Title: Project from Hell
Author: Crimson Eyed Dragon
Rating: PG- 13
Pairings: Bakura/Malik, Seto/Yami, Honda/Anzu
Warnings: language, shonen-ai, weird humor
Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh does not belong to me
Dragon: Hello! First off I would like to say welcome to the Project from Hell a PARODY of all those over used class project plots. This story is a Round Robin written by many authors of the Kokoro no Yami Yahoo group. A different author will write each chapter and each chapter will be labeled with the authors name who wrote it. This fic is meant to be full of humor and does have a twist to it compared to most 'project' fics. Also any lemons will ONLY be posted on our Yahoo group, so you must be a member in order to view the whole story.
The link is in our bio.
Bakura wasn't afraid to die. He had accumulated more than his share of sins, that was certain, but any sort of eternal punishment that he would most likely face in the afterlife held no terror as far as he was concerned, for Bakura had seen far worse than fire and brimstone. No, Bakura wasn't afraid of hell - not after Ryou made him go to high school.
It was hard to say what about that place he hated the most; whether it was the disgusting display the Pharaoh made out with his reincarnated priest, always kissing on the taller boy and sitting in his lap, or the stern, disapproving looks Ryou would shoot him whenever he tried to send that stuttering, owl-eyed teacher of theirs to the Shadow Realm. And that teacher was high on his list of annoyances herself; she was completely spineless. Bakura hated it when people were so obviously afraid of him - the woman had almost fainted when she caught him sharpening one of his knives in class.
However, though all these things served to make the better part of Bakura's days a living hell and put him in an even sourer mood than he would be on his own, there was one thing, one person, in particular that made his eye twitch and set his teeth on edge.
Malik - that psychotic, traitorous, slutty, sexy blonde. That stupid fool who, after betraying Bakura and joining up with the goody-goody hearts club, refused to go back to Egypt where he belonged, instead choosing to stay in Domino so that he could drive Bakura even more insane than he already was. Malik pretended to be reformed; he went to school like a normal teenager, never asked about the Sennen Rod that he'd been so attached to for the greater part of his life, and, worst of all, he greeted Bakura every day with a smile and a polite hello. As if they'd never had an evil partnership. As if they'd never conspired together to take over the world.
But Bakura knew better. He knew that somewhere under that polite facade, Malik really ached to cause chaos. Bakura knew that Malik couldn't resist his evil nature for long, and that one day the Egyptian would snap and suddenly attack everyone in sight in his urge to kill the Pharaoh.
And, Ra help him, Bakura would be right there with him when he did.
It was on this particular morning, while preoccupied with thoughts of a certain blonde Egyptian, that Bakura failed to notice something very important, an aspect of his usual miserable life that was quite different this day, and which would prove to affect the white-haired boy more than he could ever have expected. Bakura missed a simple detail, one that would prove to change his life forever, in more than one way.
They had a substitute teacher that day.
While Bakura sat glaring at the back of Malik's head (Malik sat in front of him) someone very different from their usual tiny, quaking teacher stalked into the classroom door and plopped into the teacher's chair, propping his feet nonchalantly on the desk and lazily inspecting the chattering students. Everyone immediately fell silent under his gaze; even Bakura finally snapped out of his reverie at the lack of noise.
The students stared at the teacher.
The teacher stared back.
The students stared some more.
Finally the silence was snapped when Bakura snorted in amusement affectively making all eyes turn to him. Shooting his famous mortals-die-glare in return, he smirked when they all turned away from him, well most of them anyways. The friendship orgy cult were more immune to his threats, something that irked him greatly.
The clearing of a throat brought Bakura back to the present.
"All right, listen up. Your teacher, Aki-sama, finally went into labor last night and since everything went according to plan, I now have the wonderful, life-fulfilling joy of teaching you mindless drones for the next six weeks."
Bakura smirked, beginning to like this new authority figure, well that is until that same person effectively changed his life forever with his next words.
"And seeing as I have to find something to amuse you all over the next few weeks, I have decided to let you learn what Aki-sama will be going though."
A collective class blink at the teacher.
"Since I do not feel like wasting my time with grading pointless papers, we are going to make this an ongoing class project.
"So lets see…. We have twenty-five students," he paused to do some quick mental calculations. "Ah, yes. Now I'm going to randomly pick a few of you to become partners. When I call your names please slide your desks beside your partner and remember the order in which I call them."
Cue the collective sighs.
"All right, first we have Honda Hiroto and Mazaki Anzu."
Bakura let out a snicker as the sound of two desks were heard sliding across the dingy classroom floor, thanking all the gods above that he hadn't been paired off with a girl.
