Title: The Project From Hell

Author: Rekall

Rating: R-ish

Pairings: Bakura x Malik, Seto x Yami, Jou x Yugi

Disclaimer: Nothing in this story is mine.

Summary: Seto and Yami decide to ditch Jounouchi with Bakura and Malik for the day.

Status: 12/13

Seto woke that morning with much annoyance; Yami was not where he was supposed to be, laying next to him, which always resulted in a grumpy CEO.

"Mmm…you finally woke up Sexy."

Seto quickly sat up and spied Yami standing at the foot of the bed; he drooled at the sight he saw. Yami was only wearing tiny red leather shorts; a matching red color was around his neck with leash attached to it; on his head was a headband with kitty ears and attached around his waist was a band with a cat's tail at the end of it.


"Don't you want a pet?" Yami asked playing with the end of the leash that was in his hands. He then kneeled on the bed and began crawling towards the brunet, picking up a handily placed pair of fluffy red handcuffs that were on the bed. Expertly, Yami handcuffed his hands together. "I've been a bad kitty and need to be punished."

Seto threw Yami down onto his back and loomed over him, pressing down upon Yami's shoulders to hold him place. "What are you up to?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Yami replied with a failed look of innocence on his face.

"I know you, 'Mr. I'm a Pharaoh', like to sleep in until as late as possible. You're up to something whenever you wake up before me."

"I want to go back to Tokyo."

Seto scowled. "We just got back from there thanks to that stupid Disneyland trip our son made me take him on."

"Jounouchi won't be coming with us; I plan on convincing Malik and Bakura to baby-sit him."

Seto released the former Pharaoh and as they both sat up he eyed his lover. "And just how do you plan on doing that?"

"I have my ways…"

Seto sighed; he admitted he was whipped but would kill everyone else if they said so. "Why do you want to go?" Yami told him. "No way! Forget about it Yami!"

"Pleaseeeeeee…" Yami begged; leaning forward he began nibbling on Seto's ear. "We can take the jet there; it's been a while since you've had a chance to fly it. Then before we come back, I'll be so horny you'll have to fuck me in the cockpit…"

Seto groaned, feeling his cock grow in his boxers. "Alright you win."

"Thank you Love!" Giving Seto a quick kiss, Yami hopped off the bed and swiftly undid the cuffs with a key he had hidden in his leather shorts. "I'm going to take a quick shower and then we can get ready to dump Jounouchi at Bakura's. Aibou will be happy he'll have Jou to play with all day."

"Wait! You plan on leaving now!" Seto protested grabbing onto the end of the leash that was still attached to Yami's collar. With a tug Seto began pulling the former Pharaoh back to the bed.

"Yes. I want to get rid of Jou early so we can have some peace and quiet together."

"I want sex."

Yami smiled. "You always were a blunt one."

"Give me sex."

Yami kissed the tip of Seto's nose. "Tonight." Pulling away from the brunet, Yami stood once again and began walking towards the bathroom.

"Other Me!" Yugi happily cried upon yanking open the door to the apartment. Hopping forward, Yugi tightly hugged the former Pharaoh. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Jou is being babysat while we go on a date," Yami explained. If possible, the smile on Yugi's face grew brighter.

"Jounouchi!" he cried jumping over and hugging the blond.

"Fat chance Pharaoh, no way are we watching your brat," Bakura grumbled from inside the apartment.

Pushing the door wide open, Yami, Seto and Jou strolled inside and found Bakura sitting on the couch with Malik who was stretched out with his head in the thief's lap. "It's not up to you Thief. Everyone knows that the Wife is in charge of the household so it's Malik's decision if you two are going to want to watch Jou."

"I'll pass," Malik replied while Bakura scowled at the ex-Pharaoh.

"You haven't heard my offer yet."

Malik sat up. "Offer? Don't try to bribe me Pharaoh; Isis and Rishid make enough money to support my lavish lifestyle. Besides I'm sure Kura would steal anything I wanted."

"Damn right."

"That's a shame then," Yami replied with some disappointment in his voice. Looking at the coffee table in front of the couch, Yami picked up the Yuki Eiri novel on it and began flipping through the pages. "Because Seto and I are going to that huge Bad Luck/Nittle Grasper special concert tonight in Tokyo…"

Yami inwardly laughed seeing Malik's eyes bug out of his head. Bad Luck was the number one bad in Japan and Nittle Grasper was an icon group, which influenced all current bands including Bad Luck. Yami knew that Malik was a huge fan of both bands. "How did you manage that!"

"The owner of the club is a Duel Monsters fan," Yami replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "She recognized me at Disneyland while I was quietly singing Spicy Marmalade to myself; we started talking and she gave me passes for the concert."

