can have our pleasure restaurant too!"
We toast the empty plan.
"Hey!" Emily sat down at our table. "Thanks for coming."
She was chewing gum like a cow, but looked more content than a kid in a candy store.
"How do you feel, Em?" Melissa asked. "Sure you want to be attached to Gary the rest of your life?"
Emily laughed. "Yeah, I think."
"Doesn't mean you have to shun other men for the rest of your life!" Melissa stood and grabbed Emily's arm. "I'm going to introduce you to that tight-ass waiter."
They left me alone at the table, sipping my watermelon sour. Suddenly, the chair next to me scooted back and a body took its place. Laziness controlled my head, and I didn't want to move it.
"You don't look like you're having fun."
I eventually looked to my right and see the bar tender Melissa spoke of.
"I'm having fun!" I said defensively. "You make a really good cosmopolitan."
"Uh… thanks," He replied. "So, who's the bachelorette?"
"Emily. Brown hair, wearing the green shirt."
"So it's not for you?" He asked.
"Shut up!" I punched him on the shoulder, strength depleted due to dizziness.
The bar tender stops one of the waiters and takes a drink from his tray, hands it to me, and smiles.
"Talk to me about it."
I hated Jack Daniels straight up, but accepted it anyway.
"What does he think he has? Forever?" I ended up blurting out. "I mean, sure, I'm not thinking of getting hitched anytime soon either, but it doesn't put the option out to pasture."
"I see, go on."
"All he does is sleep, drink, and eat. Lazy-ass bum," I groaned. "Nothing admirable about the fool at all."
"Then why bother with him? If he's not worth worrying over, drop it."
"You know, I should." I nodded. "What made me believe there was anything other than friendship between us? I'm such an idiot."
"You're capable of getting any guy you want."
I slugged him again. "Shut up! You're paid to say that to pathetic women like me."
"That may be half true, but I hate lying."
"You're starting to annoy me," I pointed my finger at his nose. "You don't know Ash. He sees me as another guy friend. Someone to wrestle over an argument, someone to challenge at an eating contest, watch the game on T.V with a couple of beers. I'm a woman, damn it, a woman!"
"I suppose you'll never know until you ask him yourself."
"Shut up! Shut up! Why won't anybody take my side?"
"It sounds as if you're not even on your side." He took hold of my hand.
"I hate people like you. You better not be expecting some big tip out of this. I take that compliment back! Your cosmopolitans suck!" I exclaim.
"It's easy to see that you're upset…"
"No shit, Sherlock!"
"Please, hear me out on this," The bar tender asked politely. "I've heard a lot of stories in my career from a lot of different women. I've learned that one thing is the answer to every problem."
"And what is that?" I asked.
"You're as beautiful as you want to be," He replied. "I'm no man of philosophy, but bar tending is sort of a branch of it."
How we managed to walk back to the house, I'll never know. Lounging around in the living room, we munched on whatever the cupboards contained. Most of the party complete, it was time for girl talk.
"I think I might move to this town," Melissa said. "Sara, do you have an extra room here?"
"Forget it!" Sara threw a pillow at her. "It'll never get past my mom."
"You're old enough, rent an apartment!" Jen suggested. "You live by yourself, don't you Misty?"
"I share a place with my sister."
"Your sisters? I thought you lived in Pallet."
"No!" I replied.
"You should. That way we could all hang out more. After the wedding," Sara said.
"Ha-ha! Share a place with that Ketchum kid. He looked like a fun possibility," Melissa chuckled. "I always wanted a guy roommate. Friends with benefits!"
"Why not live in the bar, Melissa? You'll fit right in."
"Not," Melissa nodded. "a bad idea."
"I don't think I could live here in Pallet," I explained. "It's too quaint. I enjoy the bigger cities. I need somewhere to run if I can't stand the house."
"Hey, if you have a guy roommate, just hit the sheets and, to him, the problem is solved," Melissa said.
Emily gasped shyly. "She's not like you, Melissa."
Melissa began to laugh again, followed by the snorts.
Emily smiled at me. "If Ash really cares, he'll go at your speed, Misty."
"Whoa, wait a minute," I held up my hands. "Who said Ash and I were serious?"
"Weren't you just complaining about him to that bar tender?" Jen asked slyly.
I bury my face in a pillow. "You heard that?"
Melissa wasn't the only one laughing anymore.
"Okay, okay!" I shouted. "This party is to celebrate Emily's last few days of being a free and single woman."
"You're absolutely right," Melissa said, quite seriously. She appeared to finally be affected by all the drinks she had. "I have a little black book in my purse. I say we call some guys."
"No, don't do that!" Emily protested innocently, a bit of color painting her cheeks. "I'm happy spending the time with you girls."
"Is this supposed to be one of those group hug moments?" Sara asked.
"I think it might," Jen agreed.
"Screw that crap!" Melissa laughed. "I'm going to find a Twister board."
"Twister?" The rest of us girls questioned.
"Yeah! Twister!" Melissa snorted and started to dash up the stairs. "Twister!"
It fell silent besides Melissa's pounding feet.
Emily went into a fit of giggles. "At least she's having a good time."
"This is a sad product of childhood friendships," Sara sighed.
Melissa stomped her way back to the living room, holding the Twister box in her arms. "And if you fail to perform the called position, you have to tell a dirty secret."
"I feel like I'm at a junior high sleep over," I said.
"Correction!" Jen shouted. "Dirty junior high sleep over!"
"I don't think dirty is a good word for it," Emily whispered naively.
Sara and Melissa moved the coffee table and set up the polka-dotted trap and the game began.
Such a simple evening, yet I can honestly say that it was thoroughly satisfying.