Well, this story is here. I was sitting in history doing nothing today (well, I was "studying" for the exam) and this idea came to me. See, my friends and I have this inside joke about the song 'My Sharona', and it just got so funny that I needed to share it. If you find it too psychotic, you can just blame it on the allergy medicine I'm on right now.
Oh, and worry not, faithful reviewers, the next chapter of 'Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way' is in the works. Yes, I DO know that it's been all of 7 months since the last update. I went and got writer's block after I realized I killed off Sango. gets spooky ghost voice buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut sheeeeeee miiiiiiiiiiight get reeeeeeiiiiiinnnncarrrrrnateeeeeed! Woooooooooo!
Enough of that. This chapter is a blip of fun for whoever decides to read it. Review if you like (I'm not forcing you into anything, but reviews do make me happy, so leave me a note).
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of 'Inuyasha', sadly. I do not own the band the Knack, happily. I do not own the rights to the song 'My Sharona' by the Knack (haha that's a funny word. Knack knack knack). They are old and icky and broken up by now. I do, however, own a printed out sheet of the lyrics to 'My Sharona', which will probably get buried in the stuff on my desk and I'll find them in a few years and be like "WHAT?" I also own 3 regular sharpies, 1 'extra fine point' sharpie, an origami page-a-day calendar (today I learned how to make an origami elephant), a moody cd burner, a PDC photo, and a burning lurve for this guy at my church. I wish I owned him. sighs
So, here it is. 'My Sharona'. By me, with the help of this old cd that the bank sent us around Christmas (it's full of symphony orchestra stuff and makes me want to leap around in Sleeping Beauty's ball gown), along with the memories of one afternoon with my friends, a pair of iPod speakers, Susan's dad's old cd collection, and the Knack. Knack knack knack.
"Oof! Oh, CRAP! OH NO NO NO NO NO!" yelled Kagome upon return to the Feudal Era. The well was getting decidedly more and more temperamental between trips back and forth. Kagome had just come flying out of the well and skidded 20 feet before coming to a stop at the base of a giant oak tree. Her big yellow backpack was squished between her and the tree. Luckily, it kept her from breaking any bones, but Kagome was more worried about the contents of the bag than about possible breakages. Kagome was just tugging on the various straps, zippers, and buttons of the bag when she heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet behind her. "Santa?" she asked, turning, before she was slammed back into the poor tree and beleaguered backpack. "Kyaaaaah! Kagome! You're back!" screeched the tiny fuzzball into her stomach. "Oh, it's you, Shippo. Gah! No, not again!" she yelped, realizing that she was sitting on her bag and causing more damage to its contents, thereby tossing Shippo off her stomach. "Ow, Kagome. That hurt," he moaned, clutching his head. "Oh good!" Kagome said, rummaging through her bag, "The chocolate broke the fall." She started pulling bars of chocolate out of her bag, handing them to Shippo, who cuddled each one to make sure they were okay. Kagome then lifted a small rectangular box out of her bag, checking it all over to make sure that it wasn't cracked. "Hooray! It lives!" she cried. "What is that thing, Kagome? Is it more chocolate?" Shippo asked curiously. "No, Shippo, it's called an iPod, and it holds music inside it. All my favorite songs are on it so that I can listen to them whenever I want." But Shippo was gone, leaving a trail of chocolate wrappers on his way back to Kaede's hut.
Kagome gathered up her bag and started on the way back to the hut, picking up wrappers as she went. She stuck in the iPod earphones and turned up 'Yeah!' by Usher. It wasn't long till she was belting out lyrics and jumping around on the path, shaking her rear at trees and dancing really badly (a/n: picture what you look like when you dance around in your room. Come on, you know you do it too). What with the high volume level that was really necessary for that type of song, and what with her yelling of the lyrics, she never heard Miroku run up to her. He grabbed her by the shoulders and proceeded to 'shake the demon out'. That didn't really work, but it did make the stupid earbuds fall out of her ears. Kagome looked up at Miroku, startled, while he kept his eyes closed and muttered spells at her. "Miroku! What's wrong with you! Stop! Stop! Stop!" she yelled at him. He looked down at her, surprised that it took so little to make the demon leave, and then noticed that he could still hear the monster's song. He looked quickly around, gathering Kagome to his chest, and said "Shh…it's around here somewhere…I can hear it." Kagome got quiet very fast, enjoying the feel of Miroku's lovely warm chest, and listened with him for the monster. The forest was quiet except for a faint "Yeah, yeah, yeah" coming from the iPod. Kagome slid her hand out of Miroku's death grip, down his chest, and into her pocket where she spun the volume down to mute. Miroku pulled away from her quickly while she wound the earbud cord around the iPod.
"Drop it, Kagome! I'll kill your pocket monster!" he yelled, while unwrapping his palm.
"Pocket…monster? What pocket monster?" she asked, looking around.
"That one! The one that was just in your pocket! The one with two tails!" he yelled, bordering on hysteria.
"No, Miroku! You've got it wrong! This is an iPod; a magical box from the future. It holds all my favorite songs inside it and you stick the earbuds in your ears and you can hear the music. Plus, only my brother owns Pokemon," she explained to the panicked monk.
