Tonks is ill and stuck at Grimmauld Place, so she writes down what's on her mind in a muggle diary. Read about her thoughts about life, love, the order, and her changing feelings for Remus.

June 24th, Monday

Some basic facts about the day:

Sweat-attacks: 2 (big improvement, compared to yesterday, when whole day was one large sweat-attack); hours in bed at bright daylight: 4 (but that means nothing, since it's June and the sun rises at 5 in the morning); vials of dreadful, dubious potions brewed by Snape: 3; mugs of cocoa: 1 (huge improvement, this one mug being the only thing I liked drinking for the past three days; meals that stayed in my stomach: 0

Hello there, dear diary or whatever. Actually, you're just a muggle notebook, but I'll decorate you a bit more soon. And I think I'll also give you a name. You're not one of those speaking wizard diaries – who would've guessed – but I'm a little afraid of those anyway. I like to keep my thoughts private. (Note to self: Absolutely protect this from the Weasley twins.) The reason I start you is – I'm bored out of my mind! The day of Sirius' death and everything that happened at the ministry last year is now exactly a year ago. And apparently, my body likes to remind itself of what happened to it back then. So to speak: I'm sick again. The curse that hit me last year rehearsed itself, and I've been chained to my bed for the last three days. I've been allowed to get up and have breakfast with the others today, but I'll be out of business for at least a month, until we know for sure what it is that I've got. I was so angry when Moody told me this morning, I wanted to storm right up to Hogwarts and tell Dumbledore. About two minutes later I realized he was right. But that does not mean I'm happy with it. I love my work, both as an auror and for the order. And now I won't get to do anything except for some boring paperwork, and worse, I'm not allowed to go out at all! Molly already picked up some of my things from my place, so I don't even have that as an excuse. I ordered the twins to get me something to read and loads of chocolate (I hope they bring some edible stuff along with their joke sweets). By now, everyone has filed out of the kitchen to do some important work, except for Molly who's still cleaning up and Remus who's sitting at the opposite end of the table and staring into his coffee mug. He hasn't moved for fifteen minutes, his coffee's probably cold by now. I guess he's a little out of tune these days, what with Sirius' death last year and everything. Poor man. He's suffered too much and lost too many people already, but still shows no traces of weakness. He's a lot like Harry, actually. Always the noble one, always shutting people out. Apparently, he noticed me staring at him, for he looks over at me.

"Anything wrong?"

"No, nothing." Before he can get any ideas why I was staring at him, I hastily add:

"Just a little jealous that you are about to get out of this house and do something while I'll be stuck here for the next weeks."

"Well, I'm not that busy at the moment, and this task won't take long. Maybe I can keep you company for a while when I come back." He smiles at me, giving me the impression that he knows what I feel like. Maybe he does. He has put up with Sirius in an even worse mood for a year.

"Thanks, Remus." Molly cuts in.

"You should go back to bed now, get some more rest. You still look very pale." I nod. Of course. Very pale is Molly's way of telling you you look hideous. Remus pours down his cold coffee in one gulp, then holds out his arm to me.

"May I accompany you to your room, fair maid?" I have to giggle. Remus never fails to surprise me. Once you think you know him, this serious, earnest man pulls a joke and makes you laugh even though he's down himself. Sirius always called it "His old marauder mentality is breaking through." I guess he was happy living here with Sirius, but since his last friend has gone, too, his hair has gone even more grey. Still, he's an attractive man. He looks weary around the full moon, but once he's recovered, he's got that alerted look in his grey eyes, which are rimmed with little laughter crinkles. Even though I've never seen much of it, his body seems pretty firm. Okay… enough of the Remus thoughts for today. Don't know what's gotten into me. We've arrived in the entrance hall.

"Do you mind if I leave you here? I really have to go now."

"Yes, I think I can handle the stairs by myself. Thank you, and good luck with whatever you're up to."

"Thank you. Have a good morning." When he's almost arrived at the door, he turns around again.

"By the way, I don't think you look that bad. A little bit of sleep and you're as fresh as morning dew again." I smile at him. Now I feel a little bit better, and it doesn't bother me so much to go back to bed again.

Gaaah! Nearly fell out of bed at the sight of Remus sitting next to my bed. Not that he looks so frightening, but he's never come to my room here, and I just wasn't prepared for a visit. (Naturally, since I was asleep.) Anyway, he seemed a little peeved about my reaction, but after I apologized with loads of words and little sense in them, he started laughing.

"It's okay, Tonks. I didn't wake you though, did I? Because if I did, Molly will kill me for disturbing your precious sleep."

"I don't think it was you who woke me. So, your little errand already finished? That was quick, huh?" I asked.

"If you call 8 hours quick, it was. Those stupid goblins were so stubborn again. I just got back and wanted to see if you've already greyed with boredom."

"I slept for 8 hours? Wow!"

"It sure was good for you. As Molly would say, you've got a little colour on your cheeks again. Are you feeling better?"

"I'm feeling great! I could take on the world right now!"

"Sorry, Molly forbid all world-ontaking-actions. But what about some tea?" I nodded, though I'm not particularly fond of tea, but didn't want to insult him, and he went down to the kitchen. He came back with a plate of delicious looking chocolate chip cookies and a big mug of cocoa.

"Your favourite, isn't it?" He asked as he handed me the steaming chocolate.

"Yes. I can't help it, I've got a sweet tooth."

We spent the next hour talking. He updated me about everything he'd done, heard and seen today, which was really sweet, since I absolutely hate not to know what's happening. We were interrupted when a very upset Fred (or George) Weasley burst into the room.

"Here you are, Remus! Everyone's been looking for you. We already worried you'd been eaten by the goblins."

"I'm alright, just spent Tonks a little company."

"That's nice of you. How are you today, Tonks?"

"Much better. I've slept all afternoon. I think I'm ready for business again."

"Well, you better not tell mum, she'll lock your door and put up apparition-wards when she hears that. Anyway, Remus, Moody wants to talk to you. I can take over Tonks."

"But don't wear her out too much."

"Remus, if you start fretting over me like Molly, you're not allowed in my room anymore."

Remus laughed and walked out on the search of Moony.

After the twin (who turned out to be George) had showed me his newest inventions, the rest of the day passed in boredom. Read a few pages of that awful romance novel someone brought along for me, then fell asleep again – thank god! Really, life is too boring to be awake.

A/N: Please forgive me for any eventual mistakes, for English is not my mother tongue. I hope you liked the story – there's more to come. Right now, I'm writing July 15th. So, encourage me and send reviews!