Pretty Girls Make Graves
Disclaimer: I own nothing. It all belongs to Rob Thomas.
Summary: Logan's POV on Veronica, their relationship, and what he did that makes him know it won't last.
Spoilers: For Episode 20 'M.A.D.' and Episode 21'A Trip to the Dentist'.
He wants to say that he doesn't know why she freezes up slightly each time she overhears someone mention the party Friday night at Shelly Pomeroy's. He tries to ignore the glazed look in her eyes when Meg says that she is going, despite her problems with Duncan, and does Veronica want to join her. He knows what the answer will be without even having to hear her say the words. Of course she won't be going to the party, for more reasons than the fact that she's not part of that crowd any longer.
He thinks that maybe some part of her knows, deep down, because there are times when he touches her certain ways that cause her body to tense up and pull away from him. He's just waiting for her to put together all the pieces, after all she's his little Nancy Drew. At the same time he hopes that she never remembers, that no one out to hurt either of them tells her about that night, about who actually slipped her the roofies, or about what he did once she passed out. He'll lose her if she finds out, and he's buried one too many pretty girls to handle losing another, especially now. He's falling for her, and despite everything he's done to try and stop himself, he thinks that maybe there's no way to slow this freefall he's on.
Veronica is not Lilly. She's hardened in ways that Lilly never was and wouldn't understand. Lilly didn't care what others thought because she could afford to, being the daughter of Jake Kane gave her that privilege. Veronica has been forced not to care what others think of her through circumstances she had no control over. The way she is now is the way the world made her. The way he made her the minute he took her virginity at Shelly Pomeroy's party last year.
He's only seventeen and in the past year he's buried two women he loved. Two beautiful women who left his life far too soon, whether they wanted to or not. And the thing that scares him most is that he's going to lose Veronica as well, the one girl he thinks that he could love as much as his precious Lilly. He's going to bury her too. It's just a matter of time. Nothing good ever lasts long for him. With their past, there's only one way for it to end. Badly.
When she walks into the journalism room Friday morning she looks quiet, withdrawn and he knows that she is no longer ignorant of his actions. She knows. Whether she remembered on her own or someone told her doesn't matter. She refuses to look at him, won't talk to him. He can't even get close enough to her to touch her one last time and it destroys him that it's ending like this. He doesn't want it to end.
He goes to her that night, forgoing Shelly's party, making one last attempt to keep her in his life, to save his heart. She's not home, though he's not really surprised. What does surprise him is that her dad, who never liked him, tells him where she is. The beach. Their spot. Hers and Lilly's. It should have been obvious to him. She and Lilly had loved it there. It's where they found peace. Of course she'd go to see Lilly on this night.
He spots the fire before he sees her. She's kneeling there in the sand, her fingers curled tight in the fabric of a white cotton dress he remembers all too well. He can see droplets of blood, brown with age, just before she drops it into the flames.. "Ronnie," he whispers, trying not to startle her.
He doesn't expect the bitter laugh that escapes her lips. "Should have known it was you. Tonight of all nights it would only be you." There's nothing for him to say to that. All the words that he'd practiced in his head are gone and he's left with nothing. She's laid it all out with only two short sentences. So he just stands there, not wanting to let go, not wanting to walk away. If he does it means that she's really lost to him. He doesn't want to think about the fact that she was never really his to begin with.
He can see tears on her cheeks and wonders just how often he's made her cry. Before it didn't matter. It was his goal. Now he wants to wipe them away, wipe away his sins and give back to her what he had no right to take. He thinks that she might have loved him if only…. But there's no taking back the past and his heart breaks just a little bit more. Lilly is dancing all around them and he can hear her in his head, mocking him, teasing him, scolding him. Only when she whispers 'You always were the fool, Logan,' does he snap back to reality. And that's how he finds himself standing over yet another grave of another pretty girl, burying her deep, in spirit, if not in body.