New Story. (Yes it will bemore then one shot - how manyI have yet to determine.)
Woo. Yes I swear, I'm working on Rhyme or Reason, its just taking longer then I thought.
Thanks to Dulcy for her inspiring help.
Small authors note: out of all the people who have me on author alert, 10 of you review my one shot, and maybe 15 of you review the last chapter of RED Friday in which how many of you begged for the end? Seriously, if this keeps up, I will quit writing, because if you all think I write so that i can read my own stuff time and time again, y'all got some thinking to do. So if I was you, i would hit that little review button down there.
But a HUGE THANK YOU, goes to the people who do take the time to review, who do constantly review my stories and tell me what they like or what they dislike.
THANK YOU. All of you.
And for you lurkers out there, I see you.
Long lost words whisper slowly to me
Still can't find what keeps me here
When all this time I've been so hollow inside
I know you're still there
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
Fearing you, loving you
I know I'll find you somehow
Hunting you I can smell you - alive
Your heart pounding in my head
Watching me, wanting me
I can feel you pull me down
I won't let you pull me down.
Sandy was at work, trying to get his law firm up and running. He kissed her forehead this morning along with her shoulders and neck. She shivered and smiled at him.
He told her he loved her before he left.
She had thrown up this morning and this afternoon again.
She decided to take a pregnancy test for the hell of it. It's probably just a touch of the flu anyway.
She stares at the pregnancy test as it stares back at her with a huge, pink positive.
It's a slap to the face.
Now what was she going to do?
Three Weeks Ago…
They were at a hotel, Kirsten, Julie, Carter and the firm, celebrating the launch and success of Julie's magazine, Newport Living.
She goes to the restroom, and he slips away, following her.
He waits until she reemerges before pushing her back into the restroom, locking the door behind him.
He's more than inebriated.
It was a mistake.
Yet she doesn't stop it.
Her eyes are wide as she knows what's about to happen.
She doesn't stop him, not even a hand to the chest, not even a turn of her head.
She lets him kiss her.
He kisses her hungrily and she kisses him back, unbuttoning his shirt, unbuckling his belt, and he's quick enough to get that expensive, silky dress she is wearing up over her hips.
It's so wrong.
It's such a sin.
Yet she doesn't stop.
Carter's blue eyes roamed over her perfectly toned body with the desire of a madman. His kisses were ravenous and urgent and hers were just as burning. His hands pressed against the flatness of her stomach before wandering up and down tightly against her sensitive body. His hands guide her and she lets him take control.
This was a mistake.
And yet she couldn't stop herself.
She couldn't stop herself from kissing him back.
She couldn't stop herself from touching his muscular body.
She couldn't stop herself from moaning when he kissed her in the right places.
Because at some point she had wanted this too. But now that it's here and she is doing this she wishes she could take it back, but it's to late now.
His hands traced over her bare shoulders, down into her hair entangling his hands with it, pulling her insolently close to him, crushing his larger body upon hers. His hands roaming the fabric, her skin, anywhere he can touch her, he does.
His eyes are wild, passionate, driven. His pupils are dilated
It was so diverse, so not what she was used to, so strange it made her feel uncanny.
The kisses weren't soft and tender, they weren't slow and affectionate filled with love and passion.
These were ragged, hurried, as if the world was ending.
His hands were everywhere, touching all of her at once, down her shoulders, over her breasts, up her hips, down her stomach, over her breastbone, around her collarbone, back down her stomach, over her ribs, down her thighs.
It was not the slow, tender pace of her husbands, with soft kisses placed where she always enjoyed them.
This was not lovemaking.
This was erratic-so-wrong-flat-out-sex.
In a bathroom, of an elite hotel.
This is something that Julie would do, not her.
And this was something Kirsten Cohen, married for twenty years, and was not used to.
"I've wanted you for so long," he whispered to her and she felt like gagging, but she didn't, she smiled and said she wanted him too.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers and she smiles quickly before he kisses her again hungrily.
Sandy tells her all the time.
And then, it's over.
She cheated on her husband without batting an eye.
It's only when Carter leans his forehead against hers, his breathing coming in harsh gasps that she realizes what she has done. Tipsy, drunk or not, it's no excuse.
"Oh God, I have to go."
"Kirsten, just…wait, let's talk about this."
As she gathers herself, smoothes down her clothes, her hair, glancing at her makeup, she glares angrily at him, "There is nothing to talk about! This was a mistake!"
A few sprays of perfume, and she looks as good as new.
She hopes she doesn't look like married woman who just got screwed in a fancy hotel's restroom.
He squints at her his blue eyes angered by the very thought.
'Oh God, what do I do?'
