Disclaimer: This is a real life story which I'm merely converting into one possible could happen Inuyasha story in the AU sense. Therefore, not only that I don't own the story as it is, I also do not own Inuyasha as well.
AN: The following lyrics are roughly translated lyrics from a song on my own native tongue. I could've tried to make them rhyme, so they would sound better, but I'm leaving them as they are because of the fear if changed, they would lose their original meaning. Heed to them, they are the guidelines for the story.
"Are those tears for me?"
By Chiisana Anisa
Here and now I'll swear in front of you all
For the world and all I have
That I never wanted him, that I never loved him
So that I wouldn't hurt
I'll swear in front of you all
All of you
But just not in front of God...
White Button; "I'll Swear"
Today is the day when her new life is starting. The day of the graduation has finally come to knock on her doors, and now, while standing across the principal who is holding out her exit ticket to her with a gentle smile on his face, she is eager to take it, squeeze it and never, ever let it go.
But she holds it gently and bows to him in acceptance with a sorrowful smile on her face. Today may be the day of new starts for her, but for some of her classmates, this is the end of something beautiful. She knows, because she has heard times and times over in the past hours girls crying not wanting to say goodbye, she has heard lovers saying farewell because life has taken different directions for both of them and they just can't stay together.
She has heard that some of the most appreciated teachers are retiring and although it brought some remorse to her heart, she brushed it away as a fleeting emotion. Why? Because this world of studying long into the night, fretting over the exams and the results, piles of homework and never-ending exhaustion - this world - she won't miss it all.
She steps down from the podium, light as a feather and into the arms of a man she loves; that in some way helped carry her through all the hardships of becoming an attorney. He smiles as he takes her in his arms and she is now more then ever glad that they are not one of those lovers that have to take separate paths in their lives. No. They are the lucky ones.
So, only now, in his arms with a bright smile on her face, and hidden tears of happiness in her eyes, she clutches the paper tightly, as he is holding her and lets herself believe that everything is going to be all right. She knows it will, it will. With love and a promising future ahead of her she couldn't be happier than now.
After all, Kagome's life is just beginning.
Two months later she finally manages to get a job as an apprentice in a law firm not that far away from their apartment. Two bus stops away or just twenty minutes on foot, if she chooses to go by foot. Today, the sun is shining down just for her, making her dark, black hair shine in rainbow colors and stars sparkle in her pretty blue eyes. She walks slowly but steadily to the place where she can start building her future in and when she reaches the main entrance her heart starts doing flip-flops.
The security guard just nods at her with a small smile, after all, they were introduced yesterday by her boss and she was given a security pass card, just in case. So, she smiles back, and continues on her path to the office. She is right on time.
"Ah, Miss Higurashi! I see you like to be on time. That's a very valuable trait. Come now, we have work to do." Her boss, a woman of some forty years, with dark brown hair and crystal green eyes waves her hand, signaling to her to follow. Etsuko Mayanura, that's her name, a name that promises Kagome many things. And she adores it already.
With a swift turn on her heels Kagome follows the woman, pushing away dark hair over her shoulder and closes the door behind her. Not once did she notice the man who (loves her) was left standing in the vast hallway, looking at her slipping out of his reach with every step she takes further and further away.
Only half a year later and she already has her own office and her own clients. Part of this big promotion was that she lived for this job. This job was something she had dreamed of as a little girl, she dreamed of a life made in courthouses and expensive suits, pretty dinners and balls once in a year. She dreamed of a life where she could grant people freedom, like she has hers.
What she forgot in her dreams was the fact that not all people deserved freedom, for their deeds were far too evil for this mortal life that they were all leading. So, when she needs to defend a man who killed his wife, or a mother who choked her two month old baby just because it was crying too much, she shuts off all of her softer emotions and does her job. Afterwards she sits and cries in her office or in her room if she remembers to comes home when he's making dinner.
Never did he know what she felt, how could he if she never showed it to him. She didn't cry much, actually, no, she would sit down by the bed, hug her knees and let two drops fall, and that was enough. Then she would stay there, and start pondering the meaning of her life. Only when his voice would announce that the dinner is finished, she would wipe the remains of her treacherous tears, get up and with a bright smile step into the dining room to tell him of her day.
The awful parts she always left out. She thought that he didn't need to be bothered by such things. What she kept forgetting was the fact he was a lawyer too. So, she would talk, he would listen. He would talk and she would listen. But all there ever is between them is nothing more than silence.
One year later, she finds herself talking to the directors of her law company, laughing with them and blushing for their compliments. They give her credit for all the great things she has done, for the amount of new clients she has brought in the past year since she has turned to representing big companies. They congratulate her on her achievements and Kagome laughs.