"Bastard. Well…I'm still not watching Jou!"

"Pity, Yuma-san said she'll introduce us to the bands and I planned on getting you everyone's autographs." Malik began drooling. "Plus you know Shindou Shuichi is dating Yuki Eiri and will probably be there as well so I figured I could get one of his books autographed for you too…But since you don't want to baby-sit Jou, I guess we'll have to stay here and hang out together. Anyone want to play Monopoly?"

"We'll watch the brat!" Malik cried who was now foaming at the mouth and shaking all over. He then dropped to the floor, unable to further stand.

"I hate you," Bakura growled in Yami's direction.

"Bye Kura-chan! Have fun today and make sure that Jou doesn't stay up too late tonight!" Yami chirped while grabbing Seto's hand and pulling him out of the apartment.

"Daddy! Mommy's having a seizure!"

Picking Malik up off the floor Bakura slapped him. "Oh no you don't! You're not dying and leaving me to baby-sit all myself! The only way you're dying is if I kill you!"

"Daddy hit Mommy!" Yugi wailed.

"Shut up and act your age!"

Yugi smirked. "I am."

"Too much of the idiot Pharaoh's cockiness is rubbing off on you," Bakura grumbled as he began shaking Malik, who was slowly regaining his bearings.


"Yay! Mommy is alive!"

Bakura glared at his son. "Come on Yugi, I think we should go to your room for a bit," Jounouchi whispered to him.

"It's okay," Malik said taking some deep breaths. "I'm okay." Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Umm…so what are we doing today?" Jounouchi quietly asked; mentally he was thinking up ways to kill Seto and Yami for dumping him with two psychos for the entire day.

"Lets go to the Zoo!" Yugi happily cried, apparently unfazed with what just happened. Jounouchi deduced that Yugi had gone equally nuts spending so much time alone with them.

"No," Bakura grunted as he laid down on the couch. On cue Yugi began crying and nudged Jou in the ribs until he joined in. "Alright, alright! Just shut up!"

Yugi grinned. "Thank you Daddy."

The foursome headed out of the apartment, planning on walking to the Zoo. They only got halfway however when they found a small Duel Monsters tournament taking place in the middle of a street.

"Please Daddy! I want to participate!" Yugi wailed.

"Me too!" Jou added, joining in with the begging.

"Me three!"

Bakura smacked his hand against his forehead. "You're not a child!" he yelled at the blond Egyptian.

"Daddy yell-aww…screw it; K-sensei isn't around." Lunging at Jounouchi, Yugi wrapped his arms around the blonde's neck and smashed their mouths together.

"You two stop it or I'll mention this incident in the stupid report we have to write. I'm sure K will love hearing about how the mutt raped our son while his parents were away," Malik scolded while everyone gave him an odd look. "What? I can be a good mother some of the time!"

"I'm the one being raped here!" Jounouchi protested, shoving Yugi away. "Lets just go to the fucking zoo."

Malik giggled and smacked Jounouchi on the ass, leaving his hand there longer then needed. "No swearing young man."

"He's right though lets just go to the fucking zoo."

"Be good boys and we'll buy you ice cream!" Malik added.

"Hey!" Jounouchi protested. "How come you didn't spank him for swearing?"

"Because I'm an adult, asshole."

"And he gets to spank me."

"I didn't need to know that."

"Sure you did!" Yugi chirped. "You're spending a night and need to be prepared for the strange noises you'll be hearing from their room."

Jounouchi paled remembering his first night at the Kaiba mansion. At least after the first night he was housed far enough away from the lovebirds and was free from any odd noises.

"Don't worry though," Yugi continued. "I'm sure we can make some noises of our own."

"Yugi…I'm beginning to get worried about you. I think you're losing it from having psycho parents."

"You know a few days ago you were more into this relationship."

"You weren't the one forced to watch the Miracle of Life!" Jounouchi shuddered at the memory.

"Oh I'm sure it wasn't that bad!"

"Yes it was!"

"How cute!" Malik cried, latching onto Bakura's arm and pointing at the two children. "Their first lover's quarrel! Our little boy is growing up so fast! Cute; isn't it?"

"Hmph. I repeat lets just go to the fucking zoo."

The foursome headed on their way to the fucking zoo where Yugi and Jou had the delight of dragging Bakura and Malik around to all the exhibits. Even Malik's cheerful attitude was fast disappearing as the day wore on.

"I want to see the tigers!" Jounouchi yelled making the mistake of grabbing Malik's wrist in an attempt to drag the blond Egyptian down the path. He was quickly yanked away by Bakura.

"Touch anything that belongs to me again and I will you learn what it's like to spent 3000 years trapped inside a Millennium Item. Got it?"