She meets up with Sandy seconds later as he's waiting for her a concerned smile on his handsome features, "Hey you okay?"
His arm goes around her waist and she shivers.
"I'm fine, let's go home okay?"
She kisses him, hard.
He grins at her, "Whatever you say."
Three Weeks ago, later that night.
She is sitting at the table she has near the window, staring out at the endless night and the life that she has suddenly destroyed in ten minutes.
Sandy's sleeping, after making love to her that night.
She feels so dirty, so inconsolable.
He tried asking her what was wrong and she just claimed she was tired.
But she couldn't stop thinking about it.
His eyes, alight, excited, energized.
His soft hands, roaming everywhere.
The way he said her name.
The way his rough stubble grazes her cheek, her neck, her shoulders.
She wants to yell, and in fact she is sitting quietly drinking a Jack and coke.
Sandy is sleeping quietly and she wants nothing more then to curl up against him, and forget what she did tonight.
But her restless mind will not let her. It refuses to let go.
It won't let her rest tonight.
'You made a huge mistake.'
'You made a mistake.'
'You can't take it back.'
'What do you do now?'
She finishes her drink, takes a quick shower and takes heartbroken comfort in the arms where she has only found comfort.
She is nervous as she sits down restless on her couch, almost instinctively her hand rests over her stomach, and her mind conscious of the living being inside of her.
Her teeth are chattering, her nerves on edge. Her heart is pounding in her chest and her stomach is having a field day with the butterflies that have suddenly taken up residency.
She has to tell him, now, because she knows she cannot bring this child into the world without knowing its father, whoever that may be.
She knows whose she hopes it is.
She prays it's her husbands.
Why all of this now?
She decides to call Carter, and tell him. She dials his number. She has been distant with him ever since 'they' happened. Her mistake, which has turned undoubtedly into something much larger then she could handle.
She could do it again. She could get rid of this child like she had one other time, long ago.
But she flinches despite herself, knowing she can't handle the pain, the loss, the emptiness all over again.
She will deal with this.
Just the thought of doing that makes the bile rise in her throat.
She puts the phone back on the hook, hanging up as soon as she hears his friendly, "Hello?"
Almost instantly the phone rings and she jumps. She's so nervous.
She knows it's him.
She swallows as she answers timidly, dreading hearing his voice.
"Umm, well, what's up?"
She can tell he's smiling.
"Look, we need to talk…"
"Now? Do you want to meet?"
"Carter, I'm pregnant."
She hears a soft thump and she knows he just dropped the phone.
"Umm, sorry. What? I must have misheard you."
"I'm pregnant Carter."
"I'm the father?" His voice carries disbelief and something else which she can't quite place.
"I don't know…"
He pauses, "Well if I'm not then…"
And he shuts up quickly. She wonders what he is thinking right now. She wonders how puzzled he must look, how strangely difficult all this is to process.
He must think she is such a dirty woman right now.
"I see. What…what should I do?"
"Nothing Carter! Absolutely nothing."
'I want you to forget about everything and move to Alaska.'
"If this child is mine, I want to be a part of its life!" his voice rises, he's angered by the thought that he would simply stand aside.
'He would say that.'
"Carter…" she pleads.
"You never told him, have you? You would never have said anything would you? God, Kirsten, it happened! WE happened!"
"THERE IS NO WE, CARTER! Do you have any idea how this is going to change my life, Sandy's life? Seth and Ryan's life? I spent twenty years building this life and now it's destroyed because of one mistake!"
"It wasn't a mistake to me, I'll never think of it that way, ever."
"I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK!"
"I'm sorry…" he whispered into the phone and she realizes that she is trembling, hard. So hard she can barely hold the phone and the tremors that run through her body have her teeth chattering so wildly she has to clench her jaw to stop them.
"Me too, please I have to go, don't call; don't do anything until you hear from me again. Please?"
There is an eerie silence and finally, "I won't… Kirsten, are you okay?"
"I'm scared…" her voice is soft and compassionate, but firm. "I have to go."
She hangs up and wipes away a tear that runs down her heated cheek.
Why couldn't she have said no?
Sighing, she prepares for the battle that has yet to come.
He came home later that evening, exhausted, worn and weary. He had been in court all day, he looked every bit of exhausted but happy.
There was a smile on his face in which she hadn't seen in a long time, a light, a startling fire in his eyes which she hadn't seen in forever.
She was sitting on the couch when he came over and kissed the top of her head before moving down to kiss her lips.
She kissed him back softly, and looked deep into his soulful, loving eyes knowing that once she let out this information they would never look at her the same way.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly, glancing at her puzzled features before loosening his tie.
