Hating Her

You don't hate Jen because she is beautiful in an obvious, blonde, busty sort of way. You don't hate her because she is small and made for being held, while you are tall, made for holding, too gangly to be sexy, too much of a friend to ever be anything more to Dawson.

You don't hate her because her beauty is accompanied by niceness, by decency, by what seems like a genuine desire to be your friend. You don't hate her because she rescues you from tricky situations, because she gets you, because she sees things, the sort of things Dawson, for all his perception, is oblivious to.

You hate her because she turns you into an illogical monster whenever she is around, her presence reducing you to someone crazy and irrational and jealous and bitter and everything you never wanted to be.

You hate her because when she kisses you, she knows you want it. Because she knows she is the one in control here, the one whose lips are pressing up against yours, and she knows that your heart is beating too quickly for the cause to be anything other than desire.

You hate her because she understands.

- end -