"It's not a monster? Oh, good," he said, rewrapping his hand. Kagome stuck an earbud in one of Miroku's ears and kept the other for herself while scrolling down through playlists. She got down to 'Yellow Submarine', figured what the hell, turned up the volume, grabbed Miroku's hand, and set off to Kaede's hut. Miroku was slightly startled at first by the music, but he got used to it and by the time they reached the hut both he and Kagome were belting out "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine, yellow submarine…"
Sango and Shippo sweatdropped at the sight of Kagome and Miroku frolicking up the path. Sango started edging closer to her boomerang, while Shippo shifted his chocolate into a more easily defended pile. Kagome and Miroku noticed Sango and Shippo eyeing them warily, got a kick out of that, and finished up the song by acting out as sailors and ending with a twirl. This was all quite surprising to Kagome, since there was really no way for Miroku to know what a submarine was. Kagome pulled hers and Miroku's earbuds out, smacked Miroku's hand when he tried to take his back, wrapped the iPod up, and stuck it back in her bag before walking over to Sango. When Sango made no motion to welcome Kagome and just continued to stare glassy-eyed at where Kagome and Miroku's singing-and-dancing troupe had arrived, Kagome started to worry. She waved her hand slowly in front of Sango's eyes and then poked her in the arm. Sango tipped over.
"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh! She's frozen! Look what you did!" yelled Shippo and Miroku. Shippo helpfully started running around in frenzied circles, while Miroku became distracted by Kagome's undies when she bent over to make sure Sango wasn't faking. He was just reaching out for a healthy grope when Kagome spun around, smacking him in the face while grabbing for the previously unnoticed and helpfully placed water pitcher. (a/n: it really hadn't been there the whole time. As author, I can exercise my right to use magical powers and I made it appear just for this part of the story. It'll disappear once Kagome finishes with it). Kagome picked up the full pitcher, saying "This always works in the movies!", at the same time a very naughty thought popped into his head. A mental battle immediately ensued, with arguments such as 'hey, wait, she'll beat me up. And that's kinda sexy' as well as 'and who knows if the author will ever provide me with another convenient water pitcher?' (a/n: I might. It all depends on how I'm feeling as I write). So the battle was easily won since there really wasn't any opposition and Miroku reached up when Kagome was turned around and tipped the whole pitcher down Kagome's shirt front. 'Oh thank you god!' was the last thought in Miroku's mind before Kagome threw the pitcher at his head and he fell over, twitching.
Kagome searched around for the pitcher, but it had disappeared. (a/n: mwahaha I love my magical powers). She straightened up, looked around for Shippo, saw that he had passed out from running in circles so much, sighed, scratched her knee, kicked Miroku, and plopped down next to her bag. Everyone was still breathing and that's what mattered most. She dug around in her bag for a Twinkie and lay back on the grass to munch it. Suddenly, she realized two things that she hadn't thought of before. First of all, it was really boring just lying on the grass. Second of all, she didn't even like Twinkies. Kagome sprang to her feet, tossing the Twinkie at Miroku's comatose body, and began pacing to figure out what to do to wake Sango up. In her rush to jump to her feet, she tipped her bag over onto its side. One object slid out of the bag: her iPod. Kagome suddenly got a devious idea. "Mwahahahaha! This is what happens when you pass out around me!" she muttered as she began scrolling through the playlists until she found what she was looking for.
"Oh, Kagome, you are SO evil," she whispered as she crept over to where Sango lay sprawled (a/n: I guess it's kind of stupid for someone to be creeping up on someone who's passed out, but Kagome's a little hyper today. She must've drunk too much Sunkist before she left home or something). Kagome knelt behind Sango's head and carefully inserted the earbuds into Sango's ears. She clicked the iPod on. And then she did one of the evilest things in the world. Kagome turned the volume WAY up on 'the Macarena'. It was so loud that Sango not only woke up, she jumped four feet in the air in sheer reflex. It was so loud that Shippo flew out of the hole he had inadvertently dug and then started bouncing around on the ground to the vibrations. It was so loud that Rin and Jaken heard it miles away (whilst picking wildflowers in a wheat field) and immediately started dancing. Kagome had been knocked backward first by the volume and then again by the sheer hideousness of the song. Sango started running around the clearing, clawing at her ears and dragging the iPod by its cord. "My baby!" Kagome shrieked, chasing after Sango. "Pppleeeaaaase mmmmmaaakkke ittt stttooopppp!" Shippo moaned, unable to get a grip on the ground.
