Perfect Day
A/N: You have no idea the misery and the pain this fic caused me. Yes, I know it's a one-shot. (It's also Yuuhi/Ceres, too.) But it was so hard. I never seemed to be able to get anything right, be it voicing emotions, anger, or setting. And I probably still haven't, though I have about four other versions of this fic that I hate, sitting somewhere in My Documents. It's truly hard to capture emotions and be able to touch the heart with just a few words. Maybe I haven't accomplished it. You decide.

Note: The song is American Hi-Fi – Perfect Day

Disclaimer: Yea, I don't own anybody. Not even Yuuhi. :cries:


Three simple words were all it took to shatter the heart I didn't know I had.

The day was, in a way, prophetic. The sky, so unlike the days before it, was cloudy and sunless, a bleak shade of gray as the dreary rain beat down upon the many rooftops of the urban city. Aya had let me out, and I'd savored the time I had upon this world again. My fingers traced the scraggly lines that the raindrops trailed down the glassy windowpanes in the hospital. Looking outside to the city of Chiba whose sharp, modern edges had been contentedly softened from the drizzle of the austere weather, I was almost enraptured by the blurry lines of the outside world as the people down seven floors below splashed in the sidewalk puddles, covering themselves with what dismal things they could find—like newspapers—as they hurried anxiously to return home.

I'm holdin on
waitin for your call
it's simple but I can't explain this…

Almost. Yuuhi had disturbed my temporary peace as he burst into the room, sopping wet and panting noisily. His usually pale face was flushed a bright red, as though he'd run up all seven flights of stairs. Knowing Yuuhi, he probably had.

"Ceres! Aya—I mean, Suzumi said—you—what're you doing out?" He had stuttered, rearing back on his heels as he saw me instead of the cute little girl he wanted to see. I expect he wanted to see how badly hurt Aya was.

Aya. That girl was always getting her (and me) into trouble. This time, she'd managed to get her right leg speared almost to the bone with a metal pole by another interfering C-Genome. What would she do without me?

Then we were outside with the remaining people, who rushed by us. Mrs. Q had abandoned us, partly because she had a family friend to attend to (Mrs. Q had family?) and partly because Yuuhi didn't really want her to kill the rest of me that was still alive and well on the drive home. And he said it would be nice weather, anyway. Right. The cold had struck me like a harsh slap in the face, but at least my leg lost all remaining feeling as I limped alongside Yuuhi, the weatherman. He had offered to carry me but I'd refused, saying that it was just a cut.

I'm sinking down
I feel like I could die
I'm falling off
I don't know why…

So, instead, he'd slowed down and kept me company while I limped down the busy streets. Twice, cars threatened to splash us as they daringly swerved around corners, headlights blaring, horns yelling shrilly. Twice, Yuuhi had dove in front of me—a pathetic show of valor.

"That was unnecessary, because if you don't already observe, I'm wet whether or not the gutter water hits me," I had told him, concentrating on stepping off the steep curb with my bad leg. I chose to levitate instead, dropping lightly on the street.

He'd wiped brown sludge off his face, showing it to me before he shook it off of him. "That's why." My hero.

I fell silent, trying to bite back a superior remark that I would have liked to say to him. But Yuuhi was so much more sensitive now because of Aya than he had been before that I feared that it would hurt him much more than I intended.

It wasn't often that I thought of other people, especially foolish, hormone-endorsed teenage boys. I was born with a subconscious to distance myself from everyone else. I was a celestial maiden, Ceres herself, no less! I didn't really understand—or want to understand—humans. They were so weak. They cried so often and would let emotion, rather than teaching and cold instinct, teach them what to do. So unlike the celestial beings. So unlike me.

Maybe it was Aya's influence over sharing a body with me, but as I blinked away raindrops that had settled on my eyelashes, I realized that, all the same, I was much more sympathetic—actually, much more human—than I wanted to be. Human emotions were dangerous.

Yuuhi had nudged me a bit, I remember that, until I broke out of my trance and stared at him.

"Sorry. You look dangerous when you're thinking too hard." He'd said with his signature lopsided grin that was too optimistic for me but that I had grown to like anyway.

I still believe it when you say,
It's another perfect day
another perfect day…

We'd crossed a park, where I could hear the whispers of the grass as they welcomed the rain. After getting my injured leg stuck in a mud puddle where Yuuhi played hero again, I'd paused to scrape the mud from my bandage.

