He suddenly drew me into his arms. I couldn't breathe. His thick winter jacket muted the sound of his beating heart. I wondered if his was thudding as hard as mine.

He hadn't let me finish my sentence. Did he know? Had he found out somehow? Had my voice been shaking? Was it my eyes? Was it—

"All you have to say…is that you love me." He whispered into my hair. "…Nothing happened between me and her."

I wanted to cry then.

My silence made him squeeze me even harder. I couldn't speak. There were no words. Just tears.

I knew he was waiting.

Waiting for the words, waiting for love, waiting for us.

What have I done.

What have I done.

I…can't tell him. I can never tell him. Of the words of love, or of what happened tonight. What had made me think I could? He'd never forgive me, he'd never—I…can't—


I wanted to kiss him then. Whisper to him that I loved him, and that everything could go back to the way they were. But I had shattered that dream. With the sheets stained with the colors of sunset, and the black-haired boy with tears in his eyes, I had broken, smashed, destroyed, the door that could have made that dream a reality.

And all that was left was this.

How could I have been foolish enough to think I could turn back time.

"…I-I have to go."

I brought my hands up to his chest, and gently tried to push him away.

He held on, just as I had when he tried to pull away. He embraced me again, pressing his cheek against my hair. I could feel his soft breath, and the trail of white smoke.

"You don't mean that…it's just, there's so much going on…you…you told me you'd choose me over everyone else."

"Please…just let me go."