The substitute paused and looked around the classroom to spot two teens currently sitting in the same desk, lip locked like there was no tomorrow. Walking up to them, he tapped the shortest one on the shoulder earning him glares from both pairs of heated eyes.
"Do you two think you can refrain from trying to see if you can set the world record for tickling each other's asses though each other's mouths long enough to tell me your names?"
Cold crimson eyes narrowed at the teacher. "hn wi m wHm-a hr wi hdi p3y-k ib." Yami hissed out earning a smug smirk from his boyfriend while Bakura and Malik snorted in amusement. (Approach me again and I will destroy your mind)
To the foursome amazement, the sub just smirked back and reached into his pocket to pull out a bright red mini water gun. "I have no idea what you said but you need to cool down son, I don't like your tone of voice."
Before anyone could blink, the teacher pointed the gun at Yami's face and fired, shooting a jet of water right between the pharaoh's eyes.
Shocked, Yami barely registered the amused look from the sub, the snickers from his boyfriend and the louder than necessary laughter coming from both Bakura and Malik. Wiping the water from his face, Yami stood and tilted his head up to look at the man before him. "Son! Son! I'm over three thou…."
Slapping his hand over Yami's mouth to silence him, Seto pulled the enraged spirit back down into his lap earning him a smack in the head from his sulking boyfriend. Rolling his eyes, Seto looked back at the teacher and decided to handle this himself. "You know I could have you fired for that."
An unusual gleam lit up in those brown eyes as the supposed adult got down on his knees in front of the CEO. "Really? You could do that?" he grabbed Seto's hand and proceeded to kiss it. "I will be forever in your debt if you would do that."
"Ummm…." Seto jerked his hand away from the crazed lunatic and heard Yami growl.
"Keep your hands off my man and get back to your worthless job Mr. Whoever-the-hell-you-are."
The man nodded. "Yes, K, that's my name."
"No, just K. No O just K, 'kay?"
Seto felt Yami stiffen just before he held his right hand out. "MIND C…"
"Yami!" Yugi called out across the room. "Do it and I swear I'll take away all your leather pants! And don't think Seto will buy you more 'cause I'll get Mokuba to punish him too!"
Growling at his devil of a hikari, Yami sank back against Seto's chest and crossed his arms. "Kaiba Seto and Motou Yami," he grounded out.
"Huh?" K-sama asked as he stood back up.
"Our names, you asked what our names were so I gave them to you."
"Oh, yes I did ask that didn't I? Ok then you two are partners in that order too."
Bakura watched in amusement as the teacher walked back to the front of the room and looked over his roll book again. "Next we have Chan Bakura…."
The tomb robber growled at his sissy surname and made a mental reminder to kill the High Priest for falsifying the legal documents and cursing him with the name Chan.
"….and Malik Ishtahl."
Golden blonde hair shifted as Malik turned around to look at him after his outburst. Lavender orbs regarded enraged chocolate and rolled his eyes. "It's not like I'm happy about it either you know."
"Oh shove it Ishtahl, no one asked you."
"Ok hormonal humans, you may have noticed some of you have not been paired up. There is a reason for it that I will explain later, but back to the pairs for now. The first name that I called will be the husband the second will be the wife. Yes class, you will be experiencing life as married adults."
Twenty-three collective groans and two moans from the 'getting it on' couple were heard.
"Now back to the unpaired people, when I call your names please go and sit with the couple I put you with." K-sama looked around the classroom and set his sights on Bakura and Malik who had yet to push their desks together.
"Motou Yugi please go sit with Chan and Ishtahl."
With an audible gulp, Yugi gathered his books, placed them in his seat and pushed his desk over to the saner of the two (which was still up for debate) and sat beside Malik. The small duelist could feel the narrowed eyes of his other watching him from across the room. Ignoring the feeling, Yugi turned and gave a slight smile to his new partners and was rewarded with two identical scowls.
"Jounouchi Katsuya you are with Motou and Kaiba."
"Damn it!" Jou slammed his fists down on his desk.
"Yes, yes, damn it all to hell right along with your grades if you don't get you scrawny butt over to the 'make-out couple of the year' over there."
With a growl that fit perfectly with his nickname of mutt, Joey pushed his desk over to where Yami was watching Seto watch him with narrowed sapphire eyes. "I don't like this any better than you do moneybags," Jou said as he flopped bonelessly in his seat.
"Just stay away from me and you may live."
"Whatever you say iceman."
"Bakura Ryou you are with Honda and Mazaki."
Blushing, the white haired hikari gracefully added his desk next to the husband and wife team, sighing in relief that he wasn't chosen to be with people he didn't know.