Then, as he was waiting for me to finish, out of nowhere, he said, "Wanna teach me how to make everything like rubbing mud off my foot look good? Aya would've probably tripped over herself and landed face flat in the mud."

I didn't know what he was going on about. I always liked it better when Yuuhi didn't go on little speaking escapades like this. It often got him in trouble. "Err… thank you?"

He had continued as if he hadn't heard me, the rain drowning out half of his words as I strained to listen. "That's what I liked about you, your style. I always fall too easily for the wrong girls." He mumbled the last part seemingly to himself, so unfortunately for his sake, I heard him.

"You made the word 'girls' plural." I'd stated, the implied question in my voice obvious.

I remember Yuuhi cringing as he realized I'd heard him, but said anyway, "Ceres, for a celestial maiden, you're really dense."

Silence. He… he loved me? Impossible. I'd stared at him now from under my dark, dripping-wet hair with a newfound light. "But… but you love Aya."

I still believe it when you say,
It's another perfect day
another perfect day…

The hesitation in my voice was too blatant, too obvious for even the rain to hide.

It was there I found out that Yuuhi had loved me before Aya. He'd loved me idealistically, found out about my ascent and hit reality, crashed and burned, and painfully moved on far before I even had a chance to suspect him.

"Aya was only a rebound." He'd told me, the past-lived pain still present in his eyes as he averted them to the soggy ground. "But it's too late to change anything now."

I couldn't say anything back. What was there to say? That it wasn't too late? Too late for what? Thoughts flooded my mind, everything I wanted to say to him in anger, and in confusion, and in desperate pleading. Why was he telling me this here, now? This was the wrong setting, the wrong time, the wrong situation! I was so close to my ascent to heaven, and I wanted to go back with nothing to leave behind.

Why did it hurt so much? That question never left my mind and I always circled back to it. I was always certain that I wasn't—shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, any one of those—attracted to anyone on Earth. And every night, I'd closed my eyes, content, that I had fulfilled my goal. But had I?

So I might try
to leave it all behind
I know tomorrow's not so bright now…

I don't remember what happened next, only he was just realizing what had happened and was on his feet again, looking perfectly ashamed of himself.

His one word "sorry" was barely audible as he turned around again, ready to head back to his home. What was he sorry for? Pouring out his feelings…? I was still bent over, and what an idiot I must have looked, staring hard at nothing until he was about ten meters away.

And then everything left me. I remember nothing else except my mind telling me not to let him go. I still had a chance, and I would change his broken future without Aya. He could have me. I'd leave heaven.

And then I was on my feet, running after him, screaming, "Wait!"

Hearing Ceres scream was enough to stop him, as he did, dead still in his tracks. But he didn't turn around.

Turn around. Feeling a bit foolish now that I had him in my hands again, I hesitated, breathing hard. Turn around. "Can't… can't you love me again? Like you have before?"

His laugh, abrupt and forced, cutting through the fog that was starting to creep through the city. "Don't make fun of me, Ceres. I already regret telling you, okay? I'm dumb, and I'm an idiot. You don't have to rub it in my face."

"No! I am not making fun of you!" Turn around. "I promise I'm not! I… God, Yuuhi!"

I clenched my fists, everything that I wanted to say to him turning into mush and sounding stupid at the tip of my tongue.

"I don't know anymore, okay? You're just a stupid boy that I shouldn't be thinking twice about but…I don't know! I keep thinking that I don't feel anything towards you but I hurt so much! I hurt all over when you said you didn't love me anymore!"

I'll say goodbye
cause nothing good can last
you wear and fade,
you're no where fast…

Maybe I was like Yuuhi, grabbing at a faint chance that had already disappeared and plowing ahead. I couldn't stop. He still didn't turn around.

"Sometimes I'm thinking about where I belong, and it used to be that I knew. I knew I belonged in heaven, and there was nothing for me here, but I now I don't know anymore. I keep thinking that I'm forgetting something, that I might leave something behind here, and… and it might be you!"

Why didn't he look at me?

"No. I know it's you. I can leave heaven, and we can… we can…"

We could what? Start over? He was captured, now, stiff at the back, fists clenched at his sides like mine, but he still didn't look back.

