Disclaimer-Don't own it.

Author's Note- The POV switches from Kyo to Yuki, and sometimes others. I am now editing my previous chapters to improve quality.


Ashes-Chapter One-Begin


It's an anomalous feeling.

A constant tightness in my chest, an astringent hand that surrounds me in darkness. A ticking clock somewhere inside me is constantly screaming that time's almost up. Dizzying haze that wanes and waxes; the need to cry and yell and laugh and run away as long and as far as you can stand it. Acid that wells and bloats until you collapse and your mouth opens and everything comes up and out…

The cloak of darkness slides from his shoulders and falls in thick puddles at his feet.

The wind whispers away his words. I stare at the beads.

Red and white, blood and bone.

I imagine his words pouring like smoke out of his mouth, and the wind will blow it away, and I won't ever be able to hear it, no matter how hard I try.

Of course, I can't sleep. I can never sleep nowadays. I climb onto the icy shingles of the roof, the dappled moonlight shining down. I lay back and stare at her. She smiles gently as the wind ruffles my hair. It smells fresh and exhilarating. Cold air was always the best. It slips in and out of my lungs like silver mercury.

I loved being up on the roof. I guess what they say about cats loving high places are true. But truthfully, it was the only place I could relax. No Shigure or that damn rat or anyone to bother me. So now what? I close my eyes, breathing in the cool clean air and slowly drifting off to sleep.

"Kyo-kun? Are you up there?"

"Wake up, stupid cat, before you make us late."

Nothing could quite irritate me like Yuki's voice could. The perfectly monotonous tone that just screamed that he couldn't care less about anything, much less you, someone he hates. The way he would throw a well-placed verbal barb at you and the superiorly calm voice that went with it would echo in your head for hours afterward, keeping you awake.

I jolt awake at the icy tone of his voice, that voice that just pissed me off listening to it. My eyes snap open to see the sun shining brilliantly at the edge of the roof. I rub my eyes as I gaze at the vibrant beams of sun glinting through the trees, silhouetting them. I get up and clamber to edge. Peering down I see Tohru and Yuki looking up at me. Already I can feel the annoyance triggered by his voice automatically turning into real anger. I clench my hand and tell myself to calm down. I really didn't want Tohru to see my angry side all the time.

"Kyo-kun, are you coming?" Tohru asks. I look away, glaring at the ground.

"Just go." I answer.

"Are-are you sure?"


"Alright, see you at school!" She turns and waves, jogging slightly to catch up to Yuki, who had already left. Yuki turns his head towards her and his tarnished silver hair glints and reflects sunlight in my eyes. I shade them and growl. Even his hair mocks me. At least his is slightly passable in public.

I watch both of their backs, feeling incredibly left out. I jump off the roof carefully and walk into the house before I can think of more ways why the rat is better than the cat.

I enter school premises only five minutes late. Only a few stragglers are left in the halls, late for who knows what.

In homeroom I dump my bag on my usual seat by the window, but I don't say anything to Tohru or her friends on the opposite side of the room. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I had already put up with enough bullshit for one day and I hadn't even made it to my first class!

As a few minutes pass and I notice people starting to glance at me. I frown harder. What's with the staring? I can't be left alone for once?

I sit at my desk, resting my head on one hand, irritation jumping in my stomach. We still have time before class starts, but I am unfortunately caught up with everything, for once, and have nothing to preoccupy me.

I sigh and notice a few people surround Tohru and her stupid friends. They ask her something and she shrugs in a worried manner. I flinch inwardly as all of their eyes turn toward me.

They won't look away. Their stares are the final straw, and they infuriate me, any patience I had left is obliterated. I stand up silently, and start walking towards them, my hands in my pockets. There is a lone desk in my way. I raise one leg and kick it, and it flips over violently several times before scraping loudly along the tile floor, a huge projectile until it smashes into the opposite wall.

The whole room jumps or gasps and goes deathly quiet.

"What the hell are you staring at?" I ask them quietly, but the anger in my voice is extremely loud. I stride towards the group, who in turn start to back away.

"I'm just minding my own damn business over there, so why are you looking at me? Is there something on my face?!" They shrink away and seek the comfort and warmth of their bodies pressed against another. I come close enough to distinguish them individually now, and I can see Hanajima starting to glare back at me, but I feel nothing, just more anger.

I hear a whimper and my eyes find Tohru; she wears a frightened, almost betrayed look, and her eyes are filled with unshed tears. My face falls. I slowly back up and move towards the door, only to run smack into that damn rat as he walks into the classroom. Oh joy, the Goddamn Princess Yuki is here to save the fucking day. I glare up at him from the floor, as he scans the scene in front of him with a frown. He looks back down, but I am already gone, running.

I watch as Uotani-san runs past me yelling something obscene. I don't worry. Kyo is known for his disappearing acts, so I doubt she could find him. Tohru is still shaking as she looks at me with anxious eyes.

"Honda-san, are you alright? Did someone say something about his hair again?" I stride over and make a move to grab her hand, but stop. Honda-san shakes her head, a solitary tear falling onto the ground.

"N-no…we…were staring at him, and we didn't mean anything by it, and we were talking about him, but only because he was worrying us…and…he…he just exploded!" She swallows and glances up at my eyes.

"Please, Honda-san…don't cry." I say in a soft voice. It really bothers me when she cries. That stupid cat is going to pay for this. His anger issues are getting out of control.

"He got so angry…I'm just-I'm really worried about him." She chokes, more tears forming. I frown. Something tells me Tohru isn't as naïve as she appears, especially when it comes to Kyo.

I run, past the trees, trying to get rid of that painfully burning frustration, faster and faster until my legs feel as though they are on fire. I stumble slightly and my legs collapse suddenly, the momentum flinging me down to meet the cool damp soil. I bounce off the earth and land with my face in the dirt. I lie there breathing hard for several minutes, my eyes closed as I scream in my head.

Why do I always take things out on her? She was innocent, always trying to help!

Shit. I clench my jaw. No matter how much people are kind to me I always screw it up. With Shishou, and now with Tohru. Even…even with mother. I open my eyes suddenly. No, that wasn't my fault. I've got to stop thinking it was my fault; I'm old enough now to know it wasn't!

And I think something I haven't thought in a very long time:

'I'm sorry.'

I slowly prop myself on my hands and knees, as I brush away the dirt that clings to my face. Everything is swelling and swirling inside me, my chest is about to burst. I bury my head in my hands, open my mouth, and bite down hard on the base of my palm.

I clench my jaw harder with every passing moment, the sting becoming bigger.

All I know is that the pain is starting to rule my senses. It comes in waves that make me forget. Forget everything, like it never existed. For one, shining moment, I can be someone, anyone else. This pain is my door.


Ashes-Chapter One-End