Disclaimer: I don't own any Resident Evil characters.

Note: Another bit of fan fiction to which there is no point and no plot. Warnings: Brief depictions of m/m sex, implied Claire/Ada, Leon death, violence, and nudity (not real nudity of course. Readers are responsible for any actual nude images that the story conjures). This story doesn't take place at any particular time, nor is it going to go anywhere. I refrained from labeling it as any particular genre. Some will see it as comedy, others as drama, maybe angst, or even romance. I leave it up to the reader.


Far away from Raccoon City, out of the reach of Umbrella's intelligence, Claire Redfield had found solace within the comfort of the surroundings that she had created for herself. The apartment was similar to any other, a modest two bedroom, one bathroom furnished in the style of an impoverished college student living life from day to day, sometimes from hour to hour. The couch in the living room had been bought in used condition and the eight-hundred dollar stereo system sat on a plywood coffee table. In the kitchen, no amount of bleach or glass cleaner could have removed the rust from the refrigerator or the mystery stains that had now become apart of the vinyl floor. The only given signature of life was the opened pizza box on the counter along with a half empty beer bottle and paper plate, as well as a note pad with several numbers scribbled down upon it.

Ruddy atmosphere extended only down the hall to the first bedroom. The door of the second bedroom was closed and from underneath it there shone a pale blue light.

Specifically set in the center of the illuminated bedroom was a large, slightly over-sized bean bag chair. In the bean bag chair was the lazy form of the former hard-knock girl herself. She wore no clothes and her legs were parted just enough to allow the wide curve of a Cheeto-filled bowl to sit comfortably wedged between her thighs and stomach. Set before her were several rows of television monitors. One monitor showed a door, another showed a hallway, and others were focused on things like parking lots, empty streets, stairwells, and even one in a sewer. The images were live feeds and currently there was nothing of interest to be seen on any of them. The only screen that differed from this was the one centered on the bottom row. On the screen, a naked man was folded on his back under the weight of another man who thrust his unprotected erection into the former's ass.

Claire sniffed and reached for a couple of Cheetos from the bowl. Daily productivity for her no longer consisted of surviving the walking results of Umbrella's horrific experimentations. Adjusting back into a functioning society had been her biggest obstacle and one that she had yet to overcome. Three days ago she had left her apartment to retrieve her mail only to give up on worthwhile connections when all she had discovered were ads telling her that she wasn't pretty, thin, or rich enough to be considered significant.

The keypad of the cordless phone on the edge of the bean bag chair began to flicker with green light, a moment after which the phone began to ring. Claire picked up the phone and brought it to her ear, thumb hitting the 'talk' button.

"Hello?...Oh, hey Ada," her voice drawled casually into the receiver. On the monitor in front of her, the man folded on his back began to jerk and moan loudly. Strings of seminal fluid burst from the head of his cock and sprayed all over his stomach.

Claire reached for a few more Cheetos and ate them in halves, one at a time. The feminine tone on the other end of the line spoke to her in low susurrations to which she replied in the manner of a school girl being caught with her panties around her ankles. "Always. What about you?...You're still there? What's taking so long?...That sucks…….Well it's—what?...All right…"

With the provided gap in the conversation, Claire stretched her arm to the floor to pick up one of two remotes. She canted the remote towards the light of the many TV screens and searched for the fast-forward button. The two men on the active screen suddenly went into turbo drive before the screen went black for several seconds. The next image to appear was of a group of topless women standing on a stage surrounded by a crowd of howling men. The women were oiled and gyrating to the beat of music that blared in from speakers set somewhere off screen.

The stage was set in a tropical paradise where the sand was white and the skies were blue, everything beautiful with the exception of the bodies basted in gold. The girls were attractive and emitted a strong air of potentially pleasing sex, yet they possessed nothing that Claire hadn't seen before. She had seen too many bodies, so many that the nature of the human form became something primitive and unclean to her senses. The girls dancing on the stage showed nothing of the intellect that made them coherent creatures. They were bodies: faceless, inconsequential, and not yet rotting.

Claire hit the 'play' button just as she repositioned the phone against her ear.

"Yes, I'm here. What was that about?...Right, yeah. In the mouth is the best place. But anyways, I'm around…..I know, it's been a while……Yeah...I remember…You what?... " Her lips pulled back in a Cheshire cat grin. "Mmmmaybe. I dunno. My schedule is kinda crammed right now, but I could probably fit you in somewhere…" A few moments passed before her eyes grew wide and she laughed. "That's not what I meant! Please tell me you didn't call me just for that….Uh huh, sure…..Yeah, yeah. I'll bet you—Shit! Hold on!"