"Ceres—"

"Why did you have to stop, Yuuhi? Why did you have to focus on Aya? And now you can't let her go." Furious words. The hazy vision of anger was clouding the words that kept on tumbling out of my mouth.

He tried again. "Don't… don't be ridiculous. Aya's not—"

"I hate her!"

But today
I don't know how
to keep it all inside
but I guess I'll let it slide…

The words stabbed him, and me, like a bullet. I let it linger for a moment, setting into the cold air. What was I saying? I could almost imagine his eyes growing wide with shock.

"I've seen how you look at her! With longing, desire, pain! She will never be yours to have as long as Toya is on this Earth!"

"Ceres... stop." He was pleading with me, and though his tone was flat, I sensed a desperation within.
But I wasn't able to. I was unstoppable now, grabbing, clutching at everything I could bring up.
"Why don't you focus on somebody else that can return your feelings? Why must you cause yourself pain when you know there are other people who would be so much better for you? Do you want to suffer!"
His fists, clenched tightly at his sides, were shaking. "Stop!... Please..."

"Why do you push away your own feelings? Aya will neversee you the way I--"

"STOP IT!"

His voice, full of the urgency and agony he had tried to hide before, was embellished with it now. And something in it made me stop.

Now it was his turn. "I… I know I look like a fool, okay? The number of times I… I wait for her outside school, and at home, and… in my heart! I know I'll never have her, but I can't get over her yet! So stop rubbing this in my face and let me be!" His hands, reaching up to his forehead, still unseen to me as he clawed at his hair. And then after a moment, his shaking stopped. His breath returned to normal.

And then there was the long, lonely sound of silence, the rain pitter-pattering upon the trees, the woven benches nearby, the fresh smell of wet grass lingering between us. A small dog scurried through the park with his master, playing fetch as they ignored the rain. I was losing him. If only he looked at me...

"I… I can be so much better for you." What was I saying? My voice had decreased from a desperate shout to a fading whisper. I had nothing more to say, except…why didn't he look at me? Turn around!

"Why… why did you let me go so easily?"

Those unknown feelings that were alien to me, those that I desperately had tried to keep away, were blending in waves of confusion into me now.

And then, after a moment when the stark words hung in the air… he started to walk again.

I still believe it when you say,
It's another perfect day
another perfect day…

"Let's go home."

Those were the three words. He didn't look back.

Today, I don't know why
I thought that it was real
but I guess it's no big deal…

Home. I had no home anymore. I had no more realization of whether I belonged here or in heaven. Maybe both. Maybe neither. I let him drift on ahead of me, losing sight of him as the fog gradually enveloped his shadowy form into the distance while his heart slipped away from my grasp. At some point, I sunk to my knees, still looking after the distance to where he had disappeared. The rain was pouring harder, now, soaking into the very depths of me, but not washing my pain away. I had never understood his pain and thought him silly the way he looked at Aya like he did, but now I knew. I knew.

I didn't cry for what was lost. How can you… when it was never yours?

"Ceres, for a celestial maiden, you're really dense." And I must be. I hadn't realized what was happening to the people around me. Too intent on revenge, to intent on causing the Mikage family suffering for the pain they had put me through, I had pushed aside everything else that could have been.

I don't know how,

I don't know how…

My body was numb, now, the downpour drawing me into a kind of bittersweet realization. Yuuhi wasn't mine. I repeated that to myself over and over, my jaw clenched so hard it ached. He had long moved on from me and hadn't looked back. Maybe eventually I got back on my feet, traced Yuuhi's steps back to Suzumi's house, and withdrew to let Aya out again. I don't remember. In my mind, engraved forever, will be that rainy day when I faced my fears, and let the rain hold onto me in solitude.

I don't know how

to let it slide…

I've decided I'll be all right someday. Someday, when I can look down at humans and laugh at their silly emotions from heaven, laugh at myself for being so foolish. Someday, when I can watch Yuuhi grow old and maybe start a family of his own, with or without Aya, and be all right with that because I've forgotten what it felt like to feel. Or maybe the pain caused by an unknown emotion will never go away. But it will gradually ebb away to a dull throb that I can get used to.

I still believe it… when you say…

Three simple words.

And I'm okay.

it's another perfect day…

"Love comes unseen… we only see it go." - Austin Dobson


A/N: :sniffles: R&R, please?