Title: Japan #9
Warnings: Spoilers up to anime episode 21. Hardly makes sense. Total crack. And I haven't read the manga so there might already be a Japan #9.
Pairings: Kuroyanagi/Kirisaki, implied Kawachi/Azuma


Pandemonium suits Pantasia, it really does. Nobody's been really sane since Azuma showed up, and now…

Kuroyanagi takes a deep breath. On the one hand, this is horrible, and Matsushiro deserves to die several painful deaths. On the other hand… Kuroyanagi shoots the other judges a glance. On the other hand, if he plays his cards right, he might just get something out of this…

"Very well then," Kuroyanagi says, "but I will need someone to demonstrate on."

Every last female in the audience stops breathing, and many of the males as well.

"However, it wouldn't be fair to just pick someone. I wouldn't want to be accused of sexual harassment or the like."

"We don't mind!" several dozen women called, in one voice.

"So," Kuroyanagi said, pointedly ignoring them, "I would like to ask the general manager, Meister Kirisaki, to help me."

All talking stops, though there is the rustling of hundreds of cameras being pulled out.

Well, nothing for it, Kuroyanagi thinks, and walks over to the Meister. Holding his hands awkwardly at his side, he leans down, and pushes himself forward.

After a few moments, Kuroyanagi says, "You'll have to take off your mask. Or at least uncover the bottom half of your face."

Meister Kirisaki clears his throat as the bottom half of his mask opens. What shows of his face is incredibly calm, which, Kuroyanagi has come to know, means he's most likely incredibly angry on the inside. Furious, even.

Backing off, Kuroyanagi looks down and closes his eyes. He's in for it now. It was worth a try, though. And it's not like Kirisaki can kill him on public television. Can he?

As if reading his thoughts, Meister Kiriskai stands, feathers bobbing. "Turn off the cameras," he orders.

Kuroyanagi chokes, and Kirisaki shoots him an amused look. "If I am to receive my first kiss," he says, "I'd rather it not be on television. Public or private," Kirisaki adds, looking at all the one-use disposable cameras aimed in their direction. "Are you okay, by the way, Kuroyanagi-kun?"

"Yes," Kuroyanagi manages to choke out from his position on the ground, where he is having a coughing fit. It's too bad the bread didn't send him to heaven, or even hell. Anything would be better than being there at that instant, and dying sounds like a welcome reprieve. Even so, he has to ask: "Is that really… Have you really never…?"

"Would I lie to you?" Kirisaki asks, and—has the world gone mad?—smiles. At. Kuroyanagi.

Kuroyanagi nearly faints.

"Meister," a black-suited security guard says. "We've confiscated all cameras."

"Good," Meister Kirisaki replies, and walks over to Kuroyanagi, sedately, purposefully, as he does all things. "Shall we?"

Kuroyanagi stares at the pale, slender hand that has been offered to him. He takes it, and, with a slight shudder, stands, still unable to believe that Kirisaki isn't going to strike him down where he stands.

The assembly hall has gone deathly quiet.

With his free hand, Kuroyanagi reaches up for Kirisaki, threading his fingers through the long strands of soft, blond hair. On the up side, it's nice and silky, plus now Kirisaki can't run away. On the down side, if he accidentally pulls too hard, he can pretty much say goodbye to his job at Pantasia. Oh well. And, whispering a prayer, Kuroyanagi turns his face up…


It's different when what Kuroyanagi's kissing isn't cold metal but a pair of lips, warmer and softer than he expected, and now he wants to…

Kuroyanagi pulls back hastily, extricating his hand from Kirisaki's hair as fast as possible.

"Wow," Azuma says, in his annoying little voice. "I didn't know you felt like that about Meister Kirisaki."

"I don't!" Kuroyanagi snarls, shaking a fist. "It's all your fault anyway! What were you thinking making a bread like that anyway?"

"But… what's wrong with it? What's an aphrodisiac anyway?"

Well, it wasn't like things could get any more embarrassing. Kuroyanagi leaned down and told him.

"Whaaaaaat?" Azuma gapes. "No, no! That's not what it is! Japan #9 is… It tastes so good that people who eat it fall in love. Well, at least, they tend to really like the person who gave it to them. That's all! Not… not…"

"That's Japan #9?" Kuroyanagi looks suitably horrified for someone who has just found out that the idiotic stunt he pulled in front of a huge audience was all in vain. He doesn't want to turn around and meet Kirisaki's gaze in case it kills him.

"I guess we overreacted, didn't we, Kuroyanagi-kun," Kirisaki says, chuckling, and Kuroyanagi chances a look. The Meister is still smiling.

Kuroyanagi walks back over to the Meister and whispers: "Am I fired?"

"Of course not," Kirisaki whispers back. "Although I might change my mind if you won't have lunch with me after all this is over."

Kuroyanagi mouth drops open. He opens and closes it several times, and then, turning around stiffly, he points. "You! Azuma Kazuma! Victor! For making yet another bread that's sent me to heaven!"