: I apologise for lack of updates, the usual but very true excuse is that Ialways keep picking up different illnesses. I've had everything lately! I've been fine again the last 3 weeks or so but today I've just lost my voice. damn u..air?or whatever carries the germs. Anyway, I heard this song sang by a cool (well, used to be) band called Stereophonics and I just thought, 'oh my god, I have to write a songfic to this, its friggin' hilarious!' so here it is, enjoy and please review! don't expect anything classic, it's just something lighthearted for everyone to read!
There's Still a Chance
Chandler took a sip from his glass of bitter tasting champagne and smiled around at various people in the large, elegantly decorated room. He locked eyes with Monica, who was dancing with their six year old niece, Emma, both trying not to trip over their bridesmaid's dresses. He smiled warmly at them, wandered over and grinned down at Emma.
"Hey Em, having fun?"
Emma grinned back. "Hey Uncle Chandler, yeah, this is a blast. Did you hear Joey's speech!"
"Yes, it was great…very unique." Chandler told her, eyes twinkling. "Are you pleased that your mom and dad finally got this day over and done with?"
Emma shrugged. "Dunno really. Nothing's gonna change. Mom and Dad are only doing this for the presents."
Chandler laughed. "Yes maybe. Did you see our gift?" He glanced at Monica, who was rolling her eyes at him. "It took us six hours to buy it. Your Aunt wanted it to be perfect."
"Well it is my brother and best friend's wedding!" Monica said defensively, smiling.
"Yes, who would have thought this day would come?" Chandler asked, smiling in amazement. "Mr Ross and Mrs Rachel…
"…Geller…about time huh?" Joey finished, ambling over.
"Oh my god, Joey! What's happened to your shirt?" Monica freaked, pointing to Joey's suit, which had a red stain all down the front.
Joey flushed. "Yeah…um…had a bit of an accident with your mom's sherry."
"My mom's sherry?" Monica asked, frowning faintly.
"She smuggled a bottle into the reception…says she can't stand the champagne you picked out for Ross and Rachel. Didn't she tell you?"
"No, she didn't." Monica replied huffily. She shook her head in dismay at Joey's shirt. "That suit cost Ross a hell of a lot to hire. He's gonna kill you."
"I'll get it dry cleaned," Joey promised, doing up the buttons of his coat to hide the stain, "he'll never know."
"Joey, I think you should know by now that it's very difficult to hide secrets from Ross," Chandler pointed out, smirking.
"He never found out about the speech, did he?" Joey shot back, winking.
"No he didn't. I don't think he fully appreciated the story about Emily."
"Hey, it got a few laughs, didn't it?" Joey asked, "I mean, come on, that had to be the shortest marriage in history. Comparing his life to Liza Minelli's life was funny."
"Oh really?" Ross asked, walking past. "I'll remember that when you get married."
"Geez, you'd think he'd be happy today." Joey muttered.
"He is… he's just drunk." Monica told him, stifling a giggle.
Shopping spree for the family tree,
Haven't seen your family tree in quite a while,
Too many sandwiches and wine,
Sherry stains down your best mans tie, what a speech,
"Oh my god, I don't remember this many Geller's at our wedding," Chandler said to Monica a little while later.
"There was, it's just they kept away from you." Monica said, smiling fondly at the memories. She leaned against Chandler's shoulder as they danced.
"Um…why exactly?" Chandler asked, feeling slightly hurt.
"You were dancing very strangely that day, remember?"
"It was the shoes." Chandler protested.
"Yes of course it was." Monica reassured him mock-sympathetically.
They danced silently for a few moments.
"When's the band getting here?" Chandler wondered.
"I don't know, they're late," Monica replied, looking worriedly around the room. "Rachel is throwing conniption fits. She can't stand much more of this crazy disco music."
"…and just what is wrong with having a DJ who likes to play you spin me right round over and over?" Chandler demanded, his lips twitching in amusement.
"Well about damn time!" Rachel's voice ran out from the entrance doors. Chandler looked over and saw the bride glaring angrily at a strikingly tall man wearing ripped denim pants, a bright red T-Shirt that had 'Fight for humanity, don't be a a-hole' splattered on the front and dark hair that stuck up crazily in every direction on top of his head.
"Sorry lady, I have a bit of a timekeeping problem," the man told Rachel sheepishly.
"and a horny problem." Joey mumbled behind Chandler.
Chandler turned around to Joey and looked at him questioningly. Joey jerked his head towards the bar, where a young waitress working at the bar was trying to rearrange her skirt in a secretive manner.
"She just got back from a little loving with Mr. Punk kid," Joey said, chuckling.
"How do you know that?" Phoebe asked, eyes flashing in merriment.
"Because he arrived about an hour ago, the girl has been missing since then, and I stumbled on the two of them in one of the hotel rooms ten minutes ago." Joey explained sheepishly.
"What were you doing up there?" Chandler asked suspiciously.
"Nothing," Joey shifted his eyes away from his friends' suspicious glances.
"Were you hooking up with someone?" Monica asked, eyes widening. "Joey, you've got a girlfriend!"
"Yes but a girlfriend who I haven't seen in like, a month." Joey protested, "which isn't my fault. I think she's seeing someone else."
"And who could blame her?" Phoebe asked, slapping him on the shoulder. "Who was the poor woman you've taken advantage of this time?"