A movement in one of the other monitors had suddenly caught her attention. She dropped the phone and dragged a computer keyboard from the floor into her lap across the bowl of Cheetos. The image on the monitor was broadcasting from what looked to be some kind of storage facility. Leon walked across the screen, paused at the far end of the room, and scratched his head. Claire typed in something on the keyboard and hit enter. Leon promptly whirled around and ran back to the door he had just come through only to find that it had been locked.

Claire picked the phone back up and sighed.

"Sorry about that. What was I saying?..." She laughed and rested her cheek to her fist. "No, I think I'd remember if I had been saying something like that.….."

The topless women on the lower screen were gradually slipping out of their high cut denims. The men around them were growing into a frenzy, one even climbing onto the stage before being dragged back down. One woman cupped the apex of her legs and jutted her hips forward towards the camera. Another woman reached around from behind her and grabbed handfuls of her bared chest. Two screens up and to the left of the sexual paroxysm, Leon was still fumbling with the door when suddenly he looked at something off screen. He backed away from the door just in time to avoid getting knocked over by a zombie who lurched into view from the right.

"It's possible. I'm not sure if I'd want to though…" Claire's flirty grin softened as she watched Leon whip out his gun. His would-be zombie attacker went down with a clean shot to the head, followed by two more that lumbered in from the same direction. "It's not that….No, not at all….Hm?...You mean Leon? You would know better than I would." Leon scrambled off screen for a few seconds, the reappeared firing his gun in rapid succession. Five more zombies crowded themselves into the confined area of the storage room, drawn like addicts to their last supply of drugs. Claire moved the keyboard from her lap and reached for another handful of Cheetos. "I think I was a little jealous of him. Hell, maybe I'm still jealous of him…...Don't say that. I think that waiting is the worst part….Yeah, you and me both…."

It wasn't long before Leon stopped firing and looked at his gun. He shouted what could have only been an expletive and threw the useless chunk of metal at the advancing monsters. There was nowhere left for him to go. Not forward, and not back. Panic swept across his expression as he fumbled his hand into the back pocket of his pants. What he pulled out was a smaller hand gun, probably not powerful enough to take down a zombie, but it would be enough for a solution to his problem.

Claire sighed, her focused having shifted completely from the topless girls and up to Leon's predicament. Ada's voice became low in her ear, a velvety construction that caused her eyes to slip shut for a moment before her own reply.

"Nah, I don't blame him for what he tried. He was just like any of us…"

Leon aimed the barrel of the small gun to his temple, index finger barely having time to curl about the trigger before the zombies stole upon him. Dead before the first bite, but nonetheless the zombies grabbed desperately for any part of him that came within their reach.

"….You're right. He was too humane to be human…" Claire's voice became rather distant as she absorbed the image of her long-past friend getting torn apart. "Mm….But—yeah…..Really?...I see…." She looked back down to the group of topless girls. Several men had managed their way onto the stage and partaken of the feminine cluster. Hands reached between legs, grabbed arms, lips locking amid mindless competitions for dominance.

At last Claire shook her head in disgust and switched off all of the monitors. The room became black and she was left with nothing but the sound of Ada's voice suspending her in a realm of verbal inequities, of which Leon's name was the primary concern.

"You had him figured wrong, but, I dunno. He's all right now…." she nodded slowly to Ada's request for confirmation. "Yes….He's all right, but hey, can I call you right back? Gotta make a quick call….Yeah, sure. Bye."

She hit the 'end' button, and with the green light of the keypad as her source of light, dialed in another number. Six rings later and answering machine picked up. She rolled her eyes, and at the sound of beep she replied to the machine's request.

"Hey, it's me. Just wanted to let you know that you now officially owe me two hundred dollars. If you don't believe me, I got a video tape of the entire thing. Call me later, bye."

She cut the line and let the phone drop to the floor. In the new silence of the room she was able to close her eyes and concentrate. This time she was a body, no longer claiming any sense of logistics or purpose. Leon was a body too, but a true body, and that irked her. As hard as she tried not to harbor any feelings of regret, deep down she knew that it should have been her. She should have died a fitting death at the hands of her bane, the objects that had turned her into the vessel she was now. Leon had tried so hard, but in the end he had accomplished nothing.

Her lips twitched. Perhaps it wasn't true that Leon had never done anything for her. By killing himself before the zombies got him, he had at least won her two hundred dollars.

Note: Yep, I know. Rather out of character and highly unbelievable. I'm not going to spell out any possible interpretations for this story. It can mean several things, but my main goal in writing it was simply to have Claire sitting naked in a bean bag chair eating Cheetos. She's so cute. :)