Suddenly a white blur streaked out of the forest, grabbed Sango around the middle, and knocked her back down onto the ground. Kagome had taken a running leap just as Inuyasha sped out of the trees and managed to snatch the iPod in midair before curling herself around it and rolling like an armadillo down the nearest hill. After checking to see that the iPod was still undamaged, she brushed herself off, cracked her knuckles, and made her way back to everyone else. Trudging uphill, she saw Sango sprawled on the ground, but at least not passed out again. Inuyasha was rolling back and forth clutching his ears moaning "Make the noise stop…make it stop make it stop makeitstopstopstop…". Shippo was clinging to a tree branch, shivering. As Kagome made it to the top of the hill, he lost his grip and dropped ten feet into the fire pit (a/n: no, there's currently no fire, although that is a tempting thought) and lay there in the ashes, ashen-faced. Miroku lay undisturbed where Kagome had knocked him down. The door to the hut creaked open and Kaede came out, clutching her rum bottle and waving her cane. She weaved around the scene, chugged some rum, whistled the Macarena in a very off-key fashion, shook her old creaky hips, and patted Kagome on the bottom (a/n: she also whispered 'hello, sailor' at Kagome's left shoulder while patting) and weaved back into the hut, closing the door behind her. Far away in their wheat field, Rin and Jaken protested the song's sudden end and went back to picking their wildflowers.
Kagome went over to Inuyasha, stared at him for a little bit, then decided he'd eventually realize the song was over. She picked up Shippo from the fire pit, shook him off, and handed him some chocolate as a diversion from his mishaps. He happily started munching and looked the same as he normally does (a/n: by normal, I mean that he looked like a psycho homicidal dust bunny). Kagome walked over to Sango, who was sitting up and shaking her head to one side like she had water in her ears.
"Sango, it looks like you've got water in your ears," Kagome said.
"What?" Sango asked.
"I said, you look pretty funny trying to get the water that isn't in your ears out," Kagome laughed.
"What?" Sango asked.
By this point, Kagome realized that something was a little wrong.
"Hey Sango, I heard all about what you and Miroku did last night. That whole obsession-with-revenge-for-your-brother's-murder thing was a pretty good cover for your now-obvious desire for that hot monk," Kagome said, concentrating on Sango's face.
"What? I can't hear what you're saying over that music," Sango said.
"OHMYGOD I MADE SANGO DEAF! OHMYGOD OHMYGOD OHMYGOD!" Kagome exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hands in horror.
At this point, Inuyasha realized that the Macarena had ended, so he looked around to see what was going on. Fox-thing eating chocolate. Check. Knocked-out monk. Check. Kagome freaking out. Check. Confused look on Sango's face. Eh? Sango never got confused. She was the one who kept everyone together, by making sure that Miroku never actually got past second base with an innocent village girl or making sure that Kaede always had her "happy bottle friend".
"What's going on with Sango, Kagome?" he asked.
"Gah! She's deaf! I only meant to wake her up and look what I've done!" Kagome cried, sinking to the ground across from Sango, grabbing her shoulders, and shaking her. Sango patiently waited until Kagome loosened the death grip and then pried herself away.
"If you'd just turn down the music, I'd be able to hear what you're saying, Kagome," Sango explained.
"Music? OH GOD, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT! I MADE HER DEAF TO THE REAL WORLD AND SHE'S GOING TO HEAR AN ENDLESS LOOP OF THE MACARENA FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! OH NO NO NO!" Kagome cried, falling onto the ground next to Sango.
"How'd this all happen anyways? I was out in the woods, patrolling, (a/n: that's what he tells her. We all know that he's really fishing in the hot springs), when I heard the most horrible noise coming from here. I also heard screaming so I headed over, thinking someone might be in danger. Clearly, I was too late to help and was overpowered by the devil music, if we can even call it that," Inuyasha said, shaking his head sadly.
So Kagome explained the whole story, omitting the skipping-through-the-woods-with-Miroku bit because the author doesn't want poor Miroku getting beat up when he can't enjoy it properly. Inuyasha nodded, thought for a bit, and sat down to stare into the non-existant flames of the fire pit. Kaede opened the door to yell, "You're a BAD gopher!", and then slam the door back again.
"I've got it!" Inuyasha exclaimed suddenly, jumping up and accidentally knocking Shippo over. Shippo just continued eating. "You got her into this by playing music really loudly, so why not play something else really loudly? It might knock her back into normal hearing!"
"Hey, I guess it couldn't hurt," shrugged Kagome. (a/n: oh yes it could)
But as she turned to get the iPod, she saw that it was not sitting on the boulder next to her bag (a/n: oh. I forgot to say where she put it. It was on the boulder next to her bag. Don't worry, gentle readers; I've gotcha covered. winks). She looked all around the bag. She looked in the bag. She looked around the rock.
"Inuyasha, it's not here! All I could find was this piece of paper that has some words on it. Oh, this is funny. When you read the words all together, it says 'I've taken your magical source of power. You can run and I can hide. I'm going to rule the world thanks to you. So, thanks-Sesshomaru'. Oh, wait, this isn't funny. This is kind of bad…" Kagome trailed off, looking up at Inuyasha.
Inuyasha was currently bent over Miroku's body, poking him in the side.
"Um, Kagome, I think we've got more to worry about than your music box. I think Miroku's dead…" Inuyasha said worriedly.
TO BE CONTINUED! Is Miroku really dead? Will Sango ever get her hearing back? Will Sesshomaru ever figure out how to work the iPod? (Because those things are tricky little buggers). Will Rin and Jaken get to Sesshy's castle in time to get those wildflowers in water before they wilt? The answers to these and many more questions in the next chappie!