"Well it's tradition for the best man to hook up with a bridesmaid so…" Chandler paused and looked between Monica and Phoebe.
"Chandler!" Monica exclaimed, "I'm married to you! And Phoebe and Mike are very happy." She looked at Phoebe uncertainly, "are you?"
"Of course we are," Phoebe rolled her eyes.
"So if it isn't either of you two…and Emma doesn't count for obvious reasons," Chandler thought for a moment. "And Jill has got a boyfriend so then that leaves…" he looked at Joey in horror. "Amy?"
"Rachel's sister?" Monica shrieked.
Joey pulled uncomfortably at his collar. "She's hot." He explained simply.
"She's also a complete screwball." Chandler added, still looking shocked.
"Oh come on, she isn't…that bad." Joey protested.
"I noted the hesitation." Chandler said sardonically. "So did you two actually do it?"
"Hell yeah, in the ladies' bathroom back there." Joey said, smiling proudly.
"Ugh, I don't wanna hear this." Phoebe said, clamping her hands over her ears.
"If Rachel finds out, she will kill you," Monica warned, "she's very protective of her sisters."
"Oh come on, we all know that Amy never listens to anything that Rachel says," Joey scoffed, "the woman became 'easy' years ago."
"Joey, I thought you grew out of all this." Phoebe admonished.
"Hey, it's a wedding, and there hasn't been one in a while."
"I think Dad is making up for it," Monica said, watching her father dance drunkenly around with 4 year old Jack Bing.
The band arrives, the grannies cry,
Singer's tongue in the barmaid's mouth, what a voice
Grandpa drunk a drop or two,
His head's still stuck in the portaloo, what a man
It was 12 hours into the day and Chandler knew that Rachel was beginning to look like she was losing the battle with her vow to stay sober for the entire wedding night.
"Hey Chandler darling," she greeted, throwing her arms around him.
"Oh Rach, what happened to your dress?"
Rachel looked down at herself. "I dropped buffet food down it," she told him, shrugging indifferently.
"Aren't you upset?" Chandler asked, wrapping an arm around her. They sat down on some chairs in the corner of the room.
"No, because I'm married to the greatest guy in the whole world," Rachel said, planting a light kiss on Chandler's mouth.
Chandler chuckled lightly. "You do realise that I'm not Ross, right?"
"Of course, but a drunk bride is allowed to kiss her friends on her wedding day!" Rachel told him, smiling brightly. "You're the groom's chief best man, you deserve a little affection."
"Joey did the speech though," Chandler reminded her, "Maybe you should kiss him."
"Nah, he's had enough of them from me to last him for the rest of his life," Rachel said, grinning. "we though…I don't think we've kissed since the whole fake European thing years ago."
Chandler laughed, his eyes dancing. "Well I don't think we're supposed to kiss, Rachel, my friend." He pulled her up from her seat. "Come on, let's dance."
"You're my best friend Chandler Bing," Rachel said, wrapping her arms around him. "I'll never forget all the talks we've had."
"Talks? Cat fights are a more accurate description, don't you think?" Chandler whispered into her ear.
"Well you were crap when getting me blind dates, and you had just the worst break-up with my ex-boss but you were the one who gave me advice on my parents' divorce, you were the only friend who bothered to point out that Ross was in love with me…you were just always there, you know?" Rachel smiled at Chandler fondly. "I hope Monica realises how lucky she is."
Chandler glanced across the room at his wife, and smiled happily as she met his eyes and blew a kiss.
"I think I'm the lucky one."
"Cheesy line Bing. Sweet as hell."
"Oh shut up." Chandler said, blushing.
"cheesy-cake, cheese-cake." Rachel sang mockingly.
"Oh don't get me started on that…I've been avoiding the desserts section all night."
"We've got 2 hours left…bet you don't last."
"I bet I can."
"I'll have my eye on you. They've got a strawberry flavour on that table…"
"Oh god, see you there in five minutes?"
you bought a sequin dress for your chicken breast,
the disco's late and he's overpaid tonight,
you got a diamond ring and the man who sings…
…the man who sings made love to the barmaid twice,
and that's just tonight
"Do you think they'll make it this time?" Monica whispered to Chandler as they watched Ross and Rachel dance the last dance.
"Honestly? Yes. Their love is for real this time." Chandler squeezed Monica's hand. "They've been given another chance and they're taking it."
"The crazy arrangements for the music would have given me a breakdown though," Monica said, looking dazedly at the band on stage. "What were they thinking?"
"I think Ben suggested the 'real cool band'." Chandler said, looking at 15 year old Ben Geller bopping around to a remixed love song from the 80's.
"They're killing George Michael!" Monica exclaimed painfully.
"I told you the 80's theme was better, didn't I?"
The blue rinsed hairs lifts up the chairs,
The band's too loud, they're off downstairs,
What a noise.
The bride and groom dance their dance,
The singer mimes, there's still a chance,
Grandpa drunk a drop or two,
He's still stuck in the portaloo,
What a man.
Singer's tongue in the barmaid's mouth,
What a voice,
And that's just tonight.
You bought a sequin dress for your chicken breast,
The disco's late and he's overpaid tonight,
And the barmaid smiles.
Lyrics: Too Many Sandwiches – Album: Word Gets Around © Stereophonics