"I… I have to tell you something," her voice is shaking and so are her hands.
He turns to her, fear installed on his face. "What? Did something happen, are the boys okay? Are you okay?"
She cringes and bites her bottom lip waiting for his sure to be ecstatic reaction.
A smile creeps up his face and he's excited.
"Honey… that's…it's wonderful!" He kisses her softly and pulls her into a deep embrace.
"Sandy? There is more, and I need you to hear it. God, I never thought… I'm sorry. Okay? I just want you to know that. I'm so sorry."
He looks at her puzzled as her tears start to come down her face.
"Please, Sandy. I need you to know how sorry I am. I need you to know I can't do this without you."
She pleads with him, her hand gripping his like her life depends on it.
"I don't…? I don't understand. Sorry about what honey?"
"It might not be yours Sandy," her voice is so low that he has to strain to hear it.
It takes a few seconds for his mind to react.
He freezes. Can't move, can't breathe.
He lets go of her hand. Her skin is fire, it's untouchable and it's burning him.
His face goes ashen. The worst has happened.
His eyes go wide. The pupils constrict because of the massive amount of air that suddenly rushes to them.
He sees Carter kissing her. He sees Carter running his hands up and down her body. He sees Carter's mouth upon hers. He sees her moaning at his touch. He sees her calling Carter's name. He sees her writhing when he hits those sensitive spots. He sees Carter running a hand along a bare thigh. He sees Kirsten laughing with Carter. He sees Carter calling her name. He sees Kirsten giving Carter that special smile. He sees Kirsten clinging to Carter. He sees Carter exploring her body.
It's too much. Carter with Kirsten. It's so much.
He takes a deep, gasping breath. His lungs want to explode. His head wants to explode.
He feels like dying, right now at this very moment, his life is ending, one gulping breath at a time.
He pulls away from her. He can't look at her because he will crumble, his defenses will fall.
"What? When? WHY?"
He rounds on her, resentment in his voice.
She flinches at the anger in his voice.
"Sandy, it was a mistake, I had to much to drink, God I'm so sorry."
"WHO DID YOU FUCK KIRSTEN?" The resentment seeps from his voice. He needs conformation. He wants it, he demands it. He wants her to say his name.
She flinches as he has never said that word to her ever before. "Carter," she hoarsely whispers.
He closes his eyes. CARTER.
He can see her calling Carter's name.
His eyes flash open and he is more pissed then she has ever seen him in twenty years.
"WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" His voice booms and echoes in the vastness of their living room.
"At the party, three weeks ago," her body is trembling and he wants to comfort her but he can't. He can't even bring himself to move anywhere but away from her. She is giving him this sad puppy dog eyed look and he knows she regrets it.
But he can't forget and he can't forgive.
"WHAT! Jesus CHRIST KIRSTEN! WE'RE ADULTS, NOT TEENAGERS! YOU WERE DRUNK? THAT IS YOUR EXCUSE!"
No longer does the look of love radiate from his eyes, from his body. No longer does he even want to be near her.
"God, you know something? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS REALLY HYPOCRITICAL OF YOU? You, you always had this HUGE fear of me cheating on you. ALWAYS, and yet it's always you. You and Jimmy, now THIS? YOU SLEPT WITH CARTER! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU DO THAT? AT THE PARTY? AT A HOTEL? WHILE I WAS THERE? HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK OF IT? DO YOU NOT LOVE ME? AM I NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
It's those words that hurt her more then anything so far.
"Sandy, I love you, I'm so sorry."
One look from him and she doesn't say another word. He pauses, opens his mouth and clenches his jaw tightly.
"The night we came home from the party we… but you and Carter…Oh, Jesus..."
He's put two and two together now. He feels sick. He needs out. He needs a drink, or something, whatever it is he needs to get out.
He is so livid with rage that she is frightened of him. She wishes he would do something other then just stand there, frozen in one spot; jaw clenched so tight his teeth grind together.
Suddenly a vase flew across the room, smashing into the wall. He grabbed a picture of the two of them, smiling and happy and flung it into the wall.
She winces as it crashes. A soft sob escapes. She can't help it.
Just like her heart.
Just like she had shattered his heart.
He stood, looking at her, anger upon his face, anger in every breath he was taking.
He hated her, she could see it.
"Sandy…" her voice is pleading with him, soft and begging. Please don't leave me.
"DON'T… Just... Just don't," he holds up his hand as his blue eyes flash wildly. "I can't talk to you right now, I … I can't even look at you. I need to go cool off before I say or do something stupid," he walks out the door, no jacket, nothing.
The door slams. She jumps despite herself.
No more "I love you's."
She's never felt so alone.