Jou silently nodded his head and the Thief King released him only to be hugged by Malik. "You're so sweet!"

"I think I'm going to throw up."

"Haha, I know you're not serious."

"Speaking of throwing up…I'm hungry!" Jou groaned, clutching his stomach as if it was in pain.

Yugi laughed. "You're always hungry!"

Yugi and Jounouchi skipped off to the pizza stand with Malik and Bakura following at a safe distance away from them to appear as if they were not all together. Sitting down at an outside table, the kids began to scarf down their meal while Malik and Bakura made out with each other.

"No babies!" Jounouchi cried as soon as his pizza was finished and saw what they were doing. Bakura flashed him the finger but began pouting when Malik climbed off his lap anyway.

"Tonight…after the kids go to bed…"

Grabbing Jounouchi's hand, Yugi dragged him away from the table and over to the monkeys cage. "Think we can convince the zoo to keep the mutt here?" Bakura asked Malik. "I'm sure he'll fit right in with those monkeys."

"Kaiba will probably give us an award for dumping him here."

"All the more reason to do it."

An hour later, all, including Jounouchi, left the zoo. Bakura and Malik had enough of the bloody place and only wanted to get far away especially after a wallaby began looking at Bakura strangely.

"Mommy I want ice cream!"

"No!" Bakura snapped; the wallaby incident had really disturbed him and he only wanted to get home.


"Yugi your heard your Father," Malik agreed, who didn't like the idea of a wallaby checking out his boyfriend.

"Fine," Yugi pouted.

The four of them quickly returned to Ryou's apartment where Jounouchi and Yugi disappeared into Yugi's temporary room to play.

"Jou lets play doctor!"

"No babies!" Jounouchi cried as Yugi began yanking the blonde's shirt over the top of his head.

"Silly, you're my patient and I need to examine you."

"Oh," Jou replied before allowing himself to be stripped completely naked.

"Now my turn!" Yugi cheerfully cried.

"Wait you're the doctor!" Jounouchi began protesting but it was already too late; Yugi was now naked as well.

Jounouchi began freaking out but then his normal teenage hormones, which had been laying dormant the past few days since he had saw the video, began kicking in as he stared at his best friend. Drooling like the dog everyone called him, Jounouchi pounced on Yugi and began humping him.

"Aww…our little boy is losing his virginity!" Malik happily cried from where he was sitting on the couch in the living room with Bakura. The two could easily hear what was going on in Yugi's room. "Where's the video camera? We should record this moment!"

Bakura shrugged. "Ryou hid it after I broke the first one."

"Rats. So what do you want to do tonight? Not sex. It's too freaky thinking about us having sex in the room next to where our son is doing the dirty deed."

The former King of Thieves shrugged again. "I don't care."

Malik's look became thoughtful for a few minutes before brightening. "Lets watch some Bad Luck videos!" he suggested remembering why they were babysitting in the first place. Malik knew that Ryou was also a fan of the famous band. "Where's Ryou's tapes?"

"Locked up in a waterproof, anti-thief safe."

"You're a thief, I'm sure you can break into it!"

"Tombs I can break into, not these new modern devices."

"Rats." Malik pouted as he picked up the same novel by Yuki Eiri, which Yami had earlier that day and began reading it where he had left off.

"What do you see in that guy anyway?" Bakura asked with a scowl.

"He's hot."

Bakura grabbed the book from Malik's hand and flipped it over to look at the picture on the back. "He looks American. I thought he was supposed to be Japanese."

"He is!" Malik insisted, snatching back the book. "And why do you care? Both of us are Egyptian."

Bakura growled. "I don't care."

Leaning over Malik began petting the Thief King's long white hair. "It's okay; you don't have to be jealous."

"I'm not jealous!"

Malik only smiled as he began kissing Bakura's neck.

"I thought you said no sex while the kids were doing it."

"I said no sex in the room next to them," Malik murmured in between kisses. "We are clearly in a room down the hall from Yugi's room."

Bakura grinned as he pressed Malik down into the cushions and loamed over him.

"Damn, I hate being short sometimes," Yami grumbled as he lead Seto through the crowd. On the stage an opening act was performing but Yami wasn't too interested in them. "Do you see Yuki Eiri anywhere?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know what he looks like?"

"Like you except blond." Around them girls and gays were squealing delightfully in anticipation.

Seto looked. "Nothing."

"Rats," Yami grumbled. His eyes then lit up as he spied someone who resembled the famous author. "I think that's him!" he whispered to Seto so no one else could hear him. The man, who was standing a few feet away, looked exactly like Yuki except he had black hair.

Seto sighed as he followed Yami's leather clad ass through the crowd as they tried getting closer to the man.