He stands across the room from her, but hears her crystal laugh as if she is standing right next to him. His eyes search her out time and again throughout the evening and every time he hopes she will look back. She never does.
Later, he waits for her at the door, holding her coat for her, the doors too, while she takes his arm and they walk toward the car. They both get in and she says how tired she is, and asks him if he is too. He just nods to her question and the drive continues. They both know that they will come home and lay down in their bed, to dream together of a new day.
They act more like strangers.
One day while she sits in her new leather chair, behind her new big mahogany desk, she ponders about him and their relationship. She is well aware that things are not doing well, that they are not doing well. Two years have passed since the graduation, and she has achieved her goals. So did he. She knows very well, all too well, that they are both content with their careers, both recognized as excellent lawyers, smart people, good listeners and advisors.
In her mind she smiles at that. But they are both unhappy in their private life. And because of this conclusion she turns nervously to the window and her eyes seek out the bright blue sky. She sighs and accepts the fact that this can't go on.
They don't talk anymore, they both come home too tired to think, share a welcome kiss, they dine and go to bed. Small talk that used to make her happy in the last minutes before she fell asleep, she now misses dearly. So, Kagome wonders where has that bubbly, happy feeling that he used to give her, gone. And why has it disappeared in the first place? When?
She can't pinpoint the exact time she felt it for the last time, but she knows that it isn't here anymore. Does he know it too? Who is to blame for this breakdown, and how come they are not happy as she thought that day they would be? Her mind is overtaken with sudden revelation of why and when but she shoves it away, refusing to believe it.
She isn't the one to be at fault, surely. She just wanted her career. She got it, didn't she? Didn't he? Kagome hears her secretary announce that her clients are on their way in and she pushes all of her thoughts about them out of her mind. Work is more important now, she can think about it later. Maybe even talk to him about it.
Not once does she notice beautiful red roses sitting on her desk and a card saying "Happy Birthday" from him as her clients come in. She forgets about him, overlooks his proof of love. She forgets the day she was born too.
Two weeks later she comes home to see him sitting on the couch, two small bags by his feet. She is so stunned by this that she is rendered speechless. By words not by thoughts, and she quickly thinks of them in her mind. She recalls her musings several days ago and acknowledges them for real. In the end he was the one to see them sooner and he is now the one that is ending it all. He gets up and nears her, looking her straight in the eyes.
And for some reason he can read her so well, he knows her so well. He sees everything he needs to see, right then and there. Bitter smile adorns his face and he whispers one word that makes her feel too much after so much time.
And then, together with his bags he steps out of her life and through that door they used to call their own. Their two-year relationship is over, and it took her a minute, maybe two to get caught in the aftermath. She doesn't need to be told anything, she knows everything and knows all the reasons. Finally, all the emotions storm up a tornado in her and she slides down on the floor. She sits there and cries. Cries, cries and cries. Maybe for hours.
But somewhere between her endless tears and her almost hysteric sobs that ruined her completely she remained conscious enough to hear the doorbell. And she gets up with her face all smudged and wet, with shaking hands she opens the doors and is once again left speechless.
He stands there, right in front of her, and the marks of his own tears are more than obvious on his face. Her heart breaks with that sight. His next words and his hug fixes her forever.
"Please tell me that all those tears were because of me."
She knows he's actually asking if all those tears were for them. Maybe just for her and her mistakes. But in Inuyasha's arms she is now quite sure that when you find that special bond, that true love with someone, you just have to be careful not to lose it because of your own foolishness, because of your thoughts that good life with a career can mean everything to you.
In these two years she has almost forgotten that good things need to be shared with someone to have the glorious meaning you wanted them to. She has almost forgotten that she should base her life on her feelings too. She almost did.
And now, some years later, you can find Kagome and Inuyasha still living together, in their own apartment, with their respectful jobs still in their lives and with people around them that are happy for them and their success. They may never recognize that some of them are envious of the relationship they have because they are too absorbed in what they have after so many hardships. But then again, who could blame them?
For them, happily ever after just might be possible.
AN: Well, firstly I'm so happy this story is going on the net. I remind you, this is a real life story and I had the opportunity to watch how people can forget themost important things in life. Like love.
Secondly, I'm terribly sorry because this isn't the new chapter of Judgment, because I said I'd post it next. But it isn't finished yet and I'm really afraid that for some time it still won't be. Give me time, please.
Many thanks to all my readers and reviewers.
Jamie - I love you girl! Thanks for staying my beta-reader! And just for you here are the original words from the song:
"Evo zaklet ću se ja pred svima
Svim na svijetu i svime što imam
Da ga nikad nisam htjela, da ga nisam voljela
Da ne bolujem, pred svima se zaklinjem
Al' pred Bogom ne smijem..."