Remember in the beginning of Season 2, when Sandy flipped out at Archie and everyone was surprised? Well, he deserved to. I'm going to try to use that inside rage that he has, to fuel this story…
Keep reviewing! Cause you all are awesome and I get really bored at work…
Mr. Destiny – thank you for your insight…I didn't really look at things that way – but you have a very good point and I am definitely taking into consideration what you said. Thank You.
Even you lurkers! I see you. Lol. The button that says Review? Yeah you should press it…
"All you need is love."
-I am Sam
He was in his office taping away at his computer when she waltzed in, anger upon her attractive features.
"YOU told Seth WE were taking a BREAK?" A hand upon her hip, cheeks heated with a dazzling flushed pink and her fierce blue eyes glared into his calm ones was a sight to behold. She looked tired, angered, aggravated. Sandy attributed some of these to her pregnancy, some of them could be his fault, but he guessed she hadn't slept well.
Neither had he, to be honest.
He looked up amused. "Well, what would you like me to tell him Kirsten? His mother cheated on his father and now is pregnant and doesn't know by whom?"
She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it, shutting her eyes and sighing loudly.
"Are you drinking already?" she accused him slightly, but more or less asked with apprehension.
He chuckled, "Gee, it never seems to bother you when you have a problem," as he took a sip of his non-alcoholic coffee, raising his eyebrows in enjoyment.
"Sandy!" she said softly, in the way that she had always tried to scold him but yet it came out so rushed, so sexy.
It gave him goosebumps.
"WHAT? They're not stupid Kirsten. They know when something is wrong with us, this affects them too! Do you think they wouldn't notice us not talking, not goofing around like we normally do?"
The anger in his voice made her flinch inwardly.
She twisted her wedding bands as a cloud of emotions played upon her face. "Sandy we're married…this isn't like a girlfriend/boyfriend fight…"
"EXACTLY! WE'RE MARRIED! DID THAT NOT CROSS YOUR MIND WHEN YOU SLEPT WITH CARTER, GODDAMNIT!" He hit the table with his hand, making his glass jump and startling her.
This wasn't her Sandy. Anger flashed in his blue eyes while his shoulders tensed as he awaited her response.
Then again, what was she to expect?
What was she to say to that?
Her face paled, "I'm sorry," she walked out of the room quietly.
"Damnit," he whispered softly, that was entirely not what he wanted to say, or how he wanted to react. He was blowing this, he was doing something he didn't want to do, and this isn't how he wanted to be. While trying to be understanding was nearly impossible – he could do one thing even though he shouldn't.
He could be civil, even if most people thought he shouldn't be.
This was going to be harder then he ever thought possible.
"DUDE! Ryan, my Mom and Dad are taking a Kit-Kat!"
"A Kit-Kat… a break!" He huffed, his hands thrashing about wildly, his brown eyes wide and his stance visibly shaken.
"Oh, good, they deserve one," he grinned in Seth's direction, oblivious to his worried look as he continued throwing notebooks and various items into the pack. "Where are they going?" He scratched his head as he turned away, looking for something.
Seth stared back at him open-mouthed.
"NO! Like a divorce type break! Not a vacation type!" He yelped.
That caught his attention.
Ryan dropped his book bag. "Wouldn't it have been easier for you to tell me a break, instead of a Kit-Kat!" His blue eyes flashed quickly at Seth.
"I suppose…I thought you knew the song," he shrugged.
"Seth, we're not doing the whole G.P. R.A. thing again, are we?"
"No that was too confusing…but what do we do?" Seth flopped down wearily on the bed.
Ryan sat down on his bed and peered up at Seth through his blond bangs. "It's serious isn't it?"
He nodded his head feverishly.
"Did you ask your Mom about it?"
"Yeah, man, she got really teary eyed and then stormed off to find Dad."
"Wow," he cocked his head sideways, "She ran off to find Sandy. So she's like not even aware of it?"
"That's just it! I don't know!" He miffed in his own Seth-like way, shaking his head and his hands wildly about, letting Ryan's brain help him figure out this situation.
"There has to be more to it…"
"Are you thinking of spying, Mr. Atwood? Ryan, Ryan Atwood. Shaken, not stirred. You know I like that idea, we can snoop around the house, drive cool cars, get hot babes."
"Yeah, okay, too minty, I get your drift. Well, we can at least try and eavesdrop and see what we can hear." He looked down at his shoes as if they had the answer.
It was better then nothing.
It was late in the evening before Sandy spoke to her again. He had gone out to his office and surfed, letting go of his current thoughts of Kirsten and Carter. It was hard to do, and after falling off his board three times he realized he needed to concentrate on surfing and forgetting about the past few days. But her words kept going through his head.
'I have to tell you something. It might not be yours. I have to tell you something. It might not be yours. I slept with Carter. It might not be yours.'
Might not be.
Might not be yours, Sandy.'
But when he had finished he realized one thing.
She had hurt him. No, rather she had taken a knife to his gut, and twisted it around. Now, no matter what he couldn't let that go, not right now.
Not while living with her. He would only make her feel worse, he would only bring her down, and he couldn't do that, not with her being pregnant. He would not carry the guilt of Kirsten miscarrying, on top of everything.
His or not.
He poked his head in around the door, watching her as she sat at the small table her hands crossed and her chin placed delicately upon them.
She looks up at him wearily, almost prepared for a fight.
He smiles gently at her, giving her a tender wayward glance. "Do you want to take a walk?"
She gives him a soft smile, barely noticeable. "Okay…" but her voice holds fear for what he might say.
He holds his hand out to her and she takes it.
They walk down the beach, hand in hand, like nothing had happened but by Sandy's tense behavior she knew something was wrong – well, other then the obvious.
