This one is just crazy...don't mind me...(and please don't ask where this came from….)
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Genre: Strange humor…
"Couple": Sess + Swords (Tenseiga, Toukijin)
Theme: # 26 - Travel
Word Count: 849
Summary: Toukijin hates traveling. Especially when it's with Tenseiga. It really sucks being a sentient, inanimate object.
Note: This is…a very strange dialogue, mostly. Be forewarned. Takes place post series/future.
"I hate traveling."
"Not this again…"
"Oh, shut up! I can bitch if I want to!"
"I don't see what you find so terrible in all this, Toukijin. Don't tell me you wanted to sit around on that rack all day?"
"Feh. The least he could do was take us up front. I do not appreciate being cargo!"
"It really isn't that terrible, Toukijin."
"Not bad? How the hell can it not be? It's fuckin' stuffy in this little crate. Not to mention being stuck with you for who knows how long!"
"I vividly recall being in a situation very similar to yours, say…oh, five hundred years ago. Except we were hanging from a hip…"
"Is it my fault you're useless?"
"Humph. I'll have you know that you wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me."
"Oh, fuck you."
"No one ever seems to appreciate a voice of reason…"
"Remind me to knock you off the wall whenever we get there."
"How do you know the Master is putting us on a wall? Old weaponry isn't something usually displayed in a downtown apartment. At least that's what he told me."
"When, exactly, does he talk to you? I thought he hated you?"
"We've made amends. This helping to keep him alive thing sort of gave us a bridge for reconciliation."
"…I really hate you."
"You hate everyone. Remember?"
"Are we there yet?"
"No, seriously, are we there yet? I mean, I reeeeally want to kill someone right about now…"
"…You have got to be kidding me."
"No. I'm quite serious. A damn cat would do right about now… I wish I could file for sword abuse. He keeps underfeeding me…"
"Walking with a sword in public is a little strange nowadays. Not to mention killing things with it is a big no-no…"
"Since when does he want to blend in?"
"Where have you been for the last hundred or so years? Really, it's only about you and lust, isn't it?"
"I'm gluttonous. So fuckin' bite me."
"No wonder he keeps you in those holy seals…"
"Yeah, about that. I'm thinking I might need a change…"
"You're leaking again, aren't you?"
"Well, what do you expect from a powerful, mighty sword like This Toukijin?"
"Perhaps some intelligence? You just told me what could help you attained that blood you wanted."
Pause. "…Oh, damn."
"Sometimes I wonder why he keeps you…"
"Hey! Why would he keep you? It ain't like you follow him around anymore. Little fuckin' puppy."
"I thought we went over this already…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, amends, blah blah, whatever. But…you can't tell me that it's not your fault that Master "I'm-such-a-hot-god" is willing to live such a…human life."
"You said it, not me…."
"Shut up! And answer the question!"
"…Don't tell me it's the hair, right?"
"Ha! So it is the hair! I'll have you know that that came from my tooth's lineage!"
"I asked you a question."
"Hmm? Oh, did you? I was a little too wrapped up in laughing at you to notice."
"…I sooo wish you could die."
"I don't think your dear crush would like that too much…"
"That's it! I've had it!"
"Umm…Toukijin? You really shouldn't do that…Toukijin!"
It was a nice enough airport, he supposed. Small and relatively easy to get in an out of. And he would have liked to do that after the long flight from Japan to the United States.
But, Sesshoumaru found himself at customer service instead, staring down a pimply little weakling who looked ready to wet himself.
"Umm…yes. Well, sir, somehow…well…your…luggage got opened in the cargo bay…"
"Umm…yeah… It didn't really open so much as it…umm...crumbled." The last was spoken in a shocked whisper. "Nothing was left of the crate…but I think your luggage is okay!"
The youth stopped his stuttering long enough to give him a quizzical look. "Are you really supposed to, you know, have swords on a plane?"
Sesshoumaru sighed. Sword aggravation did not help jet lag. Not one bit. "They are artifacts."
The kid just blinked.
"They were cleared. All right?"
"Oh! Okay." He waved back behind the counter. "We've got them right here. Putting them in a cardboard box'll work, right?"
Sesshoumaru only nodded, not really caring as he caught sight of the one airport employees that was unlucky enough to have picked up Toukijin.
Who knew humans could grin like that without splitting their faces?
Sighing as if the world hated him, Sesshoumaru put on his gloves--his protection from Toukijin's seals, and hopped the counter. He grabbed the sword out of the drooling, blathering man's hand and rolled his eyes as the two employees stared at him with identical expression of stupidity.
Picking up Tenseiga, he put them in the proffered box and walked away.
"Do you two have to do this every time we go somewhere?" he grumbled, tucking them under his arm. Receiving only guilty silence in return, he shook his head.
"You better learn to behave. Because," he added with a light smirk. "I happen to like traveling."