Disclaimer: Characters belong to Vertigo comics. They are being used without permission. No money is being made and no infringement is intended.

This is just a short fic about Yorick. I have not read every single issue or fic, so my apologies if this theme has already been explored.

Y: the Last Man - Privacy (Rating: M)

I finally get a rare moment by myself, away from everybody (or at least what everybody stands for nowadays). After taking care of my business behind a bush, I sigh and swear in silence. Everything's so f----ed up. My whole life now is either the mind-numbingly boring walks through the countryside or the adrenaline rush of running from some crazy one-tit women trying to kill me. Right now I could use some rest, but I know we can't do that. Man, do I need a break, or at least something fun to do. Something to take my mind off everything. Then it hits me with a "Duh!" and a "why not?". I look around to make sure I'm alone, sit down behind some bushes, breathe deep and go to work. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind, trying to concentrate on the physical feelings. Forget for a second how the world has gone to crap. Just a few minutes of pleasure, a little cleaning up, and I'll be up and on my way. I smile involuntarily at the "being up" part; I'm silly like that sometimes. I'm starting to get into it, to feel it. Then, Ampersand shows up. Damn! I swat him away, tell him to go on, come back in two minutes. Amazingly, he leaves me alone. Closing my eyes, I carry on. Man, I'm close. Yeah…

"Shouldn't you be saving that for more important purposes?"

I open my eyes and I freeze. For a second, I look at Agent 355 dumbfounded, my skin changing color. She smiles a wicked smile and turns around.

"You need a few seconds to finish? Don't want to walk around carrying a loaded weapon…"

"Oh, shut the hell up, 355!"

She laughs and starts walking back towards camp. I curse loudly and zip up. Ampersand appears again, seemingly to laugh at me. Asshole.

"I was just practicing my mantra!" I yell at 355.

I pick up my stuff and look at what I leave behind.

"Exactly, the world has gone to shit."