They walked slowly and with each silent step down the sandy beach she worried more and more.
Each silent footstep meant that something was wrong.
Each silent footstep meant that he had come to a decision.
Each silent footstep made her heart pounded more loudly.
Each silent footstep she held her breath.
He stopped and let go of her hand, turning away to look at the gorgeous sunset that had dazzled the sky with orange, red, and hazy yellows. It was such a beautiful evening for such distracting and almost surely bad news.
He didn't look at her, but instead out at the ocean as the blue waves lapped at the shore. He never thought he would be here, debating on how to tell his wife that he wasn't going to be there with her. Despite the vows he had taken, twenty years ago.
'Do you promise to love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others…'
He kept his end of the bargain. But, apparently, she didn't take those sacred words to heart and soul like he had.
His dark hair was blowing around and sometimes strands fluttered across his tired face. He spoke slowly, as if debating about what he was going to tell her.
How he should tell her.
"I'm going to move into my office, for a while. Give you some space and it will give me more time to think." He bit his lip before continuing. "It's just that every time I see you, I see him. I see you with him and I can't even tell you how that brings about these feelings of anger and resentment that I have. And, when I look at you, I feel so angry that anything I say will hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, despite what you've done to me. I just think that it will be better if we take some time apart, and think about what we want. What we both want. If I'm even want you want anymore…" the last part came out as a rushed whisper. Regardless of what she had done to him, he hoped she still wanted him, still needed him, like he needed her.
He turned to her, giving her a small frown at the tears that were flowing down her cheeks at a rains pace.
"I'm so sorry Sandy," the look on her tearstained face was breaking his heart. He never wanted any of this.
"Me too," he whispered softly against the breeze and the pounding of the waves. He chuckles softly, "I love you more then words, Kirsten, more than anything. But I just can't do this right now, and not especially since…the last thing I want to do is cause you any pain, or stress, and I will if I'm around, because I can't let it go."
She turns away from him, his words and realizations coming to hit her full force.
Despite everything, he still thinks of her first.
Despite everything, he still doesn't want to hurt her.
Despite everything, he still loves her.
He just needs time.
"When?" her voice is barely a whisper as she wipes away the tears.
"But you'll stay tonight?"
He nods, confirming her thoughts, "If it's what you want, I'll stay tonight."
I'll stay tonight.
"Dad, if this is about the pool filter…"
"Seth! Sit!" Tired of his sons excuses he raises his voice.
Seth scrambled for a seat as Ryan peered up with inquisitive blue eyes under the blond bangs.
Kirsten was upstairs; she couldn't handle their looks, the shock, the surprise, the possible hatred, the confusion. She couldn't bear to witness it.
"Your Mom and I… we're taking some time apart."
He anticipated their first question of "Why?"
"We're just having their problems."
He knew their second, "Where are you going?"
"To stay at my office for a while."
Their third question was a given. "How long?"
"I don't know."
All of those were from Seth. He babbled trying to get the most from his father, but Sandy wouldn't budge.
"Was it something we did?" Ryan sighed softly, nervously awaiting Sandy's answer. Was it something I did? He could see it in his eyes.
He looked at him, shocked and caught off guard. "No! Of course not. It was nothing you guys did at all. None of this is your fault, believe me. Nothing is going to change, I'm still going to be over here all the time, and I'm still going to be your old annoying Dad. I just need to sort through these - issues."
They were silent.
Sandy was silent.
Finally it was Seth who stood up and stalked angrily away.
The Cohen house had just been rocked and shaken.
Humpy Dumpty had just fallen off the wall.
And all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put him back together again….
Who would be there to pick up the pieces?
"Did you tell them?" her voice was barely a whisper.
"Yes, I told them," he said as he walked into his closet to grab a change of clothes.
"Did you tell them why?"
He poked his head out, "You mean did I tell them that you slept with Carter and are now pregnant? No Kirsten, I'm leaving that for you."
It wasn't meant to sound harsh, but it did, and he bit his tongue before he said anything else.
"Sandy…" she exasperated but he had disappeared again into his closet.
Sighing, she pulls back the covers and slides underneath them, relishing the feel of the expensive sheets against her smooth body.
He left the room silently, leaving the door open as he went downstairs and made sure the main door was locked. He doesn't know why, its not like people don't just sneak around the back anyway.
He didn't know why he was nervous about slipping into bed with someone who he had slept beside every night for the past twenty years.
Maybe because this would be the last time, for a long time… maybe.
Slowly he climbed the stairs, knowing that with each step it would be the last time he climbed these stairs at night, as normal.
He pulled the covers back on his side, sliding in behind her like he had done so many times in the past.
It felt odd not to pull her body instantly to his. If he did it would make her think other things and he didn't want her getting ideas that this was okay, that they were okay.
Because it wasn't and they weren't.
He couldn't help it as he reached around and put a gentle pressure against her stomach, urging her to come closer to him.
She moved as close as she could, her back pressed fully against his chest, her legs intertwined with his, his heartbeat thumping against her back, she trembled lightly as he kissed her shoulder out of habit.
He realized how much he was going to miss this, how much he had already missed this.
He spoke his thoughts aloud in a soft whisper, "I'm going to miss this."
She shivered harder against him. "Don't talk like it's over Sandy..." she said quietly as he held her.
Please tell me it's not over.
Please, it can't be over.
Please, we can overcome this.
Please, forgive me.
He said nothing as he tightened his hold upon his wife. He didn't realize how hard this was going to be on himself.
He had a lot of things to come to terms with, other then Kirsten's mistake. He had better search his feelings true and hard.
He hoped he was doing the right thing.