After he finished adding the single teens to the partnered ones, K-sama dropped his roll book on to the cluttered desk and eyed the group with an unsettling gleam.
"Now the ones that I just added to the married partners are now nothing more than five year old kids. That's correct you are now the lucky parents of bouncing, whining, screaming, pooping, trouble makers!"
Twenty-five mouths dropped open.
"The project rules go like this. For the next two weeks, which includes your vacation week that starts a week from now, you will have to live with your spouse and child. So I suggest you think of whose parents are idiot enough to allow two more teenagers into their humble abode. You must act like a family, husbands must support their wives and children, and wives must lend moral support to their sex-frustrated husbands and raise the kids to be well-socialized perfect members of the human society. Kids, you must give your parents hell and make them regret ever having thought of having unprotected sex." The teacher mentally grinned at all the shocked faces before him. "At the end of your two week project, the day you all come back from your vacation, the kids have to give a verbal and written report on how their parents treated them and how stable your family life was. Do not leave out any of the juicy details! My life is rather boring and I wish for your embarrassment and humility to entertain me."
"Yes, fucking is what got you with a kid in the first place. Good work, you understand the basics of reproduction. Oh, and by the way, I already got permission from the principle to conduct this family styles project so all the kids will accompany one of the parents to their classes. So no one is getting out of this. Now, start discussing amongst yourselves about who's house you will be staying at."
Bakura growled low in his throat as both Malik and Yugi turned around to face him. "This is so fucked up."
"I have to agree Tomb Robber. Ra knows I don't won't to be stuck with you for the next two weeks, let alone be called your wife," he sneered before he turned and looked over to Yugi. "But on the bright side we have one of the cutest kids!"
Violet eyes went wide as he was glomped by an over excited Tomb Keeper. "Malik?" he choked out, "Please let me go. Yami's not going to be happy about this and I would rather not throw fuel to the fire."
Pulling back from the mini pharaoh, Malik chose to ignore everything Yugi had said….well almost everything.
"Aww look Kura! Our son said he wanted to throw fuel to a fire! He's going to grow up to be just like his daddy!" Malik sniffed dramatically, a sad smile on his face. "He's growing up so fast, my son I'm so proud of you!"
Yugi hung his head, sighing in defeat while Bakura sneered at his 'wife'. "What the hell have you been sniffing? Hairspray? Whiteout? Nail polish? That's the Pharaoh's hikari you are talking about! For the next two weeks we will have to be on our best behavior in front of Frodo here."
"Actually, Hubby-dear I believe Merry or Pippin would be a better choice for him don't you think?"
"Damn it I'm not a hobbit!"
"Your right, Sugar Dumplin, Merry or Pippin would be better. He's just as perky, bubbly and brain dead as those two were."
"But Baby Cakes, even if he does meet the height requirement, he lacks in the size of his feet."
"Thank the gods for that."
"It's a shame isn't it, Pookie, to bad too since we all know that foot size can measure the size of a man's joy toy."
Chocolate and lavender orbs both turned to look at a blushing Yugi before they both eyes lingered down his body, to his feet and back up again with quirked eyebrows.
"So Yugi-chan," Malik began, "what shoe size do you wear?"
Seto narrowed his eyes.
Jou matched his gaze.
Sighing, Yami rubbed his temples. The two of them had been having a pointless staring match for the past twenty minutes. Crimson eyes darted over to where his aibou was, narrowing his own eyes when he saw both Bakura and Malik looking at him in a rather strange way and made a mental note to have a not so nice heart to heart with them later.
Turning around in Seto's lap so he was now straddling the taller youth, Yami affectively turned his boyfriend's attention to him. "Seto-love, we all know we will be staying at your mansion, so what do you say we just meet there about six o'clock tonight? That will give Jou and me enough time to pack some things and give Mokuba the heads up on what's going on?"
Sighing, Seto relaxed against the gentle touches his lover was giving him. "Well there are two good things coming out of this."
"And what the hell would that be Kaiba?"
Sapphire eyes turned and regarded Jou with a smirk on his face. "I get to have sex as much as I want, anytime anywhere. And two, as your father you have to do everything I say."
"Like hell I do."
"Now Jou, listen to your father. He is the man of the house and you must respect him."
"The fuck I will Yami! You can't honestly expect me…."
"Don't use that tone of voice with your mother!"
"And don't you dare talk to me like a child Kaiba!"
"You are a child Jou! His child, my child for the next few weeks! And by the way," Yami paused and leaned forward just a bit with a feral smirk on his face. "You're grounded."
Dragon: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of our crazy insane Round Robin!