"It's not him," Yami said with clear disappointment in his voice. When they had gotten closer Yami saw the craze look in the man's face and he kept mumbling something about 'Ryu-chan' over and over. Apparently someone was a huge Sakuma Ryuichi fan.

"Just enjoy the concert," Seto suggested wrapping his arms around Yami's waist and pulling him close; Yami sighed contently as he leaned the back of his head against his husband's chest. "It's not like Malik can do anything if you don't get that autograph for him."

Yami grinned. "True enough."

The pair relaxed; having gotten a good spot near the stage and waited for Bad Luck to come on stage. Bad Luck would be performing first, then Nittle Grasper since they were the icons. The encore would be both bands performing together.

"It shouldn't be long now," Yami said to Seto after checking his watch. Turning his head, Yami looked back at him. "Thank you for coming with me."

Seto shrugged and then smiled. "You're repaying me ten times over later."

Returning the smile, Yami stood on his tiptoes so he could kiss the brunet. They were so caught up in the kiss that they didn't notice someone was trying to talk to them until Seto felt the hard metal of a gun pressed against the side of his head.

"Hello," spoke their teacher, K. Apparently the American had no qualms about carrying around a real gun when he wasn't teaching.

"Hello K-sensei," Yami replied with a sigh as he pulled away from Seto. The brunet remained quiet as he glared at the other man.

"I really don't think this is the best place for a five year old child. Where is he anyway? You bad parents, you."

"At a babysitter's," Seto swiftly replied. "We're not complete irresponsible parents. Now if you excuse us, we're trying to enjoy the concert."

"I don't seem to remember this assignment being about dumping your kids at a babysitter whenever you want to do something," K replied using his gun to scratch his head in a thoughtful manner. "In fact I believe the orders were you spend your break together as a family."

"We did!"

"Oh well, I'm sure I'll have fun reading your reports tomorrow then. If I'm not happy, it'll be an F for all of you," K gave a hearty laugh as he wandered off leaving both teens to pale slightly. They had forgotten that school was back in session tomorrow and hadn't bothered doing their homework yet.

"Crap," Yami quietly swore.

"We'll just do it in the morning."

"They'll be no time! We're screwed! These are our final reports Seto! K expects us to detail everything we've experienced these past two weeks!" Yami hung his head in disappointment. "We're going to have to go home; I really wanted to see this concert too. After tonight Ryuichi is going back to America again. It could be years before Nittle Grasper performs together and probably never will they perform with Bad Luck."

Seto felt bad for Yami. It was true he could care less about being there but the concert was important to his wife. "All nighters are nothing for me. I'll stay up tonight after we get back and type up your report. I can do mine in the morning."

"Seto I can't let you do that. Sleep is important for you to stay healthy."

Seto shook his head. "If I wasn't doing that I would be up anyway going over Kaiba Corporation reports. Because of the stupid assignment the company has been seriously neglected these past two weeks; it'll only take me a couple hours anyway to type out both reports. I want to do this for you Yami."

Yami smiled brightly and hugged him. "Thank you."

"I have one condition though."

"What?" Yami asked, figuring it had something to do with sex. "You want me to get back into the cat getup?"

"Yes…but also I want no further attempts to get autographs. I don't care what you promised. Malik can go fuck himself."

Yami grinned. "No problem."

Back at Ryou's apartment, Yugi was frantically typing away on Ryou's computer; Yugi had been borrowing it the past few weeks with Ryou's consent. Next to him on the floor, Jounouchi was hastily scribbling out his report. Both were only half dressed.

"I can't believe we forgot about this."

"This is your fault," Jounouchi grumbled. "You're the one who wanted to play doctor."

"You could have said no."

"I'm not an idiot."

The typing on the computer stopped. "Jounouchi…"


"I'm finished."

"Crap, I'm only halfway done!"

"Wanna play doctor again?"


Yugi pounced on him.

"The kids are having sex again," Malik sleepily grumbled feeling Bakura stir behind him. After the 'incident' in the living room, the pair had taken their activities to the bedroom before passing out. In amidst everything they had heard frantic yelling from the other room followed by thumping as they hurried into the living room to use Ryou's computer. Neither could figure out what was going on nor did they care.

"Ryou's going to kill them if they looked at porn on his computer; he screams at me for weeks every time I do it."

"We'll just make sure Ryou doesn't find out until after the assignment is over," Malik replied with a tired yawn; Bakura was a skilled lover who wore him out. Malik fell back to sleep and the white haired Thief soon followed him into slumberland.

A/N – Yup Yugi's gone insane. I figured after two weeks of living with Malik and Bakura he wouldn't be all there for a little bit, lol.