Title: Blight of Ewoks

Author: vegemite

Rating: K plus, for swearing

Summary: End to the now trilogy featuring RRG (Random Rebel Guy). Set on Endor, post-ROTJ. Han/Leia, as always!

Dislclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, and if I did, this author would wield the ultimate power in the universe! Ahem. Yes...

A/N: Thankies to millpzonesyou/TFKAK and Paris for beta-ing. Also posted over at LP's Princess and the Scoundrel boards.


"Damn Ewoks," I muttered, wishing I had my blaster. Little furry nuisances...

Ah. There was a good spot. All I wanted to do was get away from those evil little...I mean, darling, adorable teddy bears. After all, they'd helped us win the battle, hadn't they? I mean, we would have never beaten the Imps if the Ewoks hadn't thrown stones at them.

I lay down next to a hut, away from the center of the village. So much nicer to be here than getting drunk with everyone else.

OK, not really. I just missed my girlfriend too much to be excited. Jylla and I had been going out for almost a year now. See, there was this girl in the Tech department and, well, let's just say she wasn't as receptive to me as her sister. I should have been getting drunk with Jylla. Unfortunately, she hadn't been assigned to this mission, so I was miserable.

Gods, I disgust myself. Was I becoming codependent?


Hey, what was that? I sat up. There were voices coming towards me. Well, not just voices. People too, naturally. Could it be...


THEY were here. This was just what I did not need. Why me, oh cruel gods of the cosmos? What have I done to incur your collective wrath?

Whenever I stumbled upon Han Solo and Princess Leia, very bad things always happened. The first time they'd stolen Rebellion medical supplies I was in charge of, and I'd had to take the heat. Then I knocked over a crate of very valuable Imp spy technology in a fairly lame attempt to thwart any growing feelings between the two of them. That got me so much hell like you wouldn't believe. Who knew what would happen this time? Maybe I'd bring Palpatine back from the dead.

"I'm sorry, sir, it was an accident. And it was all Solo and the Princess' faults."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, son. Death by firing squad. Atten-hut! On my mark. Three...two..."

OK. Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration. but not much.

Leia kissed Solo lightly, giggling. Giggling? How un-princess-like.

"I'm so glad we decided to get away from everyone else." WOAH! Can we please stop right here?

"Me too. Couldn't stand those Ewoks..." Ah, Han, great minds think alike.

She giggled again and they kissed again. OK, getting a little redundant. If this was all that was going to happen, I was going to start searching for a way to get out of there. They were too engrossed in each other to notice minute details like moi anyway.

Dangit. That meant no witty banter, either. Although now that they were so engrossed in each other, witty banter would probably turn into...

Ew. No. Let's not think about that, please.

Wait! Something was happening!

"I love you, Han."

"I know, Princess." He moved in to kiss her again, but...oh! She dodges! Cold, Princess. An interesting complication had arisen.

"I know you know, but I don't care if you know. I need to know that you know what I hope you know, deep down."

"You do know."

OK, when I said "witty banter," I meant stuff that a normal human being (maybe these two were demi-gods and unleashing their wrath upon me) could comprehend.

He was pretty shocked by now, face full of disbelief. He tried to hug her but...she dodges again! Colder than Hoth! Bad luck, Solo.

"Han, I understand it's hard for you, but--" was she crying? "--all I want to know is whether you feel the exact same way as I do. Because if you're not there yet and I'm wasting my time trying to--"

"You do know." He put a hand on her hair. "I meant it, before, when you killed that stormtrooper outside the control tower." He looked down at her, concerned. Her eyelids fluttered.

What the hell? "Her eyelids fluttered"? What was wrong with me?

"I didn't think you really meant it. I thought you were kidding around, so I tried to pull your own joke on you." She tried to smile, but it came out looking like she was sick. Maybe she ate some bad Ewok baby. I was sure that was what they were feeding us. Damn little cannibalistic...

Calm down. they're only three feet tall.

"Leia..." Solo pulled her in close and she rested her head against his chest. He bent over and whispered something in her ear. A smile slowly spread across her tear-streaked face.

"I love you too, flyboy."

They kissed, but somehow it was different this time. He brought his lips to hers and kissed with passion like I've never seen before.

Ick. Spew, gross, bleh.

I left after that. I was right; they didn't notice me. And I'd started to realize that this was slightly pervy, and I didn't want to see what I was sure was going to happen next. Shudder.

As I walked back to the center of the village, though, I couldn't help but be a little more celebratory, a little lighter in my step, and a little less irritated with those accursed Ewoks.