This Used To Be Where We Lived

This used to be where we lived, the two of us. This is where she reminded me about the rent, this is where I turned all our washing pink. This is where we sat when I made her dinner for the first time. It was sort of tasteless but it was edible, fine once you added salt, and when she kissed me I could taste the salt on her lips, like she'd just stepped out of the sea. She loved the sea. We had our first kiss right beside the ocean. Valentine's Day. Cliché, right? She never did Valentine's Day things and I guess it's kinda cheesy but I liked that it was that day, you know? She had the softest lips.

I moved in too soon. Thought my mom was going to kick me out for being with her, but she didn't. My mom's a total nightmare. But I told her anyway. I don't know why. I guess because she's still my mom, you know? She kept saying it was just a phase. Right. Like you can fuck someone and have it just be a phase. Like you can love someone and have it just be a phase, right? She wasn't some fucking experiment, all right? She was – I don't know.

This used to be where we lived. We were living together. Have you ever had that? Having someone who'll fall asleep in your arms and you know that they'll still be there the next morning, and you know that no one's going to come in and disturb you? Just the two of us, me and her, no one else in the entire universe. No one else. And then when the real world barged in on us, we didn't know what to do. She was totally freaked out about Ryan. I mean, god, nothing happened between us. I wouldn't have cheated on her or anything. And, yeah, I liked hanging out with him, but only because it was the first time we actually got to be friends, instead of just, I don't know, wanting each other.

She looked so beautiful even first thing in the morning, even when she was tired and hung over and completely pissed off with the world. She was still beautiful. Like a painting or something. Like a song that you keep listening to and every time you find something new that you like about it, you know?

This was where she told me she loved me. And then she kissed me, and it was so gentle, just like the first time on the beach, and it actually made me dizzy, can you believe that? It was just so – but she didn't, you know? She didn't. She didn't love me, because if she loved me we would have worked things out, and we'd still be together, and she wouldn't have left. If you love someone, you don't just leave town, for god's sake.

You know what, Trey, I think you should move in. It's just a place. Just a fucking apartment. It doesn't mean anything.

- end -