Title: I Guess I'm Just Selfish

Author: viol8dbyalizzard

Summary: What if it was Fin that came out onto the roof with Munch instead of Olivia after Emily McKenna's case?

Disclaimers: I don't own them.

Notes: This IS SLASH…….don't read if ya don't like. Or just get over it.


Munch stared out at the city, contemplating about Emily McKenna. It just seemed impossible--improbable--that someone could do that to their own daughter. He hated Jamie now. Hated her.

How could anyone do that to such a beautiful little girl? All because she cried? John thought as his eyes filled with tears. Suddenly, he heard the door open and jumped. He continued to stare until Fin came up beside him, draped his long coat over his shoulders, and leaned back against the edge as he looked at his profile.

"Hey," Fin said softly. John nodded his head in greeting and Fin sighed. He pushed himself away from the wall and went up behind John to put his arms around his waist and his head on his shoulder, pressing his cheek to the older man's. "Whatsa matter, Baby?"

Fin could feel the man shuddering as he took a deep breath and placed his cold hands over his warm ones. He pressed a soft kiss to his neck and swayed them back and forth until the man breathed regularly. Then he stopped and angled his head slightly upward so that he could see John's eyes while still keeping his head on his shoulder.

John sighed as he felt Fin's warm breath on his face. He hadn't really expected him to come out here, but oh well. He was warmer now. John leaned back against Fin, causing the man to have to stand up straight and hold a bit tighter.

"When I was a teenager, I would walk home from school and every day I'd see the little girl across the street standing on her porch. Some days she had a black eye or a bloody lip, but I was too wrapped up in my teenage crap to give a damn. Her eyes always had this look to them that I could never quite place. One day, she wasn't there. I found out later that her mother had thrown her through a plexi glass window, killing her. I remember going to her funeral and seeing her father. It was the first time I saw a grown man cry." John shuddered again as he sniffled a bit and felt Fin's arms tighten around him as he pressed his cheek to the side of his head. "A few days later, when my mother went to see her in the ward, I heard her saying that she didn't know what the big deal was. She was the one who had to buy a new window. Months later, I'd walk home and look up at that porch and I swear I'd see that little girl standing there, with that same look in her eyes."

Fin was shocked at this story. He'd never heard of anything like that. When he finally came to his senses, he heard John softly crying and let him go, taking off his glasses and putting them in his own jacket pocket.

"Come here, Baby," he said and John turned around, throwing his arms around his neck and burying his face in his shoulder. Fin stroked his fingers through the salt-and-pepper hair while holding him close around his waist with the other. "Shh, it's okay, John. It's okay. I'm here. And so is that little girl. It wasn't your fault. You were just a kid. You didn't know what to do."

"I-I could've help-ed her! If I'd j-just gone over there o-once, she might still be a-live!" John sobbed and his grip went slack as his knees buckled and he slid to the ground. Fin caught him, though, and carefully lowered them down. Leaning back against the wall, Fin rocked John back and forth while trying to console him verbally. He couldn't stand to see him like this, in so much pain.

"John, Babe, listen to me. That girl is in a better place now. Her mother can't hurt her anymore. She's lucky that she doesn't have to go through that pain. But, you know, I bet it hurts her to see that you're crying over her even though she's with you all the time."

"I can't help it. Besides, why would it hurt her?"'

"Because someone is hurting over pain that she doesn't even feel anymore. Either that, or I'm just selfish because it hurts me to see you hurting." John looked up at this, red, puffy eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks, and leaned up to kiss Fin passionately on the lips. When he pulled away, he raised a hand to the man's cheek and looked deep into his amber eyes.

"I love you, Oda," he whispered and laid his head against the man's chest, curling up next to him on the hard gravel of the roof. Fin tightened his grip on him and laid his cheek on his head again.

"I love you, too, John," Fin whispered back, and the two fell asleep there, in the cold weather and all, using just each other for warmth.


THE END

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